Jiwon hopes to get drunk enough to reject her but, sharing the alcohol, unknowingly only draws them together.

a.n.  This whole chapter is inspired by the song Don't give it to me by Loco&Hwasa.  

 Let's talk on twitter! I @ is darawonplease, i'll post teasers, polls and updates!

• chapter 3 – don't give it to me.

「 Dara's POV」

I was at YG’s recording studios to prepare a cover for my YouTube channel.

YG Sajang-nim always avoided talking about my solo album, I’ve already surrendered. I already knew the answer so I stopped asking for it.

All I could do was appearing on some variety shows or promoting some cosmetics. My schedule was full but none of it included actual singing.

I was grateful I could participate in shows, I was grateful I could still show my face on tv, but it felt so lonely, even if I didn’t want to admit it.

Preparing a small cover was my way to let know fans that my passion for singing had not died yet, even if I was a singer with no songs.

I took another break at YG’s cafeteria after spending all day in the booth to record a bunch of songs. I was ready to leave but Hyoni joined me before I could gather my stuff and call my manager to fetch me.

“Dara eonni?”

“Ne?”

“When you finish, we should stop somewhere nearby to eat something, don’t you think?”

“Yeahh ~ I’m already kind of hungry”.

Hyoni was a famous model, she signed with YG KPLUS at the same time we promoted our last album “CRUSH”. We both played as leads in the web-drama “We Broke Up” and became close friends ever since.

“Aren’t you happy I came to see you?”

“Of course, I am Hyoni, thanks for being such a great friend. I know you’re busy too, but you managed to visit me anyways”. I smiled, her efforts really came through and I couldn’t be anything if not grateful.

“We both need to do some catch-up, don’t you think, Dara eonni?”.

“You were cast on that drama, right? Congratss~”.

“I’m so excited about that ~ But yeah - let’s not talk about work, come on, we’ll both get white hair if we keep talking about this”.

“You’re right haha~”.

“In the end, I managed to watch the episode of Hun Man Jung Eum you appeared on”. she said after taking a sip of vitamin juice.

oh no- her too- i’m going to be embarrassed for the next 22 years. huhu ~

“Hyonii- are people already saying that I keep a Jiwon Oppa shrine in my apartment, do yelkies want me dead?!”

“Eonni, don’t panic” She reassured me placing her hand on my shoulder.

She continued - “I actually thought it was cute”.

really?

“It’s awkward between us… because of that”.

I referred to that uncomfortable encounter in the studio the same morning. When I caught him staring at me in the booth my body automatically froze.

To think I had messed up my lines in front of SECHSKIES - so embarrassing.

i even called him sunbae-nim, what the hell is wrong with me?

“What did you expect? Come on, you can still get closer”. – She encouraged me again.

I frowned, regretful.

“Aren’t you going to ask him out? He’s in the building anyways”. I saw a smirk forming on her lips and instantly knew she wouldn’t change topic anytime soon.

“Ehh~ You know I’m not that straight forward”.

I looked at my phone and wondered what his response would be. If he’d reply at all. If he’d tell me to get lost. What if he actually hated my guts? What if he wasn’t ready to date yet?

“Stop with that nonsense. You’re 2NE1! what happened to the - I’d rather it be you than miss - You sang it in Pretty boy!”

Hyoni perfectly knew that bringing up the good old days in 2NE1 always gave me courage, but this time was definitely harder to persuade me. I felt like I’ve damaged the relationship enough confessing on tv and I seriously didn’t want to look like a fool, not now that we were working in the same company.

“Come on, let me see your chat”. She insisted

I was flustered but just surrendered my phone to Hyoni without complaints. She got up and started scrolling while walking back and forth in front of me.

“Eh-…”. Hyoni struck me with a look of disapproval.

I tilted my head and looked back at her, puzzled; I really couldn’t understand where all that disappointment came from.

“Eonni, I can’t believe it… you really haven’t chatted him other than for that YouTube video, it’s been a year already”.

“I was too shy to contact him again…and now it would be awkward if I chat him out of the blue, don’t you think?”.

as if that was the only problem.

