You were the start of my day.

And also the end of it.

Maybe even the days now on.

But I know you won't step into my life again.

So I want to tell you this.

My days during that time felt like a dream because of you.

Too happy to even imagine this moment can break.

That those days were perfect for me because they were spent all with you.

That I was so thankful to you. For making me this happy.

Seulgi manages to wake up the following day. Barely.

There are only three days left for Wendy's wedding and she feels guilty for thinking if there may be a possibility for her to not attend the wedding if her slight fever, body aching all over and light coughs that stung every time would persist.

But today is Tuesday. This means thankfully, there is no art class for today.

She could have just stayed in her apartment, wrapped in a thick blanket while lying on the floor despite how cold it is.

But the message from Joy, telling her that Yerim was driving her crazy because she hadn't seen Seulgi for almost an eternity, genuinely surprised her enough to forget about the aching in her head for a short second.

So there she is, holding a huge teddy bear that almost covered her entirely, standing in front of the kindergarten, her eyes darting back and forth somehow afraid but secretly anticipating a certain woman's presence.

She always had a soft spot for Yerim, not just because she spiced up the art teacher's life, but because people tend to be weak for someone who shares the same pain. 

The same pain of not being loved by your own family. And rather the opposite.

Seulgi was the first one to notice Yerim's situation after noticing how Yerim always ignored her whenever she played family with her.

Yerim was always clingy to her mother and sometimes she even fussed that she didn't want to go home.

And when Seulgi saw the numerous bruises on her forearm and calves she had almost called the police.

Thankfully, Yerim was now being taken care of by the child care agency away from her father. 

"How did you know?" Joohyun had asked but Seulgi just shrugged, burying the truth and trying to comfort the older instead.

As she waited, she wondered if the world was cruel enough for them to see each other again.

She faintly remembers what happened yesterday but she was sure that she clearly heard Joohyun murmuring 'I'll come back in the morning,'. 

But she didn't. Not even a simple message.

And of course, that was right. They weren't supposed to see each other again in the first place.

Seulgi didn't realize she was almost choking the poor teddy bear, her grip around the teddy bear getting tighter.

She didn't want to be disappointed but she was. She couldn't help but blame Joohyun for giving her false hope. If she didn't mean it she shouldn't have promised her in the first place.

Seulgi vaguely shakes her head, trying to shake off the thought before it gets too much to the point that she has to turn her heels to leave.

She bites her bottom lip as the children come rushing out to hug their mothers and fathers but one particular girl is nowhere to be found.

And as the number of children coming out from the kindergarten slowly decreases, Seulgi ponders if she should just go in. But she is scared for some reason to see Joohyun again. 

She isn't sure if she can act as if nothing happened yesterday and mask the disappointment of her absence.

But after ten minutes, Seulgi sighs in defeat and trudges toward the kindergarten, internally grumbling to herself that she should have bought a smaller teddy bear. Still, at least she can hide from humiliation if she happens to meet a certain kindergarten teacher.

"Seulgi?"

Seulgi instantly freezes at the familiar voice and peeks her head out from the bear. She smiles wistfully because seeing Yerim in awe, holding Joy's hand, she realized she sure missed that kid a lot.

"Hey, Yerim. Miss me?"

Yerim's face lights up with pure joy as she runs toward her, almost knocking her out because of the impact as she hugs the woman with the teddy bear.

"Sluggie!" 

Seulgi laughs and ruffles her hair, putting the huge bear down on the small bench beside the front door to give the kid a proper hug.

"Nice to see you again, kiddo."

Joy, who smirks at the sight of Yerim hugging Seulgi's leg, greets her too. In a more mature way, of course.

"It's been a while since I last saw you, Seulgi."

Seulgi gives her an awkward smile since Joy doesn't know the reason why she has been absent all this time.

"I've been... busy."

But clearly everyone knew Seulgi is a bad liar. Joy snorts and crosses her arms.

"Yeah, right."

Feeling a little self-conscious, Seulgi turns her attention to the child who is holding her leg as if she is her lifeline.

"Shall I take you home?" Seulgi asks but Yerim shakes her head with a pout.

"I want to see teacher."

"Hmm? Which teacher?"

"Bae!" Yerim exclaims. "Bae seonsaengnim!"

Seulgi blinks in awe and looks at Joy with a puzzled expression.

"Did Joohyun take a day-off?"

