A/N: hi everyone! what did i tell u? this is considered soon, right? i apologise if it isn't, but here it is!

so i have a suggestion for all of u who are reading this chapter, which is to listen to La Pam Pam by GFRIEND themselves! i wrote the whole chapter seven while listening to that and i think it influenced my writing more than i think it did. just put it on repeat while listening, or stream their other songs too while u're at it. it'll definitely give some effect while reading this chapter.

and just a quick side note: this chapter is also a flashback completely in sinb's POV. i wanted to make sure all of u know what sinb is felt during that time too. i also think it's good to refresh back to that day. ehehe

as always, thank you for ur patience, comments and ur thoughts are always appreciated. please dont be shy! take care everyone, stay safe, i hope you'll enjoy this chapter. :) <3

It’s been months since my first encounter with Yerin and that was the last time she showed her full face when we had our fansigning. These few last comebacks, she came to meet me with a black mask on her. It’s a little frustrating to the point I wanted to ask her why she had it on in the first place. But even as frustrated as I was, I didn’t want to go over boundaries as an artist to a fan. And plus, this whole CoronaVirus from China thing and our country’s dust pollution was probably the main reason why she had it on. I guess I can’t really blame her.

Though, I wouldn’t even want to begin how much I miss seeing that pretty face of hers. I miss watching her anxious expressions, I miss her trying her best to make conversation with me. Nowadays, we obviously conversed, but I can’t see any of her expressions that it’s such an  annoyance to no end. There were many times where I had made her laugh and I could tell by the way she was smiling and it was so wide because of her very very cute round cheeks that popped out of her mask every now and then but of course, it almost seemed like this virus was sabotaging my view, if anything. 

After months of… stalking? Keeping up? With her tweets on Twitter, I finally mustered up the courage to follow her and hope to the Gods above if they exist for her not to notice my follow. I only followed her because she’s really talented, the photos she’s taken of me are fantastic! There’s no doubt that she’s talented in that field, I wished I could do what she does.... I also enjoy seeing her interact with other fans in the fandom, her replies are witty and too funny. Sometimes I find myself laughing too hard at a simple tweet… But yes, I only follow her because of her talent! 

My infatuation towards her has become a little obsessive, I admit. But in no way shape or form would I consider her anything more than that, no not at all... But would it be crazy if I did? I mean, could you really blame me? I think anyone would fall for someone THAT pretty, and not to mention her kind heart. She’s a whole package deal! 

I’ve never been one to be shy about my uality, Minseok-oppa knows I don’t play for the other team and I’m eternally grateful that he’s so accepting of me. Other staff members probably have a hunch, even if they knew I’m sure they would not have a problem with it. Also, they work in the entertainment industry, this place is full of gays! 

As for how the media perceives me, though, I of course have to oblige and keep my “straight” image up even though they keep pushing this ‘girl crush’ image onto me. It’s confusing but that’s the world I live in. 

Tomorrow is finally the d-day for my comeback. Fingers crossed that I get to see her at the fansigning. 

--

It’s that time of day again. Meeting fans and soon to be numb fingers from the constant signaturing. My live stage went great and that’s probably the reason why I’m in such a good mood, it’s that energy that keeps me going.. 

I decided to do one of my favourite things before a fansign starts, which is to sneak peek through the curtains and watch the place fill in. Recently, though, I’ve done this for another reason and that is to see if Yerin is attending or not. 

I’ve done this many times to know all the angles, so I slowly use my fingers to separate the curtains in front of me, making sure that I don’t make any big movements or the fans will notice and scream. That’s happened a couple of times too. 

The lighting always seems darker below the stage, but my eyes still roam around in hopes to catch someone who I’ve been yearning to meet. It didn’t take me long to spot her, though, because she almost always wears the same thing. Her oversized black hoodie, today paired with her black straight cut jeans. She’s also wearing her signature black cap that contrasts with her hair so much. And… that goddamn mask is still there!

I sigh softly to myself in frustration. 

I hear Minseok-oppa call me, so I quickly rush to the waiting room to get my makeup retouched. 

--

My mind keeps wandering around to the person who almost dropped her whole camera setup earlier, I guess she’s easily startled, the screams of other fans were loud, I wouldn’t deny that. 

My gaze keeps deflecting itself towards her too, she’s looking at her phone and any minute now she’ll probably look up, I should probably cover it up like I always do so I make peace signs and all towards her camera that’s recording me. Nothing new, really. I steal glances at her multiple times, but I’m sure it’s not something that obvious on film. 

