Dara rewatches her infamous confession to SECHSKIES leader Eun Jiwon. She finally decides what to do when a message ruins her plans.

a.n. In the following chapter I refer to two different shows Dara has appeared on. The links to those videos are in the titles of the two shows that are mentioned at the start). This chapter's purpose is to do recap for anyone who's missed her two confessions on Radio Star and Hun Maen Jung Eum.

You can skip the "re-enactment and go straight to her reflection if you wish to.

 let's talk on twitter! I @ is darawonplease, i'll post teasers, polls and updates!

• chapter 1.1 – i'm doomed.

「Dara's POV」

I the tv with reluctance, a frown appearing on my face. I intended to avoid that very episode of Hun Maen Jung Eum since it first aired, but there I was, the curiosity of knowing how the scene I shoot was broadcasted on national tv being a valid reason to tune in on MBC’s channel.

「HUN MAEN JUNG EUM」

“Dara had a crush on someone for 22 years…”.

The MC read through his script; my back tensed as soon as I heard my name called. In all honesty I didn’t expect the production to bring this news up.

“…that person is the one sitting beside her---”

“Here it is”. I thought, resting my sulky face on the remote I had in my hands.

“--- Eun Jiwon”. The MC revealed with a huge grin on his face.

I saw myself smiling on the tv screen but at the time I wanted to crawl in a hole in the ground and disappear forever.

“When Sandara was offered to be on Hun Maen Jung Eum she agreed without hesitation. She said that she liked three people on this show: JeA, Joonhyung and Jiwon”. Stated the MC while flipping the pages he held in his right hand.

“Woo~”. The people I mentioned smiled out of content, appearing pretty pleased by my statement.

I gulped as the MC continued to read the interview I had prior to filming, I felt instant regret. I should’ve known better then. Of course, they saw my confession for Jiwon-oppa on Video Star, the episode in question aired a couple of months before shooting Hun Maen Jung Eum.

I remember the day I was casted on that talk show so vividly. I had just started to appear on variety shows and winning a spot as host was one of the biggest accomplishments of that year.

[...]

“Sandara-ssi, we’re glad to let you know you’ve been casted as a fixed host on the program, congratulations”.

“Ne! I’m grateful for the opportunity given to me, I won’t let you down!”. I closed the call; a sudden burst of energy took over my body as I started doing my “victory dance”.

“Yay~ I’ve been casted Wonjun-ssi~”.

I jumped up and down while holding both of his hands.

“Isn’t It a great day to be Sandara Park’s manager-nim?”. I flashed my best smile and started dancing again, my limbs waving all over the place.

“It’s great Sandara-ssi”. He hid his perplexity as to why I was acting like that behind a sheepish smile.

JJangmae-oppa was known for being 2NE1’s manager. YG ent. fired him right after the group disbanded, as we all had our own personal managers. JJangmae-oppa wasn’t just monitoring us, he affirmed himself as an older brother figure, cherishing us when YG sajang-nim scolded our group for not being pretty enough, for not being successful enough. Jjangmae-oppa saw us as people and not products, that’s why, seeing him disappear from our lives so suddenly, left a big hole in our hearts, firing up the resentment towards the unfairness of the decision made by the company.

[VIDEO STAR]

The legendary sunbae-nim, Tony Ahn, member of H.O.T. was invited as guest on the first episode I hosted of Video Star; thinking back it was such a smart move on the production team part to cast me, knowing the relationship I had with Tony-oppa. Milking it created quite a stir, in fact.

Our ambiguous friendship became the main topic soon enough. The guest list included people in the friends circle me and Tony-oppa shared so they knew how to tease and prompt him into revealing what was his stance when it came to our relationship.

“When Dara got drunk, she had the silly idea of putting the bottle’s cap on her eyes, we all happily laughed about it”. JeA-eonni suddenly became a dispenser of embarrassing scenes, and I was the protagonist of them all. Who knew that she’d share other awkward stories about me later, on Hun Man Jung Eum too.  

“Do you know what he said to me? He went - Don’t make her do those things!”.

Tony-oppa clapped his hands, embarrassed.

“I didn’t even tell her to do that!”. JeA-eonni was clearly upset as she stood up from her seat to directly complain with Tony-oppa, who sat right beside her.

“So - he must care about Dara a lot”. Commented Sook-eonni, glancing at me.

He defended himself – “I had such great fantasies about her, I thought it was impossible for her to think about doing so on her own”.

