Deja Vu by Dreamcatcher

Sinb POV

Having Yoohyeon around has made me feel like I'm getting myself back. She has made me go out more and do more things to make me feel human again. Today she's taking me with her to a gaming cafe. She has been trying to get me to go for weeks now but I never really wanted to. But here I am getting dressed because I can't keep rejecting her request after all she's done for me. 

"Can't you look a little more excited?" She asks with her goofy grin. Her constant happiness is the main reason I've started feeling more human. She like such a ray of sunshine that I can't help but be happier around her. 

"I don't really want people noticing me out in public... Every day people say just about me doing normal things yet I'm still not back with Gfriend." I explain to her. Every time I've been seen out in public I have people attacking me because I'm being selfish by not returning to Gfriend yet. I've started talking to the other members of Gfriend because they deserve explanations. I try to keep them updated so they aren't constantly wondering about if I'll return or not. 

"Wear a mask and a hat so no one recognizes you going in. I know this cafe well and trust them. Once you're in you don't have to worry about anyone saying anything." She reassures me. I nod at her suggestion and get my stuff ready to go. She tells me she'll wear a mask and hat too so people don't assume I'm the person with her. 

I'm driving while Yoohyeon acts like a crackhead listening to the radio beside me. I laugh at her until the song ends and the radio person starts talking. 

"Stay tuned to hear about the newest drama regarding the nation's visual couple. Are Cha Eunwoo and Ju-" The person if cut off when Yoohyeon changes the station. I appreciate the action but also wondering what's going on between them. I don't have much time to wonder because we arrive at the cafe. 

Once we're inside we both take our mask off and get ready to play PUBG. Yoohyeon helps me get it set up and laughs at my inexperience.

"Don't laugh I've never done this before." I threaten her. 

"It's cute though... You're so clueless" She continues to laugh.

We've played about four rounds and we haven't won once. Everytime I die she laughs at me but I get my revenge when she dies shortly after. 

"Is there a bathroom? I need a break before we play again." I ask her as I put my mask and hat back on. 

"Yea there should signs. Do you want anything to drink or eat? I'll pay for it." 

"Well if you're paying... I'll just take a coffee." I tell her. She nods so I get up and head towards the bathroom.

When I'm coming back I notice someone coming in. I innocently look and feel my heart stop. Yerin. I look closer and notice you're with Joy and Hayoung. Your two eyes, their glow is lost. I can't help feel sadden by your dull eyes. I think of all those times they shined brightly. I haven't seen you in person for so long that I feel overwhelmed. I've been holding on to the times that you hurt me but seeing you here now I see the Yerin that I fell in love with. Please erase all my memories. 

Far away through the dense fog, I try to remind myself why I took this break. I needed to move on. But the far path I departed on only left hurtful marks. The time I took to heal only hurt me more. What I wanted to be wasn't possible it was all dream. I knew I couldn't move on but I still dreamt that I could. Even as I try to grasp the ends of the dream eventually, longer and longer I fall asleep in a deep silence. 

Now, holding this pain I leave you to head back to Yoohyeon like the day I abandoned everything. I look at the ground as I go to Yoohyeon in hopes you don't notice me. Each step I take away from you reminds me of how it grows more painful every day. I sit down but Yoohyeon is still gone. I want to forget what I saw but it shows endlessly in front of my eyes. This feeling I have in my chest gives me deja vu of the first time I knew I loved you. 

I'm desperately trying to grasp on anything to save me. I close my eyes hoping to forget how yours looking so empty. I forget those eyes for a second but then I see your smile in my head and once again I've fallen now. Yoohyeon returns with our drinks and her big smile but it fades when she notices me.

"Hey what's wrong? Did one of the workers say something to you?" She sets the drinks down and asks concerned.

"She's here." It's all I can't get out.

"What? Yerin? Um okay... let's just leave and go back to my dorm. I mean I was having an off day on PUBG anyways." She says gathering our stuff. The drive is quiet as we go back to her dorm.

