After the fierce rejection he received from Chanyeol on the latter’s 24th birthday, Kyungsoo decided to set out to find the scroll he would buy in the future.

Kyungsoo had solid reasons to believe the scroll was at fault, that reading it had unleashed some sort of unexplained mystic power which ended him in this miserable past. Maybe, if he could find it again here in the past, it could at least give him give a lead to solving this horrid reality he had to live in now.

If it was any consolation, Kyungsoo at least remembered the address of the man who would sell him the scroll. It was just off a busy road and beside a convenience store, which Kyungsoo had gone to several times. The landmarks surrounding the house were what made it stick in Kyungsoo’s memory the most.

On the evening of the day after Chanyeol’s birthday, Kyungsoo went to the said location. While he did find the convenience store, a few shop buildings, and a small park; there was not a single house in a block radius. Kyungsoo was sure he didn’t make a mistake and that this was the address of the man who sold him the scroll- lived in.

There was, however, a construction site for houses that were not yet complete. Kyungsoo walked around the area to find other houses but there were only apartment blocks or shophouses. The house of the scroll seller was a detached unit but there were none in the perimeter which had been fully constructed.

Kyungsoo was baffled and even more grief-stricken to learn that the house did not exist yet in this time, which was probably the only lead he had left to find this scroll.

In the coming days, Kyungsoo looked up public records, registries, and even social media for the man who sold him the scroll. It didn’t help that Kyungsoo only remembered the man’s surname, which was extremely common.

Kyungsoo tried calling the construction company to inquire about the buyer of the house still in construction, but he was even more disappointed to learn that the house had no buyer yet as it had not gone on the market. The completion date was set to be next year in the summer and it was still a bit more time before someone came around to purchase the house.

Kyungsoo didn’t know if he could wait that long for he was already supposed to be pregnant and dating Chanyeol in the summer of 2017.

Kyungsoo felt as if he had doomed himself.  

**

During Kyungsoo’s first thesis assessment in the fall, he received praise and good words from his professors and research supervisors. He was only told to make small amends or changes in his thesis so far which had now amounted up to over 12,000 words.

This was certainly better than the previous assessment Kyungsoo went through in another version of his past. At least his studies had it going, even if his personal romantic life was a mess.

The fall semester ended in the second week of December and winter break began. Kyungsoo no longer had the opportunity to accidentally run into Chanyeol on campus or even catch a distant glance at him.

Those small unplanned encounters were what kept Kyungsoo’s hope going, that he will be able to move into the future he had achieved once. Kyungsoo still wasn’t used to the idea that the love of his life detested even being in the same room as him.

Out of desperation, Kyungsoo did make fake social media accounts to befriend Chanyeol online. However, Chanyeol seemed to be wary and never accepted friend or follow requests from people he didn’t know.

Kyungsoo was then stuck with borrowing Baekhyun’s phone when the latter came over, so he could look at Chanyeol’s posts because luckily Baekhyun was still friends or following Chanyeol on social media.

Now that he was on break, Kyungsoo was less distracted by how busy he used to be. Now that he had more time alone to worry and fret about everything going wrong in his life.

Kyungsoo learned how terrible it was to be alone in his room all day. Because all he could think about was how he was failing at securing his future with Chanyeol and at how he would never be able to possibly make things right.

It only made him stuck in an incessant and continuous loop of worry and fret, which in turn led to even more self-deprecating thoughts and doubt.

Eventually, even sleep no longer became an escape from his anguish, because he would be haunted with dreams of what he had lost and what he failed to achieve.

Kyungsoo asked for more shift hours so he could work and distract himself from his unwanted thoughts. Kyungsoo thought that at least, he could be making some money off of his misery.

The manager at the restaurant was willing to give it to Kyungsoo until that too backfired against him in some way. 

Kyungsoo worked at a family restaurant and hence the name, the customers were mostly families who came in to dine together.

One on occasion, a couple with young twin sons came in to eat there, sitting in Kyungsoo’s section. Kyungsoo had to fight back his emotions and later run into the toilet to cry after they had left because he was painfully reminded of his children whom he could no longer hold.

Kyungsoo could not bear to see couples, especially gay couples who reminded him of what he lost. Seeing families with children was even harder because all Kyungsoo could see was himself in that situation, except that he wasn’t.

After that, Kyungsoo became avoidant from interactions. Even the sound of his phone ringing from a simple text message was enough to make Kyungsoo jump in surprise, leaving him hyperventilating even minutes after.

He made up excuses and went against his own words of wanting to spend more time with his father and Baekhyun.

When Choongsun got home after a day of work, Kyungsoo would lock himself up in his room and lie, saying that he was not hungry when Choongsun asked to eat dinner together. When Baekhyun asked to hang out together, Kyungsoo lied and said he was busy.

Baekhyun was more persistent though and there were times Kyungsoo could not avoid not hanging out with Baekhyun. In that case, Kyungsoo had to force a smile and lie that he was not troubled by anything, even when Baekhyun asked if he was feeling okay.

If only Kyungsoo could tell someone about this problem, it would probably help ease off his burden even by a bit. It was not as if Kyungsoo didn’t try. He did tell Chanyeol about it but it only fell to deaf ears.

Now, Kyungsoo was too scared to even try again, even if he did consider telling Baekhyun about it.

Unable to sleep at night, Kyungsoo began taking sleeping pills even if he knew how bad it was for his health and condition.

But he still woke up tired and every morning he found himself still stuck in the past, a small part inside of him died a little.

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