A/N:

#1:If you've read this before, yes it does start the same; it changes later.

#2: Italicized means it's their native language, although I'll usually specify after they say it just to be safe in case you don't notice.

 

 

“Stop!!” Shuhua yelled as she sprung upwards in her bed.

She gripped the blanket with all her strength and buried her face into it as her breathing grew more and more ragged.

“It’s just a dream, It’s just a dream,it’s…”She said trying to calm herself down, but failing when she became unable to lie to herself about the memory, “It-,”

She choked on her tears, “No, it didn’t happen, it didn’t happen. Lies, they’re lies, I-He it…”

 

“Shuhua…?” Soojin called out tiredly from her bed.

Shuhua couldn’t hear her as she was practically suffocating herself, trying to bury the overwhelming emotions inside her.

Soojin could vaguely see Shuhua’s silhouette shaking on her mattress on the other side of the room.

Coming out of her only partially lucid state, Soojin realized Shuhua had woken her up with a yell, and though her sobs were muffled they were not silent.

Soojin carefully got out of her bed and walked over to Shuhua. She couldn’t understand most of the Mandrin she was speaking, but she knew how to at least read her body language.

Soojin put one of her arms behind Shuhua, startling the other girl and causing her to look up. With that she wrapped her other arm around as well, and pulled Shuhua as tight to her chest as she could.

Shuhua was caught off guard, but soon began sobbing as she clinged against Soojin.

 

Shuhua’s breathing steadied after a while, and she sat up a bit, still not letting go of Soojin, “Jjin~ah,”

“Yes?” Soojin said as she rested one of her hands on the back of Shuhua’s head.

“What’s the meaning of your life?”Shuhua asked bluntly.

“Um,” Soojin was a bit taken back by the rudeness of the statement, but figured it had been unintentional anyway, “Doing what I love, I suppose…”

Shuhua nodded her head against the place Soojin’s collar bone was being partially exposed by her loose shirt, “Yeah, right?”

Shuhua sighed against Soojin’s bare skin, and Soojin felt a shiver go down her spine.

After a minute or so Soojin asked, “Why did you ask?”

Shuhua readjusted herself so her chin was on Soojin’s shoulder, “No, it doesn’t matter now,”

“Shuhua,” Soojin said in a serious tone.

Shuhua froze and stiffly moved back to look Soojin in the face, “Y-yes?”

Soojin’s eyes softened, “What did you dream about?”

Shuhua was stuck, “I-” Her voice cracked and she unintentionally scowled as she looked away.

Soojin raised one of her hands to the side of Shuhua’s face and made her turn back towards her, “Why do you always have nightmares?”

If Shuhua was frozen before, she had now been turned into stone, through and through.

Soojin was so close, and her hand was on her face. That alone was making Shuhua swoon, but the older girl was asking about one of her longest held secrets.

There’d be no telling how Soojin would react, and actually, the only person who’d ever known other than her was her parents, but they won’t be able to share it.

“I-I it just, It’s memories of home…” Shuhua said softly as she avoided eye contact at all costs.

Soojin suddenly in took a sharp breath as she pulled Shuhua closer again, “Why do you cry out when you remember your home?”

“Well, it’s just,” ‘It hurt’ Shuhua wanted to say, “I really miss-it,”Her voice unintentionally cracks again, but Soojin takes it as an overflow of emotions instead of Shuhua forcing out a sentence that was almost physically painful.

‘I didn’t like it! His fists hurt. His kicks hurt. The walls hurt. The floor hurt. The tables hurt. The beds-they were the worst. It was somehow always because of me. Mom could’ve been free, but-’

“What about it?” Soojin asked softly into Shuhua’s ear, interrupting her thoughts.

‘Everything I cared about is already gone there.’ Shuhua thought as she didn’t even register Soojin’s proximity.

While trying to think a breathless chuckle escaped .

“Hmm? What is it?” Soojin asked, trying to pull back, but Shuhua wouldn’t let her.

“I miss my mom,” Was all Shuhua said before she buried her head next to Soojin’s neck.

