There are four questions of value in life.

What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made?

What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for?

The answer to each is the same. Only love.

-Don Juan de Marco

Regardless of the pain and the past, the following day came just as it had yesterday.

And with a heavy heart, she had to leave before Seulgi woke up because it was Monday.

She always had to wake up a few hours earlier than the younger and it almost felt like everything that had happened during those seven months was all just a terrible nightmare. The wedding, their breakup, living without each other's presence. There were many other things Joohyun wished that didn't happen.

But the ten missed calls from her husband show that no it isn't a nightmare but her reality.

Joohyun carefully places her hand on top of Seulgi's forehead to check the temperature and let out a small sigh of relief feeling there's no fever anymore.

She brings another wet towel just in case and looks at the younger peacefully asleep without a word.

She doesn't know the exact reason why Seulgi had cried. But it was enough to make her think maybe Seulgi still wanted her.

Joohyun bites her lip as she recalled Seulgi saying that this was all her fault between choked sobs, that she can't say that she loves her even though she still does.

Then is there a way to fix this?

Joohyun pinches the bridge of her nose as she turns away, turning the doorknob in a discreet manner before chancing a glance at the sleeping younger for the last time.

And she breathes in the December breeze as she steps out of the building, blending in with the crowd of people who also live because they are born and are terrified of death, and work because they need money to live.

And Joohyun wonders if there is at least one person in this crowd who carries the same heartache and is struggling to live on.

She made a choice. And she regrets it more than anything. So she is suffering because of it. Then is that it?

Joohyun exhales slowly, white fog escaping as she waits for the street light to turn green.

She wishes things were easy as they sound.

Getting a divorce, starting over with her, trying to be happy even though they have suffered too much.

Is she ready to go through all that? She doesn't know. 

She still wanted to have a family of their own. And she isn't even sure if Seulgi will be happy with her because she had already hurt her as much as she said 'I love you,' to her.

What do I have to do? Joohyun thinks to herself as she mindlessly walks toward the kindergarten gate.

But her question doesn't get an answer as the children greet her, chattering endlessly about how they spent their weekend and asking about hers at the same time.

"Yerim? Why are you not playing with other kids?"

Yerim, who was sitting in the corner with the huge teddy bear behind her, looks up from her book meeting her teacher's concerned eyes.

"They didn't want to play family without a daddy." She explains simply with a shrug, flipping her fairy tale book. "Teacher, why are there only evil stepmothers in fairy tales but not evil stepfathers?"

She says out of the blue and Joohyun cannot help but kneel down to give the girl a tight hug because she knows how much Yerim needs it.

"I want to have a happy ending too," Yerim mumbles in her embrace. "But there is no story where the princesses have evil stepfathers."

"..Some stories are too special to be told," Joohyun says, soothingly the girl's head. "And you will have your own happy ending."

"Really?" Yerim asks, looking up at her teacher to make sure. "I will?"

"You will," Joohyun says firmly as she holds up her pinky finger. "Pinky promise."

Happy ending, Joohyun repeats the word that seems so unfamiliar to her. 

Every happy ending ended with a prince and princess heading off to the castle, or dancing in the ballroom or even kiss as the carriage carried them away.

If being together is a happy ending, will it be the same for them?

She wakes up from her thoughts seeing Yerim giggle a little as she links her pinky to her teacher's. Then her eyes light up in excitement as she points at the bear behind her.

"Teacher! Sluggie gave me the bear!"

Of course. Joohyun should have known since she would definitely have noticed the teddy bear that was this huge.

"Did she?" Joohyun answers with a strained voice but forces a smile to mask the uneasiness. "Do you like it?"

Yerim nods her head eagerly. "It looks like Sluggie!" She exclaims, turning around to give the bear a hug. Then sulks a little.

"I want to see Sluggie, teacher."

And Joohyun restrains herself from saying 'Me too,', her jaw stiffening because of the effort.

Yerim was never the kind of girl who got attached to people easily. Especially adults.

