DEPRESSION
UNTOUCHABLEIt was broad daylight.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
There were sounds of hurried footsteps against the grass.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
Two pairs of feet were sprinting. It was a downhill run through the forest. They were sliding down as they try to avoid the trees ahead of them.
A man, who's in his early forties, is running with his daughter. He's holding her hand to make sure she keeps up with his pace.
"Huff... huff... huff..."
The man looked behind to see if their captor is already behind them. There was none. Relieved, he turned to his daughter, who seemed so exhausted now.
"Daddy..."
"Just keep running, baby..." He took another glance over his shoulder.
They reached a bridge and crossed it quickly. But something caught up with them halfway. They stopped, took a glance from where the movement came from, and saw a creature standing at the end of the bridge.
The creature resembles a spider crab about the size of a horse. An orange armoured exoskeleton covered its whole body. It has six walking legs with white spots, about four feet each, and two three-foot chelipeds in front. At the centre is a small head that looks more like an ant except for the missing eyes. The third part of this monster is the abdomen that resembles a spider.
"Creeeeeeeeee!" the creature let out a high-frequency screeching sound.
In a heartbeat, the man and his daughter resumed running. After reaching the other end of the bridge, the man took out a knife and tried cutting the rope that's keeping the bridge still. The bridge wiggle, stalling the monster from moving.
Seeing the opportunity, the man sped up his efforts in cutting the rope.
1 snapped.
2 snapped.
The bridge finally gave out. There is a huge splash as the monster fell into the deep water below.
It took a few more seconds before the creature rose from the water, struggling to swim. It didn't take long before it stopped moving and floated freely on the water.
The man, amazed at what he witnessed, pulled out the small recording machine from his pocket.
"This is Doctor Kang entry number four-five-five. I just witnessed a monster drowning. Although they look like crabs, they can't swim. These creatures need oxygen too to live. A body can be retrieved in Wushu River. I repeat. A body can be retrieved in Wushu River for study."
"Daddy..."
The man turned to his daughter and noticed her uneasy expression. He trailed her line of sight and saw another monster walking towards them.
"Don't move, Seulgi," he whispered to his daughter. "They can't see nor hear us, but they can feel us. And if they felt a hard movement, they'll attack."
The young girl nodded and stayed still.
But the monster continued walking towards them slowly as if figuring out if they were prey or not.
"Daddy, I think it knows we're here..." whispered the girl, trembling.
The man knew his daughter is right. Their trembling bodies and intense heartbeats from the run gave them away. He looked around. There are no other places to go. Ahead of them is a monster and behind them is the deep river.
The man sighed. He looked at the monster, then at his daughter.
"Seulgi..." he whispered. "Remember, daddy loves you so much..."
The girl looked up to her dad with questioning eyes. "I... love you too, Daddy..."
The man knelt in front of his daughter. He wrapped the recorder into her tiny hands. "Keep this and live a life for me, okay?"
Before the girl could respond, the man stood up, exhaled, and started running to the other side of the cliff.
"! I'm here!" he shouted, jumping up waving his hands in the air.
The monster's attention was instantly diverted to the movement the man made. It followed his voice, walking faster this time.
The man took it as the perfect opportunity to run towards the cliff. Having studied the monster for years, he knew it is about to attack now. After he's sure, he jumped off the cliff.
The monster, whose only focus is to catch its prey, jumped up and caught the man in the air with its mandibles.
There was another massive splash as two bodies fell into the water.
The girl watched as bubbles emerged from the water. After about thirty seconds, the monster rose, struggling to swim. The man's body is nowhere to be seen.
It took about five more minutes before the monster stopped moving and just floated freely on the water. After that, the father's body floated as well, facing down.
The girl shook her head. Tears fell down her cheeks. She's breathing hard as she holds the recorder tight in her hand.
"Daddy...Daddy... Daddy..."
---
Seulgi forcibly opened her eyes, relieved when she glimpsed the familiar ceiling above her--which means that she's in her room in the headquarters.
She glanced sideways to check the digital clock on the bedside table. It's three in the morning.
She went back to her previous position, facing the ceiling. She exhaled before closing her eyes, hoping that sleep would come to her again.
---
"How often are you having that dream, Seulgi?"