Joy returns the puzzled look. "You didn't know? She took a day-off today because her mother was hospitalized."

Seulgi almost loses her balance feeling her knees weakening at the word 'hospital' and 'her mother'.

"Sluggie?" Yerim notices Seulgi's face turning pale. "Sluggie okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Yerim." Seulgi hastily hands Joy the huge bear. "I promise I'll come again tomorrow."

Yerim opens in protest. "But-"

"I promise tomorrow we'll go to the park. I'll buy you cotton candy." She holds up her pinky finger at the child. "Promise."

Yerim seems to sense how agitated she is because the child reluctantly nods and hooks her pinky with hers.

"Pinky promise."

"Pinky promise." Seulgi gives the child a light peck on the nose before standing up.

"Thanks for taking care of the bear, Joy!"

"It's my pleasure." Joy grunts and the two watch Seulgi rushing to her car, slamming the door shut, and driving away.

Seulgi hastily turns the steering wheel to the right, cursing the car in front of her for being so slow.

She is sure Joohyun must be out of her mind right now, anxiously pacing back and forth, biting her nails in agitation almost ready to cry or collapse or even both.

Joohyun has always been protective when it comes to her mother.

Not just because she is the only family member Joohyun truly cares about, but because Joohyun always has this debt called guilt she has been carrying for a long time.

---

Her nights were now different from the ones Seulgi would sleep alone.

From her ordinary, bland routine during her college summer break of lazily waking up at 11 in the morning, having brunch after, and doing almost nothing until she had to work her shift, it became different after Bae Joohyun became part of the routine.

She woke up at exactly 8 o'clock to text Joohyun good morning and take a picture of her breakfast so Joohyun will be assured she was eating well. 

And then she prepares herself before going out for an early lunch date with Joohyun before her shift.

It was nice that even though Joohyun was now a kindergarten teacher, and she was still a college student, they almost had the same summer vacation.

Joohyun seemed especially pleased with it since she could visit Wendy's restaurant, doodling on her notebook just like she did a year ago, watching Seulgi work and smirk whenever she notices the younger's mistake.

'Oh, waitress!' Joohyun had always called her more than once. 'I think you gave me the wrong drink!' 

'I'm deeply sorry ma'am.' Seulgi would play along. 'What can I possibly do for you to make up for it?'

And Joohyun would always tap her lips playfully for a kiss. Seulgi would then look around to make sure no one was looking and give her a short peck on the lips, making Joohyun smile in satisfaction.

After her shift was over, they would take a short walk around the city, admiring the large trees lined up on the pavement. Talking endlessly because it felt like they were in a world of their own, with only the rustling leaves and the low cries of the cicadas as their background, only the two of them walking side by side.

'I never told this to anyone before,' Joohyun would often say after revealing several of her most embarrassing, or humiliating, or even heartbreaking pasts. The kind of story that only one person could listen to.

And Seulgi loved that because it was Joohyun's way of saying that she wasn't just anyone to her anymore.

One day, at 11 p.m., while they were playing on the swings at the deserted playground near Joohyun's apartment, Joohyun had told her about her mother.

"There's this one time that I always wish I could go back to."

Seulgi slowed down, setting a foot on the ground to look at her but Joohyun kept her gaze focused on the ground, nervously gripping the chain of the swing.

"After my dad left us, my mom did everything she could to raise me like other kids."

Seulgi stayed silent, attentively listening even to her shaky breath.

"And... There were often times when she tried too hard."

When Joohyun was in high school, she was confused about everything.

Having feelings for not only for guys but also for girls. And her mixed desire of wanting to be free but also wanting to be the perfect daughter for her mother.

The absence of her father slowly became a flaw whenever she had to write about her family in her student record.

Most of all, she spotted her mother having feelings for her homeroom teacher. 

And Joohyun realized she wasn't ready to accept that, not when her mother didn't know about her at all.

She was terrified at the thought her mother disregarding her if she revealed she wasn't like any ordinary girls. She was too different. She didn't have a real father, she liked girls, and she could never be the perfect daughter for her mother because she wanted to be free.

She was definitely different, maybe even wrong at times.

Skipping her independent study, sneaking out of school with her friends, staying over at her friend's house for fun. She wanted to do all that.

But she always hesitated and sometimes had to turn them down because she felt guilty for lying to her mother.

