If her old self could see her now, Yu Yan would bet her debut position that she’s going to get her kicked for being such a lightweight.

It was the effects of the after after party that left her wincing in both pain and embarrassment. Her head felt like it weighs a ton, with a jackhammer just going ape inside her skull.

She let out a stifled groan but even that hurt with how dry was. The ace trainee curls herself into a burrito, smiling at the familiar scent of the duvet. Her eyes shot wide open when she saw a picture of an attractive white cat looking back at her with the bluest eyes ever.

“Dai Anna…”

And it didn’t take more than a few seconds to figure out that she wasn’t in her bed.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” A chirpy voice greeted her from below the bunk. She didn’t need to see to know who it was, four months of living together and she could tell who is talking to her without seeing their face.

“Here you go,”

Yangyuzhou holds out a pill and a paper cup for her and a bright smile.

“I just got up when they’re about to go to breakfast. Dai Meng said that you’ll be up soon, with or without alcohol and to give you this when you get up.”

“Thanks.” Yu Yan mumbles, gulping down the pill and chugging down the water while trying to hide the grin that is desperately trying to escape. She and her girlfriend aren’t the most lovey dovey and , but when the 7 senses leader does things like this even Yu Yan couldn’t help whatever things fluttering inside her.

“You had a little too much fun last night.”

Whatever sleepiness she had left instantly poof away after hearing what 7 senses member said. Should she even ask?

“I think everyone wished we have our phone because last night was just epic.”

Yu Yan swings her legs around, climbing down the bunk. Yangyuzhou waiting patiently for her with a bright smile.

“It was that crazy, huh?”

“Let’s just say that was your best stage yet.” Yangyuzhou smiles dreamily.

*

From the looks of the 35 trainees there, she knew that she had maybe ed up a little too much last night. They weren’t looking at her with horror though, instead they are looking at her like she’s a chubby, fluffy puppy.

“Oh, there they are.” Yangyuzhou pats her in the arm, motioning over to the table with her groupmates already digging through their congee.

From the looks of it, Dai Meng didn’t suffer any hangover. She still looked like a CEO even if she’s just decked out in a Nike shirt and track pants. She throws in her usual glasses and black hair sleek down. Looking so ridiculously lawyer student hot while discussing whatever with Yuge and Jiaqi.

“I brought sleeping beauty.”

Dai Meng looks up at her and even with her glasses on, Yu Yan couldn’t help but clear trying to avoid that obviously quite pissed off glare from the SNH48 leader.

The red head clears , looking around in that cafeteria to avoid the glare.

“I think I’m going to sit over there with Chengxuan.”

“Let Chengxuan hang out with her same age friends and sit here.” Dai Meng said, no, she commanded.

Yu Yan is ready to protest, doesn’t Dai Meng know better that she’s not the type to be push around? But Dai Meng’s glare didn’t lose any intensity, now raising a brow as if challenging the Ace trainee.

Yu Yan plops her tray down. She’ll let her win this time.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Yu Yan.” Yuge flashes a soft shy smile, “You can have my extra corn.”

“She doesn’t need extra carbs in her life, Yuge.” Dai Meng cut through the conversation, raising a brow once again. “She already got it from all the wheat in the Baijiu.”

Her lips slowly curving into a taunting half smirk, that got Yu Yan gritting her teeth, but she wasn’t going to take that bait, no, she won’t.

“Well, come to think of it, you vomit it all out. So, on second thought, here you go.” Dai Meng pushes the bowl of corn in Yu Yan’s direction. “Have extra corn.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She had never fathom that eating her corn could feel this awkward, not with Dai Meng’s glowering at her from across the table. To avoid the awkwardness she just looked around the place, and saw Keni, Sun Rui and Xiaotang looking like hell as well. Good. It serves them right.

“Yu Yaaaaaaaannnnn,”

Yu Yan closes her eyes, the high pitch voice is enough to make the jackhammer in her head start drilling once again.

