SinB P.O.V.

« Jung Yerin … your turn truth or dare? » - Sowon asked as she emptied the last bottle while you Yerin you were already tipsy and clinging on me as if your life depended on it. 

« Truth … » - You said as you suddenly lifted up your glass in the air.

« Wow it is not even midnight and she is already drunk. » - Eunha added as she drank from her glass. 

I couldn’t smile because I was kinda worried by your sudden behavior.

« What is your biggest secret wish for the new year? » - Sowon asked - totally disregarding your drunk state. You paused for a second … I didn’t know why you look so afraid. 

« We don’t have much time please hurry up … » - Yuju calmly reminded everyone as she looked at the clock in the room. 

« I … I … want to propose to SinB … tonight. » - You said and you turned to me while saying it. 

« Oh … it is ruined now. » - Umji spoke lowly while everyone gasped. 

I was taken aback … I was at a loss of words …

« Guys countdown … ! » - Yuju switched the subject and they all started to count:

« 5 4 3 2 1 Happy New Year! » 

Honestly I was still loss in your irises although your drunk eyes were half open. 

« Hey guys why are you still so breathless …? » - Yuju asked us. 

« SinB, Yerin please catch some air … I think you two have things to talk about. » - Sowon apologetically tried to help. 

That’s how we ended up in the balcony. 

« Yerin are you ok? » - I asked you - I was deep down trying hard to forget about your secret. 

« SinB … I … OMO! » - You suddenly put your hand on your mouth and your eyes widened. « I ruined it but never mind … I guess I have nothing to lose. » 

You suddenly put your knee down. When you finally manage to catch your balance, you put your hand in your pocket and I got too overwhelmed:

« Yerin … don’t you think it is better for you to be sober for this? »

« With you? I can’t … I am always drunk in love. » 

I winced at the cheesiness … drunk or not, this never changes about you. Not that I hate it but rather I will never admit the thousand butterflies your words awake within me. 

« SinB, Love, … will you marry me? »

The way you sounded and the way you closed your eyes in anticipation … it was so funny - and I admit cute - but I manage to be honest:

« Yes Yerin I do » 

« WOOOOWWWW YOUHOU!! » - I turned my head and saw the other girls cheering and clapping for us. 

There was contrast between Umji who was really crying, Eunha who was loudly happy, Sowon who was proudly crying but at the same time laughing at Yerin’s state and the confused Yuju trying to figure out what just happened. 

I was going to mess with them when suddenly you grabbed my hand and put the ring on my finger.

« That’s not the right one. » - Sowon cried even more but this time she was just laughing.

« Kiss Kiss. » - You suddenly pouted and honestly even though I love you this was too embarrassing to do in front of the others. So I shyly got rid of your hand on my wrist.

However then suddenly you started suffocating:

« No Air… No Air. » - I worriedly ran to you but then you grabbed my cheeks and kissed me. 

I couldn’t blush more than this. You really knew how to pull me back to you. 

…

We were working all six in the same corporation. We were organizing events for our clients. Sowon was the CEO, Umji and Yuju in charge of the creative and planning department, Eunha the chief of the financial department, you were prospecting new clients and I was meeting them. We both worked hand in hand as we would sometimes go to client meetings together - it was only natural for us to get closer. 

However, we always had more than a mere friendship. It might have been ambiguous at the beginning. Yet, even our closest friends could see it: we were meant for each other. We even thought about giving each other a necklace with the other name - for the moment each has her own name’s necklace but we promise to exchange them during our wedding.

We quickly became inseparable and moved together in a new apartment. The other girls lived in the same area so it was easy for us to organize activities all together. 

« Good morning love … » - You greeted me when I entered the living-room. « Kiss Kiss » 

« Good morning, after, I am hungry. » - I rejected you and you suddenly started to suffocate:

« No Air… » 

« Fine … » - I knew your acting voice although your expression seemed really true so I rolled my eyes and gave in. I approached you and kissed your cheek. My victorious smile faded away when you suddenly pulled me back and trapped me against a wall.

« That’s not what I needed. » 

« You needed air. » - I angrily retorted.

« Clarification: I need my fiancee air. » - You said as you locked your lips on mine. I don’t think you would have stopped your roaming hands and your busy lips on mine - if not for my hungry tummy. 

« And I need food. » - I joked although my fierce words wouldn’t do much to cover my blushing cheeks. It was embarrassing: the power you had on me.

« Sure Love … this weekend is only for us. I told the others that we wouldn’t join them. » 

« I’d love to see the sea. » 

« Sure we will do that. » 

We drove one hour to the sea - it was a last minute decision. The sky was grey. 

