“Minghao!”

Jeonghan made him jump and his brush almost skittered across the surface of the canvas. His work was coming along in dark shades of rich noir and angry indigo and scattered with specks of emerald and forest.

He saved it just in time.

He liked his new boss, he was smart and handsome, obviously wealthy and educated, and polite to the point of restraint. But the man had absolutely no idea about art.

He was, however, paying the paycheck.

“Hi Jeonghan,” Minghao smiled as he put his brush down and turned around. Jeonghan was wandering towards him in that ambivalent way he had that made Minghao want to scream in frustration. His boss was a man who didn’t understand the pressure of time and responsibility.

“How’s it coming along?” Jeonghan peered over at the canvas and Minghao cringed a little. He’d underestimated how much this would feel like selling his soul. He knew being employed as an artist in residence meant people would watch him work. It was a lure for a gallery, a novelty, and would draw more people in to buy the art already hanging on the walls. His new boss had already increased his hours due to the interest Minghao’s work was garnering for the business. He didn’t want to say no to any of it. He needed the money. He needed to get his life back on track.

“Well, I like the space, and the light is amazing.....” Minghao turned back towards the  window and saw that the sun was dropping. He looked at his watch and saw that he had to go. He began to gather his things from the cupboard in the corner as Jeonghan followed him over. “Have you got a minute?” He asked and Minghao nodded even though he didn’t.

“I’m throwing a big party tomorrow night. It’s a combination exhibition and celebration of your hiring. A lot of important people will be there.” Minghao nodded to show he was listening as he grabbed his coat and shoved his hands in the pockets. “I’ll be expecting you there of course. I’ll let you exhibit and reduce my commission fee for the evening and you should make some sales.”

Minghao nodded again. He was trying to back towards the door without his new boss noticing. “It starts at 7pm so you’ll need to be here by 6:30 and the dress code is semi formal.”

“I’ll be here,” Minghao said as he opened the door. “I’m sorry Jeonghan I really have to go.” Jeonghan nodded and Minghao took off out the door. Mingyu was probably pissed he’d kept him waiting outside in the car. He looked up and down the street and saw no one before pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Sorry, something came up, have to take a rain check on dinner..”

Minghao wanted to be mad but in all fairness Mingyu had sent the text four hours ago.

“Do you need a ride?” Jeonghan called out to him and Minghao shook his head before turning and chasing after him. “Actually, that would be great.” If he got Jeonghan to drop him off home he could grab his own car. Otherwise he’d have to get a cab to the childcare centre and then home again and he couldn’t afford to waste the money. Now he also needed to scrounge up something nice to wear and a babysitter by tomorrow night. He stared at Jeonghan’s side profile as the man drove him towards his house, chatting away without a care in the world, and wanted to roll his eyes. Only a childless person would organise a party with 24 hours notice.

“Thanks!” He waved Jeonghan away and jumped into his own car without going inside. By the time he drove back in the other direction it was 6:10pm and he was late. The Center was supposed to close at 6.

“Hello?” he called out as he rushed inside to find Junhui sitting in a beanbag with Yun cuddled into his side. The centre was mostly dark and there were no other children there. “See,” Junhui said softly as he the little boy’s soft dark hair, “here he is.” “Daddy,” Yun sat up and sniffled and held his arms out as Minghao rushed over and pulled his son up into his embrace. “I’m so sorry baby,” he said quietly as little arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

“Thank you. I won’t be late again,” he said to Junhui as the man gathered up Yun’s things and tried to hand them over. Minghao struggled with his arms full of tired child and couldn’t take the backpack and Junhui took the bag back and followed him out to the car. They walked in silence as Yun clung to Minghao and Junhui followed with his things and put them on the front seat as Minghao pit Yun into the back.

“Thank you,” he said again and didn’t know what else to say. Silence seemed to hang over them like a heavy shroud and Minghao didn’t know how to shift it. “I, um-“ “See you tomorrow!” Junhui’s bright grin disappeared into the darkness as he turned and headed back into the centre leaving Minghao standing alone by the car feeling a little like a summer thunderstorm rolled out faster than it rolled in.

