Silence loomed over all of you for a bit before Haneul shoved through them, quickly falling onto you making your eyes widened, “Hanny?!” He whimpered into your shoulder making you wrap your arms around him, “It’s all good kid… right here…” You sighed before realizing the rest of the guys were tearing up too, brows furrowing in confusion, “Why are you idiots crying?!”

Hoseok was shaking, all of them slowly moving to hug the both of you making you grimace at the heavy weight, your lean frame hidden underneath their built bodies, “Yah! You guys are being weird!” Scene almost comical as your long arms stretched to try and hug all of them, mothering eight grown men, “You said you wouldn’t leave us…” You let out a little giggle as Jimin sobbed, small smile growing on your lips as you patted his head, “And I’m still here idiots…” They kept crying for a few minutes, the girls just watching, some of them with soft smiles on their faces at the sweet moment while some were too overcome with their own emotions that they couldn’t even lift the end of their lip.

You finally shushed them, seeing them hiccup and wipe their tears as they moved off of you, “Alright, it’s fine, everything’s good…” You gave them individual hugs, Yoongi being the last as he stood slightly away, sharing a look with him as you beckoned him forward with a nod.

He felt your arms wrap around his neck, hands tightening around your back, that feeling he was longing for finally putting him at peace, “Still here…” “You promised…” “And I haven’t broken it…” he sniffled while you ran your hands through his hair. Leaning back, you sent him a small smile, rubbing his arm to calm him down before he moved away.

Joon wiped his nose, letting out a little groan before turning to the girls standing there, “Sorry… we’ll give you guys some space… we just… yeah…” He cleared his throat, sharing a look with Jennie as both of them lead their groups outside.

You were left with your members, silence once again taking over the room as they looked down on you, nerves building in you as your hands started to shake, not slipping past Yeri as she watched your index finger scratch against the edge of nail of your thumb subtly, picking at the already shredded skin as you swallowed the lump in your throat, “Hi unnies…” You sent them a small smile, scratching your neck out of habit, Seulgi and Yeri couldn’t keep the act up, running to you as tears fell down their cheeks, your arms wrapping around both of them while holding them close, smile turning into a frown as guilt took over, “I’m still here… I got you…” You rubbed their backs, tearing up yourself too, “Don’t cry please…” You gripped harder, letting your head fall onto their shoulders, “I’m sorry…”

They leaned back, wiping their tears away with a concerned gaze as you focused on your task making Seulgi giggle, smacking you softly on your head, “You idiot.” You smiled at her, both girls moving to sit next to you while the three girls still stood their near the door, quickly trying to read them to figure out the best way to make them happy, Sooyoung obviously angry and hurt, Wendy just confused and scared while Irene was unreadable, your mind freezing up since you were never in a situation like this, especially with the older girl, guilt flowing through you as your smile fell, setting into a thin line.

“Are you ing stupid?” You your lips, one on hand you could lift up the mood, on the other you could literally risk death by Sooyoung’s hands as she glared at you… You escaped it once, what’s another try going to do?

“Yes?”

Wrong answer.

Wendy sighed, fingers on her temples, while Sooyoung’s eyes just narrowed, Irene still emotionless, “Do you really think now’s the best time to be joking?”

You grew quiet, eyes staring at your fumbling fingers before Wendy’s small voice broke the silence, “What about everything we wanted to do together?” You scratched your head, thinking for a second, “I achieved my dreams… I have nothing left here…”

You heard footsteps before your body was roughly pushed back, Irene glaring down at you with a red face as your mouth fell open, watching her brows furrow as tears pooled in her eyes, you felt her hands hit again, her pushes getting more frequent as you just stared at her, not putting up any defenses as you felt pain each time she hit you, all the girls frozen, the only sound being the beating of her hands against your body and the beeping off your heart rate. She let out a whimper, tears falling as she pushed and pushed, Wendy cutting in, “Unnie that’s enough.” “She left us!”