Her friends would always sigh in disappointment and say, 'Why can't you stand up for yourself?'.

Those words stuck with her ever since. And she didn't know what she was. A perfect daughter or a coward.

"So.. When I was in high school.. My mind suddenly just.. snapped." Joohyun still remembered that night. When her mother had scolded her for coming back home this late even though it was Sunday. Joohyun had glanced at the clock that read '9:00' and she felt closing up in suffocation.

"And I yelled at her 'You don't even know how to be a normal mother!'"

She had yelled how suffocated she felt, pouring all her feelings about the resentment she felt towards her homeroom teacher, about the fear of losing even her mother if she told her she also had feelings for women, about the helplessness she felt realizing she couldn't be the perfect daughter her mother wanted.

"Then I stormed out of the house and stayed at my friend's house. I even ignored mom's calls."

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I still remember that I missed eleven calls from her."

"And when I got home.. I saw my mother barely breathing.."

And that day she realized how fragile her mother was. Much more than herself.

"After that day I just couldn't.." She swallowed hard. "I couldn't forgive myself."

Joohyun had pondered several times if it was right to tell Seulgi about the scar she wanted to hide the most.

She didn't want to see the compassionate look on her face when she told her.

She was afraid Seulgi might be disappointed in her for being a terrible daughter.

But her doubts scattered into pieces when she sensed the younger standing up from the swing, crouching in front of her to meet her eyes without a word. Joohyun blinked when Seulgi brushed a tear on her cheek with her thumb. And tears started to pour out, her heart beating faster when she saw the love in her eyes. Looking at her with nothing but love. And Joohyun loved that.

"I swore I will never do anything that will hurt her."

Seulgi reached for her hand as Joohyun let out an uneasy sigh.

"But then I met you... And I'm scared, Seulgi."

She experienced extraordinary happiness and tormenting pain at the same time as she realized her feelings were getting deeper now regardless of time.

She was scared her mother might not accept Seulgi as her love. And she was scared her mother would have to go through the mental suffering that her daughter was indeed in love with a woman.

Most of all, she was afraid Seulgi might leave her when even her mother had turned her back on her.

"I'm scared of what will happen if my mother.. doesn't accept the person who's more than my everything."

Seulgi couldn't think of any words to say because she was desperate to say anything to assure the older that she wanted to stay for as long as she could. As long as Joohyun wanted her.

She didn't want to leave unless Joohyun wanted her to. But she wasn't sure if those words would reassure her.

It was complicated. 

Seulgi thoughtfully stared down at the ground and she could tell by the older's trembling hands how anxious she was.

So Seulgi chose to say nothing and instead, stood up to embrace her.

"Thank you for telling me this," Seulgi mumbled as she meant it. "And.. And whatever happens, I want to stay. As long as you want me to."

Joohyun didn't know how people could feel heavy sorrow and boundless happiness at the same time.

But at that moment, after crying in her arms, she detached herself from her embrace, and although Joohyun must have looked awful with her tear-stained face and flustered cheeks, she caressed the younger's cheeks and pulled her closer for a kiss.

It was one of the best kisses Joohyun had ever had.

All these nights spent alone, Joohyun sometimes couldn't even breathe when she laid on her bed, alone in the dark because of the debt of her guilt and regret.

But then she had experienced something magical.

After telling Seulgi about the heaviest weight on her chest, she had the best sleep she ever had in years. 

With Seulgi's balmy arms wrapped around her, the steady beating of her heart lulling her to sleep, Joohyun let out a quiet giggle by the way Seulgi mumbled something in her sleep then snoring right after.

And Joohyun thought to herself,

maybe we will breathe our own nights from now on.

---

Seulgi pushes the glass door open and frantically looks around the intimidatingly white hospital. 

There are a few patients in wheelchairs, some dragging infusion stands, and others watching television with their families or relatives but there is no sight of Joohyun.

Seulgi walks toward the information desk where the nurse greets her cheerfully.

"I'm looking for a friend. Her name is Bae Joohyun and I believe her mother is one of the patients here?"

The nurse gives her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry ma'am but I believe Mrs. Bae didn't inform us about your visit today."

Seulgi almost snorted in annoyance. Of course, Joohyun won't inform them about her visit. Her mother was hospitalized today for god sake who would be in the right mind to think about visitors?

