Two
Ironic BindHis heart ached when he said that. It was true that he genuinely liked Hyun Ae.
But having to move to the U.S. also meant uncertainties. Not only to his studies and future career, but also romantic relationships. He realized that anything could happen within the period of five years. He had never been in a long-distance relationship himself, but he had heard about its pros and cons. Would he be able to maintain a relationship, while taking into account time differences between South Korea and the U.S., and also changes in his living style in the U.S.? If he chose to maintain the relationship with Hyun Ae, what if Hyun Ae met another guy when he was away, and both of them developed mutual romantic feelings towards each other? It’s not impossible; both Hyun Ae and he would become young adults in the span of five years.
Anything could happen.
“Why?” Hyun Ae’s voice sounded shaky. “Do you not like me anymore?”
“No, no, please don’t think that way,” Jihoon hurriedly spoke, “I like you, I still like you. But I don’t want to be selfish by keeping this relationship while I’m in the U.S. While I’m away, you might meet another guy that would catch your attention. I don’t want to keep you chained to myself.” Jihoon held her head and her hair. His eyes were watery out of sadness. He could feel that the revelation broke both of their hearts. He brought her head to his chest. “I’m sorry, Hyun Ae-yah…”
Hyun Ae bowed her head a little bit, hiding her teary eyes and reddening nose. She kept her eyes trained on her left hand that was still held by Jihoon before her vision became blurry due to her tears. Not being able to hold the tears anymore, she let them trail down her cheeks in between her sniffles. 'Is this... the end?'
Jihoon her hair and shoulders from time to time and muttered countless apologies. He knew the decision that he made was hard to swallow, but he also knew sooner or later it had to be done.
After a few minutes, Hyun Ae started to calm down. Sniffles and hiccups were becoming less frequent.
“I’m sorry, Hyun Ae-yah,” said Jihoon, for the umpteenth time.
She managed a weak shake of her head along with a heavy sigh. It was evident that she was heartbroken, but at the same time, she tried not to make a scene. She also possibly tried to imagine herself being in Jihoon’s shoes which led him to his decision.
“Hyun Ae-yah, can you promise me something?”
Jihoon’s question made her red and puffy eyes look up to see her partner. Jihoon wiped her tears away from her cheeks.
“Hyun Ae-yah, promise me to stay true to yourself.”
She evidently could not capture the message behind it, so she looked into Jihoon’s eyes longer, sliently demanding a further explanation.
Jihoon touched the hair that was covering her face. He pulled her hair back, revealing her ears and side profiles.
“I remember you saying that you feel uncomfortable if you cover your face that much. You said that you wouldn’t be able to see properly because your vision would get restricted.”
Jihoon proceeded to remove his black jacket and cover Hyun Ae’s bare laps. “I also remember you saying that it made you uncomfortable to wear anything shorter than knee-length skirts or pants because you don’t like exposing your skin.”
Hyun Ae seemed to realize something and bite her lower lip.
“I realized that you’ve changed after we went out. I admit that you look more beautiful, more feminine. Did you do it for our relationship?”
Hyun Ae nodded and then uttered, “I looked up the internet on how to look better in front of my partner…”
“I’m thankful for your thoughts. But I also realize that along with such changes, you also step into changes that made you feel uncomfortable.” It’s as if you’re not comfortable with your own skin, Hyun Ae-yah.
Throughout their theme park date earlier – apparently it became their final date—Jihoon could not help mentally pointing out such changes. She used to be prominent in making decisions, for instance, on which food to eat, which rides to choose. But during their date, she kept saying, “Oppa, you choose. I’ll just follow you.” Her voice also became much softer and higher-pitch when she talked to him, as if she was making her voice sound cuter and more aegyo-like. It was unlike her prior confident self with a natural voice, which definitely was not aegyo-like. Jihoon could see that these changes contradicted her principles, and he also saw see how uncomfortable she was. He felt disheartened that she seemed to be forcing herself through such changes.
“Hyun Ae-yah, it’s not wrong looking more feminine. But if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it, okay? A real person who loves you will always accept you for whoever you are. Don’t change for the sake of another person, but make changes because you’re comfortable with the changes. Okay?”
In silence, Hyun Ae slowly nodded.
Jihoon reached his messenger bag and produced a flat and square box. “Hyun Ae-yah, I’m sorry that today happened, but regardless, I hope you could accept this humble gift from me,” he said while gently placing the box into Hyun Ae's palms. “We should get moving now. Grandma must be worried that you haven’t reached home.”
Jihoon kept Hyun Ae company until she reached her home. Habitually, he stayed until Hyun Ae closed the front door, making sure that she was safely home. He also realized that it might be the last time that he would be around the lady’s house. He gazed at the surrounding of the house. It was Hyun Ae's grandparents' house - a humble one, unlike his parents' mansion. Hyun Ae's grandparents always greeted him affectionately. There were countless times where he was invited to have meals together, especially when he was meeting Hyun Ae.
Jihoon spun on his heels, turned around, and formed heavy steps to leave the area around Hyun Ae’s house, leaving behind the memories that he had had with her.
After a few moments, he wiped his tears away from his cheeks.
