Here is the goodbye that was so hard to tell.

The path which splits in two, each one enabling us to reach completely different endings.

Thank you for walking the same path with me all this time.

Goodbye. And I hope you'll be happy in the world without mine.

There are some decisions Joohyun made in life that even herself can't understand.

Such as standing idly in the corner of the fancy restaurant because she came half an hour early than the time she promised.

Such as hiding behind the huge sign of the restaurant because her pride wouldn't allow her to step in that restaurant before a particular someone did.

And such as calling someone who she should never even think about the day she put that ring on her finger and making a vow to someone else at the altar.

After not even knowing if she was dead or alive for six months.

Joohyun digs her hands deep into her coat pocket but that doesn't help her freezing fingers find warmth at all.

Her gaze is fixed on the entrance as she stares at the people walking inside or out, wondering if she'll even show up at all.

After all, who would ever want to see their past lover who got married?

Why did she even think of calling her in the first place?

Her eyes slowly drift away and burn a hole down on the gray cement pavement instead.

She fishes out her hands because she knows finding warmth in this cold is useless.

She catches the glint of the silver ring on her ring finger and Joohyun closes her eyes, wishing she was blind.

She gnaws her lips and pulls out the ring, despising herself for daring to put that ring on her finger instead of her wedding ring because she doesn't deserve it at all.

Seulgi should have never given it to her on their third anniversary.

Seulgi.

She has tried so hard not to think of her name even in her thoughts because she still couldn't get rid of that name engraved on every wall of her heart.

She always fell asleep as soon as she closed her eyes to stop herself from calling out her name.

She thought after six months of these forced habits, maybe it won't hurt so much.

She forgot the reason why she was trying so hard in the first place.

And when she sees the owner of that name walking toward the restaurant Joohyun feels her blood run cold, making her body freeze not because of the chilly weather.

Her breath hitched and she idiotically turns around and leans against the wall to make sure Seulgi won't see her.

Joohyun covers with her hand without the ring which is now buried deep in her pocket.

The cold December breeze goes right through her heart and when she looks down, she realizes it doesn't hurt at all because it was already empty.

Seulgi tries hard not to look down at her clothes which seem more heterogeneous when she stepped inside.

The waiter kindly greets her nonetheless but parches when she croaks, 

"I believe we-" She swallows, feeling the chill spreading inside her. "My friend made a reservation."

She knows the waiter is giving her a look of confusion because normal customers will tell him whose name they made the reservation under.

"So.. Your friend's name is?" The waiter asks politely and Seulgi bites the insides of her cheek, sighing at the same time as she speaks out the name she never has called out for months.

"Bae Joohyun."

The waiter nods and gestures the empty table on the farthest corner. Seulgi briefly wonders if Joohyun chose that table on purpose.

"Right this way, ma'am."

They pass by the couple having their romantic lunch and a family laughing at something the mother said. She feels her fingernails digging into her palm but she doesn't notice because oddly, it doesn't hurt at all.

She sits down and the waiter places the menu on the table with a polite smile.

Seulgi thanks him before he leaves and unconsciously stares down at the velvet table cloth, thinking her clothes aren't the only thing that doesn't fit in this place.

She lazily glances at the clock hung on the wall. 12:55. She regrets coming five minutes early since this is going to be the longest, most tormenting five minutes ever.

She considers calling her but even thinking about hearing her voice again makes her give up.

Before she can think of a better method, time seems to have stopped when the woman, who is now sitting down the opposite side of her seat, meets her eyes with a tight smile.

"It's nice to see you again."

Seulgi stares at the woman in front of her without a word. She knows by the way Joohyun shifts uneasily that the silence between them is making her feel uncomfortable but Seulgi is too busy trying not to look at her with the kind of expression that will show how much she has missed her. And maybe even more than just missing her.

"It's nice to see you too." Seulgi finally replies and shifts her gaze toward the menu between them. "You haven't eaten anything yet, right?"

Seulgi isn't sure if she will be able to digest the food if Joohyun keeps looking at her like that when Seulgi is thinking 'She's right in front of me, and she is real' keeps making her forget how to breathe every second.

But Joohyun shakes her head and presses the bell. The waiter hurries to their table then smiles knowingly at the older.

"The usual, Mrs. Kim?"