Your jaw clenched as Irene glared daggers at you, being held back by Wendy, scared to meet her eyes as tears streamed down her face, voice loud and shaky, scaring everyone outside, all of them stopping their conversation as they grew concerned, Taeyeon just having left unfortunately, no one else daring to go in there and calm Irene down, a certain Aussie girl still quiet after everything, not having spoken a word since they reached but internally focusing on the voices from inside your room.

“I’m still here-” “You don’t wanna be…”

You bit your lip, smile unconsciously growing as the room turned silent once again, a giggle escaping you making you quickly clasp your hand over your mouth, eyes turning wide as you looked at everyone, the girls growing concerned while Irene and Sooyoung grew angrier. You honestly tried your best, stifling your giggles into mumbles as you doubled over, body shaking when your giggles turned into laughs.

Yeri was growing weary, taking into account how mad the oldest was getting, “Y/N-ah… stop it…” But to no avail, in fact your laughs got louder, the girls not noticing how you slipped your hand from your mouth to your eyes.

Sooyoung shouted, her voice bouncing off the walls, “Show some respect!” You shook your head, still not willing to sit up as you continued to shake. She took quick steps towards you, pushing you back up before flinching away, teeth digging into your lip, big smile as tears pooled down, face burning red. Your brows slowly furrowed, smile turning into a frown as a pained expression set on your face, laughs turning into whimpers, the girls growing scared and worried.

Your whimpers got louder, turning into choked sobs as you gasped for air, body still shaking as you hit your head against the bed, shutting your eyes tightly, hands gripping onto the bedsheet before you began banging your head against the raised mattress. The girls called out your name, only receiving you shaking your head in return as you continued to writhe, feeling your chest burn and heart clench painfully, throat constricting up as you cried out, gasping for air inbetween broken sentences, “I just- I want it to stop! And- I don’t- I don’t wanna feel- this way anymore!” You were harshly poking against your heart, swallowing the lump in your throat as you tried speaking, a hiccup escaping you, “It hurts and- and- It won’t stop!”

Your chest was rapidly falling and raising, shuddering breaths with sniffles being heard as you wrapped your arms around yourself unconsciously, “Unnie it won’t stop…” They all quickly moved to hug you, holding you as they started to tear up while you still mumbled to yourself, rocking slightly as you cried into their arms, “I don’t wanna feel like this anymore and it just… I can’t do this… I don’t wanna live like this….”

All of them could hear every word, all attention on Haneul as the boy had a lost look on his face, brows furrowing as he looked at the guys who acted like his older brothers, clearing his throat as he blinked slowly, “Come on Hanny, we’ll go get some food…” Yoongi moved to him, putting his arm around his shoulders as he led him away, the boys excusing themselves as they followed in his footsteps.

Jisoo looked around, finally noticing how their Aussie member was nowhere to be found, “…” She got up, taking Lisa with her as they started the search while calling her on her phone, Jennie growing weary after being left alone.

You two had developed a sort of special friendship, you were years younger than her but almost a role model at the same time, mature beyond your age. Maybe it was selfish of her… but she would be lying if she said the first thought that crossed her mind when she heard the news didn’t include her. What was she meant to do without you?

You were probably the one person who understood her feelings through and through, the uncalled hate both of you received connected you two in a way that none of your friends or members could relate to. You became her hope in a way, seeing you flourish made her believe that one day she could do the same, taught her how to keep a strong face in public no matter how hard it got but you also taught her how to deal with the burdens, use those feelings of unbridled sadness as motivation to work harder, push harder to prove everyone else wrong and those times where she couldn’t, you were there to get her back on her feet, you would hug her if she didn’t wanna speak, you would listen if she wanted to rant, you would give her advice if she was lost… so if you weren’t there, what was she meant to do?

Tears began pricking at her eyes, quickly wiping them away before she did the breathing exercises you taught her, slowly beginning to calm down as she put her hands over her eyes, clearing as she fanned herself. You were fine, you were alive, and everything would be ok… you were still there…

Your members hugged you close as you whimpered, trying to calm you down while you continued to shake, your head buried in one of their shoulders, staining their shirt wet. Tears beginning to fall on their own cheeks as you sobbed loudly, trying to keep up strong fronts as they held you in their arms, gripping you tightly, flinching at the loud cries you let out.

