Hyejoo is dying.  

 

She's not literally dying, but it feels like she is with her god awful congested nose and a fever that’s practically boiling her alive.   

 

It's the worst ing feeling in the world. 

 

Hyejoo doesn't get sick. Doesn't even remember the last time she was sick. She doesn't do the whole lying in bed, wishing for some higher power to end her suffering. She doesn't do the whole "the room is spinning and I'm going to throw up."

 

But here she is anyways running a 101 degree fever and unable to breath through her nose. 

 

She's 500% sure it's Jiwoo's fault that she feels like . She shouldn't have gone over to her place yesterday. The very fact that her upperclassman repaid her for taking precious time out of her own day to buy Jiwoo some much needed medicine with a stupid disease offended her. 

 

She was even more offended that she actually caught it. She was so careful with her mask and latex gloves and goggles. Jiwoo's roommate and more-than-friend, Sooyoung, even had the audacity to laugh at her when she let her into their dorm.

 

Damn it, she should’ve worn the entire hazmat suit. 

 

Hyejoo sniffles pathetically, reaching for her tissue box. She finds there's no more in it. 

 

This .

 

She chucks the box across the room. 

 

She's not dealing with this today. She refuses to deal with this today. If she's going to be sick for the rest of the day, she decides she's going to spend it in a coma. 

 

Before she goes to sleep though, she texts Jiwoo's ungrateful asking her to buy some tissues and flu medicine for her.  Also that she deserves compensation for the suffering she's going through. She flings her phone somewhere on her bed and tries to make herself comfortable in her sweaty pajamas.

 

Hyejoo wakes up again in a haze. She feels even worse than before. Her head is pounding and her limbs feel like lead. is as dry as desert sand, but the idea of getting out of bed is gross.

 

Someone's knocking on her door and she thinks she should go check who it is until she remembers texting Jiwoo for supplies. 

 

She rolls over and throws her sheets over her head. The older girl already knows her apartment's passcode, so she's probably just knocking on her door to be annoying.

 

The knocking pauses and Hyejoo sighs, but then it starts again and Hyejoo's about to go over there just to yell at Jiwoo when her phone buzzes. She squints at the little notification. 

 

It's from Chaewon. 

 

AKA the love of her life and best friend that's currently sending her mixed signals about where they stand.  

 

Seriously though. Chaewon has always been touchy and clingy, but the blonde has started kissing her on the cheek lately and calling their coffee meetups and hangouts dates. 

 

Not that she doesn’t like it. On the contrary, she likes it very much. It’s just that Hyejoo can't tell if she means it in a gay, be-my-girlfriend kind of way or a best friend kind of way.

 

She opens her phone and checks Chaewon's message. 

 

Ɛ> Chae <3

u awake?

im here let me in

 

Huh? 

 

Hyejoo scratches her head. Why is Chaewon here? 

 

She hastily scrolls up and finds that, no, she did not, in fact, text Jiwoo. Instead, she texted Chaewon. 

 

She screams internally. 

 

Park Chaewon is literally standing outside her apartment right now and is about to see the mess Hyejoo is in. 

 

It's not like Chaewon hasn't seen her all roughed up before, but that was in the scratched knuckles and bloody mouth sense. Chaewon hasn't seen her all sick and pathetic and needy.

 

She doesn't want her crush to see her runny nose and sweaty face. 

 

Her phone buzzes again. 

 

Ɛ> Chae <3

hello? 

aw poor baby u must rly be out :(

im gonna come back later then 

text me when u wake up 

 

Chaewon's leaving after she came all this way to her apartment? 

 

Hyejoo feels guilty and guilt is enough to force her to stand up on unsteady legs, wrap her blanket around herself, and wobble to her door. The effort makes her head swim and she has to lean against the wall before she opens her door. 

 

Hyejoo sticks her head out. "Chaewon?" 

 

The blonde is already in the middle of leaving, but she turns around when she sees Hyejoo standing there.

 

Hyejoo almost cries at the sight. 

 

Chaewon looks like an angel, all cutely bundled up in her oversized, puffy jacket and scarf, her cheeks red from the cold. 

 

Then she remembers Chaewon is getting an eyeful of her snotty and miserable self. Embarrassed, she pulls her blanket over her face like a hood.

 

"Hey," Chaewon says, raising the arm holding a plastic bag full of stuff, and Hyejoo can feel all the breath that wasn't there in the first place being knocked out of her lungs. "Got the stuff you wanted." 