Seulgi looks sideways, resting her chin on her hand almost covering to pretend that her ex's other name doesn't hurt her at all.

She doesn't notice Joohyun's strained clench of her jaw as she nods with a stiff smile.

"Thank you."

Seulgi puts her hand down with an inaudible sigh(but is the loudest in Joohyun's ears), her eyes still boring into nothing.

Joohyun's left hand keeps reaching for the ring in her pocket but manages to tug her lips upward to form a smile that goes disparate with her eyes.

"How are you?"

Seulgi slowly shifts her gaze in front of her but doesn't meet Joohyun's eyes because there's no part of her left that isn't breaking down.

"Good." She answers simply but finds herself voluntarily adding the words because seeing that pained look on Joohyun's face will be the last thing she wants to see. "I've been too lazy lately but I'm still the students' favorite teacher."

It is her typical way of saying, 'My world crumbled down, and I'm still hanging on. But I'm trying to work as a middle school art teacher.'

Seulgi feels her lips quivering when she gives the older a light-hearted smile but that somehow makes Joohyun smile in return.

"That's good to hear," Joohyun says, almost to herself as if she is obligated to truly feel glad about it.

"And you?" Seulgi asks with half out of courtesy and half out of curiosity.

Seulgi has imagined a lot of answers beforehand and visualized Joohyun uttering dozens of replies.

Such as,

I'm fine.

I'm quitting my job because I want to focus on my family.

We are thinking of having kids.

I'm pregnant.

She figured thinking of the worst answers will help her cushion the fall.(even though she spent the whole night with a wet pillow because of it)

"Good." Joohyun simply says with a small nod. "My mother isn't feeling well these days so that worries me."

"Oh." Seulgi, for a second, forgets the fact she is Joohyun's ex and frowns in concern. "Is she okay? She always caught the flu during this time of the season, right?"

So she remembers.

"Ye.. Yeah." Joohyun stutters, briefly wondering if Seulgi still remembers and keeps the memories of them despite everything. And tries not to go further for an answer. "And you? How's your family?"

Joohyun notices the younger's gaze faltering a little but only for a slight second.

"My father passed away about two months ago."

She is telling the truth not because she wants Joohyun to feel sorry for her. It is just her habit when it comes to Bae Joohyun. Always telling the truth, always being sincere.

And she forgot to get rid of it all this time.

"Seulgi." Joohyun swallows, feeling thorns inside when she calls her name. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Seulgi says because she doesn't feel anything at all, really. "I've been so busy and that helped."

But still, changing the subject seemed wrong but Joohyun's thoughts are interrupted when the waiter comes toward them, pushing the cart with their food.

Joohyun can't help but smile by the way Seulgi purses her lips and squints her eyes at the salad and almost laughs when the waiter places the dish right in front of the younger.

Without thinking, Joohyun takes the dish away from Seulgi when the waiter leaves with a polite bow and places the dish of a small steak closer to her.

"Thanks," Seulgi mumbles but feels the wringing in her heart because she almost made a mistake of thinking they were back in the past. It is still that natural and still feels right even though the present is telling her it isn't.

"The weather is nice today," Joohyun says, trying to continue the conversation as she slices her own steak. "Not too sunny. But not too cloudy."

Just the way Joohyun always liked. And Seulgi still remembers.

"Yeah." Seulgi replies but her voice is a little muffled because of the piece of meat in . "It is."

Joohyun shakes her head, saying 'You are still the same' with her wistful eyes and a small but longing smile.

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

And Seulgi has to remind herself not to let her guard down because she missed these moments too much.

"How's Wendy?" Joohyun asks, after swallowing, of course. "I haven't seen her for a while. She seems so busy lately."

"Distressed," Seulgi answers, dabbing her lips with a handkerchief. "She is going through what every bride goes through when there's only a week before the wedding."

You would know, her mind whispers but Seulgi chooses not to let it out.

"But she still works at the restaurant from time to time. Maybe you should go visit her."

Wendy's restaurant. The restaurant where they first met and fell in love.

The place where Joohyun won't be able to step in without feeling the invisible thread tightly tied around her, giving her a painful strangle enough for her to suffocate.

"...I'll just see her when she's wearing that wedding dress," Joohyun says with a weak laugh. "It's hard to imagine Wendy being distressed and cranky."

