In whatever time Kyungsoo had left as Kyungsoo D, he managed to quickly figure out where his current persona was at in life. Due to the limited amount of time he had before January 19th, 2030, Kyungsoo had to rush and had no time to wait around and see what would happen; just like he had attempted to do in other previous timelines.

Here, he was a university professor like he always was. His father had passed away some five years ago from a heart attack as expected.

 

The stark difference is that he remained single without children and so did Chanyeol. It didn’t seem as if both of them had been in a recent relationship with other people either. Because Kyungsoo never married, he never moved out of his father’s house and continued living there even now in his late 30s.

 

 

Here, Baekhyun had also not moved overseas for his job and continued to work in the city. Apparently, he and Baekhyun were still in frequent contact with each other too.

Baekhyun was definitely not married to Kyungsoo, but Kyungsoo still found it hard to tell if his best friend ever had any romantic inclinations towards him.

A change compared to previous timelines Kyungsoo had traversed in was that Baekhyun had somehow managed to stay in a relationship with a woman albeit tumultuous. Kyungsoo still wasn’t sure what Baekhyun’s ual orientation was and at this point, Kyungsoo didn’t have the capacity to care too much about that.

Baekhyun being occupied with someone else was one less worry for Kyungsoo after what he experienced as Kyungsoo C.

 

 

 

On top of that, Kyungsoo’s relationship with Chanyeol was just okay. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad either.

It appeared that they didn’t have much, if any, sort of reconciliation after Jongdae’s death. But because they still had to see each other on an occasional basis due to working at the same place, they were at least civil with each other.

 

Kyungsoo knew this because when he ran into Chanyeol on campus, Chanyeol would just nod and smile a little at him before going on his way. But he would never smile as if when seeing a friend and he wouldn’t stop to talk to Kyungsoo, even if to make small talk.

Which wasn’t surprising at all. At this point, it would take a lot to surprise Kyungsoo.

 

 

It was still better than having Chanyeol absolutely hate Kyungsoo’s guts, however. Maybe the time that had passed since then had helped Chanyeol heal and mature.

But still, from what Kyungsoo had experienced, this was still very upsetting and disappointing for him. But no amount of self-loathing for Kyungsoo D’s past actions in not reconciling their relationship could make up for it.

 

 

 

 

When Kyungsoo arrived in the timeline of Kyungsoo D, the fall semester was coming to an end and final examinations had already begun and would be taking place right until just before Christmas.

Due to such, Kyungsoo didn’t have classes to teach but he still needed to be readily available on campus until the last of his students had sat for their paper which he taught.

 

 

Kyungsoo was in a lot of stress. He had just a bit over a month left in this life before January 18. On top of his obligations to his work and students, there was not enough time to get used to this life, least to try and turn things around.

There was no way Chanyeol was going to fall in love with him in one month and it was way too late to even have children now, no matter who was going to be the one impregnating him.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t even know why he wanted to keep trying when it was clear that he would lose eventually and all of this would come to a waste. Maybe it was because Kyungsoo disliked the idea of just letting things happen to him when he had the ability to control some aspects of it, maybe it was because Kyungsoo hoped that all of this would end one day and that he would actually make it to a version of him where he got to see January 19th, 2030.

For in his dreams, he still saw a world where he was happily married to Chanyeol with their two children Minjung and Minhyun.

 

 

 

 

The last paper Kyungsoo’s students took was on the 2nd last day of that term’s final examination period. By then, a majority of the students had finished up all their papers and had gone home for the holidays. A lot of the professors had also gone on leave for the end of the year. They would only return after the New Year’s.

At four in the afternoon on December 20th, 2029, the finals for Kyungsoo’s paper ended. After the examination supervision board had handed over the test papers to Kyungsoo and he confirmed receiving all the papers, Kyungsoo packed up and decided to leave before the snow got any heavier.

The weather forecast app on his phone warned of a blizzard in the evening and since it was already getting dark, Kyungsoo wanted to be safe at home instead of out there.

Even if he was going to disappear from this world in less than a month from now, Kyungsoo still wanted to live as normally as possible.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t have an umbrella so he trudged through the snow with his laptop bag on his back and exam papers stuffed in it. It was already beginning to snow heavily and the winds were also beginning to pick up.

The moment Kyungsoo got to his black sedan car parked at the university’s parking building, he placed his bag down on the car’s hood and then started shaking snow off of his coat and hair before getting inside.