«  How annoying we wasted our time ! » - I angrily shouted.

« Calm down Love. You know I will do anything I can. » -  You  grabbed my shoulders while looking at me with eyes half serious half tender. For a second I was breathless … you could calm me so easily. 

You pecked my lips quickly then you went to see the boat owner. You left me alone blushing like a fool. I was so shy around you - it was embarrassing and kinda frustrating. You knew the power you had on me and that’s why you were often using it.

Then you came back with the brightest eye-smile I have ever seen on you. You were so cute it was melting my heart although I would never admit it. 

« He said yes. » - You announced proud of your persuasion skills. 

I was so exciting that I was jumping on my way to the boat. We sat in the roofless part and you grabbed my hand.

« I love you - never forget it. » 

« Why so sentimental already? » - I asked you joking and you pouted or rather you grimaced and I laughed at your face. 

« I got an idea for our wedding location. » - You excitedly claimed and I blushed at the mere thought that we were fiancees. I still couldn’t cope with it. I guess I still have to realize.

« You’ll tell me after. Oh look at the other shore. » - I changed subject because I didn’t want to blush even more and you pouted again.

The other bank didn’t seem to far away - we could easily see the small town and its luxurious ones. 

Silence followed my sentence as we were both focused on the beautiful landscape. So much that we didn’t even notice the weather changing. 

Wind started increasing and I felt cold. Hopefully I still had your warm hand in mine. I looked up and I couldn’t read your serious expression as you realized the grayer sky. Such expression was so rare on your face I could definitely interpret it as concerns. You were worried … and I am afraid to say it … you were right.

You were always right … if only I had listened to you.

Waves were growing … it seems unexpected but I guess it was still the ocean - although we were rather in a bay than in the deep sea. 

The boat was uncontrollably heading towards the rocked cliff. In front of the latter rocks were emerging from the sea. A collision with one of them would destroy the boat for sure. 

I was suddenly so afraid - my grip on your hand tighten. You read me so easily that you caressed mine to reassure me. However you could see in my conflicting eyes how scared I was:

« Yennie I don’t know how to swim. » 

« I know. It is gonna be ok. I won’t let you fall in the water. » - No matter how serious the situation was - your tenderness remained intact. 

« Go back in ladies! » - The boat captain suddenly cried out as he opened the door.

 I was scared to even stand up - my legs were trembling. I closed my eyes and I suddenly found it hard to breath. I was clearly panicking that’s why you grabbed my cheeks:

« Love … look at me. Breath » - Hopefully the power you had on was so strong that I found air again. You kissed me quickly. It was so impressing how you managed to hide your own fear.

We both stood up and walked slowly my hand in hand while grabbing the metallic bar all along our way to the door.

You were behind me and as long as I felt your skin I could overcome my fear. We were going to make it when suddenly a bigger wave made me lose my balance. I lost both my grips on your hand and on the bar. I got ejected at the opposite and stumbled across the boat edge.

Cold like ice. That was the first thing in my mind. I think my mind just got blanked. My body became numb. You weren’t by my side anymore and at the same I realized that I was missing air as well. I draw unscientifically a conclusion:

Got me out here in the water so deep. If you’re ain’t here I just can breath. There is no air … no air.

Before I could even close my eyes, your face appeared in front of me. The worries in it … that’s something I have never seen. Then I felt your hand and I realized you were here … you jumped to save me. Thanks to you by my side, I found additional air and I let you pull me towards the surface.

There the captain grabbed my hand and pulled me. He was going to lay me on the floor to pull you as well from the water. However you noticed something coming and cried out:

« Don’t … please put her in the sheltered part! » 

That’s how he ran towards the door and sat me downon the sofa nearby the window.

« Oh no we are too close from the rocks and a big wave is coming - we have to leave before it is too late. » 

« Yerin! We can’t let her there. » - I screamed although I felt weak. I could see you that you were still trying to find a way to climb on the boat and behind you there were dangerous rocks. I couldn’t move but for you I found the strength to stand up. Then, the captain put me back on my seat before going outside. I watched powerless as I saw you struggle. You were exhausted and that’s how I realized that I wasn’t the only one who needed air. You too and yet, I wasn’t there.

I watched powerless how the waves shook the boat and someone jumped at the last minute inside. It was the captain. I looked again outside and it seems that you vanished.

« Where is Yerin? » - I asked him tiredly. The apologetical face he gave me in return.

I guess I didn’t need an answer … my lungs already knew … that’s why I suddenly found it hard to breath … there was No Air.

…

« SinB » 

« SinB! » 

I waited for the nickname you were always calling me with. It never came … never ever. 