"I am Mrs. Bae's-" She clenches her hand into a fist on the desk. "Friend. So please, if you have the tiniest bit of mercy will you just please-"

"Seulgi?"

Seulgi stops fuming with impatience at the familiar man's voice calling her name. Her heartbeat slows down as she turns her gaze sideways at the man looking at her, perplexed.

"What a pleasant surprise," Suho says with a warm smile as if he is truly delighted with her company. 

If only he knew, Seulgi thinks bitterly to herself but raises a faint smile.

"Nice to see you again, Suho."

"She's my wife's friend," Suho explains to the nurse. "I'm sorry if my wife didn't tell you beforehand."

His charming smile makes the nurse swoon(and makes Seulgi wince) and Seulgi ends up following behind him in silence.

This is the second time she saw Suho in person.

"It has been so long since I last saw you," Suho says, glancing behind him with a small smile. "I was looking forward to meeting you at the wedding."

Seulgi can only laugh weakly as a response. "It's a shame I missed it."

"But still, it's nice that you still keep in touch with Joohyun." Seulgi can't help but shudder by the way he called Joohyun's name. As if it is so natural that her name belonged to him.

This isn't the first time Seulgi felt this inferior in front of this man.

---

Ten days before Joohyun's wedding, Seulgi did everything to distract herself from having the word 'ten' echo in her head.

It almost felt like she had been given only ten days to live.

Her heart will stop beating and just like that, her time will stop while everything moved on.

Seulgi tried to carry the oppressive weight on her chest as she aimlessly walked around the crowded streets, listening to people laughing and chattering endlessly.

How could everything be so normal when her world was going to end after ten days?

Seulgi stopped in the middle of the crosswalk, staring at the blinking green streetlight as people passed by. Some glanced at her strangely but she just stared blankly into space. 

It wasn't like those people were going to be important in her life anyway. Not as much as her.

Seulgi flinched at the loud honk of the truck in front of her and started walking as the driver's cursing rant became faint as she took each step. 

It was only two in the afternoon but she had no idea how to spend her ten hours. Her routine was ruined.

Seulgi briefly wondered if anyone would even notice if she collapsed on her knees, begging them to tell her how to live after losing someone that was like living without trying to breathe.

She heaved a couple of sighs, each getting heavier and louder because the throbbing inside didn't ease at all and she just desperately wanted to breathe.

Seulgi walked toward the cafe in front of her because there was nowhere else to go. And she wanted to stop walking among the crowds.

She ordered an iced americano(and winced because she almost added strawberry shake too) and flopped on the table at the corner where she could see the counter and the front door.

And she instantly regretted taking this damn table when she saw a familiar figure walking toward the front door.

Not only that, she wasn't alone.

It was odd how the roaring emotional wave stopped along with her thoughts as she watched Joohyun standing in front of the counter with her fiance.

Even from the back Seulgi could tell her husband was very good looking.

The way other people glanced at them, whispering to each other and Seulgi didn't have to guess what they were saying judging by the looks in their eyes and soft giggles.

For a moment she was afraid Joohyun might see her. She didn't want the older to see her in this state.

But strangely, she gradually got better. Her mind was too messed up to feel anything.

He wasn't Joohyun. But Seulgi was almost appalled at how much they looked resembled each other when they turned around at the same time after ordering their drinks.

The way the man looked down at Joohyun as if she was the most fragile being on Earth, made Seulgi chuckle softly.

And Seulgi realized that day that she wasn't the only one who was in love.

She rested her chin on her palm and watched as if she was appreciating the view. It felt strange. Seeing Joohyun with another person Seulgi didn't know. And it was always fascinating to see Joohyun's other side of her when Seulgi's presence was absent.

Of course, she felt the relentless smack of reality inside but it relieved her. Because she remembered the saying, 'People in love resemble each other.'. This meant that this man, who will be Joohyun's husband, loved her as much as she did. Maybe even more.

As they walked toward the empty table near the counter, it was only for a short second Joohyun happened to eye the corner of the cafe. Joohyun had chanced a glance at the spot unconsciously and she almost overlooked it.

But then she immediately froze and turned back to look at the table where Seulgi was sitting again.

Seulgi's heart plummeted but soon recovered with a strained, wordless but meaningful smile. 