“eeeh~ Dara eonni, you’re lucky to have so many males following you around because you don’t really know how to be the first one approaching”.

I wasn’t new to dating, but there I was, feeling like a teenager with a school crush. I didn’t want to be delusional. That date was just something for my YouTube channel. Our managers were there so it wasn’t a real date.

don’t be delusional. it wasn’t.

It was refreshing to listen to him opening up and talk about his own struggles. He encouraged me to be bolder and more confident. Little did he know he already helped me a lot by appearing on my tv on those lonely nights I spent basking in my sadness.

Still, deep down I preferred the situation to stay as is. Being rejected by him would’ve been my worst nightmare. Looking like a delusional fool to the person you’ve been admiring the most all these years? That would be the worst. I enjoyed the happiness of supporting him from afar without the risk of getting burned. It was enough for me, even if he avoided me.

“What should I do then Hyoni?”.

She took another sip and her lips after sitting beside me again.

“Just ask him out casually, I’ll help you write eonni”.

I heaved a deep sigh and tried explaining myself - “Hyoni… he doesn’t even care about me like that, I’m just a dongsaeng”.

 ting 

ha?

a message?

“PALLI PALLI, EONNI LOOK AT THIS”. Hyoni was clearly shocked, as if she saw a murder committed right in front of her.

what in the world is happening today?

What do you mean?”. I asked, clearly confused.

“JUST LOOK!”. She insisted.

this is a dream.

it can’t be.

eh?

is this a prank?

My heart skipped a beat. I just couldn’t believe my own two eyes.

am I having a heart attack as of now?

“EONNI PALLI REPLY IMMEDIATELY”.

“w-wha?...”. Sound barely got out of my mouth.

Hyoni placed the phone in my hands and prompted me to reply, she looked more anxious than me.

“Should I tell him I’m busy?”.

Hyoni jumped out of her sit, her eyes seemed like the ones of a crazy person, almost popping out of her eye sockets.

“WHAT NON-SENSE ARE YOU SPOUTING EONNI?!”.

No matter how happy I was deep down, I still felt like there was something behind him asking me out all of a sudden after seemingly having no interest in me whatsoever.

“B-but...”.

“No buts, just say yesss~”. I’ve never seen her so delighted when reacting to my dating life, she was very pleased, being the cupid of the situation.

“But what about our dinner together?”.

“I’ll just eat with my manager, NOW REPLY”.

She had such a serious look on her face, but I knew she just wanted me to get out of the slump and go out for once.

“This should be alright, don’t you think?... Or maybe I should write it differently?”.

I was quite nervous. My mind was running wild.

“What if I write the wrong thing? He’ll regret asking me out! he’ll ban me from every SECHSKIES concert ever...”.

“Don’t get mad at me eonni”.

“Why would I?”

“For this-”. She swiftly took my phone from my hands and pressed “send” before I could revise the text.

I was dumbstruck.

“You’re seriously so indecisive eonni. I had to make this choice for you”.

“Well- it’s too late to go back I guess...”.

“Just thank me the day of your wedding, okay? Now go and get ready”.

[...]

「 Jiwon's POV」

“Is it too late to disband again?”.

no, seriously. we should disband, ungrateful bastards.

I scoffed. The technician looked away, minding his own business after sensing the danger in my voice.

I was seriously pissed off. I enjoyed bickering with my members, but this was too much. Why did they think they had a say in my dating life?

am I taking this too seriously?

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH”. I screamed, trying to refrain from spouting profanities on profanities in front of the technician, who was still witnessing our bickering.

“What am I supposed to do now?!”. I whined; literally not knowing how to manage that misunderstanding.

“Do whatever you want but you can’t tell her this was a mistake”. Suwon was probably the only one who knew how to treat women well, no wonder he was the only one with a girlfriend.

Jaeduck’s, Jaejin’s and my sensibility was way off, and we were aware of that.

sigh.

“Come on, it’s not a big deal, just go out with her, drink and enjoy it Hyung” - added Jaeduck.

“Hyung, it doesn’t mean you have to remarry”.

I rolled my eyes at Jaejin. Every opportunity was a good one to bring up my divorce.

