Seulgi felt like a mess. It felt like all the emotions were squeezed into her 5'3 petite body and everything felt too much and too little at the same time that she could feel her feelings bursting at the seams.

Like literally. Because she could feel her heart burst but not for all the right reasons, no. It wasn't because she was elated with the question or the lips that were still lightly touching her own. It wasn't giddiness either. It was something more sinister and she thought she could never feel this much of it for one person.

Anger. The emotion that remained dormant and reigned in when she became friends with Irene.

But now, her anger run so deep it made its roots in her heart and bloomed into something more... uncontrollable- the feeling she tried to reign and hold on to because maybe Irene deserved a second chance. But boy, she was again proven wrong. Irene just had to do this and ruin all control she had on her body. 

Anger turned into confusion then to hate.

She finally remembered why she called her the devil. The reason behind the pretention of being ignorant of the girl's presence, or the foundation of her seething and nonchalance.

It was all Irene- Irene in all her entirety and the reasons and feelings came pouring out that night.

The night where everything exploded and the truth was laid bare. And mistakes that can never be corrected.

"Would you believe me when I say that I feel the same way towards you?"

Seulgi was like a dam that was on the verge of collapse and Irene's question was the only thing needed for her to release everything she had been keeping inside all these years.

Irene's feathery kisses that tickled the still tingling flesh was replaced by Seulgi's lips smashing right into the older's own. Lips on lips. Teeth on teeth. Both winced at the pain when their faces collided but Irene was too shocked to react that she stood still while Seulgi attacked her lips.

It was forceful and incessant which made Irene gasp. Her insobriety left as soon as Seulgi mercilessly bit her lower lip. All attempts of her pushing the younger away was futile since she's nothing compared to Seulgi's strength and stature.

Uncontrollable. It was the word that could describe Seulgi and her ministrations. Her anger was evident in the movements of and she wasn't holding back anything anymore.

It was the time for payback and she'll squeeze every pain that Irene made her went through and the nights she spent crying and feeling like she wasn't worthy.

Seulgi nibbled, bit, tugged and pulled that Irene could no longer feel pleasure but pain from the lip locking. Soon, the taste of the metallic tang of blood invaded and she winced in pain everytime Seulgi would flick and nibble on the wounded spot.

Irene was on the verge of tears that with her last bit of her strength, she shoved Seulgi as hard as she could and was finally able to push her away.

It was her turn to be flabbergasted and utterly speechless at Seulgi's action. She was left breathless and gasping for air while her mind was scrambled with what just happened.

This was too far from what she imagined while gulping down the burning liquid courage down . She imagined a grinning Seulgi welcoming in her arms and cooing at what she did. It was farfetched, she knew but the alcohol made her expect more and she should've stuck with the reality of Seulgi's anger and hatred towards her.

The slight buzz of the wretched tequila and the lightheadedness could no longer be felt by Irene since the moment Seulgi decided to crash her lips into hers.

Using her tongue, Irene ran the warm muscle all over her bruised lips, wincing when it touched the still bleeding wound. She backed away when Seulgi sneered after wiping with her hands.

"Why do you looked so shocked? It's just a kiss, you said." Seulgi spat, making her recoil from the venomous tone.

Irene closed her eyes for a moment and clenched her jaw. "W- Wha-"

The question fell short when she realized the implication. She blinked the tears away when she could feel the disappointment creeping up. Seulgi didn't believe her.

After hyping herself up infront of the huge mirror in her bath, driving recklessly using her favorite car with an unopened tequila bottle safely strapped in the passenger seat, and the tequila almost half empty just to give herself a boost... Seulgi still didn't believe her words... her feelings.

And she couldn't help the small shaky breath that escaped after the pain shot her already expecting heart.

Irene could only laugh, sarcastically at herself. She knew there was a possibility of rejection but the hurt was still the same. "That's all you can say after I've confessed to you?"

Her laughed decreased in volume and she uttered the last words while clutching her heart.

"Why don't you believe me?" She asked, her hands tightly clutching the hem of her shirt. She could feel her tears surging but she held it in. If Irene couldn't keep her heart intact then maybe she could save her dignity. Or try to, atleast.

"Why are you doing this?" Seulgi seemed to calmed down.

Why? She was asking the same thing inside her car but the memories of the week they spent as friends made her realize that what she did was so wrong because that 7 days she spent with the younger was the one of the best days in her life.

Then if that happiness was possible with just being Seulgi's friend then she was willing to risk everything, to gamble even her sanity just to take it further and make herself happier.

Maybe even the happiest.

Irene ran her fingers through her hair and cursed inwardly. "Because I like you! Goddamnit, Seulgi! I just confessed to you! Don't you believe me?"

"How could I?" Seulgi asked, undeterred from Irene's sad eyes. "How could I when after all these years..." She shook her head.

Irene waited for her to finish so Seulgi took a deep breath and continued, "You asked me before what was the reason I hated you so much and this was it."

Seulgi stopped speaking while motioning everything around them then everything that's Irene.

"You're such a liar and a good actress that you play and fool people who you know would blindly follow you. Take the naive old me for an example." Seulgi laughed hollowly. "After what I told you, you still treated me like !"