But Seulgi was an exception. Ever since the day when Seulgi came to her rescue.

---

Even though Joohyun loved kids, there were often times when even she couldn't understand them.

And Yerim was one of those children.

Yerim always wore long-sleeved shirts even though it was 38 degrees Celsius outside and whenever Joohyun tried to help her pull up her sleeve, the girl squirmed and whined as if she was physically hurting her.

She was the only one who stayed wide awake during nap time and it was getting harder to make her say goodbye to her mother who looked thin and drawn these days.

As Yerim's odd behavior worsened, Joohyun often had headaches which made Seulgi more concerned so Joohyun had to explain everything.

"She started to her thumb these days," Joohyun said, lying on the sofa while Seulgi gave the older a foot massage. "And she doesn't even want to play with her friends."

The younger listened to her listing all the strange behaviors of the little girl and as she did, Joohyun noticed Seulgi's expression clouding over.

"Seulgi?" She gently called her, fixing her gaze on the younger. "Are you okay?"

Seulgi didn't reply for a while, just thoughtfully staring into space and there was this feeling again, the feeling that there was something Joohyun didn't know. Which was also what she had to know.

The older sat up, frowning because of the silence.

"Seulgi?"

Seulgi hesitated before meeting her eyes, nervously gnawing her bottom lip. 

"Joohyun can I.. Can I visit the kindergarten tomorrow?"

Joohyun blinked, staring at the younger with a blank expression. 

"But you always do."

"Actually not just me.." Seulgi said as she shifted uneasily, suddenly interested in her nails. "With a friend. Who works at the child protection agency."

"What?"

"It will only take about half an hour," Seulgi said, pleadingly for some reason. "I may be wrong but I just.. I just don't want to wait until something..happens."

"What do you mean?" Joohyun said with her mind in chaos. "What do you mean something is going to happen?"

"Don't you ever find it odd Yerim always makes me leave whenever I play the father?"

That was true. Yerim had always whined she wanted to see Seulgi and stuck to the younger like glue when she visited. But whenever they played family, Yerim acted as if Seulgi didn't exist, ordering her to 'go to work' as soon as she wore her tie.

"So you're thinking this has something to do with Yerim's father? Just because of that?"

"Not just that." Seulgi let out a deep sigh as if she didn't want to continue this conversation. "When she tripped I had to roll up her pant leg to see if there were any scratches. And those bruises.." She winced, just thinking about it made her shudder. "Those are not the kind of bruises you get when you trip."

How do you know? Joohyun wanted to ask but if it was true, Seulgi was right. They needed to do something before something terrible happens. And Joohyun didn't want to imagine what.

"Yerim's mother always comes half an hour late." She said quietly. "I'll try to explain to the principal about this in advance."

The look on Seulgi's face told her that she wished her theory wasn't right and that made Joohyun wish the same.

As promised, Seulgi visited the kindergarten at the exact time with her friend who was too pretty for Joohyun to not be intimidated.

"I'm Jisoo." She said, holding out her hand in greeting. "Seulgi has told me A LOT about you."

Seulgi blushed furiously and Joohyun couldn't help but smile. Of course, Seulgi would tell her friends about her. But she felt the bitter taste in wishing she could do the same, talking about the woman loves with her mother.

"It's very nice to meet you," Joohyun said, taking Jisoo's hand and gently shaking it. "Thank you for your time."

"Well, Seulgi had promised to buy me a drink every week so no need to thank me," Jisoo said cheerfully, trying to peek inside. "Is Yerim alone?"

"Yes. But she's not very intimate around strangers. Especially around.. adults."

"Ah, well. I've seen a lot of precious kids so you don't need to worry." Jisoo said. "We just need room to talk alone. Just the two of us. Is there any empty classroom we can use?"

It took a while to make Yerim talk to Jisoo but after Seulgi assured her several times that Jisoo was her friend, that she won't do anything that will harm her because she is her friend Yerim reluctantly took Jisoo's hand, giving her teacher and Seulgi one last look before walking away.