You slowly began to calm down, hiccups and sniffles being heard as you moved away, body drained of energy, as you looked at nothing with hooded eyes, Wendy taking the first step as she wiped your tears away, you had no movement, not blinking, chest subtly rising and falling as you took in shaky breaths, face red, eyelashes wet, eyes slightly swollen.

“Can I see Chaeyoung..?”

They all shared a look, taking note of how husky and croaky your voice had gotten, “Are you sure? I think you should just rest Y/N… You can see her tomorrow…” You shook your head slowly, still not meeting any of their eyes, “Please… I just wanna see her…” They all stayed quiet, Irene letting out a sigh before she nodded, “We’ll give you two a moment…”

You sent them a small smile before looking back at your fingers, the ring glinting underneath the bright light before you felt Yeri wrap her arms around you, “You idiot…” You smile slightly, moving your arm to hang on her back, “I know…”

She ruffled your hair making you huff cutely as you quickly tried fixing your hair with your fingers, the members growing small smile on their faces at the two of you, “We’ll go get her…” You nodded at them, watching them leave before your body fell back against the bed again, a groan leaving your lips as regret immediately filled you, “.”

You covered your face, letting out slow breaths as it processed that you just broke down in front of your members again, a sigh escaping your lips as you cursed yourself internally.

The members walked into the hallway to see the four girls talking, Chaeyoung stoic while the girls focused on her. Yeri cleared , catching their attention, “Uh… Y/N wants to see you Chaenggie…” They all shot their head to her again, watching her sigh before she pushed through wordlessly, entering the door.

You shot up when you heard the door click, fixing yourself up with wide eyes before you tried acting normal, your hands folded over eachother on your lap while your posture was straight, lips set in a thin line out of nervousness as you watched her walk through and shut the door, your heart rate immediately shooting up just at the sight of her making your cheeks darken as your eyes shot between her and the monitor.

The girls outside could hear the beeping, rolling their eyes at how obvious you could be before moving to the cafeteria where the guys were on Jennie’s suggestion.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, shifting your eyes to your lap as you twiddled with your ring, taking a deep breath to calm down, beeping slowing down as the seconds passed before you looked up at her again, meek smile on your face as you awkwardly nodded at her, “Hi…”

She nodded at you, arms still crossed while standing near the door, another pang of guilt being added to the pile as you cleared your throat, “Do you… do you wanna sit?” She moved to the chair next to you, your eyes scanning over her body, her newly dyed pink hair making you smile a bit at how good she looked with it, the way her eyes were sunken in, concealer hiding what you figured were dark circles, clothes looser than they were before, especially around her stomach before stopping at her fingers, heart skipping a beat, quite literally as the monitor changed.

“You’re wearing it…” She looked up at you tiredly, before looking back at her fingers, receiving a shrug in return, “The only reason I took it off was because it hurt to wear it when you weren’t with me… when I realized I might not ever get you back, it was the only thing I could hang onto….”

You nodded slowly, your lips, “Well… I’m here now? And I’m all dressed up in my hospital gown, quite cute if you ask me…” You smiled at her, still getting no reaction as she just stared at you emotionlessly making you sigh, “I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…” “How many times are you gonna say that? Cause at this point it’s starting to lose meaning…”

You were left speechless, biting your lip in shame. “Did you think about me?” You shot to attention, letting out a hum of confusion, “What do you mean?” “It’s not like you were on a walk at four in the ing morning and just decided to take a bunch of pills and jump. So like I said, did you think about me?” You were still confused, embarrassed and scared at the way she was acting, “I don’t… I don’t get what you mean?”

“Did you think about me when you decided to end your life…? Did you realize that you were taking away my happiness? Did you think about how hurt all of us would be? Did you realize that you were leaving behind millions of people who look up to you? Did you realize you were leaving behind your family? Did you think about all the promises you were going to break? Did you ing think for a second!?”