“Morning Shuxin.” She could barely croak out but that’s enough invitation for the Lisa fangirl to plop herself right next to her.

“I just want to say that last night opened my eyes about you.”

Yu Yan didn’t want to look curious, but here she is paying attention to the girl who doesn’t need anymore attention. From the corner of her eye, she could tell Dai Meng stop stirring on her congee, trying but not really succeeding in pretending not to care.

Dork.

“You know that underneath this tough and brash lion commander is a sweet, cute, gentle kitty cat just waiting to be .”

There were snorts from around the table, Yu Yan had to clenched on her nike shirt to keep herself from locking Shuxin in a headlock.

“Did our kitty cat Yanyan got ?” Even from another table, Sun Rui isn’t going to stop.

“You are so, so, so romantic.” Shuxin continuous to gush, cue her drama queen award. “You wrote a song and then last night, you are so lovey dovey.”

“I can only dance with bowls.” Xiaotang offers her romantic gesture. “I can dance and serve you a bowl of congee.”

“Wait… Lovey dovey?”

Yu Yan blinks in confusion, eyes wandering over to the girl who she hopes she was lovey dovey with. Dai Meng didn’t look too pleased, if you ask Yu Yan she look almost pissed.

“I have to go to practice.” Dai Meng stands up, picking up her tray.

And it’s as if that’s everyone cue to fled, everyone coming up with an excuse to get up, leaving Yu Yan and an obviously still nursing her hangover Sun rui on the table.

“So, what happened?”

Sun Rui peers an eye open, “You don’t remember?”

Yu Yan remembers scraps of that night, but with the way Dai Meng reacted it looks like she forgot the important parts.

“Okay, then let me tell you.”

*

Twelve hours ago.

One look at the three idiots standing outside her door and it didn’t take Yu Yan a hot second to slam the door on their faces. But it must be those long arms because Keni was quick to hold the door open, and before she knows it, Keni, Sun Rui and Xiaotang had invaded her room.

“What are you three doing here?”

“Well, now that the cameras are turned off and the staff actually gave all of us the night off, we thought why stop the party there? The real party had just begun.”

“It doesn’t answer the question why you guys are here.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Your room has now become party central.”

“No. it’s not.” Yu Yan vehemently disagrees. She crossed her arms, a deep scowl on her face but the three remains immune to it. Xiaotang continuing to place a folded table in the middle of the cramp room, Sun Rui giving her a thumbs up.

“It’s kinda too late to back off now, we already invited people.”

“Wait… you guys are serious?” Yu Yan’s voice was a pitch louder now. “When were you planning to tell me?”

“Ummm… we are telling you right now.”

She looks at the baijiu in Sun Rui’s hand, and knew from experience, that it was the cheap kind that was 65 percent alcohol and 35 percent bad decisions. A hundred percent going to you up in the morning.

“You know this could knock you out quick, right?”

“I know. Why do you think I got this one? We have around 20 days left together, probably shorter for others. It’s time for us to Break down the trapped sleeping beast, there isn’t anything restricting you, let’s party tonight.”

“Did you just sing a line from your song?”

“I did.” Sun Rui puffs her chest in pride. “Gotta promote, you know?”

“And you’re just gonna have water for your chaser?”

“What? Of course not. Speaking of promotions,” The SNH48 crackhead pulls out two bottles of the blue and pink yogurts. “Take a shot of Baijiu and chase it down with a lukewarm fruity and flowery yogurt.”

Yu Yan quickly covers herself, even she can’t stomach that.

“Here, you can have the first shot, Commander.”

Sun Rui shoves a paper cup in Yu Yan’s hand but this time Keni steers her away by her door. Hoping to let Sun Rui and Xiaotang set the party up in peace.

“I need you to just relax, Yu Yan.” Keni places her hand on her bestfriend’s stiff shoulders, but gave up on massaging her as Yu Yan’s shoulders felt like bricks. “Everyone just needs a break tonight, even you.”

Yu Yan just took a huge gulp of breath, “It’s not like I have a choice.”