 

After putting his bag in the rear seat, Kyungsoo slammed the door shut and moved to open the driver’s side door when he saw Chanyeol walking to his white SUV, parked two spaces away from Kyungsoo.

Because there weren’t many cars there, there was no other car parked in between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s. Now that Kyungsoo saw it, he realized that it slipped his mind how Chanyeol always drove the same brand and model of SUV at this time in every version of the timeline Kyungsoo had been in.

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t have an umbrella either and he was similarly shaking snow off of himself with a stack of papers under his arm, presumably test papers too.

This was where he suddenly crossed eyes with Kyungsoo was staring at him a bit too eagerly from two parking spaces away.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t think. He simply acted and began walking the short distance to Chanyeol’s car to stand right in front of the man himself.

Kyungsoo gasped and then had to restrain himself from showing too much emotion. Chanyeol couldn’t have guessed it but Kyungsoo still didn’t want him to somehow find out that the emotions coursing through him were that of a man who had “lost” his husband and fell in love with all over again for several times.

 

 

 

Chanyeol stood there in front of his car, looking a bit confused, with some snow still stuck to his dark hair which was already beginning to gray especially around his hairline. It didn’t really cross Chanyeol’s mind what business Kyungsoo had to do with him since they didn’t really talk much to each other anyway.

 

Snow continued to fall silently still, despite how heavier it was getting. Both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo could see this from the third floor of the parking garage they were in. The sun was setting but the dark clouds made it seem darker than it really was.

Only the howling of the winds was heard and maybe the pounding of Kyungsoo’s heart now that he was face to face with Chanyeol again. He was close to the love of his life but yet still so far from him.

 

 

“H-hey, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo initiated the conversation, trying to appear as cheerful as possible. Even if he was miserable, it was important that other people didn’t know about it.

“Oh, hi,” Chanyeol responded, shifting the stack of papers under his arm and carrying it pressed to his chest instead.

“On your way home, eh? Finals finally over you too?” Kyungsoo stated the obvious in hopes of striking a conversation.

Chanyeol was still a bit too tactful despite such a question and went along with the flow Kyungsoo had started, “Yeah, finally. The last paper for my unit was just now. I’m starting my Christmas break tomorrow and I’ll just be checking these until next year,” Chanyeol said as he shifted the papers in his hold.

“Me too but that’s life for us,” Kyungsoo chuckled, albeit a half-forced one.

“Yeah, I guess,” Chanyeol replied, looking at the ground and then back at Kyungsoo but not directly making eye contact either. He wanted to leave but he didn’t know how to say that he had to go yet. Chanyeol was a confident man but it didn’t stop him from being socially awkward at times too.

“Ah, Christmas. Do you have plans this year?” Kyungsoo asked, hoping to keep this conversation going.

“No, not much. I’ll probably be at my sister’s and parents’ for Christmas to be with them. I’m not celebrating it personally.” Chanyeol quickly mentioned, thinking that Kyungsoo was asking to maybe come over.

“I see,” Kyungsoo nodded, “That sounds a bit like me too. You do get used to being alone after some time but it does get tough at this time of the year, doesn’t it?”

“Well, we humans are social beings by nature so it’s natural for us to crave the company of others even if some of us do prefer the isolation. I thought a history professor like you would know that better,” Chanyeol chuckled, actually finding it somewhat amusing.

“That’s sociology, Chanyeol. Not history,” Kyungsoo corrected, smiling more genuinely this time as he somehow found it comical too.

“But yeah it does get lonelier as we get older,” Chanyeol continued, voicing his opinion, “Most people our age are married or have children already. Even if we have close friends, they’re probably busy with their own families first. I suppose singles like us do feel a bit isolated in that case.”

 

Slightly frustrated and partially exasperated that he had to deal with another version of Chanyeol that did not love him, and reminded of the little amount of time he had left, Kyungsoo’s voice shook as he desperately spoke.

“Chanyeol, what if I told you that I had lived four different lives, where we became very close to each other and where I loved you and you loved me. We even got married and had two children, twin boys. Would you believe me?” Kyungsoo painfully gasped at the end of his sentence. He was beginning to tremble not from the cold but from his own feelings.

Chanyeol heard that and laughed a bit, covering his mouth partially with the back of his hand when he did so, “Are you trying to be funny? Did you want to see how I’d react to that? Well, that was a good one then.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Kyungsoo pretended to smile too.

