August 7, 2014

SinB wouldn't respond to any of my texts since last night. It hadn't even been a day–I shouldn't have been panicking as much as I was. But I had to get back to her as quickly as possible. She told me she loved me, she fell in love with me. But... 

You win...I fell in love with you. I recalled her words from last night, like this was only a game to me. I hated myself for making her feel that way, for scaring her, pushing her away. I was determined in my resolve to get close to her and to be with her for the rest of our lives. That's why I kept texting–and texting–with no end in sight.

Sowon ended up showing up in the middle of the day to check up on me since I didn't join the group again after SinB left. She said I looked really pale, like I didn't sleep; I didn't tell her that I hadn't slept that night. In truth, the past three days had been an increasing lack of sleep. Schedules had been packed full, but I was determined to spend all my free time with SinB. I loved her enough to make myself weak. Maybe that kind of love was unhealthy, but I was sure if I told SinB that, she would yell at me and tell me to fix myself up. Knowing me, I would do just that, because that's how much SinB meant to me. Seeing her so scared broke my heart, and I never wanted to see that again. I loved her with every fiber of my being, and I would give up everything for her. I'm getting sidetracked.

Sowon basically told me what I imagined SinB would, b