Joohyun's face hardened instantly, and even from afar Seulgi could see her body stiffened. But Seulgi kept her smile. Which was so heterogeneous compared to Joohyun's frown looking as if she was outraged but was ready to sob at the same time. And Seulgi gave her a small wave. She still doesn't know why she did that. She shouldn't have done that because that made Joohyun's fiance also notice her, gesturing Joohyun to go greet her while Joohyun's frown deepened which even made Seulgi grimace.

And Seulgi almost laughed again at how stubborn Joohyun's fiance was. So much like Joohyun herself.

Seulgi smiled politely at the couple who came toward her with such an opposite look on their faces she felt almost amused because her mind was already ripped and torn apart.

"Good afternoon," The man greets her and Seulgi could only nod lightly in response.

"Joohyun tells me you're a friend of hers." He held out his hand. "I'm Suho. Joohyun's fiance."

Was it just her or did he seem too confident about the term 'Joohyun's fiance'? Not that she had anything against it, of course.

Seulgi stared at his left hand, especially the gold ring on his ring finger. She didn't even notice Joohyun's clenched fists with her nails digging into her palms, and her face pale as a sheet.

Seulgi took his hand and shook it, almost shuddering by the cold surface of the ring prodding her palm.

"I'm Seulgi." She simply answered because she couldn't bear to say the words 'Joohyun's friend'.

"We're just about to take a seat," Suho said with a warm smile, radiating with confidence that made Seulgi shiver for some reason. "Would you like to join us?"

"Actually, I was just about to leave," Seulgi said as she stood up with her mug of half-finished coffee. "I have an appointment with my friend so.. Maybe next time."

Huh, Seulgi thought to herself, maybe she was getting better at lying.

"Oh, that's a shame." And Seulgi couldn't help but feel annoyed by the way Suho seemed really sorry she had to go. "But of course, next time. You're coming to our wedding, right?"

Our wedding.

Suho should have just stabbed her in the stomach because Seulgi was sure that would hurt less.

"Of course." Seulgi lied again. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

And with that, she bowed to each of them before leaving the cafe, feeling the bitter taste of coffee getting thicker in .

It was a cowardly move, yes. And maybe she was being even impolite. 

But she couldn't bear to see that look of despair on Joohyun's face.

As if she had lost her hope about everything.

Seulgi stopped after walking as far as she could from the cafe. And buried her face in her hands, feeling desolate thinking about how much harder this was going to get.

And it did. It did get harder.

That evening Joohyun barged into her house, never looking more insecure. 

Even after her engagement, Joohyun cried several times for multiple reasons. 

She cried as many times as she said to Seulgi that she loved her.

And Seulgi didn't have the strength to tell her that it was okay.

"Why didn't you just ignore him? Why didn't you just leave when you saw me with him? Why. Why.."

Joohyun had held onto her and sobbed until she had trouble breathing while Seulgi could only wrap her arms around the older with a bitter smile instead of an answer.

She knew everything was slipping out of her fingers and yet her hands couldn't grasp it as if they were paralyzed. And she realized as time went on, that it wasn't anybody's fault. If someone needed to take the blame, it was them.

She wasn't sure her words of 'I love you. And I still do.' will be enough for her to come back or even stay.

She will wake up beside someone else and get taken care of by her husband whenever she needs it.

Someone loves her as much as she does.

With her tear-stained face, Joohyun fell into her arms and let out all the pain she felt. Seulgi remembered Joohyun telling her how happy she was because she was in love with her. But as Seulgi comforted the woman who endlessly repeated that she loved her, she trembled by the suffocating sorrow that drowned her completely. They weren't happy at all. They were only hurting each other.

Because she had been too happy during their happier days, and because she was still in love with her even during her most tormenting moments.

And she thought maybe she wasn't the one for Bae Joohyun, who had cried too many times because of her.

---

Her legs are shaking due to the rough drive but she has no mind to care as she spots a familiar figure sitting on the chair beside the patient room's door.

There she is, with her tear-stained face and trembling hands along with her lips.

And Seulgi forgets Suho's presence beside her when Joohyun's eyes that looked unbearably exhausted meet hers.

"Seulgi-" She breathed out her name and that was enough for Seulgi to pull her into her embrace.

"I know."

Just like that, they are back in the past, just like that day at the swings, forgetting every reason they are not the same anymore.

"I'm.. I'm fi-"

"Don't say you're fine."

God, Joohyun missed it. The light but warm on her back, with her other hand brushing her hair with the same warmth. She missed it.