“That’s the spirit.” The 5’9 goddess grins widely, giving her a punch in the arms. “We got all of this taken care of. How about you tell me who is that song is for? Well, I kinda know… I think everyone does, but it’s good to have a name.”

“For what? So, you can tell everyone?”

“Only if they ask. It’s kinda obvious… Lion cat?”

Yu Yan gulps the drink in one go, Keni’s words burns worse than the alcohol.

Save by the swinging door. The door opens with a grinning Lin Fan and the bored looking Nai Wan and Lu Keran in tow.

“I got the chips and biscuits!” Lin Fan announced in excitement.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Keni’s advice wasn’t going too well and Yu Yan could feel her blood pressure just skyrocketing as everyone starts funneling inside her room. Her room, her home for the last four months where she had kept immaculate and drill sergeant orderly is now seconds away from getting trashed.

“Who did you invite?” Yu Yan asked as she looks pass Zhang’s Yu’s thick bush of a hair.

“Everybody who wants to come. Look, even Jue Chen is here.” Keni tilts her head to the side.

“Ganbei Jue Chen,” Keni raised a paper cup in the air, Yu Yan narrows her eyes wondering where the quiet China girl is, and she jumps back as she sees Jue Chen camouflaging against the wall. Jue Chen being Jue Chen raised her cup an inch.

“My sistahs!” Sun Rui declares loudly, hands up in the air like she hadn’t seen her girls in forever. The Shanghai girls stood by her doorway like they’re ready for to perform on stage.

“Hi! We don’t have snacks,” Xu Jiaqi announces too excitedly, maybe she already had something to drink. “But I did bring vitamin C supplements. We can be drunk and have a high immune system.”

Yu Yan had no idea what it means, and she doesn’t know if she wants to find out. Her eyes fleeted over to the girls leader who looked adorable and hot at the same time, trying to get a head count of her girls.

If her old self would see her now, she would beat herself up for being so full of cheesy . But damn, Dai Meng is just so worth it.

Falling for the 7 senses leader was completely out of the plan. From the second Yu Yan set foot in Guangzhou, she only had one goal and that’s to debut. She had been in this loop before and this time, she’s not going to allow herself to be distracted by anything.

She wasn’t a fan of their type of music that’s why she was genuinely surprised to hear the timbre in Dai Meng’s voice during audition. When the triple A trainee picked flammable and explosive, she could already hear in her head how Dai Meng’s voice would fit perfectly. Yu Yan also knew that performing for years would bring the kind of stage presence that could put the audience under a spell.

She picked Dai Meng for her voice and her stage presence, that was it.

She wasn’t expecting anything else.

Seven to eight years of having a camera constantly shoved in her face had obviously taught Dai Meng how to act in front of the intruding contraptions. On cam, she got that variety show personality with her wit and game on for anything personality.

But when the cameras are off, there was a weariness that humanizes her. She has a terrifying work ethic. But what’s surprising is how funny Dai Meng is, not in a Yvonne Wang crackhead funny, but in a sarcastic self-deprecating way that keeps Yu Yan on her toes.

One of the things that Yu Yan valued in her training in her new company is they taught her how to compartmentalize. That was her main issue when she was younger, she was too much. She was too strong, too emotional, too stubborn. But with her new company, they taught her that she is still that same person, but someone who could contain the excess emotions.

Each thought and emotion are arranged neatly in their importance, relevance and placed in their own little boxes. In front of people she could become a blank slate, and when a situation rises, then she could pick and choose from her boxes.

The issue with Dai Meng is, while others doesn’t even dare peek in those boxes, Dai Meng just comes in and kicks them wide open. The vocalist makes her laugh, She doesn’t back down on challenging her and at the same time guides Yu Yan back in line. She infuriates Yu Yan on how one answer questions can turn into an until dawn break conversations about anything and everything.

And suddenly Yu Yan is left with her boxes all over the place, her emotions scattered everywhere.

