NB: Happy I managed to write on time the traditional UmB Christmas fanfic - enjoy buddies ;) 

Umji P.O.V.

My name is Yewon but everyone calls me Umji because the only thing close to a tattoo on my body is a mole I have on my thumb. In a town where everyone is born with a meaningful tattoo on the forearm, it is not easy to be different.

I am always happy when I can meet people. Going to school and making friends is something I really enjoy. I also love watching the night sky and walking in the lit streets during the Christmas Holidays. 

But I am so tired of feeling Used. 

Some said they suffer from unpretty privilege and I kinda feel that because as soon as those new friends discover that I am tattooless, I am always so easily replaced. 

Every time that I star to feel some warmth, then something reminds me that it is only an illusion. It is only temporary. My happiness is meant to eventually vanish. I could repeat the cycle a thousand times and trust me I have tried. All my life, I have had hope … hope that all those happy moments would finally settle in time. Yet, it always ends the same.

I feel so jaded and stupid. 

It doesn’t help that I am such a romantic person. I fall in love easily and when I do it is hard. Like I have the biggest crush right now on a boy in my class. I don’t think he even knows I exist because - without a tattoo - not many people do. 

« Love, you see wasn’t make for fools like me. And I still hate myself sometimes sometimes yeah. Used, Used so tired of feeling Used. Waiting for somebody to come and make me feel new, is it you? » 

I was singing my favorite lyrics in the empty classroom as I arrived very early in the morning when suddenly I heard a voice:

« You have a beautiful voice. » 

I looked up afraid that the person was mocking me and ashamed that I got caught. I was very surprised to see a girl probably my age with black medium length hair - a milky skin like those of a baby and a serious face drawn upon it. 

« Thanks … do we know each other? » - I was sure of the negative response but I didn’t want to sound rude. I was really surprised to get the attention of a stranger. Maybe you didn’t know that I was tattooless? In that case you can only be new in the school. 

« No I know no one. I am new. » - You said before a bunch of classmates entered the classroom and I lost your sight in that ocean of people. 

The teacher didn’t take too much time to arrive:

« Good morning everyone. Before starting the class, I want to introduce you to the new student Hwang Eunbi. She just transferred today from another town school. » 

It was surprising to have a transfer in the middle of December - months after school started. Everyone seemed intrigued by your appearance as well as they were scanning you from head to toe. You didn’t really stand out due to you wearing all black simple clothes. Yet, your face was really something I couldn’t stop looking: it was just that peculiar mix of juvenile traits but at the same time a mature and loose vibe. You weren’t smiling much as well and your eyebrows were often frowned. I guess it was just your resting face but I found it really fascinating. 

At the break, I was happily surprised that you were waiting for me. I mean out of everyone, you chose to get close to me. However, my sudden smile vanished as soon as I realized the unfathomable truth: you didn’t know about my tattooless-self yet. I bet you were going to stay away from me the moment you will notice it. 

« Do you mind if I eat with you? » - You asked me with the same serious  and - I would even say -emotionless tone.

« No I don’t and please call me Yewon or Umji if you prefer. »

« Why would I call you thumb? » - You asked and I bursted in laughter. 

« Thank you Hwang Eunbi for the laugh. » 

You were still looking at me with those furrowed eyebrows and I stopped laughing. 

« I am sorry - everyone calls me like that. It is my nickname. » - Should I tell you about the real reason though? I really liked that unknown phase - whenever I would meet new people - the moment they still consider me like everyone else. The moment they don’t know yet about my terrible difference. 

« Cute nickname but your laugh is cuter. » - You bluntly said with a serious tone and I didn’t know why I blushed.  You were really straightforward but what hit me like a thunder was those piercing eyes looking in me. If your face was emotionless, your eyes were really the opposite. There was a black brightness in them which was powerful as it sent me shivers.

« And you have y eyes. » - I said out loud my thoughts and I widened my eyes as a result. 

« Do I? » - You asked and for the first time your emotionless mask got replaced by a smirk.

« Yes like those of a bat. » - I added and your smirk vanished right away.

« Yah have you see a bat from close … it is ugly! » - You cried out and I laughed - your flustered  and angry face was really funny but it was cute too. Funny how you could be cute under those lawyer of mature vibe. I guess you were like those tsundere characters in manga. 

« You seem so cool Eunbi. » 

« Haha I get that a lot. » - You pinpointed and then we ate while chitchatting. 

You really seemed different from the other people I have tried to be friends with in the past. Everything about you screams authenticity. Yet, I was so afraid of ending being Used that I first tried not to expect too much from our potential friendship. I knew way too well that everything could vanish overnight. All those happy moments were just an illusion before the inexorable tragedy.