Wendy's father owns a small restaurant near Joohyun's college. And Wendy often helped out because, for a small restaurant, it had a lot of customers.

And Seulgi became part of the family when Wendy asked(no, forced) her to work as a waitress at the restaurant.

And Joohyun was one of the regular customers of the restaurant.

Seulgi remembered Joohyun as the pretty girl who visited the small restaurant almost every day with her boyfriend when she first saw her.

She was always amused how Joohyun never ordered coffee and scrunched up her nose whenever her boyfriend ordered chicken or even chicken salad.

Then one day she came alone. Ordering only one drink and pulling out a small notebook and a pen, mindlessly doodling something Seulgi couldn't make out from afar.

---

"Are you alone today?"

One of the guys from the other table asked(Seulgi assumed he must have made a bet judging by his friends' snicker from behind) and the girl didn't even bother to look at him.

"Yes. I'm alone."

"Just for today or-"

"Forever."

The girl said firmly which made the poor guy forget all his best pick-up lines. And Seulgi tried to muffle her laugh by looking away, pretending not to notice the guy going back to his friends, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

The girl was obviously not in a good mood. And Seulgi being herself, wanted to cheer her up. She wondered what the girl likes. She only knew what she hated so she pondered if she should ask.

With a glass of fresh strawberry milk in her one hand, she walked up nervously toward the girl who of course, was focused on her notebook.

Seulgi put the drink down but still, the girl didn't even chance a glance.

The girl usually said a quiet thank you or even a small smile whenever Seulgi came with their drinks and foods. It would be a lie if she said she wasn't a little disappointed but she figured she shouldn't hope for too much from a person who just lost someone in her life.

Seulgi realized she had been standing beside the girl for almost two minutes when the girl looked up questioningly.

"Ah........" The waitress gulped, searching for a line to impress but unfortunately, she had none. "I......"

Her voice faltered again but the girl waited patiently, and Seulgi swore she saw her lips curving up a bit.

"I was wondering... if you would like to try the strawberry tart. It just got in today."

Smooth Kang. Very smooth. She facepalmed internally but it was better than asking the girl 'Are you okay?'. Right?

She always hated asking someone if she is okay because it was so obvious she was feeling the opposite.

Seulgi couldn't help but feel relieved by the way the girl's lips curved a bit more.

"Is it good?"

Seulgi nodded a little too eagerly and the girl seemed very amused by it as she let out a soft giggle, pulling out her purse but was stopped by the waitress' hand so naturally on hers.

"It's on me." Seulgi knew her cheeks were blushing pink(she even felt a little light-headed with unknown excitement).

The girl raised an eyebrow. "Is the strawberry tart your way of showing pity or bribing me?"

Seulgi was forced into a corner her excitement quickly replaced with embarrassment.

She fumbled her collar to undo the button of her shirt, swallowing uneasily.

"No, it's not like that..." She uttered hastily, not wanting the girl to misunderstand her intention. "I.... I..." She sighed in frustration because she was getting irritated by how much of a fool she was being now. "I just wanted to make you feel better."

She was no good with words so she could only tell the girl the truth. She wanted to make her feel better.

She knew a strawberry tart will not suddenly make everything better but still. She wanted to try.

But Seulgi thought maybe this was a pathetic idea as the girl continued to stare at her with an unreadable expression for more than three seconds(and yes, Seulgi was counting).

"I'm sorry." The waitress mumbled, looking down at her feet like a scolded child. "I know it's pathetic but-"

"I think a strawberry tart will be great."

Seulgi looked up in awe, not sure if she heard her right. "Huh?"

"I can't say no to free food." he girl shyly said, flashing her a smile that stirred a feeling Seulgi had only read too many times.

"Thank you."

---

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see you again," Seulgi says.

Because she doesn't even try to talk about you even though I can clearly see how much she wants to ask, her mind speaks again but Seulgi pushes the words down.

"She better be." Joohyun says playfully. "I missed her."

And I missed you. That is the important part but Joohyun knows it will ruin this moment if she blurts it out.

So they go on with their small talks, guards up, distance maintained, their heart in forced silence they can't break.

"I'll pay." Joohyun quickly stops Seulgi who is about to hand the cashier her credit card, pulling out her hands from her pocket and the younger unconsciously flinch, staring at the hands wrapped around hers.

And Seulgi's eyes move away from their hands when she hears a light sound of something hitting the marble floor with a short clink.