As time goes by, it’s finally time for her row to come up and meet me. I think she was too indulged with her phone that she was a bit distracted and now she ended up last in the line but that’s actually the best thing that could happen. From what I know, Minseok-oppa usually lets the last person in line to sit a little longer, and if my hypothesis is still valid, that means she’ll be sitting longer in front of me. 

My heart thumps harder every time a new fan comes to sit in front of me, only because mentally I’m reminded that the line is getting shorter, meaning that Yerin is getting closer. I can’t help but feel myself getting more giddy, it’s been quite awhile since we met because of the delays that happened this comeback but it’s always worth the wait. 

I try my best to interact with them, I know it’s selfish of me--Everyone is here for me, and Yerin isn’t the only person who I should be focusing on. But my heart can’t keep to itself, I hope nobody notices how nervous I currently am. That’ll be more embarrassing, really.

The second last fan comes, I glance to my right and see Yerin fidgeting with her album and photobook in hand. Her eyes darted to the ground. The fan in front of me is smiling wide, I greet her and make sure she gets the fanservice she’s here for. I made things quick, and finally,

Minseok-oppa gestures to her and she walks up stage with tiny steps, I find it adorable… yet torturing. 

I can’t help but smile.

My heart is about to burst out of my chest, really. It’s a little overwhelming and a little unsettling, but at the same time I feel so happy that she’s here.

She sat down and did something unexpected, it really caught me by surprise.

She pulled her mask down.

Time stopped everywhere except around us. My mouth opened slightly, she’s still as breathtaking as I remembered her to be. What on earth is going on with my heart?

I shake my head, hoping that she didn’t notice my wavering stare. 

“How have you been, Yerin-ssi? I’m so glad to see you again.” I managed to steadily spew out a few words despite my eyes not knowing where to place it’s gaze, before that, I managed to catch her beautiful brown orbs that were staring right into mine. I held my smile.

I flipped through the photobook which is expectedly filled with the signature pale yellow sticky notes that had many questions written on them. I wonder what she’ll ask me this time around. I always find myself amused reading the questions, if I’m not wrong, she probably got these questions from other fans who follow her twitter fansite account. 

“I’ve been okay, what about you Sinb-ssi?” I hear her honey sweet voice reply. 

“Ah, you know me--I was really tired while preparing for the comeback but it’s honestly worth it because I get to see you every time” 

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about stopping them. Did I really just… say that? I look up to meet her eyes again, agape, eyebrows slightly raised. I swallow the non-existent lump forming in my throat. I pursed my lips into a thin line and hoped to the Gods above again, if they existed, to spare me from this misery that I had made for myself. 

I took my focus to the photobook, taking a few seconds to fix my composure and focus on what she had written on the sticky note. Upon reading the question, all my worries were washed away with a big chuckle, “Do you think ducks can read our minds?” 

I scribbled my answer and if my ears weren’t deceiving me, I heard Yerin… giggle… 

If only she knew what that’s doing to me, I could only contain myself with a smile. She’s making this more difficult than it already is. I hope my cheeks aren’t flushed right now, but I can definitely feel it getting warmer than it should.

A minute of silence fills between us, a minute that felt long, a minute of just us as everything around us didn’t seem to matter, really. 

Just then, I caught her words. “Sinb-ssi, I have something really important to tell you...”

I stopped my scribbling and looked up to her, giving her all of my attention willingly. Her cheeks were turning into a slight dark shade of red, her ears too… is she okay? Her eyes are looking anywhere but into mine, either.

Perhaps she’s waiting for my approval, so I nodded my head and even placed my pen down.

“You… look really pretty today… I mean--you look pretty everyday, it’s just today--the new outfits and all.. Um, I just wanted you to know that I mean it and it’s true” 

Her voice cuts through me like a hot knife through butter, I heard everything all too clear, even with the background noise of camera shutter clicks and the fade chattering of other fans. I tried to register her words as best I could, but I felt everything around me pause for a quick second that I could barely even do just that. I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, painting itself pink that probably looks ridiculous with the amount of faint blush I had on right now. I probably look like a huge tomato, I just hoped she didn’t mind. 

“Ah.. thank you Yerin-ssi… I’ve been told that the whole day today by many people, but if I’m going to be honest, I’ve only believed it now, so thank you.”