You flinched as she shouted at you, not meeting her eyes but already knowing she was glaring at you, a small smile growing on your face before a chuckle escaped you, “Surprisingly, I did…”

You turned to look at her for a second, seeing shock pass through her eyes as her jaw tightened, “I thought of every single thing and I still messed up somehow…” “Are you stupi-”

“The girls would have had one less burden to think about, I already have instrumentals and lyrics lined up for atleast three albums so their career wouldn’t take a hit in case. Everyone would’ve moved on at one point, that’s how mourning goes, most people hate me because I joined the group later so fans would’ve been happy too, my mother hates me and the only reason I’m still in her life is cause I’m the only source of money she has, Hanny would inherit some of my businesses and would basically be set for life while the rest would go to you guys or charities I support and the only promises I would’ve broken are the ones about me staying till the end… so I did think.”

“And what about me…?” You quirked a brow, sighing before shrugging your shoulders, “Like I said, everyone would move on at one point… you would’ve moved on too…” You couldn’t help but feel your throat constrict at the thought, eyes burning making you shut them quickly knowing that tears were going to build before the sound of a chair falling caught your attention.

Chaeyoung pacing around the room before she clenched her fists in the air from frustration, a groan leaving her lips before she turned to you, eyes now red and wide, growing teary as she looked at you, “Don’t you ing understand?! I love you! I love you Y/N! I love you and- and I hate you cause you don’t understand how much you mean to me!”

You were taken aback, clearing your throat before sighing, knowing she was just lost in her feelings, “Chaeyoung you deserve better-” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT!”

You flinched from her shout, before feeling her push you just like Irene had with each word she spat, “I’m utterly and helplessly in love with you and I’m ing scared!” She was gripping your gown now, lip trembling as her brows furrowed, staring right into those eyes you loved as tears slipped onto her cheek before her head fell onto your chest, your arms wrapping around her out of habit, holding her close as she shook against you, “I’m scared… I don’t- I can’t lose you… please…” Her voice broken, cracking as she hiccupped, her sniffles reaching your ears as the familiar feeling of sadness spread through you, leaning your face on her head as you took in the familiar smell you loved, heart clenching at the thought while waiting for her to continue.

“You’re my everything… You mean everything to me Y/N...”

You smiled softly, pushing her hair back as you bit your lip again, “Come here…”

You helped her get into the small bed with you, her arms immediately wrapping around your neck while yours went to her waist, still feeling her tremble against you, “It’s ok… It’ll be ok…” “You promised me you wouldn’t leave me…” You swallowed the lump in your throat at her words, regret filling you as your hold tightened around her, “I haven’t broken it yet…”

You held her for a few more minutes, finally seeing her calm down before you pushed her back a bit, your thumbs running over her cheek, smiling softly as you looked over her features again, “I really don’t know what I did to get you…” “You existed.”

You quirked a brow, drained smile on your face as you tilted your head to the side out of habit, her heart warming at the sight, “What’s that mean…?” She finally grew a small smile on her face, albeit tired as her eyes shot to different parts of your face, your slightly arched brows to the flutter of your long lashes, perfectly straight nose that sloped right at the end down to your plump lips that she missed before she looked at the small scar near your ear that lead down to your defined jaw, dimple subtle as your lips curved up in the slightest.

“It means that I fell in love with every single aspect of you… Your passions, your goals, your drive, your laughter, your smile, your tears, your frustrations, your stubbornness, your insecurities, how smart you can be… how dumb you can be, and trust me, you can be unbelievably stupid.” You chuckled a bit, nodding along as agreement, “Your hardships now mine, no matter how much you don’t want them to be... I am in love with you.” “Ok but-” “Don’t ruin my speech you or I will personally torture you in hell.”

You fell back laughing as she grew a smile, watching the way your eyes closed tight and your nose scrunched up just a bit, smile splitting your face, feeling your chest shake underneath her fingertips. You calmed down, turning back to her with a soft smile while nodding slowly, “Honestly if it’s you torturing me, I wouldn’t mind spending eternity there.” Her nose scrunched up at the cringy but sweet reply, letting out a whine making you chuckle again.

You both fell back into silence, her head resting against your chest while your fingers raked through her hair, “You know you really scared me…” A frown grew on your face as you hummed, leaning down to leave a kiss on her forehead, “I’m sorry…” She leaned up to look at you, once again letting yourself fall into those honey pools as they reflected the lights of the room, different shades of brown being shown making you smile at how ethereal she looked.