« SinB! »

I opened my eyes hoping that the nightmare would end. 

« SinB … I know we can’t understand … but we lost a friend too. Yet, we are not drinking until overdosing. » - Sowon tried to bring me to my senses.

I looked at the empty bottles - it has been almost a year now. The girls were very comprehensive at first - they took care of me. Then, it seems that time made them slowly moved on - while my state remains the same at that very second I realized I’ve lost you. 

Ever since I have been drowning myself into alcohol. I know the girls were just worried about me but I didn’t care anymore … Plus I couldn’t drown even more as I've had No Air to breath since that day. 

I didn’t realize immediately that you were gone for good. Maybe because I was still hoping for a miracle. Policemen and other officials did everything to find you - at least that’s what they said. It will never be enough … never be enough until we find you. However those stupid a**holes closed your case and announced your passing.

I couldn’t believe it - and neither could the girls. Then, the months passed and even the latter gave up. 

« Go away. » - I rejected Sowon.

« SinB it has been months please come to your senses … Yerin is gone. » 

That was too much I didn’t want to hear that. I threw my glass at her. Hopefully she dodged it.

« Yuju come help me! » - She suddenly cried out and soon Yuju appeared.

« SinB you’re a mess we just want to help you. » - Yuju explained.

« You’re not helping me … you gave up on her! How could you … she was your friend too. » 

« We know … but she wouldn’t have liked seeing you in this state. » - Yuju argued.

I sigh … it was becoming overwhelming … I just didn’t know what to think nor do. So, I unconsciously started drowning in my tears. 

I was breathing hard as if seeking for air.

« Oh not again please. » - I heard Sowon said worriedly. « SinB breath! »

Sadly Sowon didn’t have that power only you could do to me.

« I can’t … there’s No Air … » 

And for the nth time, everything became black. 

… 

« SinB? » 

« Yeah » -  I said grabbing my phone closer as I was searching for my car’s keys. « Eunha what’s up? » 

« I wanted to congratulate you. Thanks to your work this year the company has improved its financial results. » 

« Thanks for accepting me back in it. » 

« You belong with us … just don’t overwork yourself too much please. Umji said you have been sleeping on your desk the past weeks. »

« Hum yeah I gotta go … thanks Eunha. »

It has been four years since that terrible day and one year since I have resumed my work in the company. The girls were very happy to have me back. This job it was everything I have left and I hated going home in the evenings for the mere reason that I knew you wouldn’t be there to welcome me.

I guess I was still in denial - after all I refused Umji’s idea to move out. I kept all your affairs, all our photos … I kept the pain because I didn’t want to forget about you. I didn’t want to feel even more separated from you … so I was holding on into our memories. 

Sowon tried to make me go out in the evenings - to free my mind - as she said. However I would always choose to stay at work longer instead. 

I even persuaded Yuju to help me put back your desk in front of mine - just like last back then. My team -  our team - was you and me and I want it to remain like this. 

I was screaming at anyone who dared sit on your chair. Although I was physically alone in that office - I could still feel you through our memories. 

I know the girls were still worried for me although they weren’t showing it as much as during the first years. They were always offering to take me on trip, « friendly » date, …  That’s how I even spent months at Eunha’s place - she was baby-sitting me - which is very weird coming from the lazy and baby-herself Eunha that I know. Umji in a less radical way was offering me to attend concerts and watch movies. Yuju was taking me with her whenever she was working out or jogging. For Sowon, it was weird because she wanted to make me go to club and meet new people. All of this being a loophole to build good memories that would bury the sad ones. No matter the amounts of effort, there is one fact that can’t change: your memories are too strong to be forgotten. The weight of your disappearance on my heart was such that it prevented the latter from pumping oxygen. In other words there’s No Air anymore … 

Weeks passed and it was still the same I was barely breathing … barely surviving. There were no purposes, no reasons, no goals … Life should be a journey not a destination - they say - but in my case there was none of the two. 

I don’t remember the last time I've smiled - what I am sure is that it was with you.  

Then, one day at the office:

« SinB do you want to take that project? » - Sowon said while handing me a paper. 

« How come the client contacted you and not my department? » - I asked dumbfounded. 

« Surely because it is a very important one and by that I mean rich. He wants us to organize his wedding that will occur in six months. It is an important project. Eunha and I would love you to take care of it since she said you will bring even more return thanks to your skills. And I want you to take it because organizing such joyful event could help you … you know. » 

« I’ll take it even though I am more for Eunha’s option in terms of reasons. » 

« Great then you’ll find all the details here. You can organize a meeting with him at his house since he would want the wedding to happen there.»

I faintly nodded.  

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