Seoul —— 2020

Withdrawal from the one you love is a like walking into hell with a sweater on.

“Haeun! Wait for me!”

She couldn’t hear Mark voice with the ringing in her ears.

“You’re just some girl that's friends with Jaehyun.”

He had never spoken to her like that before, never looked at her like that before. Even in the past when they disagreed, their fights never got so hostile and personal. He must’ve hated her so much for someone so kind and gentle to whip out such cruelties at her.

What crime had she committed in her past life that caused her to be tortured this way? 

She tried so hard to stop the tears but they tumbled out, screaming to the world that her heart was vulnerable and broken. Taeyong was always the person who her heart could rest easy with. She never worried or feared when she handed her soul to him.

Why was this happening to them? 

Did he not want her in his life that badly that he managed to change the path of fate?

When Mark finally caught up to her and pulled her arm back, she collapsed, crouching on the side of the road. Mark dropped down next to her without hesitating, “It’ll be okay, he was drunk, we can beat him up for kissing that girl later.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

Mark frowned, “Why are you apologizing?”

“All these lifetimes, I’ve made it about myself, just expecting you to drop everything for me. You’ve had to be reborn all these times, unable to control anything about your life just to make me and Taeyong be together. I’m sorry I’m such a burden. I’m such a selfish friend. You have your own worries and problems but this, this, this glitch has just ruined everything. I ruined everything.”

He gaped at her, body freezing in shock. Being friends with Haeun was never a chore or a responsibility to him and she had no reason to ever think that way. He spent most of his many lifetimes alone with a family that wasn’t ever present. She was his constant, his family. And she always taught him that you never hesitate to go to bat for family, “What the hell did he say to you that you’re apologizing to me over something so stupid?”

She looked over at him, tears flooding her face, “I’m such a moron. Why did I ever think this could work? That he would ever like me. He’s not my soulmate this time. Whatever type of destiny that keeps us together all these lifetimes must’ve messed up. Me and Taeyong aren’t going to meet and remember anything this time. This won't be like all the other times. We aren’t going to fall in love. There's no happily ever after or making things right. It’s done, Mark. It’s over.” 

Mark was in shock, trying to make sense of the sudden extreme that her emotions took her. Haeun was always level headed and determined, it took a lot to shake her faith, “Haeun, what happened back there?”

She shook her head, “Can we just go home?”

Mark watched her, unsurely before nodding, helping her up and continuing the rest of the walk back to their apartment. He paced behind her, watching her unsteady steps before she tilting her head back to stare up at the sky. She sniffled before laughing. 

Her laughter grew louder before she turned to face him, walking backward, “You know what I just thought?”

“What?” He asked wearily. 

She giggled soullessly, “What if he dates someone else? What if I date someone else? Shouldn’t I? He clearly wants nothing to do with me. Should I spend the rest of this lifetime just waiting for him while he gets married and has kids with another woman? That’s a bit cruel, even for a punishment. But I guess so is me dating someone else who I could never love as much as Taeyong.”

“You aren’t being punished.” Mark said exasperatedly, “And what the hell are you talking about? You and Taeyong are not going to date other people because you’re meant for each other.”

She wasn’t listening, she just grabbed Mark’s hand, forcing him to spin as if they were dancing but he was reluctant, “What if this ruins all of our future lives? What if each time I’m reborn, I meet Taeyong, he doesn’t remember anything and I just have to watch him not love me? Wouldn’t that be hilarious?” 

Mark felt his throat close when tears trekked down her face, “The universe wouldn’t be so evil.”

“The universe killed Taeyong’s father and had his mother abandon him as a child. The universe gave you parents who were never around, the universe kept Jaehyun single his entire life because he was royalty that didn’t want an arranged marriage, the universe doesn’t give a ing about being good or evil.” She spat. 

Silence draped them as they entered their building and walked up the stairs. She unlocked the door and let them in. She kicked off her shoes and headed to her room when Mark called out to her.

“The universe gave me you and your parents, the universe gave Taeyong a new family with you, Jaehyun and his guards, the universe gave Jaehyun independence to not be tied to someone he didn’t love. There’s always some good with the bad, I think the same is true in this life.”

-----

Taeyong chewed on his lip, his eyes glued to the door waiting for Haeun to shuffle into their shared Korean History class. His leg was shaking erratically but he couldn’t be bothered with the dirty looks the people in his row were giving him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her the entire weekend.

“She’s not here.” He mumbled. 

