The light had turned golden and Minghao walked over to the window to pull the curtains open wider. The spill across his canvas changed the textures and hues of his work and made him see the shapes and forms with fresh eyes. He smiled as he picked up his pallet and added a few before his peace was shattered.

“Hello?” he said into the phone and a broad grin crossed his face. He listened and nodded before agreeing. It was what he wanted for a while and it would mean a regular paycheck and the stability he’d been craving for so long. It was time anyway, He knew that, his friends had been telling him forever, and he’d just have to deal with the separation. He couldn’t work from home forever.

“Daddy!” Yun chose the perfect moment to crash his way in through the half open door. “You slept for a long time!” Minghao cooed at the chubby toddler as he picked him up and cuddled him close. “I’m hungry!” he cried out as his arms wrapped around his daddy’s neck and his legs kicked in the air. Minghao gave one last loving look at the soft glowing light and sighed in resignation. Looks like it was time for yet another early dinner.

“I got it,” Minghao said as he opened the door with Yun tucked under one arm. “That’s great!” His best friend Mingyu smiled with his trademark pointed teeth. His friend made it a habit to call past on his way home a few times a week and it was always appreciated.

Mingyu was now a fashion designer in his own right but in his former career he’d modelled for the art classes Minghao took back at University where they struck up an instant connection. He’d been there for him through it all and Minghao didn’t know where he’d be without his best friend. And he was still coming through for him after all these years.

It was Mingyu who recommended Minghao to the art gallery owner for the combined curator / artist in residence position. “You did say yes, right?” He took Yun from Minghao’s arms and the tired toddler snuggled into his Uncle’s chest. “Yeah I did.” Minghao knew it was time and he wanted the money. Working from home in his studio, selling what he could when he could; it had worked for the last three years just fine. However, it was time for more. More for the both of them.

Minghao needed to get back out into the world and Yun needed to expand his world to more than his Daddy and his Uncle, their tiny little home and trips to the park, he needed structure and socialisation and real learning experiences. Minghao wasn’t sure he was providing enough of that any more.

“We both need it,” Minghao walked into the bathroom and Mingyu followed him. “You do,” Mingyu agreed. Minghao ran the water and Yun begged for bubbles and Mingyu tipped way too much bubble bath into the tub. “Where are you going to take him?” “I don’t know yet,” Minghao pulled the t-shirt over his little son’s head and tossed it towards the overflowing washing basket. “I’d like to find a day-care close to here; he’ll need to go three days a week. The hours are Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and Saturday mornings and Joshua and Seokmin have already offered to have him on Saturdays.”

Mingyu nodded knowingly. The golden couple of their friends group had recently moved in together after a long and sickeningly glowing courtship and it made sense they were excited to play house. Mingyu lifted Yun into the tub and began to wash his hair as Minghao took advantage of the help and began to scoop the laundry scattered all over the floor up and into the basket. “Can you watch him?” he asked and Mingyu nodded as he made Yun a shampoo Mohawk.

Minghao tossed shirts and shorts and tiny socks into the machine as his mind wandered. He was dying to get back into the real world. He’d been on his own since Yun was six months old, just the two of them against the world, and time was slowly healing the pain.

She hadn’t contacted them since Yun’s second birthday. Minghao didn’t even know where she was. Last he heard she was pursuing an acting career but he hadn’t seen her in anything so it wasn’t going how she hoped.

As he poured the flowery scented liquid in the machine and turned it on he wondered if it was worth it to her. To throw them away, to throw her baby son away like he was nothing, and shivered. It was rare that his mind went to these dark places but sometimes he couldn’t help it. She should be there, talking about day-care and preschools, helping him chose what was best for their son.

No, Minghao shook his head, my son.

“Do you want me to come with you when you go and look around?” Mingyu asked and, despite knowing it wasn’t his responsibility, Minghao nodded. He didn’t want to do it alone. Everything was so hard alone. He loved Yun more than life but, even with Mingyu’s constant support and their close group of friends, it wasn’t the same. Every time Yun cried in the night it was him. Every time he screamed for things at the supermarket, every time he didn’t want to go to bed, every battle over vegetables and toys and getting in the car seat. Three years of doing it on his own and he was tired. So tired. He was tired and lonely and didn’t want to make this huge decision alone.

“When are you going to look around?” “Tomorrow,” Minghao lifted Yun out and into a thick fluffy towel. He tried to dry him off but the laughing toddler ran away from his arms and Minghao stood slowly to follow him into the living room. “They want me to start as soon as possible.” “I’m flexible tomorrow,” Mingyu said as he let the water out and began tidying the bathroom and Minghao wanted to hug him. “I’ll come and pick you guys up abut eleven? We can go and check out the places with vacancies.”

Minghao somehow captured the slippery child and got him into some pyjamas and it was finally bedtime. “Kiss Uncle Gyu,” he said and the little boy reached out to kiss his uncle on the cheek. “Baba?” he asked and Minghao sighed. “Fine.”

He handed him to Mingyu and went to the kitchen to fill the bottle with milk. He knew he was too old for it but he was so tired he couldn’t be bothered fighting with him. Yun had woken up at 6am on the dot and Minghao had used his naptime to try and get some work done on his current piece and now he was exhausted. He heated the milk and carried it back towards the living room to collect his son who was nestled in Mingyu’s lap.

“Story time Uncle Gyu!” he chirped as he clung to Mingyu’s neck. “Uncle Gyu’s had enough, let him go,” Minghao reached out for him but the baby clung tighter and Mingyu just took the bottle. “Its fine,” he said as he stood up. “Go take a shower or something.”

A shower without the prying eyes and lack of boundaries of a three year old sounded amazing and Minghao’s pride tumbled immediately. He stood under the hot water as long as his conscience let him before he got out to dry himself off. Dressed in warm sweats and feeling a little less tired he walked out to find Mingyu doing his dishes and he held back a choked sob.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said softly as he tried to take the dishcloth from his hands but Mingyu just pushed him away. “You deserve al the help you can get. I’m your best friend. I don’t mind helping out here and there.” “Is Yun asleep?” As soon as Mingyu nodded Minghao went to the cupboard and found a bottle of red and popped the cork. “You want a glass?” he said and Mingyu shook his head. “I can’t. I’ve got my car.”

Minghao nodded and took the glass and the whole bottle to the coffee table and switched the TV on. “Thanks,” he said again as he snuggled up under a thick fluffy rug and Mingyu grabbed his keys from the table near the door of the small home. “See you tomorrow,” he said and left as Minghao was drinking down his huge glass of wine alone.