"Hey," Seulgi placed her hand on top of Joohyun's to give it a reassuring squeeze. "It'll be okay. Jisoo may seem a little too cheerful but she's a professional."

Joohyun nodded but her voice dropped to a whisper when she spoke. "I just wish we were wrong." 

What if it's true? Then what can she possibly do? Will she be enough? What if she isn't?

"Even if it's true I'm sure it will be okay." The tone in her voice strangely seemed confident.

"I know.. I just want the kids to not go through something as terrible as.. this." Joohyun shook her head as if she couldn't believe it. "They're just kids. They deserve all the love in the world and yet this happens. The opposite always happens."

And Seulgi couldn't help but agree.

Every experience comes with a lesson, she had heard that several times from many people who had pride in living longer than her.

But sometimes she wished some experiences didn't happen to her at all no matter how valuable the lesson was.

If one of the lessons included her realizing how hopeless and flawed she was, she wasn't eager to learn.

"It will be okay." Seulgi could only reply. But she meant it because she was going to do everything for Yerim to be happy.

She was determined to give everything to the kid for her to not end up being like herself.

"How do you know?" Joohyun asked, brushing a tear from her eye and Seulgi couldn't meet her eyes.

"I just know."

---

She had always wondered why and how Seulgi knew so easily. She seemed to know how Yerim exactly felt and even knew what the girl needed the most. And the younger did everything to do that for the five-year-old girl.

Joohyun absently stares at the huge teddy bear as Yerim tries to put a ribbon around its neck with a pink string.

Is this it? Is that what she failed to grasp? 

That far-away look in her eyes. Her silence. The way she grimaced a little, trying to keep a straight face whenever she saw abusive parents in dramas on television.

As the dreaded feeling washes over her, Joohyun feels another lump rise in .

* * *

Living a life without what she wanted drained out all the vivid colors she had seen.

It was like leaving just enough energy to drag herself to live on, while the rest decided to slowly dissipate.

And for a while, Seulgi thought that was the only thing she could do.

Seulgi stares at the lock of the metal door, her hand holding the key frozen inches from the lock.

Waking up in an empty bed, with the pale morning light shining down on her and the only hint that Joohyun had been here was the freshly wet towel that dropped on the quilt as she got up.

And she had tried to push the desperate voice inside her screaming 'Is it really over?' as she got ready for work she has to go regardless of the missing fragrance in her heart.

She was more distracted than usual but thankfully, her class had ended early because of finals and she figured it would be a good time to visit the studio.

To forget or to remember, she refused to know.

Her hand holding the key remains hovering in midair as if she is frozen in time.

The studio which had been filled with innocent and somewhat childish dreams, various passions that spread like ink on water.

But also the place whose door has been shut for almost six months.

Because Seulgi had made up a pathetic excuse that she couldn't even step a foot inside the space which had Joohyun's name painted everywhere.

But she can't possibly ignore it forever because right now, she needs it more than anything.

With the love gone, the only thing she can grab onto is her dream which is the only hope she has now.

She takes a few deep breaths before putting the key in the lock.

And with a heavy click, she pushes open the metal door and she sees white dust dancing everywhere which is a strangely pleasant sight to see because of the sunlight making them twinkle.

She notices the withered flowers and guiltily gnaws her bottom lip, crouching to carefully trace the dry withered petals with her fingers with a frown.

Jennie had asked her at Wendy's wedding if she had any plans of selling the studio and that was when Seulgi realized she didn't want to. It was more than just a place filled with memories of moments she spent with Joohyun.

It was a place where she could fulfill her dreams without limits and thoughts.

She stands up with her frown still evident then catches a glimpse of the familiar drawing of a bear and rabbit on the wall, along with the bed which quilt is messy as usual.

Seulgi stares at the childish drawing for a while without a word.

Then she lifts her arm, stretching out her arm until her fingertips reach the smooth surface of the wall.

