Don't Text Me by (G)-Idle

Sinb POV

July 1, 2019

I'm laying in bed trying to escape my thoughts, my hopes, pessimisms. Maybe if I can just fall asleep I'll escape her. It's been a month since I revealed everything to Yerin. It's also been about a month since Source announced my break. I had hoped that maybe during this break I could move on from her. Even though she doesn't believe I'm willing to move on and we act as a regular idol group, I am willing. It's not a matter if I want to or not but if I can or can't. I've wanted for years to be able to move on but its as if my heart was made to love her. I roll over to look at my clock to see how long I've laid in bed with my thoughts ruining wild rather than sleeping.

3:19 AM

I groan at the clocking tauntingly staring back at me. It’s even worse today. During this entire break, I've maybe successfully slept one full night. Of all the nights I was supposed to think about myself I thought about you. Of all the nights I was supposed to dream of a new happy place I dreamt of you. How can you invade my thoughts even more while apart than when I saw you every day. I can’t sleep, I’m tossing and turning.

I get up and walk to the kitchen of Moonbin's apartment. I was worried that being around him would remind me of Eunwoo and Yerin but surprisingly it doesn't. He knows about everything and has been there for me. When I announced my break I knew I couldn't stay in the dorm with her so I turned to him because he was the only person I had. I didn't want to go to my parents because I knew it would be too obvious. If Gfriend came searching for me I didn't want to be somewhere obvious. I need this time to think without any of them invading my thoughts. I have decisions to make that can affect them too and they know that but ultimately I need to make the right decision for myself. 

I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and drink as I look at the back window. I look at the bright shining stars and feel nauseous. I feel almost jealous of them. Every night they shine as bright as they want in the sky. People look at them with awe of their beauty. How is it they shine as themselves every night with freedom? No one questions who they love or what they love. They shine freely as themselves with the freedom of judgment. Why must I be everything I'm not to avoid the judgment of those same people who look in the sky and appreciate the star's beauty of shining as its true self. My thoughts are interrupted when my phone vibrates on the table. I assume it's just Moonbin telling me he's staying somewhere else after getting too drunk.

"Hello?" 

I freeze at the preview of the text. I look slightly above and see the name I've been trying to avoid this whole time. How can you text me like that? As if everything’s ok, you say hello. It's been a month since you didn't reciprocate my feelings since you stop contacting me. When I think about us I think of a relationship that I thought I’d never have again. You haven't once tried to contact me until now. Was it just a joke to you? After all the sighs and the endings that I spit out do you not know?

I read over the text and I’m getting angry at your text. I thought you'd either reciprocate or allow me space. I at least thought you'd care about my break but maybe I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did. But how can you worry about me when everyday dispatch releases new pictures of you and Eunwoo on your lastest date. You know at the beginning I wanted to stop by the dorm so I knew what you and the members had to say but I don’t wanna know anymore. Now I realize that any chance of us being civil is over because our time together has stopped at that place, at that time. 

Like nothing special, we became strangers. From silence to yelling to more silence and now a simple 'Hello?' Do you not realize the pain it's causing me? The tennis match is cruel. We stand on opposite sides of the nets ruthlessly hitting my heart back and forth to either. Do you want to have my heart? Do you want me to heal it myself? I don't know who will win this match between us but it doesn't matter because by the time one of us wins two sets my heart will be too bruised and hurt to truly feel as if I won anything. But now with this text, we face a tiebreaker. 

Now everything has changed. We’ve frozen in place. But of us sit here in the middle of the night staring at the phone to see who is going to make the next move. You want a reply to a message I never asked for. I made it clear what I wanted and you made it clear you weren't willing to give me that. I think of what I would say if I chose to respond but all I can think of is the pain the one word your text cause stirred in my heart.

February 10, 2020

Its been over half a year since I first announced my break from Gfriend. My break where I was supposed to move on and return when I could finally see her without letting my love ruin the atmosphere of our group. 7 months and still the sight of her makes my heart burst. They recently had a comeback without me. Source Music had asked me if I would return for it but I knew that I would only destroy the facade they've been building without me there. I've talked and seen the other members since I left now because I knew that if I lost them I'd lose all hope to return to Gfriend.

