The Deal

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Seulgi has never broken a promise. 

Err. Well, maybe she had but she swear to the River Styx that it wasn't intentional. She likes to think that she's a woman of her words. A promise is something she holds onto dearly, and even the odds were against her, she'll push through and keep it. 

It might seem childish- this behavior of hers- for others but in some way, it actually assures her that maybe she isn't as worthless as she thought she was.

That maybe she wasn't that much of a coward to keep a promise and hold on to it even at times, her resolve wavers and she wanted to walk away from all the burden of it.

But she didn't. She couldn't.

Seulgi didn't want her promises to be something like her: broken and forgotten.

But goddamn. Life actually likes to with her, you know?

Because as much as she wanted to keep that promise she made four years ago, she was starting to doubt herself if she could push through it.

If she had the guts to fulfill it.

She stared off at the distance where she could see her playing soccer, a smile was visible on her face. Her steps were light despite having the ball being taken away from her. She was glowing under the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun.

Beautiful.

She was as beautiful as the promise she made with her. And it made heart bloom and grow lighter because it gave her something to look forward to. Something to hold on to once again.

Like a promise, this girl was worth keeping.

But in that trance of watching her from afar, a voice broke her out of her reverie. Her mind stilled as she caught a whiff of something so utterly familiar. But despite the sense of nostalgia that washed over her, it was still unwelcomed. The scent made her shiver. 

"You like her that much, do you?"

It was the same voice that always linger inside her head and tug her heartstrings in ways she couldn't understand. The same one she heard so many times before, plaguing her thoughts and dreams that she didn't need to turn sideways to know who it was.

Lo and behold, it was from the person who would constantly remind  her that she wasn't living in a fairytale she often dreamed of. Who made her realize that she wasn't the protagonist in this story she currently was since she has lived her whole life on the sideline.

She even made a joke about it once just to lessen the burden of knowing, that maybe she wasn't even the heroine of her own story. And even doubts if the gods even know that it was her own story... her own life just because this person beside her has been garnering the spotlight all her life, casting Seulgi away to just see her thrive and soar.

It was also the same person who made it feel like keeping a promise was a burden and tiresome, that it was something which could easily be forgotten and thrown like it meant nothing.

But what did she expect? Nothing mattered to the devil. Everything around her was something she could easily dispose once she had her fun. She even treats people like rag dolls that can easily be... neglected and abandoned.

Biting her tongue, she ignored the person beside her and trained her gaze on the girl who was laughing while zipping past through the ones guarding her.

Maybe she's the one who'll save me from the evilness of the world.

Or maybe... not. Eunae wasn't some kind of a superhero that could easily get rid of her demons and Seulgi was old enough to save herself. Barely save herself.

But maybe... maybe she just needed to be saved from the person beside her, she thought.

Maybe Eunae was the heroine and she was a damsel in distress because in all honesty, she was in need of a knight in shining armor. Someone who will save her from the monster that has been haunting her as long as she could remember.

She needed to be saved from the memories of...


"I see why you like her. She's... pretty and athletic. And wow. Look at her height."

 

She vowed to stop playing with the devil's games but it was hard not to. Especially now that she's talking about her friend who did nothing but accept her and understand her flaws. And there was something about the way she addressed her and complimented her that made Seulgi's patience waver.

There was an outward edge to Seulgi's voice and it was evident when she spoke, making the person beside her flinch.

"What it is to you?"

"I-"

Seulgi finally looked at her and she saw her looking at Eunae with an unreadable expression. It was gone the instant Seulgi's gaze landed on her.

The monolid girl knew that she'll never received an answer from Irene after that so she didn't push it. She was never one to probe for answers, not one to break the silence when it has become too comfortable or heavy.

But she was beyond tired of this game they were playing. Tired of the constant push and pull and the pretense and deceptions that she finally asked, "Why are you here?"

After breathing deep, she continued, "...What else do you need from me?"

It took a beat of silence before Irene answered. Her voice was far from the one she knew. It wasn't mocking or fake, and it didn't have its usual edge on it- like she was always on defense and ready to attack when provoked.

Instead, her voice was calm and maybe a little bit... shaky which took Seulgi by surprise. 

This isn't... This isn't Irene Bae.


"I just want to thank you for accepting the offer of you know..." she trailed off and Seulgi couldn't believe her ears.

Irene thanked her twice now.

But doubt was still coursing through her so she shrugged.

"I didn't do it to help you."

"I know."

Her stare lingered at the shorter girl before looking at Eunae again who was sitting on one of the benches while wiping the sweat on her face and breathing a little heavier than usual from laughing and running at the same time.

Then dejavu started to kick in, pulling her inside her thoughts and making her head spin as if everything infront of her in replay.

She saw flashes of the past zooming past her eyes, making her shut them close to remove the unwanted memory from repeating inside her head.

But it was too late.

She saw the beginning of the end. She remembered the past she was trying so hard to forget.

The decision she so very regret up to this day.

It was the memory of Eunae sitting infront of her, gasping for air and instead of sweat, she was wiping her tears which was continuously streaming down her face while Seulgi saw herself standing dumbly while looking at her.