“Be a gentleman and treat her well, okay Hyung?”.

“This is all your fault. Be grateful if you wake up tomorrow morning”.

i want to choke ‘em all in their sleep.

i’ll refuse her once and for all and this matter will be resolved.

right?

“Just go home you three, I’ve had enough of looking at your faces”.

I sighed deeply. I really wanted to go back home early and rest but the thought of getting a hand on some drinks gave me the strength not to commit homicide right there and then.

“Ne hyung, w-we’ll get going”. I heard Jaeduck’s voice quivering as he rushed to pick his backpack.

All three kept their head low and quickly got out of the room.

[…]

I went to the bathroom and caught my image in the mirror.

i look so miserable.

I looked so lonely and I couldn’t hide that in any way, it was so damn obvious. I would often get pitiful looks and I hated it.

I was fine like that. A few drinks always washed up that feeling of emptiness, it was convenient not to change for anyone. I could be my ugly-self, nobody would judge me for it.

i’m not a person who does self-development. I don’t care. I’m like this and I don’t need to be changed to live my life comfortably.

I quickly washed my face in the sink to get back to reality.

parararing parararing ~ parararing parararing

“Ne? Yeoboseyo?”

“H-hi sunbae-nim ~ I’m already at the entrance of the building.”

“Ne, I’m coming”.

I dried my face and started walking towards the elevator.

I quickly checked my phone again and noticed it being almost dead.

“Aish- this can’t be it”.

ding 

The elevator arrived at the ground floor where she was waiting for me.

sigh.

From the sliding door I could recognize two figures standing outside, they were Suwon and Sandara.

“I thought Suwon already left. What are they talking about so wholeheartedly?”.

is he trash-talking me?

Dara then busted out laughing, clapping her hands happily.

what in the world are they talking about?

is Suwon really that funny?

He then placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered to her ear, bending down a little because of the height-difference.

what is he doing?

are they that close?

doesn’t he have a girlfriend already? why is he flirting with Sandara?

i mean, he’s already taken, this might be mistaken and become a scandal, right?

not that i care about their relationship, as long as it doesn’t damage us.

i don’t care.

i really don’t.

but why is he doing it where everyone can see?

I decided to approach them.

“Oh- hi hyung!”. He was definitely startled by my sudden presence.

“Suwon-ah, I thought you already left”.

“Ah-… I saw Dara on the way out and stopped to chat”.

“So Suwon, are you coming with us?”.

I looked at him dead in the eyes. He needed to save me from this embarrassing situation. It was his fault too so he had to make up for it. Right?

“Me? Nah- Hyung, someone is waiting for me at home…unlike someone else”. He poked fun at me.

“I shall leave”. He smirked, knowing damn well I didn’t want to get mad at him in front of Sandara.

“Ok Suwon-Oppa, thanks for the chat and be safe~”.

She gently waved at him. Her black hoodie sleeves were so long that you could barely see her fingertips poking out.

why does he get the oppa while I’m a sunbae-nim?

nevermind.

“Shall we go too then?”.

“Ne~ sunbae-nim. There’s a place I always go to nearby, I’ll lead you to it”.

“Sure thing”.

[…]

We were calmly walking towards the pojangmacha (tent bar). Both of us remained silent. Only the sound of our steps and cars passing by could be heard.

“So... are you close to Suwon?”.

“Mhh...” - she paused for a second, scratching her arm.

“We participated to Cart Show together and started talking since then, he’s been very kind to me”.

“I see”.

since when he’s that friendly?

why didn’t he tell me?

I mean- whatever.

i really don’t care.

i don’t.

it’s their business.

Silence started filling the space between us again.

this is so embarrassing. those damn idiots...

“Oh- sunbae-nim, we arrived. It’s that one”. She pointed at an anonymous tent bar, it was nothing pretentious and I actually liked the vibe of it.

We both sat inside the tent and immediately ordered soup and chicken feet – I was surprised by how our taste in food was similar.

I added a couple bottles of soju to the order and impatiently waited for them to come.

i’ll just get drunk and then reject her.

seems like a good plan.

i’m a genius. heh~

I decided to break the uncomfortable silence.

