·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝒫𝓇𝑜𝒹𝓊𝒸𝑒 𝟦𝟪˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

It was the finale episode of the show Produce 48 where trainees from different entertainment agencies compete to be part of the 3rd season group of the very popular show. This particular season is distinct from its predecessor wherein idols from the popular Japanese group AKB48 were also competing.

The last of the remaining trainees are all standing waiting to be called to be one of the members to debut into the group Iz*one. Amongst these 20 trainees, one in particular, Kang Hyewon from an unknown company hopes to be one of the lucky 12. To be honest, Hyewon did not think she would get this far, she was still 3 months into her training at 8D Creative and to be very blunt, she does not have the skills, at least not yet enough to warrant a debut.

When her company had first suggested it, she was very much appalled. The first thing that came to her head was that are they crazy?

“But CEO-nim, it hasn’t been that long that I started my training. I only just managed to memorize a couple of the basics in singing and dancing” Hyewon explains

But the CEO just smiles “Don’t worry Hyewon ah, you are ready” she assures

Hyewon was skeptical. She knows that this show sends out trainees to represent their company, and she’s quite not sure where her company is going by sending her. Her CEO was relentless although not heartless as she gave her at least time to think about it.

When she told her family, her parents were shocked. She could still remember how her Mom and Dad had looked at her. The look of surprise and a little bit of doubt is evident but being supportive parents that they are, they smiled and hugged their only daughter, showering her with their support. Her brother though was more outspoken of his thoughts.

“Noona, I know mom and dad says that you could do it, but truthfully I don’t”

Hyewon is not gonna lie, hearing that hurts but she understands what her brother is trying to say. Even herself is having doubts, no wonder her sibling does too.

“I’m sorry. I do support you, but I just don’t want you to get hurt” her brother takes it back obviously feeling bad about her silence.

Hyewon takes a breath and cradles her brother’s cheek with her hand “I know dongsaeng ah. But maybe this could be a chance to put my foot into the door. It’s not bad to have experience, right?”

Her brother still has this doubtful look, but she knows that he’ll support her no matter what she does. He likes her too much.

“Aigoo, wipe off that ugly look and trust me okay?” she says hugging his head into a headlock.

“Noona!” her brother struggles to get free, when he does, he glares at her older sister. Hyewon laughs at his frown making him laugh too.

“But I do agree with mom and dad on one thing” he says

Hyewon tilts her head. “What is it?”

“Just don’t rap”

When she told her friends, she already predicted their reactions. They were all excited for her, but as expected they are very candid about their thoughts. Hyewon knows they are just enthusiastic to know someone famous, assuming she even gets in of course.

“Yah Kang Hyewon! Even if you at singing and dancing, I’m sure you could get some votes with your face” says her friend Hana.

Ouch. Told you they were very brusque. But she gets it.

Hyewon knows she does not have an ordinary face. Call her presumptuous but she has heard a lot of people call her pretty and the amount definitely made her ego unnecessarily bigger. If there is one thing, she is confident about, it’s her visuals. She’s sure she’d get some votes because of it. That at least makes her feel a little better.

When she had told the company about her decision, she realizes that she only has about a month left to prepare what she was going to present on her preliminary audition. She had asked help from the staff and they did suggest a lot of things. But all seemed too much for her. I mean they suggested she dance SNSD’s I Got a Boy or If she wants more recent groups, they suggested to do any Red Velvet or Twice song. And obviously BlackPink was definitely out of the question.

With each idea presented, Hyewon feels even more disheartened. She could try to sing those songs even if she’s not that great at it, but her bigger problem is the dancing part of it. The company seemed to have forgotten that she only just started with the basics. So, with little time left, Hyewon decides that if she can’t dance it then might as well just sing it. She might not look like it, but she could play a couple of instruments.

So that is what she did. She sang and played her guitar. Knowing that it is still the preliminary auditions, she knows it is not live and unless the staff of the show likes it, her audition will never see the light of day. She doesn’t think doing a One Piece character impersonation is something one would do for an audition. She didn’t know why she thought that was a good idea.

Hyewon had an inkling that she would not get it, even if she thought that she did good at the audition. (obviously disregarding the One Piece part) but what she finds decent may not be good enough for others, especially people whose job is to find talent.