“Junhui’s cats are called Mittens and Socks,” Yun said sleepily from the backseat as Minghao drove. “Of course they are,” he said more to himself than to Yun.

“Junhui made red bean cake. He said so. Daddy why don’t you make red bean cake?” Yun piped up after a few silent moments. “Daddy’s tired,” Minghao said as he stopped at a traffic light and rubbed his eyes.

“Daddy, Junhui said he likes to walk by himself along the river, why is he by himself?” Yun was getting his second wind and Minghao cringed knowing this was going to spill into overtiredness. He checked the time and wondered how on earth he was supposed to get Yun’s dinner made in time for bed. “I don’t know why he’s by himself,” Minghao said and wished the little boy would quit talking about his new teacher. It made it hard to get him out of his own brain.

“Where’s Uncle?” Yun asked and Minghao turned into their driveway. “He’s busy,” he said and turned the car off. His back was hurting a little and he wished Yun would walk but the boy went floppy as soon as his car seat was unbuckled and Minghao had to struggle inside on one hip while he dangled the backpack precariously on the other arm.

He managed to get the door open and get them both inside. It was almost 7pm.

“Here,” Minghao said as he put a cup of instant ramen down in front of Yun while he slumped in front of the tv. “Which one is it?” Yun asked as Minghao changed the channel from the news to a much more benign gardening show. “Beef,” Minghao said as he dropped into the armchair and wondered if he had any wine left in the cupboard.

“Junhui likes cooking beef. He says his favourite is shenshen beef because it’s very very spicy. Too spicy for Yun. He said he also makes broccoli beef and that’s not so spicy. Daddy can we cook beef?” Minghao got up to search for the wine. If he heard the name Junhui one more time he really thought he might scream.

“Junhui read me a book today. It was called Goodnight Moon. I liked it. It made me want to sleep he read it at nap time do we have the book here Daddy?”

Minghao sat cross legged on the floor of the bathroom while Yun soaked in the tub. “No, we don’t have that book.”

“We can call Junhui on the phone and ask him to read it! You will like it Daddy the rabbit says goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight red balloon....” Minghao began to daydream as he pulled the plug and grabbed a towel. He hoisted Yun out of the bath and onto the mat and gasped a little at the sharp sting in his lower back. He had to stop lifting him so much. The boy was just getting too heavy.

Yun babbled away as Minghao rubbed him dry with the towel and thought about his soft warm bed and the luxurious nothingness of falling asleep. “Daddy? Daddy? Daddy daddy daddy daddy dadd-“ “What?” Minghao snapped a little too sharply and felt instantly guilty. “Sorry baby. What were you saying?”

“Can we call Junhui on the phone so you can hear the story? The Goodnight Moon story? You look tired Daddy it will help you sleep.” Yun leaned out of the bath and pulled at Minghao’s shirt, his eyes pleading with him desperately, but Minghao shook his head.

“No darling we can’t call Junhui. He’s not working. He’s at home and he’s probably busy enjoying his rest time. Just like we should be.” He watched Yun run wrapped in his towel into the living room where Minghao had left his pyjamas out were the heating was the best.

By the time Minghao scraped his tired limbs off the bathroom floor Yun was already half dressed. “I’m doing it myself,” he declared proudly as Minghao stood back and watched him struggle his arms into the pyjama too. “Yes I can see that. You’re so clever,” Minghao smiled at the sight and felt a little of the tiredness seep out of his bones.

He giggled a little as he watched Yun try to pull the shirt over his head and went to help him. “Your head’s too big,” he laughed and Yun laughed back. “Daddy your head’s too big!” he squealed and giggled when Minghao scooped him up into his arms. “Well that’s where you get it from!” he was still laughing but his heart began to swell in his chest just a little. Yun got a lot of things from him but his head, with its soft silky hair shining and dark, looked just like his mother’s. It really wasn’t that big at all.

