Perhaps meeting you was like a break 
Even the moon waning the night the eleventh sun sets, 
 
As always, I will try to go through this farewell 
I will try to live like this 
 
- Ten Nights / MAMAMOO
 
                                                                 ***
 
I opened my eyes when I failed on trying to take a nap. The events that happened recently was occupying my mind. I kept thinking about the reasons why they were doing this to me. To Dahyun. 
 
My body rolled over the bed and stopped when I almost reached the edge. Momo left the suite two hours ago and she hasn't came back yet. I was wondering what she was doing, but I wasn't in the position to ask questions. 
 
I respected her and her privacy and she does the same thing to me. Lately, she has been talking to someone frequently. Having a relationship was once included in my list of possibilities, but I eliminated it when she said that she doesn't have time to fall in love. 
 
My feet unconsciously brought me to the balcony where the scenery could be seen in a perfect view. The suite was located in the middle and Momo intended to make it as her personal room. 
 
I heaved a heavy sigh when I realized how ed up my life was after Dahyun's death. It became a roller coaster ride because of the unexpected events that caused a permanent scar on my heart. 
 
There was a recliner on the balcony and I sat on it. It was comfortable and it nearly put me to sleep. I reclined my back as soon as I saw the breathtaking view. It was the same with our secret place, only it was a cliff, not a hotel room. 
 
A cold wind enveloped my body. I closed my eyes, imaging Dahyun hugging me instead of the wind. When I opened them, a teardrop escaped from my left eye. I couldn't deny the fact that I was missing her, but letting her invade my mind was heartbreaking. I couldn't afford another heart break. 
 
I hugged myself tightly as a soft sob exited my mouth. I buried my face on my arms when I couldn't look at the peaceful ocean while crying. I just couldn't. 
 
My body craved for something relaxing, and I found myself rummaging through Momo's cabinet. When I got the thing I wanted, I sat back to where I was sitting. My hands automatically searched for the lighter. 
 
It's been awhile since I've done this. When Dahyun and I got together, I promised to myself that I would never do anything related to my vices. I wanted her to see the good side of me as time passed by. I wanted her to adore me while I was developing my good side. 
 
I didn't want her to think that I was taking advantage of her kindness and love for me, so I pushed myself to stop those bad habits. When stress got the best of me, I couldn't help but break my own promise. 
 
There was one time when Dahyun caught me smoking at our balcony. I was finishing my final project for that month and stayed up until 6 AM just to polish all of it. I was really startled when she appeared behind me, casually looking at the night sky. 
 
My heart was beating uncontrollably that time. I was saying 'sorry' in my mind many times. I couldn't open my mouth and say stupid things. I was punching and cursing myself mentally. 
 
When I finished the stick, she spoke. 
 
"Is it that hard?" said Dahyun. 
 
My body stiffened and my breath hitched. There were so many questions running in my mind. 
 
"What?"
 
"Your final project." Oh. 
 
I couldn't process anything. I looked down and wetted my trembling lips before looking at her sparkling eyes. 
 
"It is. I am still doing the polishing to prevent revision," said I. There was no hint of madness or disappointment on her face; it was gentle and full of concern. My heart was relaxed and the atmosphere was not that good. 
 
Dahyun still cared for me even I was at my worst. She was always there when I was doing crazy things. She never let me do things on my own and always insisted that she would help me. I was so damn lucky to have someone like her in my life, that's why I was so mad at myself for doing things I knew she hated at her back. 
 
I wanted to kneel in front of her and apologize for my careless actions. I wanted to make sure that she's not mad at me and would make it up to her. 
 
I heard a sigh coming from her. 
 
"Finish it and sleep after that. I told you to take care of yourself, right?" said Dahyun. She smiled at me; it was the same smile that could make my knees go weak. I gave her my apologetic smile. 
 
"I'm sorry." 
 
I saw her nod two times before smiling again. Her feet moved to the sliding door and halted midway. "You know I will always forgive you. Just don't make me want to go because of your choice," 
 
My tears started to fall. I was so thankful that she wasn't looking at me. I bowed down and let her words sink in my mind. 
 
"I love you, Sana. Keep that in mind."
 
Another wind passed by when the retrospective was done. I felt like someone was hugging me. 
 
                                                                 ***
 
How far could you go just to be with the love of your life? 
 
I was looking at Sana through the glass door of the balcony. She was rolling on the bed for God knows how many times. Before she left our house, I saw the unusual expression on her face and I didn't like it. 
 
Her movements pa