And with her forefinger, she follows the lines of the bear, wondering what kind of thoughts Joohyun had kept to herself, what kind of emotions she had felt while drawing. It would be a lie if she can't almost feel the older in her embrace.

When the line reaches the end, Seulgi covers the drawing with her palm, pressing the wall.

Her eyes slowly trailed to the rabbit next to it, the strained clench of her jaw tightening as she swallows the words inside her pursed lips.

After silently agonizing moment, she tears her gaze away and lowers her head along while her hand slowly slides down the wall, eventually leaving her hand lifelessly hanging down, exhaling quietly.

She isn't sure if she should paint the wall white again.

Seulgi wipes her eyes briskly with her hand and turns to see the series of paints and brushes, multi-colored oil pastels scattered around the large table and just when she is about to consider cleaning up all that first, the all too familiar sketchbook comes into her sight as soon as she steps toward the table.

Maybe she should start with the bookshelf.

There isn't much to organize but she needed at least something to distract her mind.

She smiles a little as she realizes most of the books are untouched because she rarely spent time reading in the studio unless she wanted to lazily read her art magazine on her bed inside her quilt cocoon.

The only reason why she had a bookshelf in the first place was because Joohyun always spent time reading beside her while the younger was busy drawing after her inspiration struck.

Seulgi sighs in defeat as she chuckles, laughing at herself in quiet mockery.

It is impossible, isn't it? Not thinking about her is impossible.

Oh well, she knew a long time ago her attempts are useless anyway.

Her acceptance of defeat makes her pull out one of the books a little too hard, resulting in dozens of books falling down on the floor instantly creating a mess with some of the books' pages flipping open.

Seulgi lets out a frustrated grunt as she crouches, trying to pick up the books one at a time but stops when she sees a paper between the flipped pages in one of the books, folded neatly in half.

She picks it up in curiosity and realizes it's a letter after she opens it.

A letter which is obviously meant for her as she reads 'Dear Seulgi' in the first sentence.

That piece of paper triggers another memory, the day when she said those three words for the first time which resulted in taking a bath with the older.

The day when Joohyun was caught hiding her love letter between the pages of the book.

Of course, she will hide the letters between the pages of her books because Seulgi will never touch her belongings without asking.

But then again, why did she feel the need to always hide them and say that she's not ready to show them yet?

What isn't she ready to show?

With several whys and whats swimming in her head, Seulgi continues to read the first love letter from Bae Joohyun.

I often wonder what's behind that closed door of yours.

It felt like you had a world of your own. And I couldn't help but wonder if there was something I didn't know which could also be something that I have to know.

But I was always scared to ask. Every time you have that unreadable expression on your face, I would open my mouth to ask but you would flash me a smile that made me think it wasn't right to ask.

I didn't want to ruin what we had because I wasn't sure if I could ever have it again after losing it.

But I know you're trying.

Trying to cook me a surprise breakfast in bed, sulking because of the burnt toast and scrambled eggs which took you almost an hour.

And you were trying to be all bright and positive because my graduation was coming up.

I know you're trying to show how much I mean to you.

And believe me, I was always tempted to kiss you more than just once.

But Seulgi, what if there comes a time when even that is not enough?

I know you don't mind me not telling my mother about us. But I want to.

And I'm scared to admit why. And I'm terrified of what my mother will think. About us. About you. And about me.

I never expected this to happen so fast.

I always thought it would take me a long time to fall in love with someone. Because people change and so do I.

But it all happened so fast. And I don't know what to do.

I love you. I love you enough to wish you'd be the last person who stays.

So what should I do about that?

What am I going to do?

And there's that smile again. You're trying again, aren't you? Coming all the way to my college library just to see my face, trying to read a book without dozing off. And I'm pretending to be busy preparing for the finals which I obviously couldn't.

It is so simple for me to fall in love with you again and again.

We talk about random things. We look at each other without a word. We hold hands, with my fingers entwined with yours. We're just together. And then I suddenly end up hoping it will last.