 

 

If for any consolation, Chanyeol at least did pat Kyungsoo on the back before they went off their separate ways. Chanyeol seemed in a lighter spirit, thinking that Kyungsoo had been making a joke with his statement.

 

For the rest of the evening, Kyungsoo could feel the weight of Chanyeol’s hand on his back for the rest of the evening, the memory of his touch lingering like a haunted memory.

Alone under running warm water in his shower, Kyungsoo broke down into tears alone as he was pelted by his shower. He wanted Chanyeol to come and comfort him but that wasn’t going to happen. There was no feasible and sane way he’d ever achieve anything he hoped to in less than a month.

 

 

 

For the rest of the short winter break, Kyungsoo spent it marking test papers and reviewing his students’ coursework so he could obtain their final grade for his subject. Kyungsoo wanted to complete it all before January 18th, 2030.

If he was going to disappear from this world and if it was going to carry on without him, he wanted to at least play his part and do as much as he could without troubling anyone.

 

Kyungsoo also noted how his students were also mostly the same people in the various timelines he had been in, although there were a few new faces and a few who didn’t appear in his classes either. Not that Kyungsoo was sure what to do with this information anyway.

 

 

 

And then on Christmas, Kyungsoo received an email of a virtual greeting card from Chanyeol wishing him a “Merry Christmas”. It made Kyungsoo’s heart flutter and it made him smile to receive it but he didn’t think much of it.

Maybe Chanyeol sent it out to everyone on his email list. Kyungsoo wasn’t special for receiving it, he thought. Kyungsoo only replied to the email with a short message of thanks. He didn’t want Chanyeol to know how hung up he still was.

Foremostly, Kyungsoo didn’t want to put too much effort into someone who would never return his feelings, even if a small fraction of it. Because all of this would just come back to hurt him in some way.

 

 

Then January came and each day closer to January 18th left Kyungsoo even more exhausted and tired. He was less scared of the day coming more than the thought that he had no idea how the next life of his would be.

Was it going to be as tragic as Kyungsoo B or as confusing as Kyungsoo C or just as defeating as the current Kyungsoo D? Kyungsoo had no way of telling until he was already there.

 

If for any consolation, his relatively short projected life as Kyungsoo D actually meant he didn’t have much to lose than all the previous iterations of himself.

 

 

 

But the one thing he knew was how true it was when Chanyeol mentioned this time of the year being the loneliest for people like them. This was actually the first time Kyungsoo found himself alone at this time. Usually, he would at least be with Chanyeol if not his children around this time when he’d disappear from this current world.

Now, Kyungsoo knew how difficult it was for him. His own emotions were too crushing and overwhelming for him to even think about how Chanyeol would feel too but he was presumably happier since he still had his sister and parents to be with, unlike Kyungsoo.

 

Despite that, Kyungsoo still could not find it in himself to answer Baekhyun’s call when the latter asked Kyungsoo out for lunch or for some coffee. It was not because Kyungsoo still had mixed feelings towards Baekhyun due to the events in Kyungsoo C’s time.

It was because Kyungsoo had given up. Meeting Baekhyun was going to be a waste of time and another painful memory for when this was all over.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo returned to work on campus on the first Monday of January, exactly two weeks before January 18th.  He was only there to clear up any unfinished work, including revising the syllabus of his subject with the dean and the other professors for the next semester.

Since this Kyungsoo was unmarried and no children to take care of, he found himself spending more time occupied with work and ongoing research he was never going to complete because he never lived past January 18th, 2030.

 

 

A week before January 18th, Kyungsoo went to work to find a card on his desk. Kyungsoo’s first thought was that the card had been left by a fellow teaching staff or a student. It was probably a wedding invitation or something like that, Kyungsoo thought.

Instead, Kyungsoo found a card from Chanyeol, inviting him to his family’s large open house celebration for Lunar New Year’s in early February. Kyungsoo was also asked to RSVP for the event.

 

This time, Kyungsoo knew that maybe Chanyeol had actually put some thought into this invitation because Kyungsoo’s name was clearly written on it, in Chanyeol’s handwriting which was absolutely familiar to him.

Smiling a bit to himself, Kyungsoo replied with a “yes” on the RSVP checkbox and dropped off the card back on Chanyeol’s desk, even when Kyungsoo knew that he would never be able to go because the date was set for February.