I managed to reply to her, thankfully. I silently try to take a deep breath, lifting my head and I meet her genuine brown orbs staring right into mine. 

There’s too many feelings going through me at the moment, that sinking feeling inside my tummy, the butterflies roaming around with it--the sudden lump inside my throat that I forcefully swallow down. She gave me a small nod paired with a smile that matched her eyes, it came from the bottom of her heart. I look back down to the photobook in front of me. 

There’s a question that’s been going through my mind for awhile now, and every time I think about it, it only makes me frustrated because I’m only getting my hopes high. As much as I want to respect boundaries, if I don’t ask this now, I think I’ll regret it later and more so in the future. 

“You always ask me questions, what if I asked you a question this time, Yerin-ssi?”

“Okay.”

I didn’t expect her to reply so quickly, so I lifted my head to read her expression. I can tell that she’s genuinely curious, almost eager, but I still can’t help but hesitate--squinting my eyes that’s staring right into hers. But as soon as I toyed around with the marker in my fingers, with my eyebrows furrowed together and lips pursed, head still full of hesitation, she gave me the greenlight nod, it was soft and encouraging. I can’t say no to that, can I?

“Are you seeing anyone?”

Damn, was that too much? opened slightly, shaping itself into an ‘o’. 

“Do you mean if I’m here with anyone else? Because if so… no. I always come to your fansigns alone...” 

“No Yerin-ssi, I’m asking if you’re seeing anyone romantically?”

“Um…”

Upon hearing her answer, I notice that she’s thinking harder than she already was. Was it really that hard of a question? I mean… I suppose if you look like she does, you’d have to think about it… So I move my attention towards the photobook again, answering the sticky notes and flipping through the pages. The last thing I want is to pressure her into answering something she doesn’t want to.

“No, I am not. I don’t really date…” 

I don’t look up and only pause my scribbling, I smile to myself with the new information I had just acquired. I lowly hummed in reply, almost coming out as a chuckle.

I turn more pages and stumble upon an empty sticky note. My eyebrows shot up in question, I lifted my head with wide questioning eyes towards Yerin. 

“Omo, I’m sorry I think I forgot what I wanted to write there so I left it blank and wanted to get back to it later. I must’ve forgotten about it all together!”

I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but flustered Yerin is so so adorable.

“It’s okay Yerin-ssi, I’ll just write whatever I want here if that’s okay? I don’t get to do this often, not answering a question and just writing what I’m thinking.”

She nodded, still  as a reply and I chuckled. I quickly wrote something daring…

I almost wanted to sigh at myself for being like this, but I just had to! I wrote down my number and a small message. Hopefully when she reads it, she won’t hesitate to call or text me.

She didn’t catch what I had written, thankfully, I was fast enough to just move on to the next page. After a few more pages, I called Minseok-oppa over my shoulder to whisper something to him. 

“Oppa, isn’t she pretty? I like her. I gave her my number, just thought I’d let you know.”

I know Oppa wouldn’t give a reaction in front of Yerin, so I just let him be and finished signing her photobook. I’m sure it’s been more than 5 minutes, or 10 for that matter, I can see the line to my right filled with other fans all getting giddy to meet me. As much as I wanted to be selfish, I didn’t want to cause any more of a scene. Plus we’re being filmed by multiple cameras.

I finally finish signing her photobook, pushing it towards her with my shaky cold hands and a genuine smile. 

“Thank you for coming to meet me this time too, Yerin-ssi. I hope we can continue to meet, maybe under other circumstances too”

“Of course.”

Minseok-oppa gestures his hand, I see it in my peripheral vision. Yerin and I said our goodbyes, bowing to each other and I feel my heart get heavier. Even with time slowed down, it still didn’t feel enough to me. 

Her sight lingers in my gaze, like the first time, my eyes stuck to her back. Taking in everything I can, whether that’d be her small and petite back, or the vision of her face fresh inside my mind. I can’t help but be reminded of her smile, that not only appeared on her lips but also her eyes. It was such a sight to see, and I was now craving for more. 

The rest of the fansigning went as expected, everyone was lovely and I loved every second. But of course, nothing could top the moment I had with Miss Eye Smile. 

The fact that she showed me her face today, only to tell me that I was pretty today, and finding out that she’s single too… I could only hope and pray that she will at least text me tonight. 

Jung Yerin, what are you doing to my heart? It won’t stop beating so fast for you. 

Do you feel the same?