"Babe? You're back earlier than you said you would be. How was the cafe with Sinb?" We say in the apartment as we enter. I look to see Yoohyeon blushing. Soon after getting close to Yoohyeon, she told me about her relationship with Minji. I sometimes feel jealous of her but I decide not to hold it against her just because our circumstances are different.

"I'm guessing you didn't do too good because you're not answering. Oh, Sinb. Hi," Minji seems shocked to see me there. I greet her and apologize for intruding. 

"No no. Don't apologize I was just shocked. You know no one has a problem with you coming over." It's true that since I got closer to Yoohyeon the rest of dreamcatcher has been nice to me. I thank her and she invited me to watch a movie with them.

We're about halfway through the movie and Yoohyeon is already asleep on Minji. When I see the dork knocked out I can't help but laugh at her. Minji looks at her she smiles back at me. After a few minutes, she breaks the silence.

"What happened at the cafe? I didn't expect both of you to leave so early." Minji noticed something wasn't right.

"Oh well after a few games we took a break and I saw Yerin come in." I tell her. She seems shocked too. 

"What did you feel when you saw her?" She asks. A part of me doesn't want to answer but the other part of me knows she's asking for a reason. As I got closer to Minji I noticed she's a lot wiser than Yoohyeon with advice.

"I felt like as long as I can breathe I can’t let go of her again. I felt like we’ll be together for every moment. I felt like begging her 'Don’t move far away from me'. I don't know what to do." I tell her. 

"You've missed her. Having this time to move on has only made you appreciate having her more. You've tried so hard to quit her suddenly but that didn't work. Sometimes you can't quit things suddenly because it's something that means so much to you. You'll quit it for a few months then when you're reminded of why you were so addicted it makes you question why you ever quit." She explains as if she's experienced it.

"But I want these moments to all be false. I hope these are passing delusions" 

"Sweetie, do you hope one day you can go back to Gfriend? Do you want to be able to return?" Her questions almost leave me confused. Of course, I want to return but I don't know if I can like this.

"If through wet tears, through belated regrets I can go return, then of course. But unnie, isn't that impossible?" I don't understand how I could go back like this. 

"Sinb-ah you're trying to run away from your problem. What you don't realize is that you're running around a track... You think if you run away from her you'll move on but this track is just a big circle. The further away you run the closer you are to where this all began. You're holding this pain and just like how you abandoned everything it grows clearer every day. You're trying to avoid the truth that's endlessly in front of your eyes." She shrugs as if she hasn't completely blown my mind. I'm too stunned to respond.

"Shh. You're talking during the movie..." Yoohyeon groans sleepily. I shake my head while Minji softly apologizes. 

"She seems pretty tired. I should probably head back to Moonbin's anyways. Thanks for your advice unnie." I tell her trying to leave to gather my thoughts.

"Anytime. I'm sure if you ever need advice again you can get my phone number from Yoohyeon. Drive safe!" 

Once I'm in my car I sit there not even moving. I think about what she said. Her word replay in my head on a loop. I think about being around you again. I think about Gfriend together and I see myself there. As long as I can breathe, I can't let go of you again. We'll be together for every moment; every single moment I see you there beside me. Because now all the truths I believed are exposed. They were just covering me in falsehoods. In the midst of the darkness, like a ray of light you took my hand, I'll follow you. I feel like I'm saved now.

Even if I bet all of me for you and the painful wounds deepen, as though every moment is a dream I won't move away from you. 

*Next Day*

I nervously sit in the chair waiting for someone to show up. My hands are sweating and my throat feels dry. I almost want to run away but Minji's word replay in my head. It's time I stop running away and this is my first step back. I hear the door open and my heartbeat quickens. 

"Eunbi we're so excited to see you again. We hope you're finally feeling better. Is there any reason you called us to meet?" The Bighit and Gfriend staff entered the room and sat down with me.

"I'm ready to be a part of Gfriend again," I tell them confidently and once the words are out I feel the weight lift off my shoulders.

A/N

Sinb's coming back to Gfriend! It's finally starting to get happier but what will happen when they see each other again?