Everything seems to stop as Joohyun watches Seulgi's hardened gaze toward the silver ring on the floor.

The ring Seulgi had given to her, promising a happy ending together.

Joohyun wants desperately to caress her cheeks and make her turn to look at her to explain that this is all a misunderstanding. She can tell by her eyes Seulgi is trying hard not to cry. Joohyun is sure that Seulgi is thinking Joohyun had only called her because she wanted to end this properly.

But that wasn't true at all.

"Seulgi-"

Seulgi left Joohyun's words unsaid as she walks toward the ring and picks it up.

Seulgi doesn't know how many times she checked to make sure that it really was their ring.

"I guess.. You're giving it back?"

The ring seems to get heavier in her fingers as she feels slowly closing up.

Joohyun's lips tremble as she opens , trying to let out the words without breaking down on the spot.

"No." She reaches out for the ring and wraps her hand around Seulgi's fingers holding the ring.

"I want to keep it."

She wants to keep it.

Why?

Seulgi didn't have the chance to ask because her mind went blank even when Joohyun finished paying for their meal.

She can only say a smiple 'Thank you for the meal. See you at Wendy's wedding.' before dragging herself toward her car parked right in front of the restaurant.

She fumbles her pockets for the key and opens the door of the driver's seat which seems harder than before. Maybe the door somehow got heavier.

The scent of lavender doesn't help her relax at all as she leans on the driver seat, not even bothering to start the engine.

The hard slam on her chest when she saw the ring still doesn't seem to ease as she breathes in and out.

And her heart stops when she spots the figure of her someone that she never fails to notice all this time.

It has been that way for years after all.

There was a time when she spotted Joohyun miles away looking through the restaurant window, and Seulgi had grabbed anything in a hurry to pretend she wasn't waiting for her at all when the older stepped in the restaurant.

"She seems fine." Seulgi mutters to herself, catching a glimpse of Joohyun's figure walking further away from her.

Her every step forms a crack on her heart and yet she couldn't dare to look away.

"She's okay." She mutters again almost convincingly, reminding herself again making parched and open because it is so hard to breathe.

She presses her forehead on the steering wheel with her hands gripping the wheel, she presses her forehead harder on the rubber surface enough to squeeze her eyes shut because she had promised herself several times she won't cry when this day comes.

"So I'll be okay too."

Because her being fine is all that matters.

How frightening it is.

Before she was ready to sacrifice everything for this person. But after a few years, she had to change her grocery day, pass by every bookstore, and even change her way home to avoid that person.

How frightening is that?

Before she knows it, Seulgi finds herself pushing open the door of Wendy's restaurant.

Since it is past lunchtime, there are only a few customers in the restaurant and Wendy seems to be very happy about it as she greets her friend, flashing Seulgi her usual smile.

"Someone is eager to work." Wendy playfully says, wiggling her eyebrows and Seulgi chuckles although it is noticeably weak. "I met Joohyun today."

Wendy's grin instantly fades as Seulgi flops down on the stool she usually sits on.

"Joohyun?"

"She called me yesterday," Seulgi explains, her mind seems to drift away and there is barely a soul in her voice, almost sounding robotic. "So we had lunch today."

Wendy patiently waits, waits for her to say more but Seulgi stands up and walks toward the coffee machine. It's an 'I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it' expressed with her action and Wendy can only watch Seulgi heaving a sigh as she mindlessly presses the button of the machine, resting her forehead on the surface of the plastic.

---

No one should ever underestimate waitresses.

It was no surprise that she would often get scolded by rude customers. And Seulgi somehow got used to it even though she still hated the other customers' look of pity whenever she encountered the rude ones.

And it became more embarrassing because the waitress could feel the particular customer's gaze boring over her when an old man shouted at her when she made a mistake of bringing the wrong dish.

"I'm so sorry." She hastily apologized, mostly because she wanted that man to stop yelling at her so her face furiously flushed in humiliation could cool down a little.

After she brought the man his 'right' dish, she staggered toward the counter and slumped on the stool. Wendy gave her a sympathetic smile as she patted her shoulder, saying 'Take a ten-minute break' before hurrying off to another customer.

It was humiliating and embarrassing enough being yelled at by an old man in a room full of customers. But the girl she had comforted with a free strawberry tart a few days ago was still staring at her.