"You're not fine." Seulgi softly says. "And it's okay."

And Joohyun realizes she needs it. Still. Even now.

And she doesn't know what to do about that.

Joohyun fell asleep in exhaustion about half an hour later and Seulgi ended up sitting on the spot where Joohyun previously sat.

"You should go see if she woke up," Seulgi speaks up to Suho who is pacing back and forth. "I'll come for you right away when her mother wakes up."

As much as she wanted to do the opposite, Seulgi knows this is right. And Suho nods in agreement. 

"Thank you, Seulgi." And Seulgi can only wordlessly nod in response.

As she watches Suho hurrying his steps to his wife, Seulgi slowly looks away and bores a hole on the slick pale tile.

"That's how it's supposed to be." She mumbles to herself, thinking about a scene of the fairy tale 'Snow White' where prince Charming wakes the princess up with a kiss. And imagines Suho doing the same.

Seulgi had immediately thought about the seven dwarves when she reached the ending, wondering if Snow White ever bothered to remember them as she left with her prince Charming to the castle.

"I'm with her when she's asleep." Just like the seven dwarves, she thinks to herself.

"And he's with her when she's awake." Just like the prince Charming he is.

Seulgi raises her gaze to the door of the patient room.

It has been a while since she last saw Joohyun's mother. She remembers awkwardly bowing at her when her mother happened to visit Joohyun's apartment when Seulgi had stayed over.

'Get your pants on!' Joohyun had whispered at her in a panic as she was busy trying to comb her hair and put on her undergarments at the same time.

It had been hilarious and when Seulgi bowed politely to Mrs. Bae, she caught a glimpse of Joohyun trying hard not to burst out laughing and Seulgi realized she was doing the same. 

Seulgi figures it won't hurt to greet her again as she opens the door as quietly as she can, revealing a small patient room made for one person. With the IV drip beside the bed and Joohyun's mother sleeping peacefully.

Seulgi tiptoes toward the stool next to the bed and picks it up for her to be able to sit beside the sink where she can peel an apple for them.

'You are just as pretty as my daughter.' Mrs. Bae had said when she first saw her and the two had only smiled at each other in silence. 

She had never blamed Joohyun for not coming out to her mother. Even when Joohyun had invited her to her family dinner and Seulgi had to sit next to one of her quite chattery aunts. 

'You should both start looking for a person to settle down with,' Joohyun's second aunt, who wore glasses that made her eyes look huge(Seulgi wasn't sure if her eyesight was that bad or she wore those on purpose), had rambled on as Seulgi chewed on the vegetables in distaste.

It did matter that she wanted their relationship to be acknowledged not just by the two of them but by the people who were important to them in life.

But somehow it didn't matter at the same time.

Seulgi remembers Joohyun gently nudging her when she was trying hard not to sneeze because of the second aunt's strong perfume.

'Shall we get out of here?' Joohyun had whispered softly with a small smile. And Seulgi felt like nothing else mattered.

'We shall.'

For someone who has spent almost years distancing herself from her family, only keeping in touch with her mother, Seulgi didn't feel the importance of coming out to her family.

She was in love. So she was happy. Why did she need to feel guilty about it and torment herself to tell them that?

But she knew that for Joohyun, her mother mattered to her more than anything.

And Seulgi was almost glad. Because who wouldn't be thrilled to have Suho as their son-in-law?

She could imagine Joohyun's mother wiping a tear of joy as she watched her daughter and her son-in-law standing at the altar, looking perfect for each other.

And the knife slips from her fingers.

Seulgi winces when the blade cuts her index finger and grabs a tissue cursing inwardly at her mistake.

She squeezed her forefinger covered with the tissue and let out an inaudible sigh.

Maybe she is going through a process of slowly letting go. Accepting her reality. Thinking Suho is the perfect husband and son-in-law. 

The process is agonizingly slow and she doesn't know when it will end.

But maybe she can at least let go.

She couldn't feel anything anymore as if her emotions had already been poured out, leaving her heart in endless drought.

Maybe she is coming back to herself again. The previous version of her before she met Joohyun.

And maybe that will be okay.

Before Seulgi can let that sink in and fully accept it, she hears a faint rustle of the blanket and notices Mrs. Bae trying to sit up.

"The nurse said you should rest more."

Mrs. Bae, startled, looks at her, her eyes hardening and Seulgi wonders why.