 

"Thank you," she manages to croak, cringing internally at her scratchy voice. She pushes the door open wider so Chaewon can come in. 

 

Chaewon comes inside and sets the bag on the table, unloading tissues, flu medicine, and a bunch of other stuff she never asked for. 

 

Hyejoo stands behind her. "What's this?" 

 

"Just some stuff I thought you might need," Chaewon hums, tying up the empty plastic bag in a knot and stuffing it in her coat pocket. 

 

"You didn't need to do this." 

 

"Yes I did." Chaewon tiptoes and pecks her on the cheek. "Now go lie down and take these."

 

Hyejoo's brain, which is already muddled up from being sick, short circuits and her body automatically goes on autopilot, wordlessly taking the pills Chaewon is handing her and marching back to her room.

 

Her entire face burns. Especially the part Chaewon kissed. The whole room feels uncomfortably warm and it's not just because of her fever. 

 

Chill, she tells herself, it's a friend thing. She doesn't mean it that way. 

 

Deep down she has a small sliver of hope that Chaewon really does mean it that way. But hope will only make her heart break worse when she inevitably finds out Chaewon does not like her back. 

 

Already imagining it makes her headache even worse, so she just curls up in bed and takes her medicine like the blonde told her to do. She dry swallows the pills like a boss because she's Son Hyejoo and she's cool like that. Also because she has no water and she doesn't want to bother Chaewon anymore. 

 

She spends the next few minutes waiting for the blonde to finish whatever she's doing by scrolling through Twitter and angrily messaging Jiwoo. She makes sure she texts the right person this time. 

 

Jiwoo doesn't respond right away like she normally does, and Hyejoo chalks it up to either Jiwoo balking at the long paragraph and/or being too busy clinging to Sooyoung. 

 

Chaewon comes in just as she's about to climb out of bed and investigate the noises coming from her kitchen. The shorter girl has a track record of blowing up ovens and toasters and Hyejoo just wants to make sure she doesn’t have to replace her stove again.

 

Chaewon is balancing a bowl of dakjuk, a glass of water, a box of tissues, and a Nintendo Switch on the heavy metal tray. Hyejoo doesn't remember having a tray, but then she realises that the "tray" is the thick slab of metal meant for grilling meat that came with this apartment's stove. 

 

It's cute though, with Chaewon's concentrated expression and messy ponytail. 

 

"You know that's not for that, right?" Hyejoo chuckles when Chaewon puts the tray on her desk with a loud clang. 

 

"Well it is now," Chaewon replies, stretching her sore arms. She pulls up a chair next to her bed.

 

Hyejoo just laughs and shakes her head fondly, reaching for the food Chaewon brought her. She doesn't expect Chaewon to push her back down.

 

"What?" Hyejoo blinks up at her.

 

"I have to feed you. You're sick." 

 

"I can do it myself." 

 

"Nope," Chaewon says, pushing her again when she tries to sit up a second time, "You literally said you were dying. I have to."

 

"...fine." 

 

Chaewon finally lets Hyejoo pull herself into a sitting position before grabbing the bowl. She scoops out a spoonful of the dakjuk and blows gently on it so it won't burn Hyejoo's mouth. 

 

“Wait,” Hyejoo pulls back when the spoon presses against her lips, “this isn’t gonna give me food poisoning, right?”

 

Chaewon frowns, unamused. “Eat it or I’m going home.”

 

“I was just asking,” Hyejoo chuckles, letting Chaewon feed her. 

 

She doesn't know she's starving until she swallows the first bite. 

 

It tastes amazing. Better than amazing. 

 

It tastes just like her mom's dakjuk and she now knows how that food critic from Ratatouille felt when he ate the food. It's just chicken and ginger and gruel, but Chaewon made it taste like heaven. 

 

She wonders what alternate universe she’s in for Chaewon’s cooking to taste like something that’s actually good and not burnt charcoal.

 

Hyejoo opens for another bite and Chaewon feeds her more.   

 

She's not caught off guard by the wonderful taste this time and she finally realizes the domesticity of this moment. It's like they're the only two people in the world right now. It leaves a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach and fans the stupid spark of hope into a candle-sized flame.  

 

Chaewon gently wipes at the corners of with a napkin and lifts the water to her lips. 

 

Hyejoo takes the cup into her own hands. "You can at least let me do this part by myself." 

 

"...I guess," Chaewon finally relents. 

 

"Who taught you to make this? It’s suspiciously good," Hyejoo asks after she puts the cup back on the tray. 

