Hanbin’s POV

“Great job. That’s it for now, see you all on the day after tomorrow.” I leaned on my chair and felt my muscles relaxed. It was one hell of a day, we started recording at 8 am and now it’s already 10 pm. The members bid me goodbye and that left me alone in the room. They have potential but they are still young, so they tend to be playful. Sometimes that’s making it hard for me to guide them, they just debuted with the name iKON. I can see it going to hit big on the charts. I can feel it.

I was just finishing tidying up the studio when I heard a knock and the sound of the door opening. Another artist came in, it was Jaewon, an aspiring rapper debuted last year and my co-producer at that. A young and talented man, “Hyung you’re still here? Come on let’s grab dinner.” I nodded and grabbed my things following him outside.

I don’t exactly know how we got close, but I remember we met when it has only been one year since I became a producer for the prestige company. He just got his debut and I was assigned to produce his debut album. One evening I was stuck at the third song, the melody was already good, but I felt like something was missing, then he opened my studio thinking there was no one inside.

He accidentally heard the song and just went and gave his opinion and ideas on me, at first I was irritated because I was disturbed but when I listened to what he added to the song I was awestruck at how good it sounded, it was way more better than before. I looked at him and was shocked at how at such a young age he had a talent for it. Ever since then I welcome him to my studio, and he helps me from time to time whenever I get stuck at a melody. Maybe it was the turning point why we got closer with each other.

Since it’s already late and most of the stores are already closed, we decided to eat at a convenience store near the company. We both got cup ramen and some light snacks to add to the taste, we chatted for a while and next thing we knew we were already full. We parted ways and I made my way home, I looked back at him and saw he was already gone. I exhaled a breath and loosen my balance making me crouch on the ground.

I can’t believe I survived yet another encounter with him. Yes, you guessed it right. I have had a crush on him for one year already. I was amazed by how talented he is when he accidentally opened my door to the studio. Ever since then I can’t get him out of my mind, I’m already this deeply affectionate with him. I don’t know how long I can hide this, I got up and get myself together and continued my way home.

The next day I was dilly dallying in my studio when Jaewon popped again, “Hyung let’s have lunch, there’s this newly opened restaurant and they’re giving discounts.” I was not prepared for him to pop at this time making me fall on my seat. He hurriedly came to me and helped me sit on the couch. Feeling his touch on my body makes me go crazy. “I’m okay now Jaewon that was not a major fall.”

He still looked concerned but didn’t say another word about it. “So? You still in for lunch?” I looked at him and he looked just like a puppy, cute. I said yes and made our way to lunch. We were already seated and choosing what to eat on the menu when the door to the restaurant rang and voices could be heard. I didn’t pay too much attention to it but suddenly a voice I know so well came to my hearing.

I trembled and frozen on my seat, it’s been too long but he still has this effect on me. The voices became closer and closer until I could hear it next to me, I took a peek making sure if it was truly him. And I was right, it was him. He was with another man, looking back at him he was smiling while the other was saying something to him. A pain can be felt on my chest, he’s happy. He moved on happily. It hurts but he deserves to be happy after what I’ve done. I faintly smiled at him and said my order to the waiter.

After ordering our food Jaewon drove back in telling stories about his trainee days which I was thankful for the distraction. He continued until our food came and at some point, the thoughts of Jiwon and the pain I felt on my chest were gone. I didn’t even notice when I was just too immersed by what Jaewon was saying and how cute he is when his face changes depending on his story. It’s too early to say I’m in love with him but I know I’m attracted to him, this time I will carefully cherish this moment with us.

I excused myself to go to the restroom. I was already washing my hand when Jiwon came, our eyes met, and I avoided him. I was about to leave but he was not budging at the door to give me way, I looked at him and asked for him to move but he just looked at me back. Emotionless. It’s as if he purposely followed me here, what could he possibly want with me?

“How are you?” he asked. I was trembling, hearing his voice this close I didn’t prepare my heart for this. I won’t deny that I still have lingering feelings for him when it has already been 2 years since we broke up and got divorced. Did he see me with Jaewon? Did he feel something? “I’m okay. I’m a producer now.” I smilingly said to him. “How about you? How are you? What have you been up to lately?”

“Look Hanbin, I’m gonna be honest with you. I won’t deny I felt something seeing you with another guy, but I just wanna say after seeing you properly with him I was glad. I was glad you were able to move on and find your own happiness.”

Hearing him say that made my chest feel lighter than earlier. “Thanks, Jiwon, I’m glad you found your own happiness too.” He smiled at me and moved out of the door. Before I finally left I stopped, “You know Jiwon, I really loved you back then but I guess we were not meant to be after all. I’m sorry.” And I left with seeing or hearing his response.

I got back from my seat and Jaewon happily continued talking again. I saw Jiwon walk back to his seat and for a second our eyes met and at that moment there was a silent understanding. That it was all okay now, no burdens from the past. We are free from ourselves, from our past. I looked at Jaewon and realized ‘yes I’m free now.’