As summer finally comes to an end, the autumn comes with regal ease, content to arrive with slow grace. The green flags of the trees become sepia-toned, waving in the southerly wind. Most mornings, everything outside is damp with dew. Its leaves are falling from the trees crunching beneath my feet and clouds appear when I breathe out. It is indeed a very different feeling to that in spring or summer. Oh, how I love taking an early morning walk. The sun rose, filling the sky with shades of orange and pink, a new beginning. Taking a break after a few rounds of jogging, I sat at the nearest bench and marveled at nature in front of me.

For the past few days, I’ve been reading this poetry book and a sentence in a certain poem has caught my attention. The author wrote, “The only kind of love that can fix you is self-love.” And that hit me. I’ve indeed been so harsh on myself lately. After I lost my grandfather and my two best friends, I had a hard time making new friends. Often I overthink and let anxiety gets the best of me and that just until I met someone, a friend, and a brother whom I can count on to.

My phone rang as I snap out from my thought, “Hello?” I answered without looking at who the caller is.

(“He’s dead.”)

My brows furrowed as I took a glance at the caller, “Key? What do you mean?”

(“Jonghyun hyung is dead.”) It’s as if the world stopped at the sudden news. (“He committed suicide noona.”) I tightly gripped my phone as I feel something in the corner of my eyes. With a heavy heart, my tears fall.

. . . . . . . . .

After hearing the news, Taeyeon ran as fast as she can towards the Kim’s residence. Her heart clenched as tears keep on falling. A memory flashed in her mind when he saved her from those bullies, offers her fruit drinks and gummy bears when she’s sad, joked around with her every time, and lastly accompanied her at the library on the first day of school. Who would’ve thought that was their last meeting. 

Taeyeon arrived at his place only to find it empty, she walked past the living room and went upstairs. Hands trembling and tears falling, she opened the door to his room, his room feels so depressing. His things were scattered on the floor and some of the glass is broken. Upon entering, her heart completely shattered to pieces.

“Jonghyun ah, can you hear me? I’m sorry I came late. I’m sorry you had to suffer like this. I’m sorry for leaving you like that. I’m sorry.” Devastated, she cried out her heart and fell on the floor as she sobbed.

Don’t leave me, words I cried toward you in my heart.

Don’t go back from where you are, not now.

Don’t get away from me, just stay by my side.

If sad days pass by then, I’ll give the whole world to you.

Are you listening to me now? Please, don’t leave me. (Lean on me)

_________________________________

“This is it,” Taeyeon mumbles as she keeps on pacing back and forth. Every night she would look at the painting trying to do the math, calculating statistics and probabilities and just before the weekend came, she already found the answer. After the sleepless nights, she woke up suddenly feeling energized and did some stretching before going out of her room. She took her slippers and walked over to the pool and dips her feet while waiting for yuri to come.

Miyoung who’s been anxious the past days, approach Taeyeon and tries to convince her again, “Taeyeon ssi, I-“

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not telling him.” She said without looking back.

She sighed loud enough for Taeyeon to hear. Taeyeon stood up from her place and turned towards her assistant, “Hwang Miyoung, whatever might happen If something is not right with me or you find me different, I want you to give this back to me” she said handing her journal.

They turned towards the gate as a black Mercedes Benz arrived and enters the gate, “That must be Yul.” In cue, Yuri hoped out from the back seat of the car. “You have it?”

Yuri nodded, “Are you sure about this?” she handed out a handkerchief, and Taeyeon took it.

“100% sure.” She slightly opened it and sees an exact duplicate of the original ring. “Wanna join me for breakfast before officially starting the plan?”

“Definitely” She turned to the other girl and puts her arms around her neck, “How about you? Are you nervous about this week?”

“I'm not” she awkwardly laughs as she tries to not express her fear.

“So Taeyeon what’s your actual plan.” Yuri was about to take a seat at the chairman’s chair when Taeyeon pulled the seat making her falls on the floor. “Real smooth tae” she quickly stood up and glares at her before taking another seat.

“My actual plan is to meet my other-