 

"What do you mean ‘suspiciously good?’ That’s rude. I taught myself to make this," Chaewon answers, already picking the dakjuk back up, "My mom was always busy and my little sister got sick a lot." 

 

"Mhm," Hyejoo nods around another bite, "By the way, what's the Switch for?" 

 

"I thought we could play if you weren't sleepy after you finished eating. I have Smash, Mario Kart, and New Horizons. Take your pick." 

 

That was easy. 

 

"Mario Kart." 

 

“Oh, are you still salty?”

 

“You cheated.” 

 

"Well stay salty cause I'm going to cream you again." 

 

Hyejoo pulls a face and Chaewon responds by smirking at her. 

 

She lets Chaewon feed her the rest, and props herself up with pillows as she waits for Chaewon to come back from putting her bowl in the sink. 

 

She feels better than 30 minutes ago, but only slightly. Her fever is still present and her body still kind of aches. 

 

Chaewon returns quickly, this time settling beside Hyejoo on the bed. 

 

"You shouldn't get too close, I'm sick." Hyejoo scootches as far away from her as she can on her tiny twin bed.

 

Chaewon chases Hyejoo and sticks to her side against the younger's protests. "I won't. My immune system is strong."  

 

She flexes a skinny arm to prove her point. 

 

Hyejoo laughs, making sure to cover and nose with her blanket. "That's what I thought and look where I am." 

 

“Maybe you’re just weak then,” Chaewon raises her eyebrows in challenge. 

 

“Arm wrestle. You, me, right now.” 

 

“Nope, you’re too sick to do that.”

 

“Isn’t that awfully convenient,” Hyejoo squints suspiciously

 

Chaewon gives her a conspiratory grin and leans her head against Hyejoo's shoulder, entangling their hands together. She smells like vanilla and home and Hyejoo can't get enough of it. She leans her own head on Chaewon's, breathing shallowly, afraid of ruining the moment. 

 

The flame of hope is steadily growing bigger with each passing second, and with it, her confidence. 

 

"Honestly," Hyejoo whispers, giving Chaewon's hand a squeeze. "You're like my girlfriend." 

 

Her heart skips a beat as she waits for the blonde's response. 

 

It's a little experiment. Just to test how Chaewon would react to being called her girlfriend.

 

"What do you mean?" Chaewon pulls back and gives her a confused look. 

 

“What do I mean?” Hyejoo backpedals quickly, stomping on the flame urgently. 

 

“Like your girlfriend?”

 

That backfired horribly. At least she thinks it did. "I just meant-"

 

"I am your girlfriend."

 

Hyejoo turns to Chaewon so fast she nearly gets whiplash. 

 

What. 

 

What?!

 

"You are?!" 

 

"You're literally the one who asked me out, you dork." Chaewon shoves her shoulder playfully. 

 

Hyejoo doesn't remember doing that. Did she get drunk and do it? 

 

She doesn't remember getting drunk. She's not even 21 yet; she can't even drink - at least not legally.  

 

Was it the time they both hung out with Haseul and Kahei, and Haseul let her have a sip of wine? Was her tolerance that low? 

 

Her headache comes back the more she tries to recall.

 

"Did I?" Hyejoo gapes. She can't believe she's been pining over her girlfriend this entire time. Hell, she can't even believe that Chaewon is her girlfriend and that she can't even remember confessing. 

 

Maybe she's so sick that she's hallucinating this entire conversation. Maybe she actually is dying.

 

"Yeah! I can’t believe you don’t remember,” Chaewon huffs indignantly, smacking her lightly with her tiny fists. “You took me on a picnic at the lake and rowed us around in a boat! You even gave an entire speech about it and I refuse to believe you didn’t memorise that.”

 

Hyejoo has never been on a boat in her entire life, let alone rowed one.  

 

“I did?”

 

“It was so romantic too cause the sun was setting and there were fireflies!”

 

Hyejoo did hit her head particularly hard the other day when she walked into a pole while waving at Chaewon from across the quad. 

 

“I mean… Unless…" Chaewon's eyebrows furrow.

 

Hyejoo suddenly wants to smooth out the little crease in between her eyebrows. She has the right to do that now, right? Since they're apparently dating. 

 

Chaewon gnaws on her lip. "Unless it was a dream?" 

 

Hyejoo can only stare as Chaewon goes through what seems to be the seven stages of grief all at the same time. She hovers her hands over the girl's shoulders awkwardly, debating whether it would be a good decision to try and comfort her.

