Some truths are just easier to accept than others. For Lee Felix, one of the latter was the fact that he had actually been serious when he had said “Let me double knot your shoes because I don’t want you falling for anyone else” to one of his group mates.
But let’s start at the beginning.

Felix hadn’t questioned certain facts about himself in years. At this point, he knew he didn’t really care about the gender of the people he was attracted to. He was someone who showed his affection in mostly physical ways, so hugging and cuddling with the people he loved was a given. And most of s had accepted that he was one clingy baby at times. 

That being said, he had always tried not to develop feelings that went beyond friendship or brotherhood with any of them. Professionalism and all that. But he had eyes and there was no denying that all of them were gorgeous guys.

But some of them just made him feel more comfortable and safer than the others. He wasn’t sure at which point it had been, but one day he realised that he loved and needed that feeling a lot. And a few of them were giving it to him much more regularly, so it was only natural that he gravitated more towards them.

~♍~

Han Jisung, always a bit on the chaotic side and jokingly dragged by s for being a mess from time to time, was, in fact, not as much of a mess as they would claim he was. He just had a lot on his mind at all times, making him appear like a baby deer that was trying to take its first steps when he didn’t pay close attention to his surroundings more often than he would like to admit.

What couldn’t be denied, however, was that Jisung cared very deeply for all of the members and contrary to the facade he liked to put on, he was soft and easily affected by their moods.

The others had learnt to watch out for him instinctively by now, but there were times when even their instincts couldn’t prevent the worst. Or best, depending on how you look at it.
 

~♍~

It just so happened that Jisung had taken a special liking to his almost birthday twin Felix. Not right from the start, mind you. He had seen him as a threat initially, someone who had been blessed with the fortes he so wished he had. Felix had a voice so deep that it clashed completely with his faerie like visuals and a natural ability to express himself through dance with seemingly little effort.

Jisung saw him as a rival for quite some time, until he became aware of Felix’ insecurities and the fact that the younger probably felt like a fish out of water, what with him having lived in Australia since birth and only having moved to Korea shortly before he became a trainee with the rest of the group. A fact that was only made worse because he didn’t speak the language fluently at first and had to work even harder to catch up with everyone else because of that.

Jisung felt horrible about his initial aversion towards the Australian, even more so since he was one of the few members who spoke English and were, therefore, able to help Felix learn Korean more quickly.

So he began to open up more towards Felix, to try and ease his worries and help him improve whatever aspect their teachers had claimed needed work.

Just seeing Felix’ smile at the end of the day made it all worth it. Or so Jisung tried to make himself believe for the longest time.

He would have had to be blind to miss how much all the other members were slowly pulled into Felix’ ban, too, though. 

The one who stood out most probably being Changbin, because he made no excuses about how much he adored and liked to dote on the younger. But it didn’t end there, of course.

Felix was clingy with everyone. Some more than others. But when the mood struck him, he’d be clinging to the person closest to him like a koala to a tree.
And Jisung wasn’t exactly sure when and why, but he found himself to be that person less and less. 

He was forced to watch from the sidelines, smiling because he was happy that the younger was so loved, but a part of him was also bubbling with jealousy. He wasn’t even entirely sure who that jealousy was directed at. Partially at the others for paying that kind of attention to Felix and partially at Felix himself for accepting it so easily and not being particularly selective about the people he accepted it from, or so Jisung guessed.

For some reason, the members were also a lot more reluctant to show Jisung the same kind of affection, despite him being very vocal about wanting hugs and kisses, too. And so things came full circle when Felix turned out to be the one who mostly showed him that kind of affection, albeit more rarely than Jisung would have liked.

He couldn’t be angry for long at the one person who made him feel safe and appreciated at all times, despite him making corny jokes and not always being at his best self, though, could he?

So Jisung tried to accept things as they were to his best abilities.

He worked on being more considerate of the other members, gradually warming up to Hyunjin, too. In hindsight, Jisung really had to admit to himself that he had a habit of disliking the people he’d eventually grow closest to at first.

Whether that made the ties they formed even stronger, he wasn’t quite so sure yet. But he was willing to take the chances.

So one beautiful evening, he had dared to venture to the company building to watch Hyunjin practise his dancing. Usually, the older preferred to practise alone, but Jisung had texted him in advance to ask if it was okay and Hyunjin, sensing that there was more to it than this simple request, had said yes.

So Jisung was well on his way, stopping by the café to grab some iced Americano for the two of them when he saw Changbin and Felix walking in at the edge of his vision. As usual, they were laughing about something, Felix’ voice impossible to ignore because Jisung's ears were just so used to filtering it out from even the noisiest soundscape. Felix was clinging to Changbin’s arm, the arguably sunniest smile on his face and their hyung certainly wasn’t looking exactly gloomy either. 

To anyone but Jisung, it must have been a heartwarming sight. But he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy taint the lovely picture they made for him. He wasn’t a complete arse, though, so he merely moved farther away from the counter, trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed them instead of downright glaring at them or worse.

His hopes of going unnoticed were destroyed by Changbin’s somewhat surprised “Hannie?” and Felix’ cheerful “Jiii~♡” that made him turn his head towards them, though.

“Oh hey, you guys! Didn’t see you coming in.” he smiled, feeling how forced it must have looked, but they didn’t seem to mind it enough to actually point it out.

“What are you up to, man? Planning to pull an all-nighter?” Changbin remarked with a nod in the direction of the two cups of Americano Jisung had just been handed.

“Nah, one’s for Hyunjin. I’m watching him practise tonight, so I gotta go. You know how he gets when he doesn't get his Americano on time… Catch ya later, bros!"

And with that he was gone, leaving the other two looking at each other in varying states of confusion and irritation.

"What exactly was that, hyung?"

But Changbin just shrugged and went up to the counter. "We can ask him later, Lix. Let's get our drinks~"

~♍~

Red is what I feel when I see you with someone else

~♍~