I wish the world was as simple as that.

I wish I am just overreacting.

And this will be one of the many love letters I can't send to you.

Because I don't want this to be the last time I'll see your smile again.

But I still love you. I really do.

Love, Joohyun.

Her hand holding the letter weakens, feeling the strength in her body draining. Seulgi lets out a shaky breath as if she's trying to endure it.

Out of nowhere, a huge lump has lodged itself deep in but she shoves it down, not wanting to spend another day crying.

She manages to stand up and place the letter on the table right next to the sketchbook. Seulgi rubs her eyes without a word and turns around, facing the huge tree she had brought proudly at the studio a long time ago.

Now, this is why she hasn't dared to step in the studio for such a long time.

Several photos of them decorated the branches instead of the leaves. Seulgi always made Joohyun a photo album of them once a year but for her, she had preferred hanging the photos on the huge tree, figuring they were much better than fake leaves.

She mindlessly takes out the photos one by one trying to ignore the throbbing inside and her lifeless fingers.

The photo of the day when they tried to copy one of the scenes of the romance movie they watched together.

Another photo when they went to Europe for their vacation. She had taken a picture of Joohyun praying at the church because it was such a breath-taking sight to see. And when she asked the older what she wished for, Joohyun just shook her head playfully with a grin. 

'I'm not going to tell you because it's so obvious.'

And Seulgi could tell they wished for the same thing.

Her hand stops midair as her mind going blank as a sheet, she feels a numbing headache when she sees her favorite photo of the older. 

The day when she gave her the promise ring. Joohyun had insisted they must take a photo and had looked so excited showing off the ring on her finger, Seulgi couldn't refuse. Right next to the photo of Joohyun showing off her ring, was a photo of their hands entwined which was taken by Joohyun. 

And Seulgi remembers her face almost hurting because she was smiling too much.

Then a hard punch comes out of nowhere, air disappearing from her lungs realizing how long it has been since she had last seen her smile. Even herself.

How will she ever smile like that again?

Seulgi fails to take down the rest of the photos, breathing in and out shakily a few times and a small cry escapes but she pretends not to hear.

She squeezes her eyes shut because of the throbbing headache that will not ease.

At this rate, she doesn't know what memories she should keep and how to forget the rest.

She places the photos on the table and decides to move the tree to the furthest corner. And thanks to the movable pot stand, she manages to push the tree forward but her foot kicks something as she pushes the pot, making it slide across the floor.

With a slight frown, Seulgi walks toward the object but she catches sight of the astonishingly familiar notebook, the same purple notebook Joohyun always carried with her when she came to the restaurant, laid on the floor staring back at her.

Why Joohyun put it under the tree pot Seulgi had no idea. 

She isn't sure if it is a good decision to read Joohyun's diary. It will only evoke memories or regrets that she is now struggling to forget.

But a small, treacherous voice inside whispers that she has to see it. That she will regret it again if she doesn't.

So making up an excuse that she is tired of regretting, Seulgi picks up the purple book and opens the first page.

There are a few doodles here and there, her schedules or assignments and it surprised her that there was no mention of her ex-boyfriend.

But as she turns more pages, she notices something.

The simple drawing of the strawberry tart. A doodle of a bear. And then her purple umbrella.

She stops when she sees the smiley-face on one of the pages. 

Her mind flashes back the day when they first talked about love.

'I think I'll be terrified of falling in love if you put it that way. But I don't think I can stop that from happening.'

Seulgi feels her heart pounding louder as she turns the next page. And yes, the pages were filled with words. Words about her.

The waitress who gave me a free strawberry tart.

The waitress who gave me an adorable smile when I returned the favor.

I want to know her name.

Kang Seulgi. Kang Seulgi.

That name is stuck in my head and I practiced saying the name under my breath three times before going in.

And I don't know why I felt so nervous saying good afternoon to her despite that.

You're very important to me.

Not just as a friend. But in my life too.