“So... what were you recording this morning?”.

“Oh~ well...”, she paused.

“It’s the OST of a famous drama. I planned on posting it on YouTube for my fans to listen since I won’t have a single nor album coming out anytime soon...”.

I didn’t know YG sajang-nim was so strict about this. He let me make all the music I wanted without any limits, offering me help as soon as I discussed with him my wish for a brand-new album.

“It sounded good”.

“T-thank you ~ I’m really trying to improve my technique”.

“Maybe YG sajang-nim will hear it and finally let you do your thing”. I giggled but she frowned at my words.

“Yeah~ I hope so…”. She really tried to keep the conversation positive, but I could hear a hint of sadness in her voice as if she gave up altogether.

She tucked away the annoying hair strand behind her ear to enjoy the soup. An innocent smile forming on her lips after tasting a spoonful of her dish.

“waaah~ delicious”. She exclaimed with joy filling her eyes, a spark gleaming in them.

“I see you’re enjoying your food”. I smiled, she looked so grateful for what was in front of her, I would lie if I said it didn’t warm my heart even just a bit.

I reached for the first bottle of soju and tapped its bottom with my elbow strong enough.

“Let’s drink”. I said while opening it up.

She raised her glass with both arms, so I started pouring alcohol in it. She returned the favor and poured the soju in my drink too with proper manners.

“Konbaee~” She exclaimed again, her eyes becoming two small half-moons.

We both drank a couple of shots, I already felt like that awkward encounter was worth it because of the burning sensation down my throat.

“Oh- this is a song I know; do you know it? It’s quite old”.

“Of course, I do!”. I could totally see a spark in her eyes appear.

I wasn’t even tipsy but there I was, singing along like a happy fool. She bopped her head to the music and sang with her light voice.

♪ Pining for the one who stole all of my heart unknowingly♪

♪ Must’ve been love, ♪

♪ Unforgettable one ♪

♪ Can’t forgive myself for remembering all ♪

♪ Regretting all, just waiting for you ♪

♪ Suddenly my heart palpitate ♪

♪ As I gaze at a silhouette like yours  ♪
 

“It’s fun haha~ it brings back good memories”.

“It really does”.  I smiled.

[…]

“Hwang Ssabu-oppa is so strict! Me and Bom-eonni always sneaked out to get some food but – Doo-dong! - He’d always catch us red-handed”.

“You girls must’ve had it really hard. Thankfully I never go train in YG’s gym”.

[…]

“Ever been on Strong Heart?”.

“Yeah! I actually prepared so hard for it! I even asked for Seungri to help me and took notes”.

“Wa- you must’ve really wanted to win this thing”.

“I didn’t win unfortunately huhu~”.

“I got trash-talked on when I participated, ack- I was so angry”.

“What happened Sunbae-nim?”.

“Come on, drop the formalities, you make me feel uneasy”.

“O-ok Jiwon O-oppa”.

[…]

We surprisingly started to talk about whatever, the weather, the YG facilities, our past variety shows, heck - I even complained about my members and there she was cracking up, she could totally understand the frustration that comes being in a group.

The soju was really helping both of us feel more comfortable with each other’s company, it wasn’t as bad as I predicted.

I started to pour shots on shots, losing count of the glasses I had.

“Oppa-... are you ok?”. Her voice trembling.

“Come on, have more”. I poured her some more. She smiled and received it without complaints.

“Do you want to listen to our new title track?”.

“Can I? Really?”

there it was.

the spark in her eyes.

again.

“It’s called All for You”.

I slowly got closer to her, gently inserting the right airpod in her ear. I could smell it again. The sweet fragrance she exuded. It totally suited her pretty appearance.

Dara looked at me totally speechless. I could tell she was a little uneasy with my actions, but I just went on. She then adjusted the airpod with her small and delicate hands.

“Doo-doong! Music please~”. she then gave me the thumbs up, this playful side of her was certainly refreshing.

I pressed the play button and saw her starting listening to the song earnestly.

Things like “Oh~” and Wah~” left once in a while. I never noticed her lips being so tiny, they looked like small cherries, her lip tint was a very vibrant shade of pink.