Without a word she moved closer, connecting your lips as her hand pulled you closer from behind your neck, your eyes shutting out of habit as you melted into it, her hold tightening around you while your hands gripped her sweater, savoring the feeling of her soft lips moving against yours before she pulled back with a quirked brow, making you confused, snapping you out of your daze as the loud beeping reached your ears, your head shooting to the monitor at the high peaks that continued to get drawn, a blush crossing your cheeks while you shut your eyes tightly in embarrassment, cringing at your stupid heart for going crazy over something as small as a kiss.

She giggled, catching your attention as you peeked one eye open to see a teasing smile on her face, slowly leaning closer, her breath warm against your lips while mumbling, “It’s cute…” You rolled your eyes, pouting, “Shut up…” She kissed you again, this time slower and softer before she pecked your cheeks. Her nose resting against your cheek as she let out a breath of relief, “This isn’t a dream right…?” Your thumb was running soothing circles on her hip, her question making you giggle again, “No this is real Princess…” “Good…”

You didn’t even realize but in seemingly a few minutes, she had fallen asleep against you, head resting on your shoulder making you smile softly as you carefully moved to get the covers over her body, legs tangling as you smiled down on her, face completely blissful as her soft breaths caressed your neck.

The door opened again making you shoot your head up as you put a finger over your mouth, the guys freezing as they watched you coddle her, everyone’s hearts warming at the scene. “We’ll leave you two alone… see you tomorrow ok?”

You nodded, waving your hand to catch their attention before they left, Jungkook turning to you with a concerned gaze, “Kookie… can you take off her shoes?” He rolled his eyes, moving up the cover to carefully take the girls socks and shoes off before setting them carefully beside the bed, “Anything else?” You shook your head, not being able to tear your eyes away from the girl in your arms.

He smiled at the scene, moving closer to leave a kiss on your head before ruffling your hair, “I’m happy you’re ok…” You rolled your eyes, sending him a teasing smile, “What would you do without me?” “You’re lucky she’s sleeping or else I would’ve smacked you.” You giggled a bit, waving as he left you, the room once again being just the two of you.

You sighed out in relief, body calm for once as you moved the strands out of her face, tucking them behind her ear before you used the remote connected to your bed to lean back. Making sure she was in a comfortable position as you got settled in, your arms wrapping around her tightly before closing your eyes.

.

.

.

You woke up slowly, confused at the strange thing on your head as you tiredly pulled it off, a sticky note peeling off of your forehead as you sat up, eyes squinted while scanning over the words,

I had to leave for work but I’ll see you later baby

You smiled at the small rose and heart she drew in the corner, rolling your eyes as you set it on the table beside you, slowly laying back down while your eyes shifted to the ceiling, a moment of peace as your mind ran over the past few days.

You thought of how to kill yourself

You tried killing yourself

Failed at killing yourself

Got exposed for trying to kill yourself

Everyone got mad at you for trying to kill yourself

In conclusion, you shouldn’t have tried to kill yourself.

A sigh left your lips before your eyes widened, all of the things you left crossing over your mind, your car, your phone, your backpack, “.”

Another groan left your lips as you smacked your head, your nurse clearing making you shoot up, finally realizing you weren’t alone, “Rough morning?” You blushed under her gaze, sitting up in your bed as you let out an awkward cough, scratching your neck, “Just realized how I left some belongings of mine and how I may never get them back…” She hummed, taking note of your heart rate and levels, “Were they important?” “Not sentimentally but I suppose…” “We did get a backpack from the scene if that’s what you’re referring to?” You started nodding your head quickly making her smile as she finished noting down your vitals, “Let me just go give these to Doctor Jung and I’ll get you your bag.” “Thank you…”

She sent you one more smile before leaving, a breath of relief being let out as you got one thing checked off the list. You looked at the clock, seeing it tick towards ten in the morning making you grow uneasy, being left by yourself, knowing most of your friends were either busy with schedules or not in the country and so you looked for any sort of distraction while waiting for the nurse to get back. The dull wall paint staring at you, your heart beginning to beat faster as you swallowed the lump in your throat, the blinding lights glaring down at you as that nauseating smell of rubbing alcohol and antiseptic filled your nose, your eyes shooting around the room for a distraction as the beating of your heart rate monitor got louder and louder.