What does that mean?

Awkward but eager kisser.

Beautiful eyes that disappear when she smiles.

Let's see what happens.

I'm sometimes afraid she'll read this diary because I'm sure it'll scare her to death.

They say there's always someone in a relationship who loves more.

Oh God, I wish it isn't me.

---

Seulgi often wondered how people could only sleep at night when taking a nap in the afternoon was the best. Wasn't it?

Okay. Maybe it had something to do with the older who had her arms wrapped around her waist, snuggling into her even though it was already perfectly warm inside.

With the afternoon sun shining down into her bedroom window, she relished the radiant but comforting light, the warmth, and the silence thinking the last thing she wanted to do was getting up from her bed.

And Joohyun seemed to be thinking the same. With her eyes closed and her lips curling into a peaceful smile Seulgi silently admired the breathtaking sight that made her feel butterflies in her stomach. It sounded cliche but she really did.

People always say you need to be thankful for even the most trivial things. Because there will come a time when you long for even the simple things in life. 

And Seulgi wondered if this, the moment doing nothing but being together, counted as one of them.

Maybe it did.

"What are you thinking?"

Seulgi flinched in surprise as Joohyun lazily asked with her eyes still closed.

"Nothing."

"Really?" Joohyun smirked, rubbing her eyes to wipe off the drowsiness. "The Kang Seulgi I know will never think about 'nothing'."

"I was just thinking about how nice this was. Even though it's so.. simple."

"It sure is." Joohyun agreed, nestling her cheek on the younger's collarbone while she placed her leg on top of Seulgi's. "The world can end but I won't even move an inch."

"Sounds to me you're just being lazy."

"I'm trying to be romantic and yet you just had to ruin it," Joohyun grumbled in protest and Seulgi laughed quietly, gently brushing Joohyun's hair away from her face.

"Seriously though. I'm curious. If you have one day left, what would you do?"

"You should stop asking me questions that make me think." Joohyun groaned as she snuggled into her embrace. "I want to sleep with an empty head. Is that too much to ask?"

"I'd just like to know." The younger said sheepishly. "Please?"

"Well." Joohyun sighed as she inhaled the scent of their detergent on Seulgi's shirt.

"It's an easy answer. I'd spend it all with you."

Seulgi tried to meet her eyes as she bends her neck but Joohyun still seemed half-asleep.

"You mean that?"

"Of course, silly." Joohyun grumbled, lightly slapping her waist.

"You mean like.. going to the other side of the world? Even the moon?" Seulgi couldn't help but ask because surely that won't be all, right?

"No.." Joohyun seemed to slowly wake up as she lifted her head and gave her a small smile. "Just being together. Like now."

She couldn't help but let out a soft giggle by the way Seulgi frowned at her as if she had no idea what's going on in her mind.

"And," Joohyun added. "I want to share all kinds of things." She held up her hand and Seulgi automatically placed her hand on hers, their fingers interlocked.

"What kinds of things?"

Joohyun placed her head on the pillow to look straight into her eyes.

"Like... Everything. Difficult things. Happy things." Joohyun laughed to herself because even she herself couldn't find a way to express it.

"Everything."

---

Joohyun had wanted everything with her. And Seulgi couldn't understand why.

When the answer was in her eyes all along.

Her lips quiver as she reaches the last page and her pride crumbles down as she fails to hold herself back once again.

I don't want to leave but I want you to stay.

I love you.

So please just fix me.

Droplets of tears fall down on the letters, blurring her sight and smudging the ink.

The only sound in the hollow studio was her heart pounding against her ears.

She was never the kind of person who believed in second chances.

Since it will only be a matter of time to part ways because of the same reason again.

But can't they be an exception?

There are so many words left unsaid.

And what if she wants to keep everything and forget nothing at all?

Can't they be an exception as Joohyun is in her life?

Seulgi looks around the studio, wondering how empty the studio will be if she removes everything that triggers their moments together.

