Chapter one! From the moment Taeyeon was gone, I’ve had to find a way to cope. I’ve had to find a way to pull myself together and stop sobbing at regular intervals. All of the what if’s whirled around in my mind for almost a year. What if I had accepted her confession that night? What if I had confessed my growing feelings to her too? What if I had kissed her that night instead of letting her leave? Tiffany had called me last night, she told me Taeyeon was back in town and invited me to the reunion lunch they'd decided at soshi, our favorite restaurant. When I arrived at the restaurant, Taeyeon was surrounded by our circle of close friends. Sooyoung, Sunny, Yoona, Seohyun, Tiffany and Hyoyeon all sitting in front of her. A few waitresses stood behind them, dashing my hopes of sneaking a peek at her before she saw me. I moved forward slowly. My heart raced and my body froze, atrophy set in hard and I was unable to move or speak. I had waited for so long for this moment. I had waited for so long to see her again. I had waited for so long to tell her how I feel, to tell her that I never wanted to let her go. Yes, I’m constantly battling the lingering evil inside me. Yes, I can build walls with the best of them, but I wanted her. I wanted to hold her close to me and never let her go again. Without intending to cause me pain, Tiffany had neglected to mention that Taeyeon hasn't returned alone. The funny thing is that if there was one silver lining to this whole mess, it was my relationship with Tiffany, we didn't get along well before but when Taeyeon left, we had to lean on each other. There was no one else in the great expanse of the infinite number of universes who could understand my loss as much as Tiffany can, because... well because Taeyeon had been her crush ever since, even before we all met and became friends. It took months but I finally confessed to her how I felt about our missing friend. So why didn’t she warn me? She’s a chicken but I suppose I would have been the same way. I doubt that if I were in her shoes, I would have been able to tell Tiffany that the love of her life had returned yes, but with a girlfriend just as perfect as she was. When the waitresses left, I caught a glimpse. A fleeting glimpse of my love through the glass surrounding the restaurant. My beautiful sweet Taeyeon who had always been there, always loved me, never asked for a single thing. I saw her eyes and imagined staring into them for hours, sharing the same pillow. I saw her beautiful smile. I imagined running my hand softly over her cheek and pressing my lips to hers. I closed my eyes and imagined that she still longed for me as much as I longed for her. I prayed that Taeyeon still pined for me the way I'm now pining for her. I was wrong. So wrong. I ran to her. I ran to her as hard as my body would carry me. I flew into the restaurant and everyone in the restaurant raised their eyes to look at me, I walked towards the table, and there they were. Taeyeon and her new love. Taeyeon looked up at me and tears welled up in my eyes. I could already see she was different. My whole body betrayed me. I shook uncontrollably and my face and body contorted in agony. I fell to my knees. No Jung ever fell to their knees. But I did. I was broken. I was broken and suddenly I was lost. Nothing made sense. It was as though she had reached in and grabbed my heart tight. She squeezed and squeezed and no matter how hard I tried to pull away, I couldn’t. Taeyeon stood and moved towards me. I don’t know why but I pulled away. Maybe it was confusion or maybe it was just a sense of loss, crushing me. Tiffany moved to my side and wrapped her arms around me. Taeyeon looked down at the two of us and she seemed shaken to her core. “Jessica?”, Taeyeon whispered softly. “Are you okay?” I couldn’t speak. I sat there, cradled in Tiffany's arms trying to figure out how this woman had enveloped every part of me. “She’s fine Tae. She’s just in shock. You’ve been gone a long time.” Taeyeon took a step forward and I pulled back once more. “Jessica? Please”, Taeyeon reached out a hand. “Let me help you up.” Taeyeon didn’t understand and why should she? Had I ever truly been honest with her about my feelings? No. Had I ever been kind enough to tell her that she was all that mattered to me? Had I told her that her fe