 

 

 

Since Chanyeol wasn’t around at the time Kyungsoo dropped by at his desk and the office also being empty, Kyungsoo decided to take a sit down on Chanyeol’s chair.

Chanyeol had also left a coat hanging on the back of his chair. Kyungsoo sighed as he leaned back against the chair, turning his face to the fabric of Chanyeol’s coat.

 

Kyungsoo wanted to hug Chanyeol’s coat, stuff it in his face and hold it close to his chest but that was wrong and creepy to do it to someone who was only a friend and just that.

Therefore, Kyungsoo refrained himself from doing that, even if made his tears well up that he couldn’t hold Chanyeol at least one last time.

He had chosen to suffer alone and this was just a part of that.

 

 

 

On the night of January 18th, 2030, Kyungsoo laid down in bed alone and looked at a picture of Chanyeol he had found online on his phone.

Chanyeol was smiling in the picture and he looked happy. Kyungsoo’s final wish was for Chanyeol to live happily, even if Kyungsoo didn’t.

 

Then, exhaustion took over Kyungsoo and he went to sleep rather peacefully, feeling more prepared for whatever life he would be into tomorrow.

 

 

Kyungsoo E of L.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

Kyungsoo woke up as Kyungsoo E in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room but this wasn’t surprising to him now at all. This was expected and Kyungsoo just needed to figure out what this life was.

Kyungsoo found his glasses on a dark-colored wooden nightstand so he could take a closer look at what this life had for him. Kyungsoo found a phone too which unlocked through facial recognition but he didn’t bother checking it yet.

 

The first thing Kyungsoo noticed was how spacious this room was. This was probably the biggest room he had slept in.

Now that Kyungsoo saw it, he realized how big the bed was. All the furniture matched in a similar dark theme too. A set of glass panels on one wall suggested that a similarly spacious bathroom was also behind it.

 

 

Heavy curtains covered the window and Kyungsoo was curious enough to pull them apart to look, where he was met with the 2nd-floor sight of a  large and well-maintained lawn, even if it appeared to be currently winter.

This was a big and expensive house and Kyungsoo wondered what year it was and what had happened in his life for him to end up here.

 

Kyungsoo walked down to a mirror above the dresser in the room, with an interactive digital panel on it which told the time, date and weather outside.

The date was January 9th, 2029; just a little more than a year left until January 18th, 2030.

 

One year was still too little, Kyungsoo thought, but certainly way better than the one month he had as Kyungsoo D.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo left his room, where he was met by a modernly furnished hallway in what was already obviously a big house. At the end of the hallway where it ended and the stairs to the floor below was, Kyungsoo spotted a framed portrait hanging on the wall.

Upon noticing it, Kyungsoo walked up towards it to see the portrait clearer and up close.

 

Kyungsoo gasped in silence upon seeing the portrait clearly. He wasn’t too shocked but he still didn’t predict this coming either, not that he was ever able to predict the outcome of his alternative lives either.

In the professionally taken portrait were Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and a young girl around late elementary school age. Since it appeared to be a family portrait, Kyungsoo could guess that she was meant to be Kyungsoo E and Chanyeol’s daughter.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo walked around the large house and eventually found the kitchen after some time. Somehow, Kyungsoo didn’t run into anybody on the way there, which he expected due to the size of the house.

It was a bit hard to believe that he, Chanyeol and their supposed daughter lived together in this big house that seemed so devoid of warmth whatnot with all the dark furniture, plain design and how the windows were all heavily curtained to shut off the outside world; unlike the cozy home Kyungsoo lived in with Chanyeol around this time.

Then again, Kyungsoo was probably a whole different person here.

 

 

 

In the kitchen, Kyungsoo saw Chanyeol in his dress shirt and trousers with his hair neatly styled, looking ready for work. It was a Tuesday so Chanyeol should have probably been on campus already since it was already noon.

Chanyeol was on his phone talking to someone regarding some plans and papers when he saw Kyungsoo walk into the kitchen still in his pajamas.

 

“I’m sorry, I have to go. My husband is awake,” Chanyeol spoke to the other person over the phone once he saw Kyungsoo and quickly hung up the call.

 

 

Kyungsoo just stood in silence, somewhere near the massive black marble top counter as Chanyeol approached him. Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what to say or do because he had no idea how Kyungsoo E’s dynamic was with Chanyeol and he didn’t want to throw that off so soon.