And here she is again, desperately wanting to find a way to keep them instead of forgetting.

* * *

With the weight in her heart even heavier than before, Joohyun slides open the door revealing her mother looking out the window in silence, perched on the hospital bed.

"How are you feeling?" She asks but her mother doesn't answer. Instead, she puts her forefinger on her lips to silence her.

Before Joohyun can ask what is going on, a voice coming from the cassette tape player next to the bed interrupts her.

'I always felt regretful that I only read one poem to you when there were so many other poems that described exactly how I felt.

So I thought this would make the perfect present for our fourth-anniversary.'

Joohyun's heart stops along with her hitched breath, hearing the familiar voice coming out from the cassette tape player with all the whys crashing into her.

Because they never celebrated their fourth-anniversary. They couldn't. Because she got married six months before their anniversary.

'I know it's way too early since there are eight months left before our anniversary but I figured why not? Since I'm sure we're still going to be together until the fourth and even the fifth.'

"Mother-"

But her mother gestures for her to sit, holding her daughter's hand, still staring outside the window.

'I thought I would be less nervous recording it but I guess I am always nervous when it comes to you.'

Only the warmth of her mother's hand on top of hers enables her to listen as she sinks into the stool.

'It's called 'Winter Love'. Cheesy, I know. But we became a couple during winter. And... Well, I just liked the phrases.'

Joohyun stares into space, quietly listening to Seulgi take a deep breath as the sound fills the room.

She feels a faint warmth of orange touching her eyes and she raises her gaze toward the window, staring at the vivid orange sunset that colored everything a faint shade of yellow.

'Like snowflakes, I long to come to you.'

'You're really into poems, aren't you?' Joohyun had asked teasingly whenever she caught the younger reading a poetry book.

And whenever she tried to take a peek, Seulgi always refused to show it to her, blushing furiously in embarrassment which only made Joohyun want to more.

She had no idea Seulgi was trying again.

'Without wavering, without rambling, without concealing, I long to plunge into your white life and become a warm winter.'

Joohyun stares at the window and all she can see is the orange hue. But she knows that it will soon be gone as the sky darkens.

'I long to snow for a thousand years.'

There is a slight pause and Joohyun closes her eyes, briefly wondering what it would have been like if they had their fourth anniversary.

Seeing their first snow together again, making another wish under the moon even though it isn't full. 

Spending another day together and looking forward to the many days they will spend together.

'I guess I don't have to explain this poem to you since you always gloat that you're smarter than me.'

Joohyun can almost imagine her smiling by the playfulness of her tone. And she finds herself unconsciously smiling despite the tears streaming down her cheeks as she closes her eyes, her lips quivering.

'I know I still lack expressing how I feel. And it's hard to be honest sometimes. But I want to be. Even if that means I have to try over and over again.'

Seulgi always tried too hard. But she didn't need to.

'Because like this poem said, I want to become a warm winter.'

Because Seulgi will always be her love right next to comfort. As it has always been.

'And I long to snow for a thousand years.'

She feels her mother gently squeezing her hand and Joohyun notices the droplets of tears on the back of her mother's hand.

'Happy anniversary, Joohyun. I love you.'

The recording ends with a click and all that is left is silence, the room slowly getting darker along with the heavy atmosphere.

Joohyun doesn't know how her mother got the tape and her mother's unreadable expression makes her keep muted, feeling a little anxious her mother might let go of her hand as she tried to hold back the tears that kept falling without warning.

"Have I ever told you about the day when you were born?"

Joohyun rubs her eyes and looks at her mother in conspicuous awe, a little surprised by the sudden question.

"When I first held you in my arms, you grabbing my thumb with your tiny hand, I realized this girl is going to be my everything."

Her mother laughs to herself weakly. "And all I wanted was for you to never experience the same horrible things I had to go through."

Joohyun remembered how her mother tried so hard to pretend she was okay after her husband left her and their daughter. How she acted all bright and happy until Joohyun went to sleep and Joohyun often stayed awake listening to her mother's muffled sobs coming from the other room.