"Almost every night."
"Since when?"
"Umm. I believe it started since I came back here."
"Oh. Since you came back here..."
Seulgi noticed the sudden rise in the pitch of the person in front of her. Hoping to hear the answer to her question, she stopped playing with the aluminium nameplate on the desk with a "Son Seungwan, MD" label.
"Do you know the reason why I keep on having those dreams?" she asked the doctor.
"Well, I hope I can find out." Seungwan fixed her glasses and quickly run a hand through her long hazelnut hair. "But I believe it has something to do with you being an eidetiker."
"An eide what?"
"Eidetiker. You have an eidetic memory, right?"
"Uh... is that the same with the photographic memory that I kept on hearing from others...?"
"Yes. Yes. Although those two are not the same, yes, I was pertaining to that." Seungwan nodded. "And this dream that you're having is it a dream or is it more of a memory?"
"Uh... it's a memory when my dad died..."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that..." Seungwan gave Seulgi an apologetic look. "And how old were you when that happened?"
"I was nine, turning ten in a few months."
"And you still remember it vividly even though it was like twenty-three years ago? Must be your worst birthday ever."
"You have no idea."
Seungwan let out a loud exhale. She turned to her laptop and started reading data aloud, "Couldn't sleep... no desire to be around people... constantly crying... cautious... scared of everything... always feeling exhausted... lost of interest to live...?" She looked up at her patient, who is only wearing a white shirt and cargo pants. "Seulgi, this is serious child depression right here."
"I'm surprised you got all my results from before," said Seulgi, looking cool about it.
"It's centralised information and only us, AEF doctors, have access to it." Seungwan closed her laptop. "My point is, you've got some serious happening within you, and you thought of visiting me just now? It's been more than a month since your troop was assigned here, right?"
"I know. But we're busy with the operations--"
"Busy jumping in, risking your own life, to save people?"
Seulgi eyed Seungwan for a moment, trying to sense if the doctor was joking or not. "Am I not supposed to do that?"
"I'm not saying that you should let people die. But you do have protocols, right? You can't just chase Evens without backup. That's insanely dangerous."
Seulgi leaned forward, propping her elbows on her knees. "Wan-ah, You have to understand that the longer I wait for a backup to come, the slimmer the chances of that captured person to make it out alive. They are suffocating inside the web. Every second is important."
"Seulgi, you have to realise the importance of SAU to the world--your importance to the people." Seungwan slumped forward onto the table. "It's not just about killing Evens. SAU gives everyone hope, a hope that in a few days or months we can finally live in an Even-free world. You, jumping in there is truly heroic and admirable. All those people you saved deserved to live. However, you need to know as well that if you die out there because you didn't follow the protocol, it will hurt everyone. And worse, the news of your death will bring back fear to the people."
Seulgi knew what the doctor is trying to point out. She reclined back on the chair with a sigh.
"Do you want to take away that comfort from people because of your recklessness?" asked Seungwan, concerned. "The world has been living in a nightmare for a while now. For the first time in forty years, since those monsters came, we finally found a way to eradicate them from our planet. In case you're unaware, each time you get out alive from an operation, getting interviewed by the media, it raises hope in the world. And believe me or not, that is something that everyone needs right now, especially the kids. The young ones look up to SAU like superheroes. You guys even have action figures."
Seulgi let out a defeated sigh and then smiled. "Look, Seungwan, I understand your point. However, I came here for a consultation, not to get reprimanded again. I've too much of that already."
Seungwan raised her palms in surrender. "Okay. I am sorry for reprimanding you, Captain. So, going back to my question, why did you come to me just now? Why not sooner?"
"I told you we were busy."
"Seulgi, if you're going to keep on making excuses, you better think of a better one than that. We've known each other since our university days. We're pretty much close friends. And we haven't seen each other for like... more than five years now..."
"Seven years, to be exact."
Sengwan's eyes grew wide. "See? We haven't seen each other for seven years, and you haven't thought of visiting me just to say hi? Not to mention you are already experiencing something in your head for quite a while now. At least Sooyoung has some decency to come here for a quick chat once in a while."
Seulgi looked away with another sigh and went back to the doctor. "Look, if you're trying to make a point, just tell it straight to my face."