Moonbin forced me to go to a party with him and some of his idol friends tonight. It wasn't too miserable until he disappears completely drunk. I'm sitting outside behind the bar on the curb. I couldn't stand people staring at me with the questions I wish I could answer. I take a sip from my drink and set my bottle down when I hear my phone ring. Who is sending me random messages late at night? Yerin. It's been 7 months since I told her to stop texting me. She had listened until now and I wonder to myself what I did to deserve this.

Is this a gift or a curse? Why are you asking what I’m doing? I'm doing exactly what I've been doing all these months. Today is just another day of wishing I had admit everything before he did. I don't understand why she seems to care more about me since I left. She should’ve been good to me while she had me, am I that easy? She acts as if she can put me through all of this and a simple text will make me forget everything. Now stop and wake up Yerin. I sigh then get up to find Moonbin because I want to go home.

I walk in to look for Moonbin but I'm interrupted by a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see who it is and see Yoohyeon from Dreamcatcher. We've seen each other at music shows but we've never spoken before. I raised my eyebrows confused by the interaction.

"You looked lost so I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Yoohyeon explains. I nod and allow myself to relax a little bit.

"I was looking for Moonbin. We came together so I need to find him so I can leave" I lean closer to her to speak over the loud music. 

"Moonbin? I thought I saw him leave already with Seungkwan. They said something about bros night." She laughs as she explains. 

"Ugh, that idiot. He has the keys so I can't leave even if he didn't take the car to Seungkwan's." I roll my eyes. I'm going to kill Moonbin tomorrow.

"I can take you home if you'd like. Parties aren't exactly my thing anyways I was just forced to come by SuA." She leans into my ear to explain. 

"I'd really appreciate that if you don't mind." I accept her offer.

"I wouldn't offer if I was against it. Just follow me to my car and we'll head to your house." She grabs my hand and guides me through the crowd.

Once we're out of the bar I feel like I can finally breathe again. I get in her car and sit awkwardly. 

"Can I ask something that may be out of line?" Yoohyeon cautiously asks me.

"Honestly go for it. I'm tired of people walking on eggshells around me." I tell her. Ever since I've left it's been clear everyone wants to know why but is too scared to ask. If anything I appreciate her asking with caution.

"Why did you take a break from Gfriend?" She continues. I would feel worried or try to come up with a lie but for some reason I feel like I can trust her. I've heard she is very supportive of people like me so I don't feel like I need to save my public image.

"I'm in love with Yerin." I bluntly state. She seems shocked by how open I was. She drives with her jaw drop for a few seconds before she recovers from the statement.

"So you left because she was dating Eunwoo." She tries to connect the dots. I nod to myself feeling my heart hurt at the mention of his name. Surprisingly have Yoohyeon around now everything has changed. Yerin and I have frozen in place. I have someone that could finally help me so please don’t text me.

"I couldn't handle seeing her and acting as if I wasn't in love with her." I explain to her.

"You left to move on. You thought if you didn't see or hear from her every day you could finally forget your feelings? How has that been?" She asks comfortingly.

"I've never stopped thinking about her. She actually texted me right before I came to find Moonbin." I say defeated.

"Oh really? Did you reply?" She asks optimistically.

"Oh never, I don’t wanna reply. I don't even know what I would say 'What do you want from me now? I don’t wanna know how you feel. Please erase me and my number.'? I'm scared that anything I say will just pull me closer to her. My words might push her away but all my heart hopes is that she doesn't give up." I end up giving a speech. I wait for her to respond but she doesn't. I feel the car slowing down as we approach my house. As the car stops she turns to face me.

"Sinb, I don't know what you want or what you think you want but what you're doing is only hurting both of you. If you want my advice I think you need to find someone else. It's much easier to move on when you have someone else to help you through it. If Yerin is happy with him then find a way to love her being happy. This isn't going to be easy but I've seen you on the stage and the passion you perform with. You belong in Gfriend. Maybe not this second but in the future, you should be there with them. Please call me if you need anything because whether you believe me or not I know exactly what you're going through and I want to help you through it." She says in the warmest tone. I haven't had someone care for me like this in such a long time. 

"Unnie, do you have anything you have to do tomorrow?" I ask her hoping she says no.

"I don't have anything why?" 

"Do you want to come in and tell me about your experience?" I invite her.