After her audition, the staff says their thanks and she was told that her company will be informed if she got in. They did not display anything that would help Hyewon tell how her audition went so waiting would be torturous —and just like that, two weeks had passed.

Hyewon was nervous yet hopeful. She does not want to disappoint her company, her friends and most especially her family after all the support they gave. She did all she could, that’s enough right? They will see how much she worked hard for this. But waiting anxiously did not sit well with her. So Hyewon decided to take her mind of it by doing her favorite hobby.

Every Saturday, the company would allow them to take a break and that is what she does. She was currently at the Pc Bang when she received the call. She was just about to get her second kill when her phone vibrates on the table.

“You got in on the live show”

Hyewon does not remember what happened after but the next thing she knows, she was entering the studio, looking like a deer caught in headlights. The stage was huge, she remembers watching the show on her TV back home and thought that it was big but seeing it in real life, big is an understatement. She looks up and sees the pyramidal setting of the chairs and Hyewon knows that the fancy chairs on the top is what everyone is aiming for. Those 11- wait it seemed that there is an extra chair. That’s 12. Twelve fancy chairs. Hyewon could not believe it, that’s an extra place, the odds are better this season.

She looks around and notices that there were already a couple trainees inside, all waiting, all hoping that this show could be their ticket for a debut. They all know how this program could help these young dreamers become known even if they don’t get in, with how successful the two seasons before them were.

But Hyewon on the other hand felt intimidated. As she scans the faces of the people she would be competing with, she felt small. A lot of thoughts run on her head: They must have trained for years, they must all be talented, they a look pretty, cute, cool. All the positive adjectives she could think of. And what did she have to compete with that? Her face? Since it’s obviously not her talent. She’s worried that this time she doesn’t think her face would be enough.

She makes her way towards these crystal plastic chairs with gold glittery numbers written on each of it. This program is a survival show and these numbers indicate what level the people think you are through voting. It’s cruel but that is just how it works in this industry.

Who is Hyewon kidding? She knows that it has always worked this way she is not angry about that, what she felt more frustrated at is the thought that she’ll most likely be sitting down here, no matter how cruel or unfair she thinks it is.

One by one, each trainee from different companies enters. There were some unknown ones that Hyewon hasn’t heard before, not like her company is any better but even if the company is not famous, seeing the trainees they sent, Hyewon could feel that they were all better than her. Probably because of her nerves or because they came in groups whilst she came by herself. She’s not sure which but she definitely felt inferior. When the Japanese trainees came, people were definitely showing more reactions.

She could hear some of the Korean trainees voice out their thoughts about it. They think it’s unjust that the Japanese trainees joined the program since they already debuted and most likely have sure fans ready to vote for them.

“Yah, Sakura is very pretty! Her skin is so white” says one trainee behind her.

“Even Jurina is here! How the hell do we win if those two joined” says the one beside.

Hyewon absolutely agrees, the Japanese trainees had it easy. Even two of the popular members joined. She knows who Miyawaki Sakura and Matsui Jurina are. Almost all of Japan if not all knows those two. And she is pretty sure they have fans in Korea as well. They are surely gonna be one of the 12. No doubt. That’s 10. Just 10 seats left.

When Hyewon thought that it wouldn’t get worst. The bigger and known Korean company trainees enters. Starship, Yue Hua, Pledis, FNC, Cube, Woolim, and WM entertainment. All these companies have currently active successful groups, which will surely garner attention. And seeing the trainees that are there to represent these companies? Hyewon feels even more discouraged.

“How the hell am I gonna get through this”

Soon all 96 trainees had arrived. The previously quiet studio is now full of loud chattering and laughter. Some Korean trainees are already talking to the Japanese trainees, all trying to make friends despite the language barrier. A lot are already cracking up jokes as if they knew each other for a long time. Others were talking amongst their group. Hyewon stays mum amongst it all. She was never good with making friends since she was the quiet type. When the girl beside her tried to make small talk, Hyewon would only nod and her replies were curt. Giving off an awkward mood between the two.