Seulgi tried her best to ignore it by rubbing her eyes.

Meanwhile, Joohyun tried to keep in mind the waitress' action in such a situation.

Seulgi stares into space, heaves a sigh as if she was reminding herself how to breathe, pinched the root of her nose, and then propped her elbows on her thighs and rubbed her temples with her fingers with a slight frown.

And now she was rubbing her eyes so hard Joohyun was almost afraid she might get eye inflammation.

So Joohyun closed her notebook stood up, and walked toward the counter where the waitress was sitting.

"Hey," She greeted the waitress and pursed her lips when the waitress didn't even smile and barely gave her a nod, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm taking a break now." The waitress said, pointing at Wendy who was standing beside the cash register. "You can ask Wen-"

"I'm here because of you."

The waitress blinked, obviously astounded. "Me?"

"I want to buy the same strawberry tart." Joohyun added, pulling out her purse. "Surely you can at least do that for me."

Seulgi drew her eyebrows in confusion but obeyed, walking toward the display and took out the most delicious looking tart among them.

"That will be seven thousand won." She said and Joohyun handed her the cash.

Seulgi was about to stumble back to her stool when the strange girl grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"What now?" Seulgi said in exasperation and the girl just smirked at her.

"Grumpy mood today?"

The truth was, Seulgi could barely meet her eyes because she was still embarrassed about the recent event.

And her blushing every time the girl smiled at her was getting annoying.

"I'm sorry." The waitress mumbled, looking down in shame. "I'm not in my best state." She glanced at the girl who was looking at her in amusement, a smile on the corner of her lips that made Seulgi blush again. "Because.." Because of that customer who decided to yell at me in front of you, Seulgi said to herself and the girl somehow seemed to get the message.

"I know." The girl said reassuringly and pushed the plate toward the waitress. "And this is for you."

She laughed by how puzzled the waitress looked, with slightly open.

"Huh?"

"Well, it helped me a lot when I was in a terrible mood." The girl said and even Seulgi could feel the tease in her tone. "So I thought maybe this can help."

Seulgi didn't understand why her heart was pounding hard against her ribcage right now.

Sure, the girl smiling in front of her was beautiful. Lovely. Charming.

And she was just returning the favor, right?

Then why was Seulgi giving the girl that stupid, happy smile of hers?

"Thank you."

The girl visited the restaurant every day after that.

Seulgi always worked in the evening on weekdays because her class changed and an hour after she started her shift, the girl entered the restaurant with her same old notebook.

Which always made her wonder if she was the reason for the girl's arrival.

But the waitress shrugged the thought off. Of course, they did greet each other when the girl pushed open the door and said goodbye about three hours later, half an hour before her shift ended but that was all. They barely even talk so why would she come here for Seulgi on purpose?

Seulgi turned her gaze away from the girl before she could notice and pulled out her sketchbook since it was past dinner time.

What to draw? She thought to herself as she looked around the restaurant. Same old coffee machine. Same old display. Same old plants. What's new?

Her hand automatically grabbed the pencil and placed itself on the paper, her eyes fixed again at the girl who was busy with her own notebook.

Seulgi quickly withdrew her hand, internally slapping herself on the face.

No, not her you fool, she silently cursed to herself.

But she had to admit, it was tempting. The girl was too gorgeous to ignore.

Even her backside was beautiful.

Keep your creepy thoughts to yourself. Seulgi bit the insides of her cheek as she looked down at the blank paper.

But....

She won't ever know if Seulgi was careful enough, right?

There was nothing else to draw anyway so why not?

Before she could think of a good reason not to, Seulgi started with the girl's eyes.

Chancing a glance at her from time to time to make sure she won't miss every spark that she always found fascinating.

She was confused about her feelings since this was the first time ever having an interest in a woman. She hardly had any interest in people at all, only having room fo her friends and her mother and her little brother.

But she figured it was just because the girl was the prettiest girl she had ever seen. Nothing more.

Seulgi was too distracted from her thoughts to notice the girl standing beside her, leaning against the counter to peer at her sketchbook.

"What are you drawing?"

Seulgi threw up her arms, startled, dropping both the sketchbook and the pencil as she collapsed on the floor, knocking down the stool.

Joohyun giggled as the waitress hoisted herself up with a pained groan, rubbing her back(and Seulgi was sure she was bruised green and blue all over).