She’s not sure who held whose hand first, but all Yu Yan could remember was the feel of Dai Meng’s hand in hers when they were announcing the results. In front of the camera, Yu Yan is the image of cool and collected, but underneath it all, she is still a trainee nervous as hell. She doesn’t even know if Dai Meng notice she was doing it, but the entire time, the SNH48 vocalist’s thumb is slowly rubbing lazy circles on her bandaged wrist and that time, it felt like that’s all that Yu Yan needs.

But after they got their scores, it was as if something had possessed her. Yu Yan must have had too much pent up emotion still left, unconsciously clenching and unclenching her fist as if her hand is trying to make sense of what is missing.

Their team was walking back to the room, the nerves they had before the performance is now replaced with bubbling excitement from their excellent score, except for Yu Yan. She was more nervous than before, she was just a master of concealing it. She walked a couple steps back, eyes tracing Dai Meng’s svelte figure from behind.

Yu Yan initially saw Dai Meng like a bro, someone who could level with her. But seeing her wearing something other than their pink sweater and track pants, in that skirt, her exposed midriff, her blood red lipstick, everything about her made Yu Yan’s breath hitch.

A few steps before they reached the door and Yu Yan decided to it all and she reached out for the vocalist’s hand. It’s as if Dai Meng knew exactly what is going on, because she went with her without any hesitation.

The triple A trainee pushed through the restroom, and both almost tripping as they ducked inside a cubicle. She kissed her tentatively, measured and controlled as if she’s still trying to analyze every action and reaction. But Dai Meng wasn’t having any of that, instead she probes deeper, a swift swipe of the tongue and a flicker, a nibble, a soft gasp soon, their kiss was rid of thoughts and was filled with emotions.

As heated and reckless their kiss was, their hands were acting the exact opposite. Dai Meng’s hands were tracing patterns along Yu Yan’s arms while Yu Yan took Dai Meng’s little black hat, holding it gingerly in her hand, while her other hand gently caresses the leader’s face.

As they melt into the kiss, Yu Yan knew exactly how she feels. It wasn’t from pent up emotion, it wasn’t from her boxes of scattered emotions. It was something new and much more terrifying and now she has to create a whole new box and fill it to the brim of how much she wants Dai Meng.

And almost four months in, and that want morphed into something else that can’t be measured in just a ten , one character word. Her one box kept adding up and she wonders if it’ll ever stop. Her boxes were turning into words, the words fitting one by one to turn into a song.

*

Nobody knows how all 35 girls were able to fit in that little room, but somehow they did.

Nai Wan and Xie Ke yin had decided to settle who is the best rapper once and for all. And with gift wrap paper, scissors and tape, they were locked in an intense gift wrapping battle. Xie Ke yin having a breakdown, her gift looking like a multicolored neon trash bag while Nai Wan remains cool and collected, looking like she’s winning this wrap game by adding a little bow on her gift.

Xi Ai is over in another corner, conducting her own Ted talk to some of the girls emphasizing the importance of on fleek brows on your idol career.

She hates to admit it but maybe those three are actual geniuses after all. Everybody needs this, just to be away from the cameras, the pressures of trying to memorize lines, trying to master dance steps, trying to perfect expressions and just let it go.

And right now, here she is having a conversation with the last person she imagines.

“I like this whole attire you’re going for here. It’s very casual girlfriend look.”

How far did they come, from the Taobao queen shaking in fear the first time they met to now she’s getting complimented on her outfit that she didn’t really out thought about.

“Ah thank you.”

“We should definitely do a collab when we get out of here. I could design your outfits for you.”

“Ummm… ahhh sure.”

Someone from these girls is looking at her and Yu Yan could feel the heat of their gaze from behind. She quickly spun around ready to glare back, but she’s caught off guard as Dai Meng snickers at her reaction before mouthing the word,

“Relax…”

“I bet Dai Meng likes this whole look.”

“Wait what?”

Yu Yan was the type who’s always in a fighting stance and ready for war, but even she had no defense against that. Did she heard it, right? Did the fashionista said Dai Meng?