“He really doesn’t know how to date, as he got older, he even became more fearful and shy, he limits himself to observing only - so I told him that if he keeps observing he’ll lose her”. JeA-eonni was obviously determined to unveil every detail of the story.

Hyejong-eonni joined in the mission of collecting every piece of evidence that pointed at Tony-oppa being interested in me.

“That that’s why I suspected him and Sandara! He actually wanted to ask her out, but he lost his timing and Dara reacted passively at it, so you just ended up being friends”.

“Tony-ssi, are you observing Dara-ssi right now?”. Narae filled her role as host, interrogating him like a detective.

“She’s just a girl friend and there is no I way I could develop anything other than that. That is not what I thought when I first met her, who knows what might happen; that’s what I thought” – He replied with honesty.

“Then why did you keep watching her slowly and didn’t go for it right away?” – JeA-eonni spoke up again, interrogating him. She could pass as a host because of the fiery desire to uncover the truth.

A short sigh left Tony-oppa’s mouth. - “At that time, we didn’t have any occasion to meet”.

“So, you guys didn’t have any connection”. Concluded Sook-eonni from the host panel.

“There was documentary about her in Korea back then – I somehow managed to watch it and noticed she was good at singing and dancing, she was also pretty and charming – I made up my mind and wanted to producer the singer Sandara Park”. He revealed proudly, I didn’t know he had such high regards for me as an artist.

He went on saying: “But then an article came out – Sandara signed a contract for YG entertainment”.

“I thought he had been observing her for just a month but it’s been already 15 years!”. Exclaimed JeA-eonni, talking to the cameras, furrowing her brows.

“This oppa really loves you Sandara!”.

I slightly felt uneasy as they kept pushing in that direction, I kept dwelling on how I should react without hurting his feelings as I, unfortunately, didn’t reciprocate.

Narae interrupted the laughter that filled the room until then.

“I don’t know if I should say this right now….”.

The atmosphere on set suddenly changed, a chill danced up my back not knowing what she was going to say.

“...well, Sandara has another man in her heart”. She stated with total seriousness.

“Ack-…” murmured Tony-oppa, with a disappointed look on his face.

“We also know about that”. Commented all the female guests sitting the other side of the room.

“Dara-ssi likes…. Eun Jiwon-ssi!”. Narae slammed her hand on the table as she looked away from the guests. She sure knew how to create a commotion.

I was taken aback, hearing his name all of a sudden made my heart flutter, but I didn’t hold grudges at Narae for revealing it, I somehow felt better because of the burden taken off of my chest.

A multitude of voices quickly started to overlap one another across the room.

“Eh?!  Do you still do?”.

“I knew it!”.

“Yes, she does!”.

“Stop hurting him and say the truth!”.

Tony-oppa’s ears became red, he remained silent at the sudden revelation.

Jiwon-oppa was the leader of another legendary boy-group I loved in my teen years, SECHSKIES. It was a known fact that H.O.T and SECHSKIES were rival groups back in the day. Fans used to scramble with one another for their favorite singers. It sounded funny to think the feud didn’t stop with the music.

“Will your fans fight again for this?”. Hangbo-eonni joked, trying to defuse the situation.

“Leave the girl – there was a SECHSKIES song that went like that!”. Narae referred to the song “Chivalry” perhaps.

“How could I leave you like this?”. Hangbo started to sing SECHSKIES Road Fighter, playing around.

Tony’s soul left his body as he his seat, trying to fleet the situation by facing the wall behind him.

“But Jiwon-oppa doesn’t know about this though – this is the first time I’m saying this”.  I stated looking around the room.

“Ah- is that so?”.

“Since when have you been watching him?”. Sook-eonni’s eyes lit up with interest as she asked me for further information.

“…since 1997”, I muttered before bursting in a fat laugh, my cheeks becoming more and more red as we kept talking about the man I’ve been admiring for such a long time.

“The important thing is if she still likes him even now”. Commented Park Sohyun-ssi.

“Well… recently we’re in the same agency… - I’ve also been to their concert last time and he was so cool”.

I didn’t know how affectionate I sounded before re-watching this scene after the episode aired. My eyes filled with love and admiration as soon as I started to talk about him.

“He looks so tsundere!”. I finished my confession on that note, contented with my own honesty. The thought of him made my heart pit-a-pat hard.

JeA, Hangbo and Eana-eonni turned their backs away from Tony and created a small girl gathering where they started to whisper to one another.

“Tell me something about it”.

“She really likes him”.

“You didn’t know it?”.

“I knew it, but I thought she already put away her feelings”.