It only diffuses, when the centers of the two previous seasons entered, everyone was on their feet, clapping, gasping, just plain happy at the appearance of Jeon Somi and Kang Daniel. Hyewon could not register that those two were once like them, all sitting on these chairs not knowing if they will get in or not. This is how debuting and succeeding does to you.

The two centers pretty much confirmed the 12th place. Everyone was obviously happy at the idea of getting more chances at debuting.

Hyewon did not know how long it was but soon the Agency performances start. One by one, each company trainees perform. Some were really great, that one would wonder why they haven’t debuted yet, others were okay, they did their practice but still somehow lacks something and some were mediocre. Hyewon wonders where she falls in that category.

She wasn’t even surprised with the rank she got. She knew it right from the start, but it doesn’t make her feel any better.

When it was the Japanese trainees’ turn, Hyewon was guilty that she felt a little better. Not because they were bad, but because they weren’t that good too. Kinda like her. And yet they are already idols unlike her. So not kinda like her. Now that is confusing. That thought manages to squash any relief she felt.

As there were a lot of trainees the shoot ran for a long time. Hyewon, much like everyone else started getting tired and sleepy. When all seemed to be too tired to keep their eyes open, there was one company performance that stood out the most, not only to Hyewon but to everyone in the studio.

No, it wasn’t the company per se, it was rather a specific trainee. And that trainee is Lee Chaeyeon. To be honest, Hyewon does not know Chaeyeon specifically, but when she had entered earlier, the trainees around her were all surprised. Even the girl beside her, who has been quiet, after Hyewon’s very terse replies, was mumbling about how Chaeyeon is a great dancer, about her being in Sixteen and Kpopstar, just basically how Chaeyeon is skilled.

“Yah, Lee Chayeon is here!”

“I heard she’s a great dancer”

“She was in Sixteen, she could’ve been a member of Twice”

With this kind of big reactions, Hyewon could not help but pay quite the attention on this girl. She was curious about her so when they called in the company, Hyewon places all her undivided attention to the girl in pink and pretty smile.

Pretty? Did she really have to point that out? But Hyewon won’t deny that she does find the girl cute. Okay, she’s getting off topic here. Let’s go back.

When Chaeyeon was asked to do a freestyle dance, Hyewon was nervous for her. If they had asked her to do that, she thinks she would faint on the spot. But true to the words of the trainees and the girl beside her, Lee Chaeyeon is one hell of a dancer.

Hyewon was awe struck. The way Chaeyeon had moved, it looked so easy, her movements looked so light that it felt like she could fly, her hair, god her hair even dances. How does somebody move their body like that? And to think that was freestyle? How in the world is she doing that?

Hyewon was still in awe, when the mentors one by one complimented Chaeyeon, even the scariest mentor Bae Yoonjung had commended her. With that, Hyewon knows that WM Lee Chaeyeon will definitely get an A. There is no doubt in her mind.

“A, Lee Chaeyeon”

As expected, she nods, agreeing. Even she would give her an A after that display of talent. She is sure right there and then, Lee Chaeyeon will debut. There is just no way that it cannot happen. That girl is born to be a star. Amongst all of that, Hyewon sadly realizes that’s 9 chairs left. 9 chances left for her to debut. Not that Hyewon is counting.

After everyone were segregated to their own classes. It was time for their first assignment, Hyewon was one of the only two Korean trainees to be in F class and she felt so out of place. The Japanese trainees were all talking amongst each other including the other Korean trainee whom surprisingly could speak Japanese. As someone who does not know the language, Hyewon was left to practice on her own.

As the practice goes on, Hyewon felt suffocated. No matter how many times she practiced, she still could not get it. She does not even know if she’s doing it right. If the first one is this hard, how does she even go through the second one or the third or the fourth and so on. Everything felt frustrating and she can’t do anything about it. When it seemed to be too much, she decided to leave the room to get some air. No one follows her, not surprising but she felt sad about it.

When she closes the door behind her, she begins her trek, she does not care where her feet take her, but she kept walking. She was walking for a while when her feet come to a stop. She spots someone crouching by the door, head hung low. She notices it’s one of the A class trainees from the pink shirt she’s wearing. She looks down to her own shirt, and the big letter F over this gray shirt still stings. Hyewon does not need to ask to know that the girl is crying. Even someone from A class is crying like this, she felt a little