A soft laugh escaped Joohyun’s lips as she felt Wendy’s snores against the side of her neck. The sensation of strong arms holding her tight and warm breath heating her entire body was intoxicating. Allowing herself to get drunk off the feeling, she leaned back into Wendy’s arms, relaxing against her chest. A drunken stupor of love was what the girl had been blissfully trapped in.

The sound of Seungwan’s voice caused Joohyun’s ears to yearn for more of the sound. A sleepy mumble began to leave Seungwan’s lips; “Sooyoung,” she quietly let out.

All it took was the utterance of the single name to sober Joohyun up. Arms that held her so tightly now felt suffocating; the tickle of breath on her neck now made her skin itch. This was her place. Nothing more, nothing less.

It had been months since the fateful kiss between Seungwan and Sooyoung; the three students were now well into the second semester, only a month and a half away from finals. 

The time that had passed was agonizing for Joohyun, she felt as if she was being punished eternally, but what was her crime? Did she love too much or simply fall in love with the wrong person? But with the way Seungwan pulled her close and smiled at her when they were alone, it seemed impossible to consider anything about it to be “wrong.” Yet despite how right it felt, she felt as if her own self was being torn apart by the incompatibility of loving Seungwan and loving herself.

Of course, love never feels wrong in the moment. Every time Sooyoung held Seungwan’s petite frame in her arms, a soft smile formed on her face at the sacredness of the moment. As she looked down at the sweet form of her lover, she wondered when and how she fell in love; all she knew was that Seungwan came close and smiled sweetly, and she was done for. That girl was hers, and her heart was the girl’s.

There was no kiss sweeter than the ones she shared with Sooyoung. It was an unquenchable thirst, a feeling that left her with a constant, restless turmoil. Yet, she found peace in the turmoil, her heart being neither awake nor asleep as she relished in the dreams given to her by her love.

They hadn’t said those three coveted words to each other yet, but they knew. They knew.

Rolling her eyes at the sight of Sooyoung reading the same book, she leaned in and put her lips on the shell of her ear.

“Butler’s the killer,” she whispered.

A shiver ran down Sooyoung’s spine as she tried to act nonchalant, failing miserably as hot lips continued to whisper sweet nothings. A part of her realized they should knock it off, mostly because they were in public; the pair stood staggeredly on steps to one of the school’s dining halls, with Seungwan standing a step above the other girl, making up for the disparity in height.

Joy closed her eyes and got lost in the feeling, closing the book as well and letting warmth encompass her. The sound of giggles could be heard around them, and she opened up her eyes, curiously wondering what everyone around them was seeing.

Approaching them with a shaky walk came Bae Joohyun, wearing a neon pink skirt with a matching jacket partially covering an equally neon orange shirt, all topped off with a pale pink headband holding her short hair back. It was obvious that she had tried to do her own makeup, the blue eyeshadow and glossy coat on her lips haphazardly clashing with the already disastrous look.

The neon girl was all smiles, while Seungwan and Sooyoung struggled to hold back their own.

“Hi guys!” she chirped. “How do I look?”

At that point, Seungwan was biting the inside of her cheek, trying not to laugh in the face of the smiling girl.

“Just like Joy, right?”

They stared at each other for a minute, the two lovers using everything within them to hold in the laughter, finally erupting with loud laughter as the people around them also began to laugh.

Hiding behind the book, the two laughed harder and harder, Wendy more unrestrained than Joy. She was leaning against the banister, clutching her stomach as tears touched the corner of her eyes from extreme laughter.

Joohyun watched, her smile faltering with every laugh that came out of Seungwan’s mouth, each one harder than the last. If only the laughter was louder than the sound of Joohyun listening to her own heart break.

Noticing this change in her behavior, Sooyoung nudged Seungwan. “Stop it, Seungwan.” Joohyun frowned even harder, looking away from the pair. Sooyoung clicked her tongue and put an arm on Seungwan. “Seriously, stop it.”

With hot tears threatening to spill, Joohyun her heel and walked hurriedly away. Sooyoung followed her immediately, sending a glare to a still laughing Seungwan.

What have I done?

Joohyun felt the ground push back underneath her feet, hard and unforgiving as she walked as fast as she could in painful heels. The concrete was almost as cruel as the sound of laughter coming from Seungwan’s mouth. The image of tears pricking Wendy’s eyes and tears filled her own burned her mind like a cattle prod, branding her as a true fool.

The night before, Joohyun had been caught trying on more “feminine” outfits, plotting ways to appeal to Seungwan. Any logic behind the plan was twisted in nature; Joohyun was simply desperate to catch the eye of her love the way Joy effortlessly seemed to do.

When Seulgi walked in on Joohyun wearing what could be described as a skirt short enough to cause a genuine scandal if the wearer were to sit down, she raised an eyebrow as Joohyun looked away bashfully. “You know, it’s not a bad thing to dress more femininely or masculinely; but whatever you wear, just make sure it’s your style.”