I was so relaxed and contented when confessing on that occasion. It was perceived as an innocent crush, something to laugh about during lunch. It only looked like I was a big fan, not a big deal at all.

But on Hun Maen Jung Eum, right beside him? I felt my heart sinking deep. I hated the thought of coming across so insisting and foolishly adoring of him – right in front of him. Revealing how much I payed attention to him recently made me look so hopelessly in love with him. Which I was not.

[HUN MAEN JUNG EUM]

I shook my head and payed attention to the program that was being broadcasted on my tv.

The MC kept reading - “Joonhyung-oppa and Jiwon-oppa have different meaning for me”.

Everyone burst out laughing at my straight forwardness.

The Sandara on the tv started clapping her hands, uselessly trying to hide from the impending embarrassment.

“Joonhyung-oppa feels like a senior while for Jiwon-oppa…”.

“Please don’t say it…”. I begged in front of the tv over and over again, even if perfectly aware of what was going to happen soon after.

“...he really is like a man to me~”.

The guests gazed at me at once and screamed in disbelief, it was a commotion.

“Can I really say something so burdensome?”. The me on the screen blurted out while covering her face with her hands, as if that could prevent the sense of regret from manifesting.

I remember my stomach turning on itself, cold sweat was pouring down my forehead. I tried to control those violent reactions happening inside of me but failed miserably.

“I shouldn’t say burdensome things”. I uttered again while looking away.

“It’s not~”. I could see on my screen that Jiwon-oppa was averting his eyesight while saying so, with a sheepish smile on his face.

JeA-eonni then intervened revealing her testimony too. I realized only then that she knew so many things about me, making her a perfect snitch on the variety shows we participated together.

I was surrounded by my own embarrassment and couldn’t flee in any way. No matter where I looked, there was no way to avoid meeting someone else’s derogatory glare.

“We had finished a schedule together and were at the salon-…” She started, guiding everyone’s attention towards herself.

“…I told Dara I had a schedule with Jiwon-oppa” – She went on.

“Ah ~ Isn’t our Jiwon-oppa perfect?”. She mimicked me perfectly, from the high-pitched tone to the gestures, my jaw dropped to the ground at how accurate it was.

The studio filled with laughter again, so I just got along with the guests’ reaction and chuckled with them.

“Eonniii, why did you reveal that? I thought we were frieeends~”. I whined at the screen, throwing myself on my leather couch. The weight of my words appearing on my chest.

“Wow! Your vocal impression of her is exactly the same!”. Jiwon-oppa jumped out of his seat and exclaimed pointing at JeA-eonni.

“No but, seriously”. She continued.

My only ally was aspiring against me, strength escaped from my extremities, all I could do was witness my own self being torn apart in front of my crush, on national tv no less.

“Dara said that since he changed his hairdo, he looks younger than recent idols”. could feel my heart sink. I didn’t realize how childish my words sounded until someone else said them.

Various text appeared on the screen:

 “Sandara who seems blinded by love”.

“WHY WOULD THEY WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT, AIGOO!”. I protested again, slamming my feet on the couch repeatedly.

I pointed at my tv, complaining about something I couldn’t change. I hid my face behind a small pillow, but I could still view the scene happening in my head, even with my eyes closed shut.

The hosts and guests gave mixed reactions. There were some oh’s and eh’s.

“Isn’t this an exaggeration?”. Jiwon oppa turned his head and referred to me, raising his eyebrow.

At the time I fled his confused gaze creating a wall with my hands in between us. I could not look at him normally, go figures if I had the gut to glance at him in a situation like that.

It was all or nothing, I gulped hard and quickly collected my courage – or what was left of it. What I could do was just go with it and confess altogether before other embarrassing testimonies popped out from nowhere.

I wouldn’t stop blurting about him for years, every time his name left my lips, I witnessed irked expressions on my friends’ faces because of how repetitive and annoying I got. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had prepared other 50 testimonies to demonstrate my total and earnest adoration for him.

“Because he is next to me… I don’t know if I can say this…”. I muttered, keeping my hand-walls between him and me. My cheeks flushing by the minute.

I didn’t get to see his reaction while filming, it was the first time for me to actually watch how he behaved in that situation.

He looked straight in front of him, covering his mouth with one hand and listening attentively to what I was going to declare.

Joonhyung sunbae-nim smiled from to cheek to cheek like a pleased father, earnest to hear about my crush on Jiwon-oppa.

“And why do you like Jiwon-hyung?”. One of the hosts stood up and asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.

