41 | A Very Merry Christmas

Because of You
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"where my heart is, is where my mind wanders, and where my body goes. everything, all of me, always, and only, and again…it all finds its way to you. you're an instinct."
— butterflies rising

 

The sun's rays sneaked past the small window above the bedframe and filled the room with light. It was nature’s silent alarm clock that told Su Min to get up.

 

She opened her eyes halfway, fluttering her eyelids a few times before her dark lenses finally adjusted to the brightness surrounding her. With a stretch of the arm, she reached for her phone on top of the nightstand and glanced at the time: 6:49 A.M.

 

Slowly, she sat up on the thin mattress carefully as to not wake the person sleeping next to her—then again, Kai was a heavy sleeper, so the slightest noise shouldn’t be a problem. She let out a yawn and secretly took a quick glance over the unbroken barrier of pillows, trying to sneak a peek at his sleeping face, but to her surprise, she found his side already empty.

 

With the comforter wrapped around her, Su Min wandered to the living room with the slight expectation of finding him on the couch, rolled into a ball.

 

Again, nothing.

 

She curiously tiptoed over to the kitchen, this time imagining Kai squatted behind the counter, scavenging for food.

 

But still, nothing.

 

Somewhat disappointed, her lips curved into a small pout. "His things are still here so he couldn’t have left," she deduced out loud as she thought of other places he could’ve gone off to. Just then, a likely possibility hit her. "O—!" she exclaimed, "It can't be that he went to look for a vacant room for tonight, could it? Ah…that dummy. Did he really think I’ll make him board with ahjumma?"

 

Worried, she made her way over to a window and scanned the winter wonderland outside, spotting a single trail of footsteps that marked the untouched snow.

 

Without needing to question where it led to, she quietly put on her coat and headed out the door.

 

 || …………… ||

 

Su Min followed the tracks to the mountain trail and found Kai standing by the lookout point, leaning against the black railing. It was a scene very familiar to her—the same one from that time they confessed theirs feelings to one another, way back when love was all that mattered.

 

She took a deep breath and made her way over to him, stopping by his side. "Santa told me to give this to you," she started, handing him a heat pack, "Merry Christmas."

 

Kai flashed a warm smile as he took the pouch from her hand and placed it in his pocket. "Thanks. It's just what I asked for," he joked.

 

A short round of laughter ensued, followed by simultaneous sighs, and then ultimately, silence.

 

Su Min puffed out her cheeks and nodded to herself. Unsure of where to go from there, she stared out into the vast white space spreading endlessly into the horizon. What was she trying to do exactly, coming all the way out here on a whim?

 

"What were you doing?" she managed to ask, keeping her gaze on the snow-covered field below them, "It's not like you to be up so early when you don’t have to be."

 

Kai shook his head lightly and trained his eyes to the same distance. "Nothing really," he replied in a calm voice, "I just wanted some time to think."

 

Su Min ran her hands along the railings, brushing away the snow that had accumulated on top of the thick bars, and pulled herself closer. "About?" she asked, glancing at him.

 

"Us," Kai answered as he met her eyes with his painted with sadness.

 

Another silence.

 

Unable to bear it for another second, her broke from her gaze and once again looked ahead, letting him go on.  

 

"Back then," he continued, "when you asked me to choose…I never gave you an answer…So why did you leave?"

 

Taken aback, it took Su Min some time before she found the will to respond. "You didn't have to," she answered with a hint of melancholy in her voice, "whether we admit it or not, we already knew which of the two you would've gone with…At that time, you were already walking down a path I had no intention of going. A path that diverted from where I wanted to go."

 

"And what if I chose you?" he asked, his tone firm and clear.  

 

Su Min lowered her head and took in a deep breath to blink away the emerging tears. "Then I'd be living with a guilty conscience," she admitted, commencing another moment of silence.

 

She smiled sadly to herself as she thought back to the time she first laid eyes on Kai, and the whirlwind of emotions that came with the sight of him. "When we met in junior high, the first thing I learned about you, was that you lived and breathed music…Back then, if you had chosen me…you would've been filled with regrets…and I would've blamed myself for taking away your dream," she confessed, revealing thoughts she never even dreamed of mentioning to him.

 

"So in the end, I really didn’t have a choice…" he clarified.

 

More silence.

 

Kai spun around and faced the opposite direction, leaning his back against the cold metal. "Hey Su Min," he called softly, staring down the trail that led back to the house.

 

Su Min looked up with eyes heavy from reminiscing, "Hm?"

 

Without another word, he turned to her and slowly took her in his arms, surrounding her with the warmth stemming from his gentle embrace. "For letting me chase after my dream…thank you," he whispered before planting a light kiss on her forehead.

 

A trail of tears fell down the sides of Su Min's face just as a wave of emotions consumed her, flooding her heart with both pain and happiness.

 

|| …………… ||

 

"Kya!" Su Min accidentally let out a girlish scream as she squatted down to dodge the snowball Kai hurled in her direction. The crumbly cannonball passed a few inches over her head and landed a couple of feet away, missing its target.

 

After walking through the trail this morning and grabbing breakfast, the two of them found themselves strolling around the town's winter festival.

 

Right now, they were in an all-out war with each other.

 

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saranghae45
Decided to revise an older story (one shot)! Please check out the adaptation of "This Thing Called Love" featuring Junmyeon: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1478014/this-thing-called-love (ch. to be released tonight) XD

Comments

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MissMong24 #1
read this for the second time and i can’t believe i didnt leave a comment the first time?!??? i love this story so much. the classic case of how your first love will always have a special place in your heart
poprocksgum
#2
Chapter 40: im not even halfway through and im feeling so angry already 😤😤 chanyeol doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment
favoritecrime
#3
Chapter 4: Why is Jongin such an here? 😭 I love him but it's hard to love his presentation in this fic. Lol. Will he have character development? Bcause he's such an here😒
ladykwonxiwu #4
Chapter 52: Chanyeol deserved better. Can I have Loey instead?
Ghad20
12 streak #5
Congratulations on the bid
shawols4lyf #6
Chapter 52: Re-reading again and my heart breaks every time for chan yeol. I hope he finds his girl tho.
aleezay #7
beautiful poster, just checked this story is complete and thinking to start it
KimHyeJoo #8
Chapter 52: This story need more recognize! It’s so wonderful!
Thanks for sharing it. I’m sorry for Chanyeol, but he deserve someone who equally love him
kworld320 #9
Chapter 52: Oh my heartu! I’m so in love with this story.
I did a marathon reading and I really just couldn’t stop. Bittersweet. All the while I thought the ending would be with Chanyeol but the first love was so great It was just the ending we really wanted.
Nicely written and worth the read.
So up vote worthy!
Those silent readers, it won’t take much of you time to upvote! Pls do so!
KeepWritingFairy
#10
Chapter 52: Oh shoot, I was rooting for Chanyeol but even I couldn't deny that Su Min's heart was really set on Kai.