"Why are you here?"

Seulgi blinks, appalled by the question but she understands since she is supposed to be a friend of Joohyun, not the person who comes driving all the way to the hospital without any thought.

It is no secret that she even knows where Joohyun's mother lived and which hospital she often went to because she had once been more than a friend to Joohyun.

But Mrs. Bae obviously didn't know that. So Seulgi swallows hard and gives her a stiff smile.

"I visited Joohyun's kindergarten. So..." Her voice falters when Mrs. Bae's eyes harden even more.

This wasn't the Mrs. Bae she had met and talked to before.

She had always greeted her in a very welcoming way because she was one of Joohyun's 'close friends'. 

Sure, Seulgi had only met her once but as they sat on the sofa at Joohyun's apartment, sipping their tea Seulgi had truly enjoyed talking to her.

'What are your faults? Your weaknesses?' Mrs. Bae had asked while Joohyun was in the kitchen peeling an apple for them.

Seulgi had thoughtfully pondered the question several times before answering with a small smile of satisfaction.

'I have a weakness for your daughter.'

Mrs. Bae had laughed quietly and nodded in agreement as she replied, 'I do too.'

But now, in front of her is a different woman, looking at her as if she is here to ruin everything. Even her daughter.

"Are you here to ruin my daughter's relationship with her husband?"

Well, that is quite unexpected. 

Seulgi feels her cheeks burning as if she was slapped. Her bleeding finger numb.

"...No." She answers quietly but firmly. "I'm here because I was worried about her." She looks straight into Mrs. Bae's eyes. "And about you too."

Seulgi was never the self-assertive kind of person. But the words came out more imperatively than she thought. Because it was true after all. 

"...We're perfectly fine." Mrs. Bae says and Seulgi can tell she isn't included in the word 'we'.

"I see." Seulgi stands up from the stool, gripping her finger that is still bleeding with her other hand. "I hope.. I hope you get well soon, Mrs. Bae." 

She bows awkwardly just like when she first met Mrs. Bae and turns to walk out of the room but stops when Mrs. Bae's words echo in the room.

"Why did you choose to leave my daughter?"

She can feel her heart pounding so loud it rang her eardrums as Seulgi's hand reaching for the door handle froze.

So Mrs. Bae knew. When? 

And what did that question even mean?

"..I never chose to leave her," Seulgi said, feeling upset for some reason as she turned around to face her, clenching her hand into a fist even though she could feel the blood oozing out of her index finger due to the pressure.

"She's the one who chose to leave me."

"That's only because you let go." Mrs. Bae said grimly. "You were the one who decided she wasn't the one."

"What-" Then Seulgi pauses because her mind instantly flashes back to the day, a week before their breakup.

'It's a silly question. But.. Kind of important too.'

No. That can't be.

'Am I.. Am I the love of your life, Seulgi?'

Seulgi feels the blood draining from her, her face turning pale in pure horror.

At that time, Seulgi had thought of the perfect answer to that question even in her sleep.

And she meant it when she said she was still learning. 

She was afraid once she admitted that Joohyun is, and will always be, the love of her life, she will never be able to live without her. Literally.

All these years, she has been convinced there was no such thing as 'eternal'. Everything eventually loses its color and scent and then ends in nothing.

And she was terrified that once Joohyun leaves, even with her belief, she will be shattered.

She didn't know Joohyun was also terrified.

And her mind immediately wonders, what would have happened if she had told her the truth? That yes, she will always be the love of her life even if that means she will be shattered and broken all over?

The realization paralyzes her, burning her inside as she croaks in a flood of tears.

"I wanted to be with her." She told her between broken sobs. "I really did."

Her sight was too blurry to make out Mrs. Bae's expression but her words made Seulgi want to kneel and beg for forgiveness.

"Do you know how devastated she looked when she saw the red roses right before her wedding?"

'If you marry someone because you don't love me anymore. Then I'll just send you a wedding gift. Red roses, maybe?'

It all made sense. 

Why Joohyun had called her even after her marriage, why she wanted to keep their ring, why she had married someone else in the first place?

She had wanted Seulgi to hold on.

Mrs. Bae looks at the woman helplessly looking down with an unreadable expression.

"You may never see her again. You have to. Can you live with that?"

Seulgi closes the door behind her, and then as if her legs suddenly lost their strength, she slowly slid down against it. 