We spent the first week speaking about our lives during breaks. I still find it surprisingly weird how no one had warned you about me yet. I wasn’t complaining though as it gave me more time to discover about you and I guess to lie about my life. 

« So why did you leave your old school Eunbi? » -  I dared ask you between some random questions. For the first time, you seemed lost in your thoughts. The emotionless mask was still on and thus I couldn’t depict your state.

« My father found a new job here so we decided to get near it and moved town. » - You eventually answered before I could apologize for the question. 

« Eunbi I feel like I can tell you everything and really it feels great to have finally someone honest like you. I mean I ditched all my friends because they were just using me. » - For the first time I told you something partially true. The only lie was that they eventually ditched and not the other way around. I was too hopeless to get rid of them myself - even if I knew about their true motives. 

« They Used you? What do you mean? » - You asked eyes full of concerns and I felt it in my core. This empathy of yours was touching my soul. So I decided to be entirely honest with you.

« One of them was only friend with me because I would make her look beautiful when at her side. » 

« I don’t know how she looks but she can’t be more beautiful than you. » - You said with a serious tone but your eyes still on me were full of tension … electricity. It was hypnotizing and I guess it is one of the reasons I disclose my most unpopular secret:

« It is because I am tattooless. »  

For the first time, your eyes widened and you ended up lost in your thoughts. I closed my eyes angry at myself because I knew it deep down. I knew it would ruin everything. How could I be so hopeful to allege you were different and that I could open myself to you? I hate myself. I am really dumb. There is nothing likable about me. The dark thoughts which would always come up once the truth out resurfaced again. They drowned my sanity and my mind became a mess. But why does it hurt more this time? I thought I convinced myself that I shouldn’t expect much. Why was I already so attached to our friendship? I can’t make new friends, I will have other future opportunities as I have always managed to have - even if they won’t last. Maybe because I was expecting to build something stronger and lasting with you. 

« I am sorry … »  - I had tears in my eyes and I probably looked pitiful and uglier than I was but it is ok I guess - I am Used to it.

I went back home that day. I didn’t want to show up in the afternoon although we had class. I didn’t want to see your expression - the one you will start using now that you know the truth. 

The day after I found the strength to go back to school. I got there right on time because I didn’t want to have any moment alone with you. I wouldn’t bear your gaze. Then, the teacher announced my favorite school activity of December:

« We will visit the Christmas market of the town tonight. » 

I really love the Christmas market because it was magical - the color, the scent, the food, the objects everything was. Plus, it will soon snow and I couldn’t wait. I really loved playing in the snow.

That moment of the year it felt like anything could happen and my foolish self was every year waiting for a miracle. 

Hopefully we didn’t have class in the afternoon and thus I ran away to my home to prepare for the evening. If there was something which had never disappointed me it was the moment I stepped into the Christmas market. 

« Alright my students lets all gather in two hours here - please don’t do anything stupid. » - Our teacher warned us and as soon as she did I eclipsed myself from the group. 

Yet it seems that I failed this time:

« Yewon wait please! » - I turned around and I got surprised to see your face. I really didn’t know what to say because I wasn’t sure why you called my name in the first place. Hopefully, you filled up the awkward silence really quick: « Please stop avoiding me. » 

Shock and confusion was filling my mind. Were you being genuine? Or was it another way to use me? Most people would change their behavior once they know the truth - pretend they don’t mind and then do horrible things behind my back. Your emotionless face didn’t help so I looked at your eyes. You seemed afraid of something - was it me? Were you afraid of me?

« Please say something Yewon. » - For someone allegedly pretending to be my friend, the acting was incredible and a few people dared say it in a nice way like this. It almost felt like you were going to go down on your knees. Should I believe you? What should I say? You seemed really sincere but I don’t trust my gut they always eventually proved me wrong. 

Then you did something no one ever did: you grabbed my hand. « Please Yewon … » 

« How can you touch someone tattooless? » - I asked you as I wasn’t lying when I stated no one has ever touched me. People were too disgusted to ever lay a finger on me. 

« I don’t mind you being tattooless. It shoudn’t be a big deal. » - You said and for the first time your tone has something different in it: was it angriness or confusion? 

« Oh trust me it is a big deal for everyone. » - I was only being honest hence the hurt tone of my voice. 

« I am sorry you have always only met those who care about that. » - You suddenly said apologetically before adding: « But I promise you I am not one of them. » 

« Then I am sorry for having judged you so quickly Eunbi. » - I decided to gave in. I still had doubts but I didn’t want them to ruin my favorite activity. 

« It is ok don’t worry - let’s buy some candies then. » - You said cheerfully and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. I didn’t notice you were still holding my hand as you led me to the stand. 