 

"Chaewon…?" 

 

"Oh my god." The blonde facepalms. "It was a ing dream." 

 

Hyejoo feels like she's on an emotional roller coaster and she doesn't know what to do. Her stomach is churning uncomfortably too. 

 

"So…are we not girlfriends?" 

 

"No? I don't know? I guess not?" Chaewon starts pulling on her hair. 

 

Hyejoo's heart sinks until she remembers that Chaewon did dream about her asking her out, and, according to her high school AP Psychology course, dreams are meant to fulfill the dreamer's wishes. And Chaewon's wish was to have Hyejoo confess to her.

 

But then again, the wish fulfillment dream theory is Freud's theory, and she hates the man with a burning conviction.

 

"You dreamt about me confessing?" Hyejoo tests, getting a little bolder. She fights her flu down as the room spins a little and her stomach grumbles irritatedly.

 

"Well, you didn't take me out on a romantic date on a boat with fireflies and candles, did you?" Chaewon comments wryly, "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. Just pretend I never said anything." 

 

"But do you like me?" 

 

"Hyejoo, just forget the last minute happened." 

 

"Do you like me?"

 

"Do I like you-? Isn't it obvious?" 

 

"Please answer." 

 

Chaewon sighs, running a hand through her frazzled hair, forgetting it's tied up in a ponytail.

 

"You probably won't want to be my friend after this." 

 

"I'll stay your friend, no matter what you have to say," Hyejoo states, discreetly clutching her stomach with her hands. She feels really nauseous right now, but she needs to hear this from Chaewon.

 

"We won't be able to be friends the same way." 

 

"Please," Hyejoo begs, urging her to get on with it already.

 

"Yes," Chaewon admits, screwing her eyes shut. "I like you. I've liked you since forever. And I thought you did too, but I guess not. I'm sorry. You're probably grossed out."

 

"Chaewon… that’s not it at all, I-" Hyejoo starts before she feels like she's been er punched in the gut. 

 

She bolts for the bathroom and she makes it just in time for her to empty her insides into the toilet. She barely registers Chaewon coming in and holding her hair back before she's gagging again. 

 

She really, really hates Jiwoo right now. 

 

She's gagging so hard it hurts - that her vision is going blurry with tears. There goes all of Chaewon's cooking and effort down the drain. Or more accurately, down the toilet. 

 

"Damn it," she mutters when there's nothing left to throw up. 

 

Chaewon's been rubbing circles on her back through all of it and Hyejoo remembers that she needs to confess back even though is all scratched up and tastes like acid and dakjuk.

 

"Hey." She looks at Chaewon, who looks back at her. She can’t compare to Dream Hyejoo in this state, but she can try. "We're not on a boat and I don’t have some elaborate speech...”

 

Hyejoo lets out a nervous breath. “...but I like you too." 

 

Chaewon doesn't say anything for a long while and Hyejoo can feel an awkward blush creeping from her neck to her ears.

 

"Oh my god," Chaewon finally mumbles, pressing her forehead into Hyejoo's back, "Oh my god."

 

"Chaewon…?"

 

The older girl lets out a small hysterical giggle which morphs into full blown laughter. Hyejoo stays stock-still while she waits for Chaewon to stop shaking with laughter. The blonde is probably laughing at her, and honestly, she can’t blame her.

 

As it turns out, Chaewon is laughing at her. 

 

“I can’t believe you threw up after I said I liked you.”

 

Hyejoo manages to blush even harder. “That wasn’t my fault!”

 

“We’re a mess,” Chaewon sighs, and Hyejoo can feel her lips curving into a smile against her back. 

 

“Yeah,” Hyejoo agrees, relaxing when the blonde wraps her arms around her waist. “So we’re girlfriends now?” 

 

“Mhm.” 

 

Hyejoo grins, liking the way that sounds. 

 

Her. Chaewon. Girlfriends. 

 

“But can we go back to my room?” 

 

Chaewon gasps, scandalized. “We just started dating!” 

 

“My face is pressed into the toilet seat.”

 

“I was kidding.” Chaewon gets off of Hyejoo to let her stand up. The taller girl tries to, but her knees buckle and she stumbles into Chaewon.  

 

“I am much weaker than I thought.”

 

Chaewon laughs and kisses Hyejoo on the cheek.. It still makes her head spin and she almost falls over again. 

 

“Well, you have to hang in there long enough for me to beat you at Mario Kart again.”

 

“You wish.”