"Mellia! Open the door!" I blankly looked at my ivory door, a chair underneath the doorknob so no one could come in. The slamming on my door slowly died down, becoming an echoing memory. Even if it stopped, I knew. Jongin was still on the other side. "I'm sorry Sehun took his anger out on you, but why are you crying?" His words were difficult to hear when they were muffled but I knew exactly what he was trying to say. It's because I killed whoever this toymaker is, I don't know how and I don't want to ask. I don't have answers, I don't know who I am... Am I a murderer? This whole time I was protecting the boys, but really they should be protecting themselvesーfrom me. I sat on the floor with my teeth grinding in anger, my nails digging into my palms but I could only slightly feel the pain. The only source that is telling me that this is real, that I'm a criminal.

Mother must've known something about this, it could be the reason why she didn't want to tell me. She couldn't tell that to a seven-year-old, that she's a murderer. If she knew, why would she bring me here in the first place? She should've executed me on the spot. Yet, she took me in, made me feel loved, she thought of me as her own daughter. How could that make any sense? My eyes hardened as I glared at the door, I could already see my gaze boring holes in the wood if I stared at it long enough.

I can't do this, I don't want to live like this. Knowing nothing, but somehow being able to know everything; it is confusing and terribly frustrating. "It's been a year. Since he died, the younger ones have gotten over it." I had to crawl closer to hear his soft voice, my ears straining to hear the words. It hasn't been long, I killed this man a year ago and was then brought to the castle. Could this be the reason why the boys hated me so much? In the other timeline, mother had told them that I killed the toymaker which made them despise me. I could understand that, I would've accepted every pain and cruelty they brought to me if I knew. That would mean that she didn't tell them in this timeline. When would she?

Was the presence of a tenth brother a lie? Something to mess with me? But Suho and mother didn't make it look that way, when I asked Suho he made it seem like he really did have a tenth brother. If they really had another brother then he is a ghost, he doesn't exist anywhere but in their minds. How could he exist if there isn't a single record of him? No document, no portrait; he is nothing but a thought. I can't think about this nonexistent person right now when I have so many other things to do that are slowly destroying me.

I have to plan out Velstia's destruction, how I will I be living once the secret comes out, and if nothing works, the past will only repeat itself. I have to do something, anything, I need to do-

Listening to the droplets that pierced the silence as they fell on the floor, I tilted my head down. Surprise slowly grew in me when I saw crimson spots painting the tiles, there was liquid rolling down my nose. I lightly touched it, only to see blood coloring my fingers.

A gasp came out of me when a sharp pain stabbed my chest like thousands of needles. My eyes closed shut due to the pain that felt like I was walking through scorching fire. No, this shouldn't be happening. I was doing so well, it has been months. Why is this happening again? I tightly gripped my dress as the waves of agony were growing into something that made my eyesight dot into blackness. I heard my heartbeat harshly echoing around me, a screeching ring echoing in my ears. Through the haze, I vaguely heard Jongin shouting my name, Jongin was the person who saw me like this. If I remembered he left me on the floor for a maid to find me. Would he do it again? Once he sees me will he walk away and wait for someone to find me instead? He wouldn't do that, right?

"Jon...Gin." I choked, he wouldn't be able to hear my words. It's too difficult to speak, my skin is throbbing. My body slumped to the floor, cheek touching the cool ground. The taste of metal made me cough, a whimper passed when the cough made the aching pain worse. I need to open the door, I shouldn't have put the chair there. With the rest of my strength, I crawled closer, stretching my hand, I weakly grabbed the leg of the chair. The chair was tilted to fit below the knob which means a slight pull made it fall to the ground with a booming crash, except, I heard it as if it was far away.

In an instant, I heard the door slam open the door making a thunderous noise as it smashed into the wall. Before I could see Jongin's expression, my eyes closed bringing me into a darkness that I wished was never real.

~~*~~

"Are you making another one?" The words came out of my mouth. It's happening again, I'm going through another memory. This first-person view that only let me see instead of letting me do anything else. I stared at the clouded person, now I know it is the toymaker. How did I kill you? Looking up at him, he is not too tall. In the last memory I had of him, he was sitting so I wasn't sure how big he was, but as he stood right next to me, he wasn't that tall. He looks like he is still growing. Just a little taller then Suho. His face is the only thing that was completely blocked from me, his body was slightly blurred but I was able to see enough. He didn't look too difficult to kill but it didn't seem the easiest either.

"It wouldn't be fair if only Sehun and Jongin get one." He said, multiple voices speaking at once so I couldn't decipher which one was his.

"Do you think Suho would like one?" I asked, how do I know the boys? Did this person talk about them a lot to me? I could only think that's the reason. I could feel the respect and admiration I had for this person deep into my very soul. I don't get why I would kill him. What did I do? Or...What did he do?

"Suho will love one." His laugh became unnerving with the ranges of voices echoing out of his lips. "You have to meet them when you're older, they are the greatest. Tell me what the younger ones are like." His words clung fondness toward them. They must really love each other. Somehow, I had taken that love away.

I turned to the sound of knocking to our door, it wasn't the best quality but decent enough for a normal house. I couldn't even look around the house, this is a memory that isn't my will. I watched him walk to the door, opening it. At the entrance was a woman with soft hazel curled hair that grew to her ribs, it wasn't a surprise that her face was barred as well, a dark blackness that surrounded their faces. She was taller than the toymaker, her walking had this slight grace to it.

The shock flowed through me when a word came out of his lips. "Mother!" He exclaimed. I watched silently as his mother slightly crouched down, they hugged each other with happiness and tenderness, surprisingly I felt envy, sadness, and a longing that made my fingers clench shut. I'm trying not to cry. Why would I feel this way? There was someone else. I glanced at the person behind his mother, my head tilted. This person's face didn't blacken but just blurred. The other two's faces were scratched away. for this person, I was able to see her creamy skin, the soft hint of blue eyes. Her hair was short, stopping to her collarbone. I hazily saw the smile on her lips, her eyes softening when she regarded me.

Why is she so familiar? I think I've seen her somewhere before. A portrait? She kind of looks like-

I blinked in shock when I stood in the middle of a forest. How did the scenery change so fast? I looked around, the only light was coming from the bright moon. Why am I here? If this was another memory, why would I be in a forest?

I snapped my head to the left hearing the sudden sounds of panting, branches cracking underneath someone's footsteps. My body froze when a woman ran past me, her arms wrapped around a child. I had a glimpse of blonde hair that flowed wildly, that's me. That child is me. I stared at the back of the woman, she wore a maid's outfit, the bottom of her black dress was torn by the sharp twigs around her. I was floating, flying near the maid and the child.

My lips parted and eyes widened, for the first time, a person's face was not blurred or blocked away from me. Maybe it's because I knew this maid well, the one person who ever truly loved me, who took care of me when I was in the wretched castle with the boys who hated me.

Why was Aeji in my past? The times I spent with her, she never said anything. Not one word about my past or how she would be in it, why didn't she tell me anything? I bit my lip, Aeji, the person I fully trusted and loved kept a secret from me, and not just any secret. She held the silence of my past. I stared at the child, she looks so little it looks like I didn't even reach five yet. When was this?

I watched as Aeji kept looking back behind her, I realized quickly that we were being chased. I couldn't see my face as it was hidden at the crook of her neck, Aeji was twenty-three when I first met her, her eyes full of love and happiness when she saw me. She showed me what it was like to be loved, to have fun even when darkness was scratching my shadow. She was like my sister, everything I needed to keep on living. She looks shorter and slightly younger seeing her now. Aeji's lip