♪ To be honest I’ve been preparing this for a long time ♪

♪ The way I feel about you and this song as well ♪

 ♪ I’ll tell you everything I’ve practiced... ♪

[All for you - SECHSKIES]

“Waaah~ oppa, your voice is great!” she exclaimed again clapping her hands.

“O-oh? Thank you...”.

“This will be a great hit, jekki jjang~!” she smiled earnestly, I could see small dimples forming on her cheeks.

She extended her arm again to give me back the airpod, but we managed to caress each other’s hand instead. I could feel her soft skin under my fingertips. I felt my ears becoming redder by the minute, I could swear smoke was coming out of them.

why am i like this?

come on, behave self.

is it because i haven’t touched a woman in ages?

is it because I’m tipsy?

keep your cool.

darn it.

「 Dara's POV」

Suwon-oppa’s words kept running through my head.

“Be patient with him, he’s interested but too scared”.

He whispered that phrase in my ears before leaving me with my thoughts.

is that really the case?

is fear what makes him avoid me?

That was his charm, to appear indifferent and aloof when really, he cared all along. I was weirdly attracted to that sort of thing. He was that one man that didn’t fit my description of ideal type, I really couldn’t point out why I liked him so much.

He caressed my hand, inadvertently, his warm fingertips on the palm of my hand were enough to short-circuit me for a few seconds.

how am I supposed to survive this date?

[…]

“Well- it’s normal-…“.

I tried to listen to him attentively, but my eyes kept going down to his plump lips.

His voice was so incredibly husky, a little croaky because of the intense singing he had done all day, but so appealing, nonetheless.

I could’ve gone to sleep listening to him whispering in my ears. I imagined the scene and shivered, my ears getting hot at the thought.

omo, why am I like this?

w-what kind of thoughts are these?

i’m drunk, right?

“Are you alright?”. Jiwon-oppa interrupted his story to check up on me.

“N-ne, still alive and kicking!”.

[…]

“What are you doing?!”. He laughed at me, entertained by my silly acts.

“It’s just my dream to take a selca like this!”. I shouted happily, putting a bottle tap in front of my eye, squeezing my cheek to hold it in place.

“Is that so?” – he took one of the soju caps lying around the table and emulated me.

“Like this?” – he asked as the cap tumbled on the table.

“Not quite”. I chuckled at his failed attempts.

After a few tries, the cap stayed fixed, over his cheek.

“PALLI PALLI TAKE A PICTURE BEFORE IT FALLS!”. He ordered me, trying hard not to move the cap as he spoke.

I fished my phone out of the bag that was sitting right next to me and took a couple of pictures before the cap on my eyes toppled on the ground.

“You got it?”. He asked, full of expectations.

I quickly checked my phone, my vision got slightly dizzy as I had a hard time even putting my thumb on the home button.

“...mhhh…” – I scrolled through my gallery, anxious to know what the ending result was.

“I GOT IT, LOOK OPPA!”. A victory scream came out of my mouth as I turned the phone around to show him.

“Yeah! It totally came out!”.

He pressed on the screen to toggle the “live” view of the photo; a 1 second video played only to show my shaky hands holding the phone as we both smiled like fools.

“…cute”. He muttered.

[…]

Jiwon Oppa kept on pouring soju in my glass; whenever I thought like I emptied it, there it was, magically full of alcohol again. I couldn’t blame him as I never refused a single shot.

“Wow, I drank a lot today!”.

“Eh? You’re joking. Come on, have more”.

don’t give it to me, you’ll regret it.

please don’t give me courage.

“N-ne!”.

I felt my throat burning because of the alcohol constantly entering in my system.

please… don’t give it to me.

why am i trying so hard to impress you when I know this will be bad?

We cheered, clinking our glasses for yet another time.

“To the future!”.

“So... oppa, why did you ask me out? Do you need something?”.

He looked surprised, as if he didn’t know how to respond.

“Well...”.

He paused for what seemed like an eternity.

“Actually...”.

He scratched his chest and looked away, he looked very flustered.

“I meant to tell you this”. He kept scratching, trying to come up with words.