Yerin POV

July 1, 2019

I sit staring at my phone after sending my text to her. I really hope she responds because there is so much everyone wants to say to her. It's been about 30 minutes since I texted her and still nothing. I set my phone down and get out of my bed to get something to drink. Looking out the window I see the sky covered in all the stars. I've thought about the stars a lot recently. I think about how all of them work together to light up the sky every night. I think about how they must all work together to light up the sky but if one doesn't shine one night you wouldn't even notice it's light that went out. I wish she was that kind of star in my life. She shined for me all those nights but now the night comes and her light isn't there. 

How could many stars stop shining in the sky one night and no one would notice but one lightless star makes me who sky dark? Now I realize she isn't a star in my sky she's my entire moon. Without her, I feel like I have nothing keeping me in line. Even just being around her makes me feel comfortable and balanced. No matter how far away she is I always feel her gravitational pull. No matter how many times I walk away I always find myself being pulled back to her. 

I shake my head to try and stop thinking about her. I sigh to myself then get up and start walking to my room. I sit on my bed and turn my tv on in hopes to distract myself. I stare blankly at the television until I hear my phone ring. I feel my heart sink as I pick it up and see her name across it. I quickly accept her call.

"Don’t text me. I don’t wanna reply. What do you want from me now?" I hear her deep voice spoke the words that cut my heart. 

"I want to talk about our feelings," I tell her confidently.

"I don’t wanna know how you feel... Please erase me and my number" She brutally attacks with her words.

"Sinb please just think of the good memories. Think about the good moments between us" I begged

"Stop when the good memories remain. Say goodbye to all the feelings. I’m going back to when you weren’t here so don’t text me, goodbye" 

My phone went silent. I look at my phone and see the blank screen. I don't understand what went wrong. It was so good back then but it’s all in the past. When we first decided that we should move on and forget our feelings it was okay. We were able to be around each other and act as if nothing happened between us. We were able to talk, joke, be around, and even touch each other without any awkwardness. Maybe I should accept this new distance between us. Let’s just live separately. 

That's what I wanted right? I want us to move on from each other and live a life without the question of what we were. Now there's no doubt. We are so far from having a relationship that even friendship doesn't bring possibilities. I lost her and now I know that we have nothing to worry about. Why does this feel so bitter even though it's what I wanted all along? 

February 11, 2020

I wake up with my head throbbing. Why would Sowon give me so much to drink last night? I groan as I roll my body out of bed. I slowly walk to the kitchen while holding my head. 

"Goodmorning to the walking dead" I hear Yuju say and Umji laughs at her comment. I ignore her and grab the medicine.

"Yerin Unnie, I hope you didn't text Eunwoo anything last night because you were embarrassingly drunk" Eunha jokes. I panic and rush to my room to check my messages. Thank god I didn't text Eunwoo only Sinb. SINB!?!?! Oh no what's wrong with me. I had been satisfying her request for so long only to make a drunken mistake. I shake my head and open twitter in hopes that buddies will distract me. That fails when my notifications are filled with buddies tagging me in a dispatch post. Curiosity gets the best of me so I click it. My heart hurts worse than my hangover at the title. 

"Dreamcatcher's Yoohyeon and Gfriend's hiatus member Sinb seen leaving a bar together. Sinb invites Yoohyeon inside for the night. Just friends or is there more to it?"

I think of her words from months ago. "Stop when the good memories remain. Say goodbye to all the feelings. I’m going back to when you weren’t here so don’t text me, goodbye" Is this what she meant? That she wanted to completely replace me. My heart hurts at the thought of her dating Yoohyeon. I liked it too when I was the only in your eyes. Seeing how easy it is for you to talk about something so hard. I miss being the one she trusted and told everything to. I miss being the one you invited over to talk to. I guess you’re really over me; It hurts but I don’t wanna erase the memories. So even though you were a jerk, I don’t hate you. 

This is what I wanted... Both of us moving on from each other. So I won’t reply. Just pass over me as a beautiful memory that's I ask.

A/N

Part two is finally finished. Yay!!! I plan probably 4 parts to this multishot. I know this is a little sad but don't worry it'll have a happy ending. I also hope I can make a twitter AU version of this story. Please comment and upvote thanks for reading until the next chapter