He wasn’t so sure yet but Kyungsoo could feel that Kyungsoo E’s life had been quite very different than what Kyungsoo had experienced.

 

 

“Good morning, did you sleep well?” Chanyeol said as he wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, pulling in Kyungsoo closer to his person as he pressed a kiss to Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“Y-yeah, I did,” Kyungsoo replied, not resisting Chanyeol’s touch since it felt like ages since he was able to be this close with Chanyeol.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” Chanyeol mentioned with Kyungsoo still wrapped in his arms, where he tilted his head down to meet Kyungsoo eyes.

“Aren’t you going to work today?” Kyungsoo asked just to be safe.

“I will. I have to go in to the office later this afternoon. I’m just waiting for Hayoung to come back from school so we can have lunch together. I don’t have much work to do anyway,” Chanyeol informed.

“Ah, sure,” Kyungsoo nodded, safely assuming that this Hayoung was their daughter.

“Why don’t you go shower and change? She’ll be home soon,” Chanyeol suggested, leaning in close with his lips close to Kyungsoo’s ear when he said so.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo easily agreed to as Chanyeol’s grip on him loosened and he was able to turn around and make the long walk back to what was supposed to be his room.

 

 

 

The moment Kyungsoo stripped himself from his pajamas, he saw rather visible scars on his arms and his thighs. The scars were probably a few centimeters in length and seemed old enough to discolor and almost match his own natural skin tone.

This piqued Kyungsoo’s curiosity even further but he’d have to find out later and at the same time figure out how one year left was going to do anything for him.

 

 

Kyungsoo spent a good amount of time in the fancy bathtub in the spacious bathroom attached to his room. It was as nice as an expensive hotel’s bathroom and Kyungsoo couldn’t believe that he was living in all this luxury.

Sure, Chanyeol had rich parents and Kyungsoo’s own mother was rather wealthy herself.  As college professors, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol led relatively easy upper-middle-class lives too but that was nowhere near the level of Kyungsoo’s current living situation.

It didn’t seem that Chanyeol was a college professor here and Kyungsoo started to question if he was one too because it seemed acceptable for him to be waking up at almost noon too.

 

 

After spending a good amount of time in the bath, Kyungsoo dried up and was overwhelmed by the number of clothes that were supposedly his in the walk-in closet which was easily the size of a regular room itself.

Then, Kyungsoo went back down to the kitchen to have lunch with Chanyeol and meet Hayoung for the first time.

 

 

 

When Kyungsoo entered the kitchen, the entire room fell silent when Chanyeol and Hayoung had been conversing with a man whom Kyungsoo didn’t see earlier but was dressed like a housekeeper would.

Kyungsoo would have thought that Hayoung would be excited to see him but instead, she turned back to her plate and continued eating. Chanyeol seemed a bit surprised too but he quickly regained his composure.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you would be joining us. I was going to have your meal sent up to your room as usual,” Chanyeol stated, looking over at the housekeeper and then back at Kyungsoo.

“No, it’s fine,” Kyungsoo refused, “I’ll have lunch here with you two. That’s better,” Kyungsoo affirmed, feeling even more lost and confused. What was actually up with Kyungsoo E’s life?

“Alright then,” Chanyeol nodded, gesturing towards the housekeeper to prepare another set of the meal for Kyungsoo.

 

 

Kyungsoo did have lunch with Chanyeol and Hayoung, their daughter whom Kyungsoo still knew nothing about. She appeared to be around ten to twelve years old and was still wearing the uniform of an expensive private school which Kyungsoo recognized from looking around schools for the twins he fathered in different worlds.

There was no doubt she was Chanyeol’s child because they looked almost the same especially when sitting next to each other. In fact, Kyungsoo now had a hard time believing that Hayoung was his daughter too.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo attempted to make small talk with both Chanyeol and Hayoung, not wanting them to feel anything off with himself- since this was literally the first day in memory he had of this life.

Kyungsoo asked about school to Hayoung since it felt like the most normal thing to say to a girl her age and her responses were short and straightforward, leaving no room to continue on.

Then it seemed to Kyungsoo that how he was acting now wasn’t actually normal.

 

Although, Chanyeol tried coaxing Hayoung into talking to Kyungsoo, telling her stuff such as, “Why don’t you tell appa about the year-end