“A-ah, really?” Soojin giggled, “Ai, That’s what those nightmares were about?”

Shuhua’s grip unconsciously tightens as she digs her fingernails into Soojin’s arms.

“Are memories even nightmares?” Shuhua wondered aloud, still not noticing her attack on Soojin’s arms.

Soojin was trying her best not to flinch or make noise indicating she was in pain as she noticed Shuhua’s bitter tone.

Tears escaped Shuhua’s eyes once again, ‘It sounds pretty normal, huh?’

Shuhua adjusted her grip and held Soojin’s upper forearms in a death hold for a few moments before she suddenly realized how tight her grip had gotten and instantly let go, 

“Omo! Oh no! Jin jin! I’m sorry, did I hurt you?!” Shuhua said as she gently picked up one of Soojin’s arms and massaged where the indents of nail marks were.

Soojin tried to swat her hands away, “No, I’m fine!”

Shuhua pauses as Soojin leans away before she smiles and giggles, “Really, Jjin~ah, how are you so pretty?”

“I-i- Yah! Don’t say weird things like that!” Soojin said somewhat softly.

Shuhua giggles, “It’s not weird, it’s just the truth,”

“Ai, really!” Soojin says trying to hide her smile, but gives up and pulls Shuhua into a hug again,

”Shu…?” Soojin says softly into Shuhua’s ear.

Shuhua suddenly becomes aware and stiffens a bit, “Wha-what is it?”

Soojin pulls Shuhua close so she’s partially on her lap and said, “What happened back at your home?”

“I-...I don’t know, what happens at a home silly?” Shuhua teases, pushing down the turmoil inside of her.

Soojin’s eyes sharpen into a glare, “Don’t lie to me, Shuhua,”

“Ah…” Shuhua squeeks out. A small smile forms on her face as her eyes get wide and continually dart around the room, “Um, JinJin, why would I lie?”

Shuhua watches as Soojin’s glare turns into more of a hurt look, “Jjin~ah, what is it?”

Her pained expression gets worse, “What hurt?”

“Hmm?” Shuhua answered back with a blank expression, “We-w-well, a lot of things hurt-”

‘Why did she ask that exact thing?!’

“Stop, Shuhua.” Soojin said sternly.

Shuhua didn’t quite understand, “Um, speaking?”

“That’s not it!” Soojin practically yelled.

Shuhua was speechless as an angry glare came from Soojin.

“You call out for your parents, you ask what’s going on, and you always cry that it hurts!” Soojin said as a tear escaped her eye, “I-I just want you to tell me what happened!”

“I-...You’re right, Jinjin…” Shuhua said, looking down, “I-You’re right!” She said as tears flooded down and she clenched her fists on her own knees.

“Why? Why do you have to be right?!” Shuhua cried out as memories flooded.

Soojin’s eyes widened and she pulled Shuhua back close, “W-what happened?”

“I-I don’t know,” Shuhua said as she cried into Soojin.

“What?” Soojin laughed as the tears spread to her.

“That’s a hard question!” Shuhua cried, a bit upset.

Soojin laughed again but the sound was choked by her tears, “Then what was your dream about this night?”

The lighter atmosphere disappeared as Shuhua struggled to come up with an answer, “I-I really, really don’t want to say…”

“Ah-Okay...Then, well…

“What’s the meaning of your life, Shuhua?” Soojin asks softly, purposely thinking back towards the start of their conversation, if you’d call it that.

Shuhua’s grip tightens on Soojin’s back, “It probably used to be my Mom, but, I don’t…” Shuhua pulls back to look Soojin in the eye, “Honestly, I think...It’s you, Jinjin, and everyone else too, but ...especially you!”

Soojin is staring straight into Shuhua’s honest eyes with no real thoughts going through her head.

“...Stupid, you’re purpose is usually supposed to be your own…” Soojin said while blushing a bit, however not taking her eyes from the other girl's.

Shuhua smiles earnestly, as well as slightly confused as she responds, “Eh?! Why though?! I want to do everything I can for the ones I care about!”

