Pour toujours et à jamais.

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“Jongin?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“There's something I-...” Taemin's voice quiets down to a whisper. “I want to talk to you.”

Jongin takes his eyes off his book and turns his head to glance at his lover curled up on the couch next to him, his small hands tight around a cup of tea. He frowns and turns fully toward Taemin when he notices how tense he looks. It's faint, but Jongin recognizes the way Taemin holds his mug, the strain in his shoulders, the tightness in his face.

He runs a hand through Taemin's hair and smiles softly when he sees how his lover leans into his touch in relief.

“I'm listening,” Jongin simply says.

Taemin steals a glance at him, and Jongin sees him blink several times before his gaze falls back to the floor. Jongin keeps his hair and his neck, hoping to reassure him.

“It's uh-... It's a little difficult. I don't know how to phrase my thoughts.”

“Say it how you feel it. If I don't understand, we'll untangle things together.”

There's a very small smile on Taemin's lips at that, but it's nervous, and it makes Jongin scooch over to sit closer to him.

“I don't want to say something wrong,” Taemin whispers. “I might hurt you if I do.”

Jongin's hand cups Taemin's cheek, and he leans in to press a kiss to his cheekbone.

“Taeminnie,” he calls him gently.

Taemin looks at him from the corner of his eyes, and Jongin smiles, warmth and love spilling from his face to comfort his lover.

“It's me,” Jongin breathes out. “Don't be so scared.”

Taemin swallows with some difficulty, then nods. He keeps nodding as he turns his head to look right at Jongin. There's a desperation in his eyes, in the way his eyebrows furrow, in how his teeth clench.

“Jongin-ah, I love you. You know that, right? I love you. I love you more than anything and anyone I can think of.”

Jongin brings his thumb to Taemin's frown and tries to ease it with gentle touches.

“I do.”

His voice is calm, serene, controlled. There's not an ounce of doubt in him. He does know that Taemin loves him; he hasn't questioned that in years now.

It's a truth. Taemin loves him. And Jongin loves him back with everything that he has, everything that he is. Taemin doesn't ask him to say it back because he knows, deep down. Of course, Jongin loves him. It couldn't be any other way.

“What's hurting you?” Jongin asks. And he tries not to sound too worried now as he wonders what the source of Taemin's troubles could be.

Taemin sighs. Longly, loudly. He seems defeated.

“I have feelings,” Taemin admits in a small, broken voice. “I don’t really understand them, but they're there. I'm not sure what's happening.”

Jongin wants to ask more, but he doesn't. He keeps his mouth closed to give Taemin the space and time he needs to unravel his thoughts and find his words.

“It has nothing to do with you,” Taemin struggles to whisper. He looks almost tormented. “It doesn't even touch everything that I feel for you and how much I adore you. It doesn't change anything, anything at all... I promise.”

Jongin hears the desperation in his voice again, and he's quick to pull Taemin closer. He holds him tight and kisses the top of his head.

“I think I-... uh... I think I have a crush on someone...” Taemin painfully admits, his face hidden in the crook of Jongin's neck. “Someone else.”

The hold Jongin has around him doesn't change. It doesn't get tighter. It doesn't loosen up. For a second, Taemin wonders if Jongin even heard him. Jongin keeps his hair softly, then he hums.

“Taemin-ah...” Jongin says slowly.

Taemin tenses up and closes his eyes as if it could protect him from Jongin's hurt somehow. The hold Jongin has on him tightens very tenderly now.

“It's okay,” Jongin breathes out. “Sweetheart, it's not unhealthy for you to have a crush on someone else.”

Taemin opens his eyes wide in shock and lets out a little gasp that causes Jongin to giggle. Just like that, all the pressure in Taemin's whole body seems to lessen.

“It's not?” he asks, his voice breaking as he straightens up to look at his lover.

Jongin has a cheeky grin on his lips, but the look in his eyes is loving, gentle. It's still the same. Nothing has changed.

“Of course not.”

“Do you have crushes too?” Taemin immediately asks.

He's blinking again, really quickly, as Jongin pouts, thinking deeply.

“Not really,” he hums.

He sees the way Taemin's shoulders slump as if a little disappointed. It's funny to see Taemin being saddened by him not having a crush on someone else. Yet, it's a very Taemin thing to feel. It's them. They share everything, often feel the same, find themselves in each other. Taemin simply didn't want to feel alone in this new thing he's experiencing.

“But you know I'm pickier than you,” Jongin says softly.

Taemin blinks again, but there's a faint smile on his lips.

Jongin's hand gently Taemin's back.

“Can I ask you about it? About your crush.”

Taemin nods. He moves to set his cup of tea on the little table in front of them before he leans back to snuggle and hide in Jongin's arms.

He doesn't feel brave enough to face him.