I downed the shot and slammed the small glass onto the table, interrupting him, as inhibitions left my mind and body.

“E-eh? Go easy Sandara”. Jiwon-oppa almost stood up at how much he was surprised, he had figured out how drunk I actually was.

“Aish-“.

“What’s up? Is something bothering you?”. He scratched his head, expecting my response.

“Y-yang sajang-nim… He…”.

「 Dara's POV」

“What about Yang sajang-nim?”. I asked, pretty curious of the reason she was acting up all of a sudden.

“I’M A SINGER, RIGHT?!”. – Sandara screamed as she stood up from her seat.

“…you are”. I muttered.

“I AM, SAJANG-NIM. I’M AN ARTIST!”.

she isn’t talking to me apparently.

“THEN WHERE IS MY ALBUM? WHY AM I A SINGER WITH NO SONGS?”.

“S-sandara, tone it down”. I tried to calm her down as I noticed the people in the table beside us turning around to stare at her, as she became Seoul’s #1 source of acoustic pollution.

“ARE YOU SAVING IT? IF YOU SAVE IT, THEN IT WILL GO USELESS LIKE POO!”.

and I thought she was the calm type.

she looks like she’s having a diss rap.

this woman is troublesome.

“I AM WORKING HARD, WHY CAN’T YOU SEE IT?”.

“I am…” - she slumped back onto her seat, probably out of energy.

“Oook... it’s time to go home” - i muttered under my breath.

i’ll just call her manager and he’ll take care of the rest.

I helped her stand up and walked a couple of steps away from the tent we had spent the whole evening drinking in.

I quickly grabbed my phone and pressed the home button a couple of times.

It’s not turning on.

IT’S NOT TURNING ON.

I pressed it other 20 times, but the phone gave no sign of life.

“This is bad”.

Sandara started dancing out of the blue, waving he arms and jumping up and down to a rhythm I couldn’t understand.

“LOVE TO YOUR COMPANIONS, LOVE TO THE NATION, LOVE TO YOUR COMPANIONS, LOVE TO THE NATION ~”.

this woman is completely crazy.

I turned my back on her and scratched my head to find a solution.

That’s it.

I knew where she lived because of the YouTube date we filmed, I remembered it to be near the arcade we went to on that occasion.

"May I use your phone?".

She franctically searched for her phone in the leather cross bag she was holding and stretched her trembling hand to pass it to me.

I slowly walked a few feet away, scrolling through her contacts to search for Suwon's number, a drop of sweat trickled down my forehead, what if she didn't have it? What then? 

It wasn't like I knew Suwon's contact number by heart, I probably have called him 8 times since we came back as Sechskies. Once for his birthday and once for Christmas every year.

I felt some resistance in my hand as she started to tug on my clothes, with her big watery eyes.

"P-please don't call Wonjun-ssi...". She begged as she kept pulling on my sleeve.

"Wonjun-ssi? Who is he?". 

"M-mana-". 

"Is he your manager?". 

"N-ne..my manager-nim... I'll be in t-trouble and I don't want to bother him, it's late". 

I looked back at her phone, the contact "Manager-nim" was right in front of me. 

I could've just called him and ask him to fetch her but, I kinda pitied him. Just imagine having to wake up at 2 o'clock just fetch your client. And she was an adult anyway.

"I'll call a cab for you then, is that okay?".  

She nodded with a big smile on her face in sign of gratitude.

"Hello, I need a taxi- Yes- I'll pay in advance. Yes. We're in the street in front of the market".

She suddenly tripped on her own feet, planting her face in the middle of my chest and grasping my hoodie as she tried to sustain herself. That same fruity scent filling my nose again.

I never noticed how tiny she was compared to me.

I held her firmly, as she regained her balance.

“I-I’m sorry Jiwon-Oppa…”, she whispered, still attached to me.

“W-what do you mean?”.

“I’m sorry for liking you this much”. Her hand tugged on my clothes.

I couldn’t find the strength to reject her, not with her in this condition.

She buried her face in my chest again.

“I-If you don’t like me back just say it!”. – her soft voice was muffled by my hoodie, which she was crashing her head into.

“I-…”.