Jaehyun was barely paying attention, his focus pinned on his laptop, “Huh?”

“Class is about to start and Haeun still isn’t here.” He said.

Jaehyun looked up, his eyes scanning the room, “Yeah, Mark texted me and said she wasn’t feeling well. Why else do you think I’m taking notes? I’m supposed to send these to her.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Taeyong hissed when the professor walked into class.

Jaehyun blinked at him, “Was I supposed to? I thought you didn’t like being around her?”

“I know I just…wanted to apologize.” He said softly. 

Jaehyun bit down on the end of his pen, while typing something out, “You’re going to have to do better than apologizing to her quickly between classes. She isn’t one to skip, so you must’ve really hurt her feelings.” 

Taeyong frowned, about to ask Jaehyun for ideas when the professor started the lesson. He did his best to focus but he kept thinking about her crying because he put his foot in his mouth. 

The guilt was just growing. Even when he was a kid, he was never the type to pull on little girls’ pigtails or pick on kids smaller than him. The way he acted on Friday wasn’t him, it was just this burst of emotion that he was too drunk to properly handle. And Haeun got the bitter end of it. 

He was an , that much was clear. 

The guys at the frat made sure he knew that. He knew Jaehyun said that everyone liked her but he didn’t realize just how much everyone liked her. To the point where they’d give him the stink eye even though most of them were probably too drunk to remember what happened. 

But it was what Doyoung had said quietly to him during breakfast this morning that left him a little speechless. 

“Haeun has turned down half the guys here, Jaehyun included. You’d be lucky if she gave you the time of ing day.”

Doyoung was right. Why the hell was his first assumption that she liked him? Apparently she was popular on campus, everyone liked her, why would she look twice at the new kid from a broken home? 

And he just ripped her a new one for no reason. 

“.” He mumbled as he slid down in his seat. 

This class was never going to end.

-----

When class ended, he barely said bye to Jaehyun before he took off. He was lucky that Jaehyun seemed to be the least angry friend he had because he was willing to give him Haeun’s address.

He stood outside her door, rocking from side to side before knocking, waiting for her to open it. He prayed that she didn’t slam the door in his face at the sight of him. He held his breath when he heard light footsteps near the door but instead of hearing the door unlock, he was greeted with silence. 

He glanced up at the door, staring straight at the peephole that he was sure she was looking through. 

“Haeun?” He called out nervously. 

The sound of footsteps quickly retreating made him wince. He tried knocking again, hoping she’d hear him out. Heavier footsteps came towards him this time and when the door flung open, Mark was standing, staring blankly at him.

“What.” 

He flinched at the cold tone. Mark had seemed so cheerful at the party, like the younger brother everyone always wanted, now it sounded like he wanted to knock Taeyong out, “Hey, is Haeun home?”

“No.” He replied without even hesitating. 

Taeyong’s eyes drifted over Mark’s shoulder where two steaming mugs were set on the island counter. He looked back at Mark who didn’t back down. He let out a small sigh and swung his backpack around, pulling out a neat little folder, “I just wanted to give her notes from today.”

“Keep it. Jaehyun’s sending his.”

Taeyong scratched the back of his neck, “Uh…I was sitting next to him in class, I saw his notes, I think she should use these.”

Mark hesitated, his eyes shifting before taking the folder from him, “You could’ve emailed it to her, if Jaehyun could give you her address, I’m sure he could’ve given you her email.”

“I wouldn’t be able to see her if I did that.” 

The appalled look Mark gave him made him look away. Clearly it wasn’t the time to joke.  “I just wanted to say sorry to her. Seriously." 

Mark glanced over his shoulder before stepping forward, edging Taeyong back so he could close the door behind them, “Look, I don’t know what went down between you two but Haeun is one of the best people I have in my life.”

Taeyong was starting to see a pattern. 

“I thought you’d be different. I thought you were a more mature person. I really…I really used to look up to you. I thought you were—“ 

Taeyong’s face twisted in confusion, how could a junior look up to a senior he only met a few days ago, “What?”

“I just expected more from you. You don’t get to hurt her and then think that just giving her notes and saying sorry will fix everything. She seems tough but she’s sensitive and I've never seen her this down before. So don't go around thinking that I'm going to play the messenger and help you apologize to her. If you want to make this right, figure out how to do it yourself and figure out how to do it properly or just leave her alone.” Mark said.

Taeyong took a second to take everything mark had said