Irene visibly flinched from the raised voice. "I apologized for that! I did. I made you my friend, didn't I? I treated you nicely... I asked for forgiveness. Seulgi-ah, I tried..." Her voice cracked at the end.

I want to try more. Give me a chance, Seulgi. Let me try more.

"For what? Because you want me to believe that you finally like me?! That you, The Irene ing Bae likes Kang Seulgi?" Seulgi chuckled, again as unhumorous as possible. "You're fooling no one here. You'll never fool me again. You'll never use me again. Never."

Irene's eyes widened at the thrown accusation. "I-I used you?"

Seulgi couldn't believe her ears. She almost believed Irene's acting if not for the fact that she knew and felt that she was used. "Didn't you?"

Using her pointer finger, she pushed Irene's chest, her nails digging on the wool shirt the latter was using. "Oh quit the act! You know the truth. If not, then look me in the eye and tell me that you never used me."

Irene, despite feeling slightly scared of Seulgi's gaze, looked at her dead in the eye and without a doubt, she said, "I never used you, Seulgi-ah. Never. I could never."

Quite stunned, Seulgi took a few seconds to react but when she got over her initial shock, she guffawed. It was loud and scratchy that strained from the forceful way of laughing but Seulgi continued on. If Irene could act like she was innocent, then Seulgi could act that none of it hurt.

"I forgot how good you are with your acting." Seulgi pretended to wipe the corner of her eye and slowly clapped her hands. Her voice was scratchy when she spoke. "You're an outstanding actress, Irene."

Seulgi promised herself to never call the girl by her name again. She was doing so well honoring that promise but everything was too much for her at that moment that the much abhorred name slipped. The bitterness of the name and how she said it equaled to the bitterness in her heart.

"Joohyun." The older insisted, hating the way her other name rolled off Seulgi's tongue like a poison. "You used to call me Joohyun, Seulgi."

"Joohyun's dead. She died when she left me without anything."

Seulgi's eyes glazed over and became distant. Like she was looking at a particular thing but not at the same time. And Irene knew at that moment that Seulgi was replaying the scenes of what happened before inside her head, reminiscing the bashful gestures and then the empty classroom.

It was evident from that moment that Seulgi was still hurting and she wasn't sure on how to heal the girl who stuck with her yet she discarded without a second glance.

The bitterness in how she said it shot a frenzy of emotion inside Irene's head. It was bitter and angry and full of hate yet there was a hint of disappointment and pain.

She left me without saying anything...

Then everything clicked. Irene finally understood the pain, the hate, the bitterness, the sadness emanating from the younger all these years.

It wasn't from the bullying or the name calling. It was never about that.

It came from something deeper. Something unspoken and no one knew about it except the both of them and maybe Jo Eun Ae.

It was from that moment she could still vividly recall in her mind, like a scene from a movie replaying nonstop infront of her eyes. Two people's words played like a broken record, and no matter how much she wanted for it to stop, there was nothing else she could do but watch and hear it with wide eyes and a heavy heart.

And all of it was just because of a foolish act. A rash decision without thinking of its consequences or of the girl infront of her.

That goddamn phonecall.

A call that she shouldn't have answered. One that changed her family, her thinking and most especially, her... and Seulgi.

And Irene realized that Seulgi had every reason to hate her. To hurt her. To not accept her. To question everything that would leave .

Because if she was the one in the same shoes as Seulgi, she'd also feel betrayed and bitter and used, played and tossed aside.

She'd also hate anyone who'd have done it and turn cold and pretend she didn't know the person who broke her heart, who stringed her along and hoped for something then be crushed by her expectations for that something that wouldn't happen.

Irene's heart felt like lead and it pricked with tiny needles that made her lungs constrict and her limbs weak.

I deserve it, she thought as she tried to take a step forward and reached for Seulgi. I deserve it but that doesn't mean I wouldn't try again.

But Seulgi caught on to what she's doing that she immediately took a step back. Irene tried to capture the eyes that spoke volumes of hatred but Seulgi was adamant to evade any connection with the older.

Irene took another step... another gamble and Seulgi seemed to stop the chase when stone gold gaze shifted back to Irene who saw the pain in those orbs, swirling like a big black mass that was her in its depths, pushing her to the edge so she could understand how painful it was for Seulgi and make her feel the exact pain now.

But before she could take the leap and console her, Seulgi's eyes became empty and the usually soft and bear like features turned to a scowl.

"Don't touch me." She hissed. "Don't come near me. You used me and you left me and pretended not to know me when you came back."

Gone was the scowl and replaced by a a forehead crease and eyes that were pleading... begging and teary. "You promised me... you promised you'll stay there... that you'll wait for me but when I returned, you weren't there. I was alone in that goddamn classroom! You left me. You left... and I was so stupid. So utterly stupid to believe you. How could you? How could you do that to me?"

Irene swallowed the lump in and felt was bone dry. She shook her head as earnestly as she could, so she could convey that she didn't mean to do what she did back then. "I- I had to leave, Seulgi... I had to. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry..."

Seulgi wiped the tears that escaped her eyes and shook her head. A bitter smile took place into that thinly pressed lips.

"It doesn't matter now. It hurt, I admit. My foolish old self just confessed to you, poured my heart out and I thought-" Seulgi bit her still sore lips until she could taste blood. The pain was nothing co