“What do you like about him?”. Repeated another female host, her eyes sparkling with great interest.

“Well… he’s handsome”.

“Where did I get the guts to say that in front of him? eottokeeee?”. I facepalmed, feeling second-hand embarrassment for the Dara on screen.

Jiwon-oppa looked away, his cheeks turning red like two big tomatoes as soon as he heard my praises. An innocent smile popped up on his lips, showing the two front teeth he usually tried to hide behind his hands. He kept fidgeting as if he did not know how to put himself. His reaction was similar to the one you’d have when someone sings you “Happy birthday”. All you can do is just witness it and be grateful, even if it’s super-embarrassing.

“Ah~ but last time, from the Pom Saeng Pom Sa era he was like this, he had a tsundere charm”.

I basically repeated what I’ve revealed on Video Star. I refused to unveil more than what was already known to the public, what was revealed was already enough.

“But in real life he’s really kind…” I finished, emphasizing on the word kind.

I knew because of the Youtube date that took place a year prior. Even if he looked cold and uninterested on the outside, he was quite comforting and soft-spoken once you got to know him.

am i really saying this out loud?

I felt dumbfounded, my body wanting to explode under the constant pressure I experienced throughout the conversation.

The MC spoke up, “Did you know about her feelings?”. He asked directly to Jiwon to keep the hype up.

I finally had the strength to look at him, anticipating his response. I was curious as to how he’d react.

He sat up, reuniting his hands, and looked around the studio.

“Well...uh”. He stuttered.

He rotated his whole body towards the MC who was questioning him - “22 years sounds like an exaggeration, but… when SECHKIES reunited, she came to the concert and cheered for us”,  he indicated me with his left hand, avoiding turning my direction.

“I also really like 2NE1, because of that, I also felt really nervous and fluttering feeling…”. He finished on a high note, not giving any hints and directing the topic elsewhere, perfectly gaining control over the conversation.

“YAH, it’s weirder because you are saying it so gently!”, lamented Joonhyung sunbae-nim jumping out of his sit and pointing at Jiwon-oppa.

“YOUR TONE IS WEIRD!”. Shouted the male host.

Jiwon-oppa was known for his straight-forwardness and bold way of speaking. Him suddenly being soft-spoken caused agitation on set.

[↳ START HERE IF YOU WANT TO SKIP RE-ENACTMENT ]

“I’ve had enough!” I whimpered. I reached for the remote to try to turn off the tv.

“YOU’RE SO STUBBORN, DAMN REMOTE”.

I hit it against the arm of the couch until the tv finally turned off.

“I gets more embarrassing the more I watch it…”, I murmured under my breath, the scene kept playing in my head in loop, line a broken record.

I got up and glanced outside my window, I really could use some fresh air to calm myself up. It was a chilly night of August, there wasn’t much movement on the street in front of my apartment.

did I really manage to say those things?

I moved towards the kitchen as I craved a big cup of green tea, maybe that could have helped with calming my nerves.

I stretched my arm to get a hold of the teabags in the cupboard on my left and patiently waited for the water to boil. The only sounds that could be heard in my flat were the ones coming from the water bubbling up in the boiler and my long and deep sighs.

I shook my head hoping to erase my memories but the mocking laugh and a mixed reaction from that one episode echoed in my ears.

I was used to narrating over the top stories adding my own flair to them, it became my trademark. I was Sandara Park, the former member of 2NE1 and the one in charge of portraying absurd stories in my cutesy way.

That was different. I could already see the whole world looking down on me. The riot in my stomach was just a sign of how affected I felt because of that matter.

A week had passed from the original airing date of the episode, but I still had a hard time overcoming that river of thoughts that washed me up like a giant tsunami.

~ brbrbrbrbrbr~ tic ~

The boiler had accomplished its work. I sat on a stool in front of the island counter and started to pour the water in my red mug. It appeared as a regular mug to the eyes of strangers, but it had meaning to me.

[...]

Chaerin had gifted it to me when she returned from L.A. to visit. It was a hard time for her, she wouldn’t tell me at first so I invited her to stay over at my house for a couple of days; only the thought of her going through a difficult time alone made my heart shatter in a million pieces.

I started to use the mug any chance I could to demonstrate to her that I appreciated her thought, a small smile would appear on her face whenever she saw me sipping from it. That same smile was like a minuscule gap in the enormous wall she was trying so hard to build around herself.

