Content warning: Themes of war and death.

After the devastating explosion, there was a moment of nothingness.

It was impossible to tell how long it lasted, just as it was impossible to hold a ruler up to gauge the pitch of a sound, or to balance a sliding scale to measure out the right amount of light.

Amidst that infinite ocean of nothing, a faint something surfaced, like a lost melody bursting out of a bubble that had risen from the very bottom of the void.

First came the awareness that there existed a form, a body, to register sensations. Then, a name to call this body. And, finally, Gowon felt the first sensation.

A gentle rocking, from side to side. Left to right. Rhythmic.

A clock ticking?

That couldn’t be right. What would she be doing dangling from a clock?

Perhaps a boat? A train? Where was it going?

No, wrong again. She was nested in something. Warm. Soft. Smaller than a bed. A cradle? A little squeeze secured its hold on her. A whiff of something sweet. Protective. Familiar.

Arms.

Gowon struggled to wake up, sleep still laid like a thick blindfold across her eyelids. Eventually, her eyes fluttered open to a swimming haze of warm colours. Her gaze traced uneven stitches that outlined a strawberry on a sweater, up the honey-brown curls that looked soft to touch, to a delicate chin and round cheeks perpetually lifted in a smile.

It took a while (again, Gowon couldn’t tell how long) for her to remember how to use her arms again. She struggled to lift a hand and caught the swell of that cheek. The person holding her immediately turned her head down at the contact. The look in her eyes was tender, but it pinned Gowon down as if a stone tower pressing on her chest. If it hadn’t been for the paralysing numbness that had yet to leave her weary body, Gowon was sure her body would have ruptured into a hundred pieces from the weight of it.

“Jiwoo unnie?” Gowon’s hoarse voice barely made it out of . But since all the world was silent, there was no doubt the other woman had heard her. “You’re here. You’re alive.”

The sweet smile on Jiwoo’s face tugged into a goofy, amused grin at that. “I’m here all right. And you are here.”

Jiwoo had been walking, Gowon realised, and she didn’t pause, only glancing down intermittently to check on the girl in her arms. Her feet were soundless on the forest floor, and golden light sprinkled down on her face through the canopy. Gowon felt like she should ask where they were going, but the thought was fleeting, promptly replaced by a strange need to catch the ray of sunlight on the tip of Jiwoo’s nose.

Jiwoo giggled when she felt Gowon’s fingers brush her nose. The older woman playfully snapped her teeth just shy of actually biting into Gowon’s hand.

“You’re really here,” Gowon said, confusion shifting to awe. She pressed on Jiwoo’s nose once for good measure. “I thought you were gone forever.” Images from a distant battlefield and a deafening rumble of thunder played in Gowon’s head. “I thought I-”

“No, Gowon,” Jiwoo cut her off. Her steps slowed but didn’t stop. “You did the right thing, back then as well as just now. You made the choices you needed to make. Tough choices. You did well.”

The scene of war grew distant, until it fell off the edge of Gowon’s consciousness like retreating fragments of a dream. In its place, Jiwoo came into glaring focus. Jiwoo’s face in her vision, Jiwoo’s voice in her ears, Jiwoo’s warmth enveloping her, all of her at once.

“I did well?”

“Yeah. So well.” Jiwoo gave Gowon a squeeze for emphasis and a smile that was love given physical form. Gowon couldn’t help but believe her. “You saved everyone.”

Where is everyone? Another thought that left Gowon’s mind as fast as it had come.

“It must be tiring. You should put me down,” Gowon said instead. She wasn’t confident she had enough muscle control to walk on her own, but it was embarrassing to be held like an infant like this. It made her feel helpless. Especially since she had no idea where Jiwoo was taking her.

Jiwoo pursed her lips, considering for a moment. “Do you want to be put down?”

Gowon hesitated. Her hand came down to pick at the strawberry on the chest of Jiwoo’s sweater. It took her a few moments to finally remember why she felt so fond of the sweater.It wasn’t just any hand-knitted sweater. It was Gowon’s hands that had knitted the sweater, back in that one autumn forever ago.

She gripped the wool and used it as purchase to crane her neck and look around. Behind them: identical forest in every direction. No animals. No trails. In front of them: a thick and total darkness. With every step that Jiwoo took forward, the black curtain pulled back slightly, as if there was an overhead spotlight following them.

Gowon vaguely registered that there was something off about that (that this wasn’t how sunlight and forests worked), but she couldn’t stay focused enough to follow that train of thought. Her eyelids were so heavy again, and Jiwoo was so warm and soft and smelled like marshmallows. Jiwoo was here, just like Gowon had prayed for month after month. Jiwoo still loved her, even after everything. And Jiwoo was taking Gowon with her this time. No more leaving. No more wondering.

“No,” Gowon decided and buried her face into Jiwoo’s chest, breathing her in. Maybe feeling helpless wasn’t such an unpleasant thing after all. No more struggle. No more impossible choices. “I want to stay right here.”

“Okay then. Sleep now, my Gowon." Jiwoo pressed a kiss between her eyes, which fluttered closed. "As long as you want. I got you.”

Gowon repeated those words in her head again and again until she believed them.

I got you.

A serene smile stayed on her lips as Jiwoo waded deeper - ever deeper - into the dark forest.