"People liked to put a label on it. My relationship with your father." Her mother mumbles. "Failed marriage. Divorce. Abandonment."

She finally meets her daughter's eyes and Joohyun chokes back a sob seeing how fragile her mother looked right now even with her smile.

"And not one of them called it love."

And as a mother whose daughter was her everything, she never wanted Joohyun to go through the same thing. Ever.

"It doesn't matter if you love a man or a woman."

It didn't really take her that long to notice her daughter's relationship with Seulgi.

Because she had the same look when she first met her ex-husband.

"All I wanted for you was to be with someone who won't ever let you be alone."

But to her Seulgi always seemed unsure. There was something she couldn't be sure of and that made her believe Seulgi wasn't right for her daughter.

"And sometimes just loving someone isn't enough."

Then again, she never saw someone who looked at her daughter with those eyes. Even Suho.

"But who will be enough for you when your eyes still say she is the one?"

---

How do you know when you're in love? How do you know that this person is 'the one'?

Joohyun wished there was a test or a guidebook to at least get a hint but no, life always remains silent, showing you only the consequences of your choices.

Seriously. They should invent some kind of sensor to prevent people from having false hopes and unnecessary heartbreaks.

Not that she didn't think Seulgi was the one. But still, it would be reassuring to know if she really was.

People change. And so do feelings. So does love. Then what if there comes a time when it's no longer colorful and beautiful as before?

"Joohyun! Bae Joohyun! Babe Joohyun!"

Her thoughts scattered by the younger's voice and Joohyun looked up from her book, giving Seulgi an annoyed look.

"Call me all kinds of pet names you want, but it's always a no. Never." Joohyun said firmly. "You know how I feel about heights."

"Come on, Bae," Seulgi said pleadingly, giving the older her puppy-dog eyes. "It's not like we're falling off the edge of the cliff."

"It is still falling," Joohyun argued back. "And I don't like it."

They had come to the Han River for a picnic but after seeing a couple passing by, riding their bicycles, Seulgi kept urging her for over five minutes to ride it too even though Joohyun doesn't know how to ride a bicycle.

Seulgi felt like she was the kindergarten teacher, trying to coax a pouting kid to eat vegetables or go do her homework.

"But I can teach you so you won't fall!"

Joohyun snorted, not falling for her attempt. "I know how parents teach their kids how to ride a bicycle. The kids beg them to not let go, but their parents still let go anyway and the kids fall halfway and realize the harsh truth that adults do lie. Even their parents."

And besides, she had no father to teach her how to ride a bicycle so she wasn't eager to learn.

That was enough to shut the younger up, only the sound of the Han River stream and the birds chirping evident but Joohyun noticed how thoughtfully Seulgi rubbed her chin. Joohyun rolled her eyes up to the clear sky, a little annoyed at Seulgi for being so stubborn.

"Tell you what," Seulgi said after about five minutes, her eyes glinting in anticipation. "How about we fall together?"

Joohyun scowled. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you always ride the rollercoaster when I hold your hand," Seulgi said with a shrug. "So why not you ride with me. That way maybe.. I can cushion the fall? Like you can fall on top of me?"

Joohyun gave her a hard look. "You really want this, don't you?"

"Yes," The younger replies sheepishly. "Yes, I do."

Joohyun closed her book with a small sigh and stood up. "Fine. Get us a bicycle."

"We're going to fall! Oh my god, I'm going to fall!"

Joohyun wrapped her arms tightly around the younger enough to take her breath away as she kept shouting on top of her lungs.

"Okay, okay. Joohyun! Calm down! We're not gonna fall!"

"But this thing is so wobbly!"

"It is a bicycle with two wheels and it wobbles because it's moving! And we'll definitely fall if you keep distracting me from keeping our balance!"

Yes, the sight of the older whimpering like a kid as she buried her face in her back was endearing. But Seulgi figured she should proceed with her