We sat right there, in front of the counter, when she revealed her honest thoughts. Her voice started trembling as she confessed to me that she wished to leave YG ent., the agency we worked together for the past 13 years. Small teardrops would fall onto the counter, forming a small puddle. I squeezed her for an unreasonable amount of time, feeling her body shudder against mine every time she sobbed. Her warmth against my skin it’s what I reminisced when sipping a hot beverage out of that L.A. red mug.

She then returned to the U.S, far from the mistreatment she received in the motherland. I couldn’t blame her because she was right. She had every right to do so and so did I. The difference between us was that she was stronger than me.

My home suddenly looked like a big cage where a lonely rabbit hops in search of an exit that doesn’t exist.

i am that rabbit.

Dadoong meowed as if he wanted to talk back to me.

“You’re not alone as long as I’m here”, something like that. Or maybe he was just hungry, that was probably the case.

I kneeled on the wooden floor and started caressing his smooth fur. “Mian~ I almost forgot about you, my cutie~”. I whispered to him.

“meowww~”. He responded closing his small like buttons yes.

“I hope that means that you’ve forgiven me haha~”.

I replenished his bowl with cat food, the sound of his paws on the wood was quite adorable. I smiled looking at him eating peacefully.

I stood up and took the mug, blowing on the hot tea to take it to a reasonable drinking temperature.

From the corner of my eyes I noticed a couple of notifications popping up on my cellphone’s screen. I slowly but steadily got towards the couch, trying hard not to tip over the tea. There was a small coffee table in front of me where I had placed my cellphone prior. I left the mug on it and picked up the phone.

I hummed – “mhh- I wonder what they’re saying about me on SNS”.

I scrolled through the news of Naver, the infamous Hun Maen Jung Eum confession being in second and third place in the “most researched” list.

Sandara Park Admits To Having A Crush On SECHSKIES’s Eun Ji Won For The Past 22 Years

I pressed on the article and started scrolling down to look at the comments beneath it.

[+510 – 2] Aww he looks so flustered, so cute ~

[+ 436 -29] Does she not know he’s a divorcee?

[+386 – 5] I hope they start dating after this~ ㅋㅋㅋ

[+203 – 76] I wonder how awkward it is between them now

[+105 – 2] Isn’t it obvious that he doesn’t like her

[+57– 46] She is such a boring person, no wonder he doesn’t take interest in her.

[+48 – 9] ㅎㅎㅎ she confessed to have dated many celebrities and now claims to be in love with Eun Jiwon for 22 years, what a b*tch

“Ahh, i would’ve been better off without reading this huhu~”.

The malicious comments pierced right through my confidence, unveiling all my insecurities.

It is the harsh reality, one can’t possibly hope to be liked by everyone, still, those words were like salt on an open wound. I already felt vulnerable, as if someone stole my umbrella during a storm. All the opinions were painful waterdrops cascading on my head. A few do not hurt you but one after another they lead you to madness.

I’ve had been in this harsh industry for over 10 years, but I admitted to being still too vulnerable mentally to sustain the weight of words spouted at me.

A tear travelled lonely down my cheek as I threw the cellphone down on the couch, disappointed.

I already knew he perceived me as a hoobae and not as a woman, I was aware of that. That was exactly why I was so bothered by how I came off on tv. I disliked the idea that he would think of me as a delusional fool.

I sniffed and wiped off the tear with the long sleeve of my checkered pajama.

I enjoyed admiring him from afar, supporting him without being an annoyance, liking him without the risk of getting burned. I fangirled over him with all my girl friends, as if I were a 15-year-old again but deep inside I knew my liking to him had gone a bit further than just an innocent teen crush.

I knew he had divorced too; I was crushed at the thought of him suffering like that. Witnessing the love of a lifetime whiter with his own two eyes. How could people judge him for that?

love is not easy.

nothing is.

For work I was often surrounded by handsome celebrities who wouldn’t hesitate to confess their crushes on me, I’ve always managed to keep my cool and stay professional but there I was, my hands would tremble anytime Jiwon-Oppa appeared in the same room, my body flinched anytime he’d touch me, even if inadvertently. I couldn’t control the redness from expanding on my cheeks when he talked to me.

behave self.

It wasn’t news that I dated a couple of celebrities since my debut, I even revealed how we met for dates on the same episode I confessed to Jiwon-Oppa. It was thrilling to hide from the reporters, every relationship felt like a spy movie.

Those romance weren’t exactly k-drama worthy. Most of the time I was just a price to be won, I knew it deep down. It wasn’t anything more than a way to fill the silence in my flat with the pounding on the walls. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that they loved me as much as I did, I was only a side event for when they were lonely.