She stays like that, pondering Mrs. Bae's words.

'You may never see her again. You have to.'

She was right. After Wendy's wedding, she will never see Joohyun again. She has to.

'Can you live with that?'

The matter was always a when not an if.

When will she cut her out of her life and live on?

Seulgi raises her head to look up at the ceiling which was just as white as the floor.

Then she slowly looks down and stares at her forefinger which is still bleeding.

Cutting her out from her life will be like that. She will bleed, then the wound will leave a scar, and she doubts the scar will fade at all.

Never seeing her with those eyes. Never hearing her laugh or cry. Never feeling the same again.

That was supposed to be right. For them to stop hurting each other and move on.

But her eyes that start to tear up said otherwise and Seulgi had to cover them with her hands, letting out a small whimper of defeat as if she is crying out in despair.

"I can't."

Because when it comes to Joohyun, Seulgi is always willing to take even the pain as much as love.

And all that is left of her is a heart filled with the thoughts of her, along with regret.

* * *

There lives a strange woman in the mirror.

She looks just like her. She also dresses exactly like her. 

And that isn't the only strange thing. 

She sometimes smiles, she often cries, and most of all, she doesn't meet her eyes as if she is afraid.

She couldn't sleep a wink for the past three days after spending her nights at the hospital. Thankfully her mother's condition is getting better. It is a shame that it is the only good news she can relish.

Because today might be one of the worst days she has to go through.

The day she will see Seulgi for the last time and the day when Seulgi sees her with her husband. And Joohyun doesn't know which is worse.

She straightens her posture and smoothes out the velvet fabric of her red dress, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

She had pretended to be oblivious and numb with the fact that this was Seulgi's favorite dress.

Joohyun doesn't know what in her mind made her pull out that dress but it is still her favorite.

She had only worn that dress on special occasions. Their occasions.

But now, she is going to show up with someone else in that dress. As if she's saying she's going to erase what that dress meant to them.

Joohyun raises her head and glares at the ceiling because it took her almost an hour to finish her makeup. She always did when she met Seulgi aside from meeting her at the kindergarten. And she doesn't want her tears to ruin it. 

She continues to stare at the white ceiling for a while, recalling how Seulgi had come all the way to the hospital, how she had shown up at the right time when Joohyun needed her, saying it was okay to not be fine.

All of that, even those small caring gestures and the way she embraced her haven't changed at all and yet she was gone when Joohyun woke up. As if it was all just a dream that she had to wake up.

Before she knew it they were gone. Just like that.

Then why did she call her in the first place?

What did she expect?

Joohyun slowly looks down and sees the look of despair on the woman's face staring back at her. As if she is going to a funeral instead of a wedding.

What were you thinking?

It was over. She is married to someone else. She has to move on.

But she isn't sure she can do it if she attends the wedding because that will be the last time she will ever see Seulgi again.

Maybe she shouldn't go.

Maybe Seulgi doesn't want to see her again because it will only hurt her more than she did already.

The thought hits her and makes all her deepest thoughts come crashing down at once.

The look on Seulgi's face when she announced her marriage, how her crescent eyes never smiled again. And she remembers how her shoulders sagged down as if there was a huge weight on her shoulders. And that was one of the things Joohyun most dreaded to see the most ever since her mother.

And it is all her fault.

She never deserved to see Seulgi in the first place.

What was she thinking?

She shouldn't have called her no matter how much she missed her. How much she wanted to see her again despite her attempt to forget for six months.

And the only thing she wants now is to fix Seulgi's mind which she broke dozens of times.

She is sure her attending the wedding will only do the opposite.

Then is it right for her to let go and leave?

Joohyun feels slowly closing up as the thought 'maybe it is right to not go' sinks into her mind.

She looks at her reflection again. And seeing her devastated look doesn't help her make up her mind at all.

But her thoughts are saying it is right. That she will only break down again and possibly create another crack on the heart she failed to keep.

Then she hears it. A faint sound inside that she can't make out as if she is underwater, with the pressure ringing in her ears and her thoughts frozen.

But she is interrupted by the door opening with a hasty click, revealing Suho in his tuxedo, fumbling with the tie she had bought for him on his birthday.

And his scowl falters, replaced by a look of astonishment when he sees his wife in a beautiful red dress.

"You look.. beautiful."

Joohyun manages to muster up a tiny smile. "T