SinB P.O.V.

Siren sound 

Nothing matters now. Really since the tragic car accident of my family. I was the only survivor and I really wish I wasn’t. I really wish I had left with them. I don’t even know why nor how I ended up setting off on a cruise. Oh actually I do … my boss convinced me to take a break from everything and especially the painful memories. I couldn’t be more pleased than now. I was finally given a chance to leave for good. It was my time. 

« SinB what are you waiting for? The boat is sinking! » 

Oh I forgot about Sowon. I met this girl on the first day which was a week ago. Or rather she was the one to start the discussion. She is so talkative unlike me - but that didn’t stop her from trying. I was always at the same spot anyway so it was easy for her to find me - always watching the endless sea from the upper deck. Honestly I hadn’t always been like this - I was rather the loud one and I loved life. I was just like her and then one tragic night shattered everything. I didn’t only lose my beloved ones, I lost my soul. This miracle - as they called it - was for me a curse. To tell you the truth, Sowon did unknowingly manage to make me forget about everything sometimes. Her stories about her passion for traveling were captivating. She was currently going around the world and hence she told me about the Egyptian pyramids, the Niagara falls, … and many other places she had visited. Her eyes were sparkling with a joy for life. They were beautiful and it reminded me of the good old time where everything was fine. She surely noticed my dull eyes but never called them into question. She treated me as if she had known me for years whereas I was a mere stranger. I sometimes spoke about my life - or rather the pieces left of it - so work, work and work. She called me a workaholic and now that I think about it that’s the only adjective left to qualify me. I confessed that I had no passion other than that. She alleged that I was poor by saying that she had the chance to live comfortably and felt sorry for bragging about it. However she was wrong to fee like this as I didn’t mind at all. Nothing matters anyway. She could be the richest person on earth I wouldn’t judge. If you wanna know I was far from being poor myself but I don’t care about money. Everything is meaningless. What’s the purpose of life anyway? 

« SinB! Did you hear me? » 

I totally forgot about her as I was already drown in my thoughts and soon wouldn’t mind drown in that huge pool of water. Why did she choose to find me in the upper deck while I was sure that the lifeboats were at the opposite? Was she aware of my intentions? Did she forecast my reaction? Did she already know about my suffering state? If that’s so, was she pretending from the start? 

« I did hear you. »  - I sounded emotionless just like always and confusion was written all over her face. 

« Then why are you standing still? » 

Oh maybe she really didn’t get the point. She read me wrongly. I had to tell her the truth:

« Because I don’t care. » 

« Do you know what sinking mean? Plus, the water is cold we wouldn’t survive it. »

« I know and I don’t mind the temperature. It is not like I know how to swim anyway. »

She was shocked but then her expression changed as her eyes darkened.

« I thought spending time with you would make you change. » - She confessed and I was the one in shock now.

« Why did you want to make me change? You don’t even know me so why do you even care? »

« Because I was the same! I also wanted to die after losing everything around me but then I changed my thoughts about life. »

« Wait what ? You’ve also lost your family? » 

« A terrible fire accident burnt my house. It just happened that - that night - I was away at a friend’s house. I immediately understood and realized that you have been through the same when I first met you. Your eyes … I recognized that look. »

« What made you change? » - I asked her.

« One day during which I was planning my last farewell, I witnessed a car accident. The look on the victim faces as they were trying hard to fight for life. The parents eyes as they urged me to save their unconscious child. The only thing I managed to do before the car explosion. I then realized that my parents wouldn’t have wanted me to end my life and that if I had given this chance I should live it up. A lot of people aren’t this lucky and wish they were. This is a miracle not a curse, SinB. »

I was dumbfounded. She went through the same. However, …. 

«  I am not a hero unlike you. I didn’t save anyone. »

« You can save yourself … you will be your own hero. » - She argued with hope in her eyes and … tears? Her mesmerizing eyes have this sad sparkle and only now am I realizing how beautiful her whole face is.

« And then what? Sowon, I am different from you. Nothing is gonna change me. So …. Don’t save me cause I don’t care. » 

She was speechless and I felt horrible for making her cry. I looked behind me at the sea: the cold deathbed waiting for me. Maybe if I jumped it would be faster and Sowon would finally leave me alone.

« I do care about you! » - She bluntly and desperately confessed and that made me stop from a moment. However then I called into question her sincerity: she was only pretending wasn’t she?

« Well care about yourself! » - My angry tone will maybe make her hate me and thus give up on me. 

« I am not leaving you then. » - She stubbornly replied. 

The boat was sinking and she was still here. I maybe want to die but I don’t want to drag her with me. That was so frustrating! Why does she care so much about me? 

« So