“You want to sleep with me tonight?” Minghao was tired down to his bones and had to get up in the morning and start ringing around for a babysitter. This gallery party was going to be a nightmare and he wasn’t even getting paid so he better at least make one good sale for the night. He carried Yun into his bedroom and let the little boy shove his Māo Māo between the pillows in the middle of the bed. “Stay here and rest while I have my shower,” Minghao said as he watched Yun nod and shove his thumb into his mouth. A habit he couldn’t shake especially when he was very tired.

Minghao showered quickly and dressed in some boxers and an old threadbare tshirt. He stood in the open doorway and dried his hair, listening to Yun mumble nonsense to himself in the dimly lit bedroom, chattering away in a quiet little singsong voice.

When he made it to the doorway of the bedroom he could hear what he was saying.

“Goodnight moon, goodnight room, goodnight little red ballon. Goodnight Jun.” Yun giggled softly to himself before starting all over again. “Goodnight room, goodnight red ballon, goodnight moon Jun.”

Minghao wondered if he was ever going to stop talking about the man.

The next morning he stretched and felt a little more alert. He reached over and cancelled his alarm before getting up to make Yun some porridge and shower in peace before the boy woke. He mourned the loss of his mornings as he let the hot water run down his back. Yun has always been an early riser but at least, before this new job, they could enjoy the early starts slowly. Yun could enjoy his breakfast on the couch in his pyjamas and it didn’t matter if Minghao had spots of apple juice on his shirt. Now it mattered.

As soon as it was a light outside he began. First he messaged Mingyu and hoped the man would come through for him like he had so many times before.

“Sorry, another date with Wonwoo, come past the office though and I’ll lend you something to wear.”

. Of course - it was Friday night and Mingyu would be taking that guy out again. Probably somewhere nice where the meals didn’t come in cardboard boxes and you probably wouldn’t catch gastrointestinal disease from the toilets.

He scrolled though his phone and pulled up Seokmin’s number. He knew it was a stretch, they were already having Yun for him tomorrow but he didn’t really have anyone else to ask.

“Hey,” Seokmin said when he answered. “We’re all set for tomorrow, Joshua went and got so many snacks, and we’re going to walk to the park so make sure you drop him off in those sneakers that hurt when he kicks.” “Okay,” Minghao replied and his confidence shrank. “Uh, is Joshua there as well?” “No,” Seokmin sounded distracted and Minghao could hear the clinking sounds of dishes and glasses in the background, “we’re having his partners from the law firm over for dinner tonight to celebrate a big case they just won so he’s gone into the office early.”

Minghao could could picture it perfectly. Seokmin in a neat white shirt and charcoal pants, Joshua in navy and grey, Seokmin with his sleeves rolled up while Joshua berated him gently and lovingly for not wearing a tie. The long dining table in their pristine apartment would be set with linen and appetisers and candles and the scent of delicious food would be lingering in the air. There were no crayons or dried apple snacks or dirty child sized Nike sneakers in the picture.

“Ah, don’t worry, we won’t be hungover tomorrow,” Seokmin said as he sensed Minghao’s reticence. “You know Joshua is a lightweight. We’ll be fine in the morning.” “I know,” Minghao said softly. His stomach churned as he wondered what his options were. “Thanks again Seokmin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Daddy?” Yun pulled at the bottom of Minghao’s shirt still hanging untucked from his trousers and he put the phone down. “Good morning baby,” he smiled gently down at the little boy rubbing a fist into his eye. “Hungry?” Yun nodded but pouted when he saw the porridge with grated apple. “Any honey Daddy?” he asked in a little voice so soft and sweet Minghao couldn’t resist.

He watched Yun spoon honey into his porridge and mumble his little song again. “Goodnight moon, good night room, goodnight Jun....”

Jun .... Junhui

He had said he did private babysitting on the side. It was late notice but Minghao had to ask. He had no other choice.