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's fine." The waitress grunted, picking up her sketchbook and unconsciously put it on the counter. Joohyun swiftly opened it while Seulgi was busy looking for her pencil and laughed again when Seulgi bumped her head on the counter while trying to stand up, earning another groan.

"If I black out please take me to the hospital," Seulgi said, rubbing her head with a scowl but her eyes widened when she found the girl looking at the drawing she hoped the girl would never have the chance to see.

"Is this me?" The girl asked questioningly, raising an eyebrow and Seulgi gulped, being caught red-handed for a crime.

"No!" The waitress squeaked. "It's... It's... someone else!"

"Who?"

"Um......" Seulgi was sure even her neck was blushing red. "Wendy?"

"Nice try." The girl waved the sketchbook with a smirk. "You're very bad at lying."

Seulgi sulked as she looked anywhere but the smug girl because this may be even more embarrassing than being yelled at by another customer.

She couldn't blame her if the girl found her creepy. Heck, they didn't even know each other's names yet.

"Why me of all people?"

Seulgi finally looked at the girl, and it looked like the girl was truly curious and not creeped out at all.

"Well..." Seulgi tugged her earlobe, a habit she did whenever she was nervous.

"You are the prettiest among them."

And Seulgi swore she saw the girl looking down at the drawing with a sheepish smile, and felt her heart skip a beat.

Seulgi was too busy replaying the moment over and over again to notice Wendy clapping her back.

"Seul!" Seulgi winced by the echo of Wendy's booming voice in her ears. "It's raining cats and dogs outside. You have an umbrella?"

"Can I borrow yours?" Seulgi asked and Wendy gave her a smirk of 'I-knew-it'.

"I'll be staying here a little longer but you can go for today."

Seulgi thanked her as she hurried to pick up one of the umbrellas in the staff room.

She pushed open the door, wondering if the girl who left about half an hour ago had an umbrella because she didn't see her entering the restaurant with it.

She got her answer when she saw the girl standing a few feet away from her, glaring up at the sky as if she was cursing internally for staying here instead of going home.

"Need an ?"

The girl turned to look at her in pure surprise and smiled at the waitress holding a purple umbrella.

Was it a coincidence Joohyun's favorite color matched the color of the umbrella?

Joohyun always thought rain brings down your mood because it made everything wet, cold and uncomfortable because well, it made everything wet.

But she found herself giggling whenever the waitress stepped on one of the puddles by mistake, protesting about her newly-bought shoes.

Teasing about their previous event and asking if she'll show the drawing to Joohyun when it was finished(and Seulgi said yes because she couldn't dare say no. At least to her).

Since the umbrella was only for one person, Joohyun had to squeeze herself in and she unconsciously linked her arm around the waitress' arm which made Seulgi flinch.

"Sorry," Joohyun said, quickly retreating her hand. "It's a habit of mine."

"No, no." Seulgi bit her bottom lip in regret. "It's not you. It's just... I'm not used to it. But it's okay. The umbrella is too small so I don't mind."

And she felt warmth spreading inside when she notices the waitress tilting the umbrella purposely to Joohyun's side, and Joohyun wondered if the waitress was aware of her drenched shoulder because of her action.

Joohyun shyly glanced at the woman who was a few inches taller than her.

"So how long do I have to wait for you to tell me your name?"

---

"Seulgi?"

Seulgi grimaces and realizes she has been tracing the blank sketchbook with her fingers, mindlessly staring into space, lost in her own thoughts.

"Sorry." She quickly puts down the sketchbook(because she doesn't have the heart left to discard it) and walks toward the staff room. "I'll go get changed."

Wendy helplessly watches her friend whose every step seems precarious as she lifelessly walks toward the staff room.

It still seems like yesterday watching them being all sweet and Wendy clicking her tongue in masked unpleasantness, wondering why were they the only ones who were oblivious they were in love.

---

"Wendy," Seulgi grunted. "Can you take my place for a bit?"

Wendy turned around in awe then smirked when she saw her friend is quite busy trying to stay still with Joohyun's head placed on her palms.

"Why is she sleeping like that?" Wendy asked and Seulgi shrugged. "She says it's comfortable because my hands are so soft."

"How sweet." Wendy snorted but she couldn't help but smile noticing the way her friend looked down at the peacefully sleeping girl.