And she remembered that despite her blurry vision, she saw how Eunae's hand tried to reach for her, or how her eyes begged for more time- for more chances for the both of them, or how her lips were swollen from biting it too much to refrain herself from sobbing loudly.

She also remembered how she flinched when her fingertips graced her skin. How Eunae's caramel eyes darkened and her lips quivered as more tears came running down her face.

She saw her trying to release a smile but it turned into a grimace instead. How her expression was shifting from being mad, to hurt, to lost then finally to understanding.

It also didn't matter how many years has passed because she could still recall how soft her lips were on her forehead, or how warm her hugs were even she was shaking.

In a blink of an eye, she was transported back to the past where it all ended and where her doubt for herself started.

It was at that moment where two hearts broke and one was left utterly destroyed while the other was left to wait and hope.


After the flashes ended came the immense pain inside her heart.

It didn't seem like how many years had already passed because it still hurt. It could still take her breath away and put a ing rock inside , making it impossible for her to breathe and weighing her insides down until she's utterly spent and kneeling on the floor.


It all came back to her but in between the pain and anger and all the ery she had been through, she felt something stronger bloom inside her chest- defiance.

After that long beat of silence, she broke the ice. "If there was another way, I wouldn't do it."

She continued after regaining strength from the needles invading her heart "I wouldn't because I don't want to be involved with you again."

The smile Irene gave her was something she didn't quite expect. It was full of... understanding.

"I kn-"

"No! No, you don't." She breathed deep, calming herself and making her voice even. "Do you have any idea how much I hate you? Or how much it hurts me to have you near me? Or how much I regret knowing you?"

She cut her off and didn't let her finish because she needed to say it- ask it- no matter how harsh it sounded or how rude she was being. But she didn't care. Because for once, she wanted to fight back and speak for herself.

Or maybe she knew that it would somehow hurt her.

She knew that Irene's walls were too high and too thick but she needed to take a shot to wound her, to cut her even just a bit so that she could feel what Seulgi and Eunae felt before. That maybe she could form a crack on it and make her vulnerable even just for a second, even if she had to bare herself to her.

It was getting hard to breathe so she in a deep breath, trying to hold the tears from falling. "Do you? Because if you don't, I'm here to remind you that you don't deserve the help I'm going to give you. You don't... You don't deserve any kindness from me."


It was a shot in the dark, all those words could mean nothing to Irene because who was Seulgi to her in the first place?

She was no one. She was just the person who she bullied and made her life miserable. She wasn't important, a dust in her eyes who constantly annoys her and makes her irritated.

It was a futile act to be so... defenseless infront of her but she proved that Irene was still capable of feeling. 

From her peripheral vision, she saw her stilled but when she faced her, she saw nothing but a tight lipped smile where she was biting her lower lip.

I ing hate you, Irene Bae.


"I know."


That small reaction was all what Seulgi needed to rip the opening wound- to fuel her determination to deter her more, to hurt Irene Bae more. And she was on a roll.

No one could stop her from hating the person who made her feel so... worthless. So unworthy of everything that was good in this world.


"Then why are you here? Why don't you just go with your life and stay away? Why do you have to come back and ruin me again?"

"I just... want to thank you, that's all."

She laughed silently and she asked, with her voice mocking, "Don't kid with me. You're not capable of being thankful. The only thing you know is to receive and steal and run away after so don't give me that crap."

A twitch of a brow.

The first sign of losing composure.

There it was. Another crack.

She could feel her rage seeping from the small crevices she made using her words. But Irene tried to hold on to her facade of being calm and collected but her low voice gave it away. "I never told you to accept it. I'm just here to express my gratitude."

"I was coerced to agree, don't you understand that? Don't make it look like I wanted to help you."


Then Irene's mask has finally fallen off. Her brows scrunched t

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jenlisasbiatch
Well, there's that! I'm sorry for disappearing since I'm focusing on what's more important in my life now but I hope this is enough for now. I need to dip once again so keep safe everyone!😄😄

Comments

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Juxptier
88 streak #1
You are missed, hope we get to see you again someday
Oct_13_wen_03 36 streak #2
hope u doing great author nim
Kylie_123 #3
Chapter 23: Siri play anywhere but home by seulgi
Kylie_123 #4
Chapter 21: Yun pala yun !!! Pero bakit nasasaktan ako para kay Irene kasi parang may reason din sya 😭😭 pero ano nya ba kasi si wendy 😭😭 kawawa naman pala si eun ae 😔😔😔
AnneTokki 39 streak #5
Chapter 39: Waiting for new update 🥺
dancingseulo
#6
Chapter 39: Irene being all mysterious.
Yoonchoding07 #7
Chapter 39: welcome back authornim. thank you for the update.

really curious as to why Joohyun reacted like that after meeting Mr. Song, plus what transfer might he be referring to. 🤔
dancingseulo
#8
Chapter 38: They need to fix their communication skills with each other because they are still so secretive from each other and that’s not a very good sign of a healthy relationship.
dancingseulo
#9
Chapter 37: 😭😭
Oct_13_wen_03 36 streak #10
Chapter 39: Finalllllllyyyy 😭😭😭😭, how are u author nim? how was your feel after taking a break? I hope u feel better 🙆🏻‍♀️🤍🤍