Looking back, I wasn’t proud of my behavior. He gave me attention and I conceded to him my body. I could feel his warm skin against mine, but when placing my ear to his chest, I didn’t hear his heart thumping. Relationship after relationship, the result didn’t change. Blinded by need for company I kept making the same mistake over and over again.

Bom-eonni once found me crying after one broke up with me. The reason being, he had enough of our relationship. He wasn’t wrong, it was me who expected it to be more than it actually was and ended up being disappointed.

“You’ll get hurt, please stop”. I remember her squeezing me until I implored her to stop, that eonni always ignored my weak build every time she embraced me.

“Dara don’t do this. Please”. She begged on the phone countless times because seeing me hurt like that was torture for her. She started to stay over at my place in case the man I was seeing decided to harass me.

I put a hold on dating after that, I gained control of my vulnerability for once.

Silence returned in my flat.

the life of an idol is quite lonely.

~parararing parararing - parararing parararing ~

“Dara-eonni ~ are you busy? how are you doing?”.

It was Chaerin-ah who called me.

“Hi Chaerin-ah ~ I’m doing fine… have you eaten yet? Don’t worry, I’m just chilling - I feel so tired.... ah~”.

“Honestly, lately I’ve lost my appetite”.

“How come? Force yourself to eat, even just an apple”.

I suddenly reminisced our trainee days. I was so thin compared to the other members; YG sajang-nim decided to put them all on a diet. I still felt guilty; there was nothing I could do because that was just how my body was built. I offered myself to diet alongside them, not to make them feel lonely but Bom-eonni whined at me –

“You’re already so skinny, what’s the use of dieting Dara-yah?!”.

We were dubbed as ugly girl group, YG sajang-nim was the first one to call us that.  The pressure of being pretty weighted on us whenever we made a public appearance beside other girls groups or ate something that had more than 200 calories.

She ignored my advice and went on - “How do you feel?”.

“Uh? Me? I’m just fin-“.

She interrupted me – “Come on! Dara-eonni! Bom-eonni told me about you and Jiwon sunbae-nim!”. Her tone seemed pretty serious.

Moving to L.A. made it harder for Chaerin to get a hold of the news regarding entertainment in Korea. That was probably why she heard about it from someone else and got upset.

I really didn’t want to talk about that matter. I already wanted to bury myself under 6 feet of dirt and I did not want her to feel second-hand embarrassment because of my actions.

“Ah~ Chaerin-ah... I didn’t know what to do so I just went along with it... huhu~ Is it that bad?”. I asked, full of anticipation.

“It’s ok eonni, really. He’ll think of it as a joke and you’ll both laugh about it when you two will meet again”.

I really hoped that was the case; we acknowledged each other but didn’t have any opportunity to develop our friendship.

“Huhu Chaerin-ah~ Are people going to think I’m a crazy lady that keeps a Jiwon-oppa shrine in front of her bed? I read so many malicious comments…Will he avoid me after this?”.

“I knew this would bother you, that’s why I called - Dara-eonni, you should’ve told me sooner, you know I’m here for you”.

She was right. I was bothered, but I hated asking for help. Opening up became so much harder since we all moved out of the dorm we shared. If we had secrets to reveal, we would invade Bom-eonni’s room to gossip between ourselves. We used to sit on the floor to whisper about crushes and things we witnessed during music shows.

Everything I did made me reminisce the time I spent with 2NE1; I forever cherished the warmth that came being so close with the members.

“Ah~ Chaerin-ah~ Thanks for calling me~ Byeong~”.

[...]

I sipped the green tea that was waiting for me on the wooden coffee table, my brows furrowed as my lips touched the cold beverage.

“Even the tea became cold… huhu~”.

I slumped back on the couch. All I wanted to do was to avoid him, as if he was pestilence himself, I didn’t want for things to get weird - I wasn’t ready to enter YG’s building only to have Teddy-oppa or Jiyong make fun of me in front of him.

~ ting ~

I remembered the real reason I actually searched for my phone in the first place; I had to check the notifications.

“Dara-ssi, I’ll fetch you tomorrow at 10 o’clock to you to the agency”. It was manager-nim who wrote a couple of messages to remind me of my schedule for the week.

I felt dumbfounded as I remembered Suwon-oppa telling me that Sechskies were starting to record tracks for their future comeback that day. There was no way I could avoid him when we worked in the same workplace.

I drowned my face in the pillow sitting on my couch and heaved a long sigh –

i am doomed.