"Yes, I am making a point. Now, tell me, are you avoiding me?"
Seulgi raised an eyebrow. "And why would I avoid you?"
"Because you know that if you come here, we'll talk about her."
There was a split-second shock in Seulgi's face that she immediately shifted into a hearty chuckle. "Wow. That's..."
"That's something to make Captain Seulgi speechless, right?" Seungwan smirked.
Seulgi bit her lip. "Look. Whatever I'm doing now, it has nothing to do with her anymore, okay?"
"Okay. Let's say I believe you." Seungwan reclined back on her chair. "Didn't it occur to you that maybe you're having those dreams because you came back here? Maybe being in this place again triggered something inside you?"
"I've kind of entertained that thought. But I do have lots of memories here. Why am I just dreaming about the death of my dad?"
"Maybe because that's the only thing you're willing to face right now?"
Seulgi opened and closed several times, trying to take that in. "What exactly are you trying to point out?"
"Oh, Seulgi. You know what exactly I'm trying to point out."
"Are you implying that everything happening to me now is because of her? I haven't seen her in seven years."
"I'm not saying it's because of her. What I'm trying to point out is, you and my best friend dated for years in this very town. And based on your actions, I think you're trying to escape her memory by avoiding me."
Seulgi sat there in silence, unable to respond to the allegations thrown at her.
"I studied your behaviour from your records." Seungwan opened her laptop again. "You have no other social activities outside the military. You start work early and leave late. On your day-offs, you go to training. You don't even take your vacation leaves." She looked at Seulgi with a displeased expression. "When was the last time you even dated someone?"
"I'm too busy to have flings. But I did take a vacation leave with Sooyoung before."
"That vacation was two years ago, Seulgi. And based on what I've read, Sooyoung had to force you to come with her."
Seulgi looked away and huffed. "And your point?"
"Seulgi, you need to face whatever it is that you're trying to avoid."
"What do you mean trying to avoid? As I've said, it's been years now since I've last seen her. I took it the hard way, yes. But believe me or not I'm way past over that now."
"If what you're saying is true, then look straight into my eyes and tell me that you don't care about her anymore."
Seulgi huffed again, didn't even bother to look at the doctor. "Let's say you're right. Any advice on how I should deal with this?"
"Live a life, Seulgi. You're too focused on saving other people's lives that you're taking your own for granted. You're a human too. You have needs. Go out, have fun. Flirt. Date. Whatever."
"Wow. Some kind of prescription, Doc, huh?" Seulgi chuckled.
"I'm asking you this not as a doctor but as your friend." Seungwan smiled warmly. "I would be happy to see you alive again like how you were before. And the only way you can do that is for you to open yourself to the world. Before you save other people, save yourself first."
"You're talking like I'm the only one who's busy here. I've heard that Doctor Son Seungwan is busy as much as I am."
"Like you, being part of AEF, this is my calling, Seulgi."
"Anyone special?"
"Nah. I'm already married to my work."
"But you do have plans of getting married, right? Having kids and starting a family..."
"Kids? I'm not planning to bring a kid into a world like this!"
Seulgi laughed. "I've heard a statement before saying kids bring hope to the world. Don't you agree?"
"It depends. Also, my situation is different from yours. I'm not having those dreams as you do, so stop comparing."
"Speaking of that, can I ask for some sleeping pills? Those dreams keep me awake."
"I won't prescribe any medicines. I've told you what you need to do. Do it. I'm going to issue a memo to the top, telling them to force you to take your vacation leave." Seungwan started typing on her laptop.
"What? I've nowhere to go. You know that," said Seulgi, panicking a bit.
"Then come with Sooyoung again like last time."
"Ugh. This is torture! And I thought you were my friend?"
"I am. But I'm doing this as your doctor, not as your friend," said Seungwan, her eyes focused on the screen while typing.
Seulgi covered her face with her palms. "My gosh. I really shouldn't have come here."
Seungwan chuckled. She stopped typing, giving Seulgi her full attention. "Trust me. You need this. And thanks for visiting today. It's been a long time now since we last saw each other. I missed you."
Seulgi shook her head, smiling at the doctor. "Yeah. I missed you too."
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