Soojin tries to stop a laugh that escapes , but fails as she brightly smiles while laughing at the beautiful girl in front of her.

Shuhua’s not completely sure how they got there, but she’ll happily laugh with such a bright Soojin.

Soojin reaches forward and clings herself against Shuhua.

They stay like that until their laughter quiet’s, and they’re both left with smiles on their faces.

 Out of Soojin’s view, Shuhua’s smile flat lines at a strike of thunder, and slowly drops as she remembers the first times.

She doesn’t know if there was actually thunder on any of those nights except-Oh there was one. The last one. A flash of lightning struck when she first hit the ground, the thunder was lost in the  loud clashes. There was another one right before she threw the vase. The thunder came when she was already on the floor with the shards. After his big outburst, even though her memory was a bit fuzzy, 

“I think there was a boom before the darkness…”

‘Huh?’ Soojin hadn’t expected such a random phrase, although to Shuhua, it didn’t seem random at all. She stayed quiet to see if Shuhua would say anything else, but she seemed like her mind was somewhere else. And not somewhere good.

“What ‘Boom’ and darkness?” Soojin asked without looking up.

Shuhua was suddenly pulled back to the present.

“W-what?” Shuhua looked towards her, startled.

“What darkness?” Soojin asked as she kept her gaze on the ground as she held the other girl close, her voice however sounded of definite concern.

“When my vision started fading,” Shuhua uttered in mandarin.

Soojin sensed the pain behind the words even though she didn’t understand them, 

“What happened Shushu?” The older girl said as she rubbed Shuhua’s back.

“...My dad got mad…” Shuhua finally gets out after a while.

“Y-your dad…?” Soojin breathed out hesitantly.

Shuhua didn’t say anything in return as she let her head fall onto the older girl’s shoulder.

“What...What did he do?”

Shuhua shook her head as she clung tightly, her legs shiftling to wrap around the other girl.

“Shu,” 

It was a simple whisper, just an affectionate call of her name, but something inside moved inside Shuhua.

It wasn’t a click, or a string finally snapping.

It was quiet, soundless almost in the overwhelming cacophony(A/N: means chaotic mixture) of her emotions.

Something slid out of the way and suddenly, 

After years of barely keeping afloat,

The waters were pouring out slowly.

Soojin forced her tears back as she heard the younger girl’s cries.

It hurt to hear the sobs during the past year or more of them living together, but this time was different,

The cries sounded different.

Her pain, Shuhua’s pain, was honest, and if she’d never approached the girl that night, she would have never known the difference.

“Jinjin,”

“What?” Soojin said softly as she clung to the girl in response to the squeezing of her heart.

“This feeling, it doesn’t leave,”

Shuhua’s words were muffled by her sobs, but Soojin heard her.

“Hands, that thing, it’s..”

“Shh, you’re okay Shushu,” Soojin said, gently massaging the back of Shuhua’s head, trying to convince both of them.

“I- I have nothing, there’s nothing to miss there,” Came out choked as Shuhua’s hands strangled Soojin’s tank top.

“No one’s left, no one’s left!” Shuhua started crying louder, “I’m the only one. I’m left, I don’t want what he’s left!”

“Your dad?” Soojin mused quietly, as if she didn’t want to be heard, successfully calming the younger girl before she spiraled completely.

“Soojin unnie, he- I don’t know how to say,” Shuhua was shuddering as memories were surfacing intensely now that she wasn’t holding them back,

“My-my mom, she didn’t want to. He came to my room-a- And-!

“I didn’t like it, n-nothing-!

“I can, I can still feel it!”

“Feel…” Soojin uttered under her breath, making the connections but refusing to follow the thought.

“He’s everywhere Jinah, H-he’s all over! I-Inside!” Shuhua buried her face as far as she could.

Soojin knew what she was trying to say.

“Not here, okay?” Soojin’s voice was stern as she hugged the girl like she was going to disappear any second, “He’s not here. I am, okay?”

“Unnie!” Shuhua cried loudly, and Soojin hugged her with more conviction to protect her than anything in her life before,

“He did it so many times!!” The cry was painful, even with her face deep in fabric the volume alone was painful.