So there Joohyun was, crying on a bench, wearing feminine clothes in her “style.” The neon outfits worked in her favor when paired with a bare face and jeans, but this was something else. She felt small in her own skin, desiring to be anywhere but the clothes and place she was currently in.

If Seulgi could see her now, she didn’t know whether her roommate would beat her or pity her. While wiping her face, she saw Joy cautiously walk up to her from the corner of her eye. Great…

She expected a consoling hand or words of comfort, but what she got instead was a tight hug, words of silent understanding passing between them. No hatred held its place in Joohyun’s heart for Joy, only a malicious whisper reminding her of what could’ve been.

As the hug broke, Sooyoung kept a hand on Joohyun’s shoulder, keeping her close, almost as if to prevent her from running away.

A broken laugh shone through the tears as Joohyun shook her head at herself. “I look crazy, right? I just wanted to look beautiful like you, but I don’t even know how.”

Sooyoung sighed and squeezed the shoulder she held. The question “Why?” didn’t even occur as a thought, nor as a feeling on the tip of her tongue; she knew why. She knew.

“Joohyun, you are very beautiful.” Was this Joy’s fault? Had her own presence brought a beautiful girl to the point of imitation?

The hand on the shoulder was shaken off as Joohyun continued to shake her head. “You’re lying. Didn’t you hear how everyone laughed?” Of course, that sound would follow her in every moment, reminding her that she was a failure.

“They-“

“They’re idiots like me.” 

With a gasp, Joohyun turned around to face an apologetic Seungwan. Even when she was cruel, she was beautiful. And God, was she cruel. It felt as if every step Joohyun took forward, Seungwan dragged her a mile backwards with a disarming smile and words enchanting enough to charm the snake charmer himself.

The blonde continued to ramble. “Actually, you’re the most beautiful, because you’re incredibly special. I mean, at least you’re not like the girls I kept chasing after.”

The three girls laughed, albeit with different tones. It felt as if Joohyun and Seungwan were sharing an inside joke, a private meeting that Sooyoung could only observe. Sooyoung knew she held Seungwan’s heart, but how much of it also belonged to Joohyun?

“You know… you could have anyone you want, Hyun.”

Joohyun looked at her best friend with hopeful eyes. “Anyone?”

Seungwan tapped Joohyun’s small nose, leaning in a little closer. “Anyone.”

Something in the air shifted, and Joohyun felt herself compelled to ask once more. “Anyone?”

A nervous energy suddenly came over Seungwan. The desire to avert her eyes from Joohyun’s own pleading ones was strong, but she braved through and stared right at her. “Anyone. But they’ll have to be cockeyed,” Seungwan jested, easily alleviating the electric moment between them.

Joohyun punched Seungwan’s shoulder and pulled her closer, burying her face in blonde, sweet smelling hair. A smile of bliss erupted on Seungwan’s face, happy that her best friend was safe in her arms. In each other’s arms, they were unstoppable, but the world never stopped, and the two could never stay unstoppable.

The smile on Sooyoung’s face, however, was one of a tight line—a forced appearance on the face of the girl who was realizing she wasn’t needed. She began to walk past the hugging pair, forcefully stopping in her tracks as a hand encircled her wrist, fingers brushing past the friendship bracelet as they always did, causing a sweet spark to travel, as it always did.

It was a sight for anyone to witness: three girls standing with an infinite expanse of words not shared between them. Perhaps they already knew. But if they did, they refused to accept it.

When Joy got home, she saw her father sitting at a piano, practicing as if he hadn’t played for his entire life. Amused by the small notes coming out of the instrument, she sat down on the bench beside him, and when he noticed her presence he began to play a different tune.

“Love, love is strange

Lots of people take it for a game…”

The daughter rolled her eyes at her father’s strange behavior. “Dad…”

“Wendy…” he teased.

Joy froze for a second, not knowing how to process the knowing smile and raised eyebrows, so she blushed and hid her face in her hands. “Dad?”

“What ‘Dad’? You can’t hide anything from me, dear. But Wendy? You couldn’t find anyone else?”

“Come on, Dad!” She pushed his shoulder playfully, leaning on it afterwards.

Her father let out a hearty laugh. “Actually, I would have felt just as bad if it was anyone else.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll still have to share your love with someone else.”

Joy stood up and wrapped her arms around her father as he stayed seated. “I love you.”

“And that’s the problem. I love you too. Have you told her yet?”

Sooyoung sighed and shook her head. “I just feel that Wendy and Irene…” she trailed off, her anxious thoughts remaining unvoiced.

“Sooyoung, Wendy only loves you. Irene is her best friend, nothing more.”

“No, Dad. Somewhere deep in that friendship is an even deeper love, and I don’t want to come in the way of that.”

The idea kept her up countless nights. She wanted to believe that it was all in her head, but all gut feelings are rooted in the truth, albeit slightly off.

“Sooyoung,” he said again, this time more adamantly. “The whole college knows those two are just friends and not