You caught sight of the remote on your bed side, grabbing it before turning on the TV you luckily had in the private room they put you in. Scrolling through the channels before stopping as you heard your name, the news channel reporting updates on your situation making you freeze up.

Red Velvet’s Maknae, Kim Y/N, is still being held at Yeonsettan Rehabilitation Hospital after being rushed there due to a suicide attempt. While there is still no word on her condition today, SM entertainment officially put out a statement yesterday night saying she is safe and alive, this being stated after the stock market value of the company plummeted by almost 20% immediately when the news broke out, a high percentage that had never been recorded before in the company’s past. The group’s loyal fans have been camping outside to show support for her, this being the second day in a row, authorities have been called on the scene to monitor and diffuse any aggressive or dangerous situations if they were to take place. We send our well wishes and-

You shut the TV off quickly, wheels in your head slowly beginning to turn, guilt building in you at the thought of the fans left outside, you didn’t even know there were people outside! And on top of that, knowing the higher ups would be mad at the stock price drop but was that really due to you? Maybe it was odd timing? Or maybe it was just because of another attempt scandal?

You didn’t want any of this at all.

You wanted to go quietly, a maximum three days of mourning before everyone would move on, that was how you expected it go and how it would’ve most likely gone if it wasn’t for whoever the saved you.

You didn’t know what to feel regarding them… Do you thank them for giving you a second chance? Do you sue under some sort of law for sending out the video of you? Do you give them a hug and get on your knees to praise them for heroics? Do you smack the out of them and teach them a lesson about human decency?

You snapped out of it, hearing your doctor come in making you curl your lips up, smiling softly as he greeted you, “How are you doing Miss Kim?” “Feeling better… kind of had proper sleep that wasn’t induced by coma…” He let out an awkward chuckle, nodding his head to you while looking over the report he got, “We do need to run a few tests on you, just to make sure there are no lasting effects and no trauma on your body itself and we can then clear you to leave for tomorrow.” “Is it possible for me to leave by tonight or is that a definite no?” Your doctor hummed in thought, not sure what to say as his eyes scanned over the papers on his clipboard, “Well… is there any specific reason you’d want to leave?”

“Uhh… I just… I don’t really like… hospitals that much?” You scratched your neck out of habit, awkwardly giggling with a forced smile on your face, “Bad memories?”

The image of your father laying there barely alive crossed your mind, jaw clenching unconsciously as you took a subtle breath, smiling stiffly, “You could call them that…” “Well I assure you, you are in safe hands here and we will try out best but I think the earliest we could release you is around six tomorrow morning…” You nodded slowly, humming, “Doctor Jung may I ask you something?” He nodded, quirking a brow in question, “What do you think of me now?” “What do you mean exactly?” “Well… I’m an idol that is known as an intimidating cuddly bear,” He chuckled a bit at your remark, nodding as he took of his glasses, “So after finding out that I’m willing to end my life… what do you think of me now?”

He was a bit taken aback by your direct question, getting comfortable in his chair as he leaned back, a sharp inhale being heard as his brows furrowed, “Well I respect you enough to be honest… personally, I’m concerned obviously for you… but my daughter sees you as a role model…” He went quiet again, a small smile crawling up his face before he sighed, “I had never seen her so… sad? It wasn’t just sadness… she looked… lost almost.” A hum interrupting him as he scratched his nose, clearing his throat.

“You know… I got mad at you if I’m being honest… like… who would hurt my little girl?!” You giggled a bit, nodding for him to continue, “I don’t follow your group like the kids do… A man my age… doesn’t necessarily listen to that type of music-” “Hey! Our music has range!” He smiled softly at you, letting out a chuckle as you formed a pout, holding an accusing finger at him, “I’m sure it does… but as I was saying, a man my age favours other things.”

You both shar