“Every Time I’d wake up, my mom would be there!” Shuhua moved her head back and leaned her forehead on the older girl’s shoulder causing her words to be more audible, “On the floo- floor, I would wait unnie! I would wait, s-she was going to wake up too. I was always so scared,”

“Wh-” Shuhua intook a deep breath, “When I was alone, It was- It was better, but everyday, and everyday, and everyday it was just, when, when was he going to, then,

“ ‘What’s it gonna be?’ you know?” 

Soojin laughed quietly with tears escaping her eyes when the younger girl quoted a song.

“U-unnie,”

“S-sorry,” Soojin’s disposition fell as she thought about how it would feel if you opened up to someone and they laughed at you.

“No... thank you~” Shuhua spoke unusually softly with a rasp to her voice from crying, “You made me feel better,”

Soojin pulled back and saw the other girl’s tear stained face.

“I’ll make you feel better everyday, okay? Every single day until you don’t even think of that man again,”

Fresh tears fell from Shuhua’s eyes and as the younger girl made no movements Soojin grew worried,

“What? What is it? What’s wrong Shushu?”

Shuhua shook her head as Soojin raised a hand to cup the side of her face,

“T-thank you, I-I don’t- Without you unnie, I’m here because-” Shuhua choked on her tears and wiped her face harshley with impatience, “Because you let me live with you guys, and- Without-” Shuhua sniffled and made a face that may have looked unflattering to most, but Soojin found endearing, “Without you unnie, I wouldn’t be this-” Shuhua hit her fingers into her own chest, pointing at her heart, “It’s happy unnie, It wasn’t, but you, T-thank you~”

Even if it sounded like gibberish, Soojin understood what the younger was saying.

Shuhua’s eyes were practically shut as she started balling and Soojin felt compelled to pull Shuhua towards her as she let her own tears fall freely, “Always Shushu, anytime you want to cry, I’ll listen okay?”

“Okay unnie!” Shuhua sobbed loudly as she pushed herself upwards as her grip turned bone crushing.

“Ugh-” Soojin tapped Shuhua’s back and thankfully the younger girl relaxed her hold.

“U-unnie, you, you’re not annoyed by me, right?”

Soojin laughed softly, “No Shushu, you... you are my happiness, when I see you I don’t regret anything I did because..”

 A fond smile spread on Soojin’s lips as she combed her fingers through the other girl’s hair, “You’re here,”

She received no reply, but the older girl continued the action until eventually she felt Shuhua’s body physically relax as her tightly clenched hands relented from the bottom of Soojin’s tank top.

Shuhua adjusted herself unconsciously so she was more comfortable and Soojin calmly traces her index finger down the younger’s side profile,

“Cute,” Soojin muttered as more tears escaped her eyes.

She released a shaky breath as she combed a strand of Shuhua’s hair behind the girl’s ear, “I’m so sorry Shushu, you don’t deserve what happened to you,”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Soojin whispered softly as she kissed the sleeping girl’s forehead.

She held the other girl close and eventually sleep took her away as well.

 

‘I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again’

 

Meanwhile:

“Feel better Shushu,” Minnie whispered under her breath after hearing the indiscernible but distinctive cries while Yuqi was sound asleep on the bed across the room, utilizing her few hours of sleep.

 

Soyeon lifted one of her headphones up after feeling the walls of their apartment shake.

She sighed softly after figuring out what it was and continuied scribbling in her notebook.

 

'Someday maybe'

 

'Someday we'll all talk'

 

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So, not much happened compared to before...

I slowed it down and figured the back stories would be more drawn out, as to why there was not as much information Shuhua shared this time.

Thanks for reading,

and I know it might be annoying to just tell you this but I'm in the midst of writing about 7 Sooshu stories alone, so, ha ha...

(Not mentioning my other ships)

I'll add more tags when they come up, like the other gidle ships, you know, when the other four come in.

 

Every character is actually pretty important to the story, so I'd consider this more of a Teaser for the Series.

Hope to see you soon <3