They should just kiss each other and start dating for god sake.

Seulgi didn't know how much time had passed as she continued to stare down at the sleeping beauty.

It wasn't a movie or a drama.

And yet she was finding all the different features by the second.

Like when you see a beautiful scenery, you just stop and look at it, awe-stricken by its beauty.

---

Wendy had said jokingly 'It's about time!' when Seulgi had shyly announced her serious relationship with Joohyun about a week after, and she had never felt more delighted for her friend.

And Wendy always wished it would stay that way for the both of them.

But then it all happened at once.

Seulgi crashing into her house one day, drunk as a whale, crying on her shoulder telling her Joohyun was getting married with a few hiccups and more sobs.

What happened?

Wendy doesn't have any heart to wait for an answer as Seulgi comes back, tying the strap of her apron behind her as she sat down.

"Seulgi." Wendy sits down beside her. "What exactly happened?"

Wendy tried not to ask the exact reason why they broke up because even now Seulgi is barely holding up. Wendy was afraid all parts of her will be scattered into nothing if she ever mentioned Joohyun's name.

But she can't afford to ignore it any longer. Not when she still receives messages from Joohyun to take care of Seulgi or asking how she is. Not when Seulgi is still crumbling down even though she only spent an hour with Joohyun.

Not when Wendy can't shake off the thought that she shouldn't be the one with a ring on her finger instead of them.

She just can't understand.

Seulgi looks away for a brief second, chancing a glance at the table where they both know it was where Joohyun always used to sit with her notebook.

She mindlessly stares at it for a while, and Wendy considers snapping her fingers for her to not space out again but stops when her friend lets out a shaky breath and then heaves a sigh as if she is having trouble breathing.

Then another sigh, a little too helpless, a little too painful.

"I couldn't give her what she wanted."

"What did she want?"

"Marriage. Kids." Seulgi scrunches up her nose as if those two words gave a foul taste in . "Family."

Wendy can't help but let out a small 'Oh.' because that somehow explains everything.

"I thought... I hoped.." Seulgi clasps her hands, her knuckles turning white and red all over. "Maybe I could change. But I couldn't."

I couldn't do anything, Seulgi's hopeless mind whimpers and she presses her forehead with her clasped hands.

"I couldn't even go to her wedding because I was afraid,"

There was only a little left of her, enough to send her a congratulation gift because in the end, all she wanted was what Joohyun wanted.

"I was terrified she would manage to look more beautiful in that wedding dress because she always looked most beautiful when she was with me."

She was afraid she might give up because she couldn't. She didn't want to.

"And now I can't even tell her how much I missed her because it's all my fault. It's my fault that I can't give her what she wanted."

"Oh, Seulgi.." Wendy feels her own heart slowly being clenched by an invisible hand.

"I didn't assure her I'll stay because I couldn't- I wasn't ready to ask her to marry me." She covers her face with her hands, her elbows propped on her thighs and lets out a heavy sigh along with the strained cry of regret. "I could barely earn my living. And I was frightened that what we have will all change the second I ask her to marry me."

It would have been so much easier and less painful for them if loving each other was enough.

"I kept hesitating and I found myself thinking maybe it won't work. She was the only radiant color in my future and yet I couldn't stop myself from thinking maybe I'm not worth it."

Why do you keep hesitating? She asked herself thousands of times but another question, 'What kind of person do I need to be to make her happy?' haunted her because there was no answer. Because she couldn't be that person in the first place.

"I don't want to have a family again, Wendy." She chokes as her sight becomes blurry because of the tears gushing out and she covers her eyes and clenches her jaw trying to keep down the huge lump forming in .

She always thought if the word 'family' ever represents hers she would rather spend her life alone than have another.

She doesn't know how many times she beat herself up for thinking maybe she wasn't trusting Joohyun enough to overcome all that despite the fact that Bae Joohyun will forever be the love of her life until the moment she closes her eyes along with her last breath.

She blamed herself too many times for not being a person that Joohyun needed.

She tried to get over the pain by love(only because that's what Joohyun taught her), meeting other people but not even a hint of love was found.

And she was thrown in despair when she realized she was unconsciously searching for the familiar scent of Joohyun's favorite detergents, the same melody of Joohyun's laugh, and her warmth from another person.

And it came to a realization.