'I love you, Hyun Ae-yah. I’m sorry for not being brave enough.'
*****
Once Hyun Ae stepped into her house, Grandma immediately saw her red and puffy eyes. “What happened, Hyun Ae-yah?” asked Grandma while getting worried.
“Halmeoni,” Hyun Ae breathed out, but she could not continue what she wanted to say. She resorted to hugging Grandma’s petite body and letting her tears out on Grandma’s shoulder.
Grandma led her granddaughter’s body into the living room, and let the latter cry onto her laps. In between sniffles and hiccups, Hyun Ae slowly recounted her breakup with Jihoon, eventually inviting tears into Grandma’s eyes.
“I’m sorry that it happened to you. You must have been feeling sad,” said Grandma as she Hyun Ae's hair.
Grandma could tell that Hyun Ae really liked Jihoon. Her face would light up with a glow every time she told stories about him. Grandma also witnessed how her granddaughter changed from a carefree young teen to a more feminine late teen, all because of Jihoon.
Grandma made sure she was with Hyun Ae the whole night, listening to the latter’s woes and cries until Hyun Ae fell asleep. Grandma rubbed her granddaughter’s hair with love and pity. 'You will go through this, my love.'
*****
It was Sunday again.
Hyun Ae sat at her study desk that was placed right beside a window, facing the garden of her grandparents’ house. She was holding a ballpoint pen and facing a revision book, but instead of studying, she stared blankly at the variety of flowers that were starting to wilt due to autumn. Usually, such sight excited her because autumn was her favourite season. But apparently not this time.
It had been a week since her parting with Jihoon.
A week, where she struggled to get through. There were so many times where she found herself spacing out – at school, during cram studies, on her way to school. At times, it was her friends that snapped their fingers in front of her to get Hyun Ae out of her trances.
She had not told anybody about her parting with Jihoon. Granted, she never announced the relationship anyway because she preferred to keep it down.
A week after their parting, she still felt empty, and more often, miserable. Even doing normal routines such as brushing her teeth and doing dishes felt heavy for her. She recalled that on the day after the parting, she woke up to swollen eyes. She was somehow grateful that it was a public holiday, which meant that she could stay at home the entire day. Which she did, by lying on her bed the entire day. She barely ate as well. She only did so was when Grandma coaxed her to have her meals.
“You should have some food, it’s been long since you’ve eaten. Do you want me to get worried about you?” Grandma had said. She reluctantly had her meals even though her appetite was nil the whole day.
At the study desk, Hyun Ae released a heavy sigh. She had planned to do her revision properly on that day, Sunday, to compensate for her unproductive week. However, it seemed that the effort came to naught because her body and mind were not cooperating well.
Instead, her mind was brought to the night of the parting, especially the part where Jihoon made her promise one thing.
Staying true to herself.
To be honest, she was stunned when Jihoon blurted out his observation. She did make some changes to look more attractive to him, but she was surprised that Jihoon noticed her discomfort with some of the changes that she made. She was genuinely touched by his thoughts. Hyun Ae could tell from his words that he still cared for her.
After their parting that night, Jihoon left a text for her, “Hyun Ae-yah, I’m sorry for tonight… but I hope that I could still be a dear friend to you. And I also hope that I could still be that person who you rely on at any time. Let me know if you need anything and good luck with your exams!”
Hyun Ae had not replied to Jihoon’s text, in fact, she only left it seen. Even though they attended the same school, she was grateful that the seniors’ block was placed far from the rest of the school compound, making it difficult for both of them to stumble upon each other.
Even though the parting made her go through difficult times, she tried to accept the fact that it was meant to be. She thought about the possibilities of having a long-distance relationship with Jihoon, but Jihoon made some logical sense that anything could happen while being apart from each other, especially for a long stretch of time. What if Jihoon had to stay in the U.S. for longer than 5 years? Could she stand being in such a relationship? From what she saw and read from movies and books, long-distance relationships could be challenging. Would they be able to go through the ups and downs?
In the midst of her thoughts, her eyes landed on a flat box that was placed on a small cupboard on her study desk; it was the parting gift that Jihoon gave her. Hyun Ae reached to get the box before opening it, revealing a bracelet with royal blue beads, with a post-it note saying, “Thank you, Shin Hyun Ae, and please take care!”
She managed a weak smile at the gift. Royal blue was her favourite colour. In a motion, she wore the bracelet and admired the bracelet’s beauty against her skin.
She decided not to hate Jihoon for what had happened. As per what Grandma had said, “It’s part of life.”
And she would hold onto her promise to Jihoon, that she would stay true to herself.
[A / N]:
The prologue of two chapters is up! It's quite lengthy for an introductory chapter ^.^" but I hope you enjoy it anyway hee. Kindly look forward to the following chapters, and thank you for reading!
22 Aug 2021, 23:59 GMT
[29.10.2021]
I just finished looking at the previous chapters and made a few additions and changes. I'm having a brief hiatus soon, but I'll try my best to post at least a chapter before November ends.
I just finished looking at the previous chapters and made a few additions and changes. I'm having a brief hiatus soon, but I'll try my best to post at least a chapter before November ends.
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