She looks up and judging from the oh look on Hana Lin’s face, it’s obvious that she did a little slip. And the terrified trainee from day one is staring right back at her.

“Ummm. Some- Bye!”

Yu Yan barely notice how the other girl scurried away, but she couldn’t bother. Have they been obvious? There’s only so much you can do dating wise in this scenario, so she has no idea what makes the other girls think that. Their only sorta date is running to the convenience store to buy napkins for Jiaqi. The short haired goddess packed an entire pharmacy of supplements but run out of pads by the second month. And Dai Meng always the caretaker, went out to get one and Yu Yan being whipped tagged along.

Yu Yan never thought she’ll associate a convenience store run as something fun, she’s always the type to just grab and go. But that’s the magic that Dai Meng has, they were giggling like idiots the entire time. The dark haired beauty would pick up something come up with a cheesy pick up line after cheesy pick up line. By the end of their 20 minute trip, Yu Yan was hitting back with her own set of pick up lines.

But it was when they were around the corner, away from the prying eyes of the camera, away from anyone where Dai Meng leans in and sneaks in a quick peck in the lips that got Yu Yan frozen in her spot, the only thing running is her mind saying,

I’m going to marry you someday.

“Can you relax please?”

Yu Yan’s thought was interrupted and she did the exact opposite. She was paralyzed when her face is inches away from the smirking Dai Meng. She looks so criminally beautiful in something so casual. After the party, they barely said anything, emotions running too high, tears and laughter and no one willing to say goodbye. Yu Yan did wonder if Dai Meng has any idea about her song. If she knows that every word is for her.

“Oh Dai Meng laoshi, I was wondering when you will grace us peasants with your mighty presence.”

“As soon as I heard that the party animal Yu Yan is throwing an after after party in her room, I just have to come and see.”

They exchanged a knowing expression, a mix between flirty and sweet that only the other would ever have the privilege to see.

“Wasn’t it just two weeks ago you get all shy when you look at me?”

“You cocky idiot.”

As if on cue, they look cautiously at the other girls, a sense of relief to find everyone enjoying in their own little bubbles and Dai Meng took it as invitation to take one step closer. They have 20 more days left. They’re sure everyone gets the hint about them dating. What are they so scared of?

“Is that all your drinking? Some air?”

Yu Yan looks at her empty cup and just answered back with a fake smile that got Dai Meng chuckling.

“I could get you something to drink, some hot water?” Dai Meng asks, biting on her lower lip to hide a smug smile.

“Now you’re just making fun of me.”

But their own little bubble burst, when Yangyuzhou yells out,

“Dai Meng! Jiaqi wants to strip!”

The 7 senses leader playfully rolls her eyes, “That lightweight. Let me take care of her and let’s get out of here?”

Yu Yan likes that idea, nodding but not before saying, “You have no business by the way.”

“What?” Dai Meng snaps her head angrily at her, but Yu Yan is just flashing that cocky half smirk.

“-Being this cute.” Yu Yan adds, relishing’s seeing Dai Meng’s infuriated reaction turned into blustering gasp.

“Shut up.” Dai Meng weakly fights back before going over to her girls.

“Yu Yan!”

That few seconds of happiness disappeared when she looks over by the foldable table, around ten of the girls are squeezed around it.

“Come here, we save you a seat.” Keni plops at the plastic chair next to her. “We are going to play Never have I ever, basically we say never have I ever and if you did it, you take a shot.”

Yu Yan looks around and see most of the SNH girls gathered around, Jiaqi looks like she’s about to fall asleep and Dai Meng doing what she does to keep her up. She took her spot next to Keni and she notice her girlfriend’s gaze lingered a bit, before turning another way.

“Okay, I’ll start,” Sun rui took over, pouring what look like more than a shot in a paper cup. “Never have I ever have my entire back tattooed.”

She turns her head towards Sun Rui so quickly, her bone crack. She was doing this on purpose. There’s no other way, she turns to Sun Rui who is just flashing a eating smirk.