You bought me so much things that night - I can confidently say that we tasted everything the market was selling. You even bought me a panda bear stuffed toy because you said I look like one.

« Is that your revenge because I said your eyes were similar to a bat’s ones? » - I teased you as we were eating on the cotton candy-you just bought us. 

« No a panda is cute - a bat isn’t but it is ok since I like batman. » - Your reasoning could be really similar to children one. 

I chuckled and you eyed me confused. It made me laugh even more. 

« What’s so funny? » - You asked and I stopped laughing not wanting to potentially hurt your feelings. 

«  I don’t think you are aware of how cute you can sound sometimes. » - I was so honest but with you it just felt natural. With you I felt like I could finally be myself. 

I am pretty sure you blushed but you just shrugged off - you were acting cool but I think I almost managed to see what is beneath that tsundere mask of yours. 

We were walking in the Christmas market when suddenly my eyes met my boy crush ones. I ended up shaking a little bit and you noticed it through our hands. 

« Are you cold? » - You asked with concerned eyes. 

« No I am just in love. » - I responded still looking at you in the eye and we both froze. It wasn’t due to the snow and cold temperature though. 

For the first time, I saw vulnerability in your eyes. It is like you were looking forward what I was going to say but I am not sure whether you feared or were exciting about it. I guess you didn’t know either. I didn’t want any awkward silence so I opened up:

« I just met my crush eyes. » - Your eyes widened and I think your expression became confused. 

« Mine? » - You genuinely and lowly asked and I laughed: 

« No Eunbi, that boy I have crush on for years haha »  - You laughed with me but your eyes became dark.   

« Is he in our class? » - You immediately asked.

« Yes he is our age. We always end up in the same class and funny because every year, my new year wish is for him to finally notice me. » - I confessed another secret of mine so effortlessly. 

« Just talk to him and it should be easy. » 

« No I can’t. He knows I am tattooless. I don’t think he wants to be approached by someone like me. » 

« You can’t be sure if you don’t try. » - You said as you grabbed my wrist pulling me towards him.

« Eunbi please understand … it is very serious to me. You can’t just lead me to him. I will look like a fool. »  

« You can’t just wish for it to happen every year Yewon. You have to take action. » - You again took my wrist and tried to lead me to him but I stopped you. 

« Let me at least prepare myself. I don’t get why you want to rush that. » - I cried out and I sounded a little bit angry.

« I am sorry… » - You eventually responded and you looked down to the floor with hurt eyes. 

« It is ok … let’s enjoy our time here. » 

I really had a fun night and for the first time, I felt genuinely happy. I guess my doubts kinda vanish with all the efforts you did for me. You even walked me to my house that night and I hugged you. It really felt natural and surprisingly you hugged me back. 

That was the first hug in my life and it felt good - really good. You wrapped your warms around my back and you let me lay my head on your shoulder. I felt secure and warm.

« Thank you Eunbi. » - I think I had almost teary eyes when we broke the hug. « I really just experienced the best evening of my life. » 

Not sure why I was so emotional but you surprised me again when your eyes softened.

« Don’t be sad honey. » 

Honey? You really called me like that so naturally. It was a cute nickname though.

« I like that name. » - I chuckled and although there were some tears in my eyes, I was smiling from ear to ear. 

You were still deeply focused on my eyes though. I could see how concentrated and concerned you were. You suddenly wiped my tears with your hand as you whispered:

« No one deserves those tears. They are not worth it. » - I knew you were referencing to the people who Used me. 

We bid goodbye and for the first time I slept at ease knowing there was a change in my life. 

We spent the following weeks together doing lots of activities. Even in school, I could for once disregard the weird looks of the others and I was amazed by how willing you were to be seen by my side in such anxious atmosphere. Yet, you never complained and never considered them. You were like a shield - making me forget about the real world and sheltering me into a bubble only we could have access to. 

Then, Christmas got nearer and I broke down. Indeed, it was during one gathering we were doing in my place - since my parents were never really home due to their job. We were sat in my bed when you asked me that question which triggered everything afterward:

« Yewon, what is your Christmas gift wish? »

« Honestly, I don’t have any because the only thing that would make me genuinely happy can’t be bought. » - I was bluntly honest. 

« What is it? » - You curiously asked and I wish you didn’t. 

« A tattoo on my forearm. » - You sensed how emotional I was because you suddenly grabbed my hand. Yet, it didn’t prevent me from crying all the tears I had in stock. I still managed to add before drowning in my tears: « You know I wish I could do normal things like going to the swimming pool but I can’t. »

So you took me in your arms and I noticed how dramatic I was acting but I don’t think anyone would understand the suffering I have been undergoing because of that. 

« I am sorry Eun