Jongin takes a long inhale and presses his face in Taemin's hair. He needs to organize his own thoughts. He has a lot of questions, but most of them he can answer on his own. Taemin said it didn't change anything. Taemin still loves him. It's strange because he doesn't question Taemin's love anymore, and yet his mind keeps going back to the way Taemin tried to reassure him beforehand. It's still comforting to hear, to remember. He's grateful Taemin started with that.

“I don't even know if I have questions,” Jongin ends up mumbling.

Taemin chuckles, and it makes him vibrate against Jongin. It's cute, and Jongin catches ahold of Taemin's chin to make him look up before he kisses him. Taemin immediately kisses him back with a relieved sigh.

Taemin shifts to sit on Jongin's lap. They hold each other as they kiss endlessly, and Taemin squeezes him as tight as he can.

“I don't really want to kiss him,” Taemin says after they part.

Jongin looks at him for a long time. Taemin answers the questions he didn't know how to voice.

“I uh-... It took me awhile to understand,” Taemin confesses. “It's a little confusing. I just like being around him, sometimes holding his hand. It's not very deep... I don’t think.”

Jongin cups Taemin's face and looks at him very seriously, all of a sudden. It makes Taemin shiver slightly.

“You know that I don't mind, right? If you hold his hand or if you hug him... It's alright. It's not cheating.”

Taemin nods softly. He wants to say that he knows, he knows how their relationship works, but it's so soothing to hear Jongin confirm it. It's so calming to know Jongin trusts him and understands him.

“I would never cheat on you,” Taemin murmurs.

There's an intensity in his eyes that fills Jongin with adoration.

“I know.”

“Are you scared?” Taemin asks. “Or concerned? Worried? I'm-... Sorry, I just-...”

Jongin presses his thumb against Taemin's lips to keep him from ranting anxiously.

“I trust you,” Jongin says, aloud this time. “I trust you, Taeminnie. If it gets deeper or if you get scared, please tell me. We'll talk it out. If it stays as a crush, if it goes away and comes back, if you get another one for someone else... I'm not scared.”

Jongin brings Taemin's hand to his lips and kisses his fingers, one by one.

“I will love you anyway,” Jongin says, smiling against Taemin's small palm.

Taemin smiles back, but it looks a little forced.

“But Jongin-ah...”

“Yes?”

“What if it does get deeper?”

Taemin's voice is tight, and his eyes fall again.

“I looked it up... I read things and-... I found some stuff, you know. What if-... What if it gets deeper and then I want to kiss him or something? Like... there's a word I found-...”

Taemin trails off and goes quiet. Jongin sees a few tears in his eyes, and it causes his heart to clench. It's a rare sight: tears in Taemin's eyes. One that he really doesn't like.

“What word?”

Taemin bites his bottom lip and hides his face in his hands.

“Polyamorous.”

Jongin stays quiet for a couple of seconds. He knows that word. At first, he doesn't know what to do. Taemin looks distressed sitting on his lap, and Jongin can't help the need to reassure him, to comfort him in any way that he can. But he needs time to process the information, to ask himself what it would mean to him.

“Taemin,” he finally says.

“Mhm?”

“Do you think you're polyamorous?”

His voice is still soft, steady, and Taemin breathes out.

“I don't know. I really don't.”

“Does it worry you not to know?”

Taemin blinks a couple of times before he shakes his head softly.

“I'm just... really terrified of hurting you.”

Jongin cups Taemin's face again. He kisses him again. As slowly as he can, as if Taemin's lips were being worshipped.

“Maybe, we should see then. If it gets deeper. If you think you're polyamorous. If it comes to that, let's talk then, okay?”

Taemin frowns but nods softly. He doesn't dare press the subject. Jongin bumps their noses together.

“I'm not hurt. I just need time to process everything.”

Taemin nods again, and Jongin smiles at him.

“Give me a few days, please. We can talk about it again if you want... or not. It's about you, so you choose.”

Taemin smiles back, a tiny but real smile.

“Alright.”

“But Taeminnie...”

“Yes?”

“I will love you anyway. I will love you always.”

Taemin lets out a little sob and falls against Jongin's chest, curling up there, in his lover's arms, protected from everything.

“If you're polyamorous or not, if you-... if you fall in love with someone else too... it's okay,” Jongin says. His voice is a little tight, but Taemin can hear his sincerity. “There's nothing wrong with polyamory. I mean it. I won't get angry with you. Please, don't be scared to come to me.”

Taemin grips Jongin's shirt in his hands tightly. He wants to thank him, but the words won't come out.

“I just... hope you can always love me,” Jongin whispers.

He feels a little guilty for doubting it. He's not supposed to anymore. But Taemin nods against his neck.

“I will,” Taemin says softly. And Jongin feels like he knows what’s going on in his mind.

It's them. They understand each other: the fears, the worries, the love. All of it. Even when they don't make sense.

“I will love you always. Always and forever,” Taemin whispers.

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thank you for reading ♥