Yu Yan swallowed it in one quick swoop, and stilled her expression as it burns through .

“It’s your turn, Yu Yan-“

“Ummm… never have I ever ahhh… flied a rocketship?”

Everybody groans at the lame assness of it all.

“Okay, my turn.” Xiaotang raises her arms up, “Never have I ever have a tattoo of a crescent moon under my ear?”

Yu Yan had barely just got her bearing from her first shot, but she could already tell that they had conspired to turn her into a drunken mess. The best solution to all of this is to declare defeat now while she still has semblance of her own thoughts.

No. No way she’s going to do that.

She didn’t earn her title as lion commander by surrendering. She can’t admit defeat just because two shots are getting her a bit woozy. She won most disciplined trainee, how weak will she look if she walked away from this?

She took the paper cup and finished in one gulp. She turns to her challengers, the 35 girls double to 70 and their cheers are getting louder and louder.

But she just smirks and looks back at everyone with a proud look that says,

Bring. It. On.

*

Her face is turning the same shade as her hair and Dai Meng doesn’t know how to step in.

Truth is, she had no idea what a drunk Yu Yan would be like and she’s worried to find out. Is she a crier? A stripper? More quiet than usual? Loud? Or having some knowledge of her past, the type who starts a fight?

Dai Meng looks up and winces as she sees the way Yu Yan’s fists is balled up so tightly. Her poor girl is sitting so stiff, like she’s struggling to stay awake, battling the alcohol swimming in her system. It was both cute and worrying at the same time.

She watched as Yu Yan blinks, trying to stay conscious. Dai Meng just decide to just it, who cares what the other girls is going to say. She opens a bottled water, before calling the other girl,

“Yu Yan, drink some water.”

Yu Yan blinks once again, staring at the bottled water like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world before she looked up to gaze right into Dai Meng’s eyes.

Dai Meng gulps nervously as she recognized that heavy lidded look from Yu Yan. It was that gaze that Yu Yan mastered. The one that made Xi Ai and An Qi screamed like crazy during their lion practice. The one she’s sure even made Yuxin blush like a nervous schoolgirl and Jue Chen giggle like a crazy fangirl.

“You know you look like someone I know,” Yu Yan finally talks, her voice dangerously bordering on seduction.

And all Dai Meng could respond is an unintelligible hum. “Ummm, who?”

“-My next girlfriend.”

Everyone is temporarily stunned at that line, even Shuxin who never runs out of things to say was left a blubbering mess.

The leader stiffened up, trying to control her breathing when she sees Yu Yan about to stand up.

“So ing y,” Yu Yan whispered under her breath.

“Where are you going?” Keni asked but before Yu Yan could get up, the alcohol rob her the use of her legs and she landed face first on the floor, making all 34 trainees erupt in sharp gasp, but before anybody could help her up, she bolted straight up like the commander that she is.

There were whispers all around the room.

“Oh my God, where is she going?”

“She looks like she’s going to kill someone.”

“Kick me hard, Yu Yan laoshi.”

While Dai Meng’s mind is going 100 mile per minute, thinking of all the different scenarios in her head of what is about to happen. She has been a captain for a bunch of girls, dealing with damage control should be in her Cpop idol resume.

But of course, all that control has no match against Yu Yan.

“Ow!” Dai Meng let out a grunt and all her solutions came too late as Yu Yan is sat comfortably on her lap. Yu Yan bobs her brows at her with just a whole another level of greasiness.

“Hi. You’re mine.”

The only time a room is left this quiet is when they wait results, but even then, there would be soft whispers and hushed tone, but this time, as they watch Yu Yan, the feared and fierce triple A trainee Yu Yan going fuzzy on Dai Meng’s lap, no one could dare say a word, everyone just watching in utter shock and fascination.

It was the Mountaintop trainee who spoke first.

“Wow.” Xiaotang using Shuxin’s trademark word. “Shock them harder indeed.”