Bae Joohyun still remains as a love to her.

"I miss her." She finally chokes out the word and at the same time, she miserably fails to get rid of the lump as tears pour out, droplets of tears forming gray dots on her apron.

"I couldn't admit that when she was right in front of me because I realized I still love her. And I feel like a mess shattering over and over again and I just want her right now."

Trying to convince herself that she is only missing her because she was one of the happiest memories in her life was the hardest thing to do.

Because she knows too well that's not the truth.

Seulgi just didn't want her needy emotional pressure to force Joohyun to stay. She didn't want pity to be the reason Joohyun stayed.

Even if that meant she will lose the chance to hold Joohyun back.

Maybe she'll be able to accept it over time(which is just as limitless). Of course, she will be gruesomely sad and awfully pained enough for her to not even conceive the idea of falling in love again.

Wendy quietly pats her back, having no solutions, feeling just as lost.

"You love her too much," Wendy utters carefully.

Seulgi pauses, feeling the little voice inside her with such big pride wanting to refuse.

But what is the point of denying it when it had already dragged her into the deepest pit.

"Yes." She accepts her defeat, surrendered.

"I do."

---

After knowing each other's names, their relationship quickly developed as Joohyun came almost every day to the restaurant. And Seulgi was always happy with her company.

"The thing is," Joohyun scrunched up her nose in disgust as the couple sitting on the other table started to make out. "If you ask people if they believe in true love, most will say no. But I doubt they're speaking the truth because they're just saying that because they don't want to feel disappointed. They're shielding themselves from getting hurt."

Seulgi listened to her, nodding along in agreement but some might notice she wasn't really paying attention by the way her lips curved up in amusement.

"Of course. I too believe in love. But many of us pretend we don't until there comes a situation that makes you believe it. And most of us don't even get the chance to experience it." Joohyun grumbled as she put down her drink, smacking her lips as if she tasted something bitter and the drink was filled with alcohol instead of sweet strawberry.

It fascinated her how much Joohyun looked endearing more than intimidating even with that scowl on her face and Seulgi couldn't help but keep admiring the way her nose crinkled and her eyes glaring down at the counter, looking like a sulking child. A very adorable one.

Then Joohyun noticed the silent response of the younger so she apologetically met her eyes. "I blabber too much."

"I'm not going to argue about that." The waitress said playfully which earned a smack on her arm. "But it's fine. I like listening to you."

And I like watching you talk, she added under her breath because she was afraid her heart might jump right out if she blurted out the words.

"I'm not always this cranky." Joohyun protested, chancing another glance at the couple which only made her frown deepen. "Please believe me. This is just another phase after a breakup."

"Of course." Seulgi earnestly agreed as she put the plate of strawberry tart in front of her. That finally made the older grin.

"I swear I'll get poisoned by the amount of sugar you're giving me."

"You know you like it." Seulgi narrowed her eyes. "Don't complain or you're not getting it for free anymore."

Seulgi admitted she smiled too much but the melodic laughter tickling her ears even now never failed to make her widen her grin.

And Joohyun was too drowned in their moment to realize the question slipping out of .

"Have you ever fallen in love?"

Seulgi's hand hovered in the air, lost because it had nowhere to reach just like her answer.

She wondered what was Joohyun's definition of 'love'. It was one of the most abstract concepts in life after all.

But thinking back, Seulgi was sure that none of the people she went out with will count as 'love' because no one ever made her this amused like the girl looking at her expectantly.

"No." She simply answered, picking up one of the washcloths and started to wipe the moisture on the washed cups. "I don't think I have."

Joohyun tilted her head a little, forming another question in her head.

"How come you're so sure?"

Seulgi stopped rubbing the mug for how many times, the grip of her hand holding the mug loosening.

How come she was so sure she never fell in love?

Because she was too.. busy.

Spending almost twenty years in her own box, waking up in the morning by the shouts of her parents instead of the alarm, and staying trapped in her room and only coming out when her mother was in a good mood was her daily routine.

Obeying her father's orders or demands which were nothing but his needy atrocity of acknowledgment and authority as a father. No, not a father. The head of the family.

So when she finally, finally managed to break out of her shell(or her box or whatever), living alone in another city, she realized how colorless she was.

Walking along with the mob of people downtown, having nowhere to go and she was just walking because they were to