she did not get enough sleep, well, she should be sleeping at this time of the night.

3:45 am.

yet she found herself driving to her old apartment. not because she wanted to, but because she needed to.

she's not a coward, and she needs answers.

but she was not ready to hear them, she can even feel her hands shaking as she drove her way there.

she didn't expect that the same night of her pushing mina away would also be the night she'd be rushing her way to find some answers she's been asking for more than seven years. 

chaeyoung was outside the door, holding her arm up, hesitating to knock on the door. 

what should she do? she's already there, and there's no turning back.

she knocked, it didn't even take her three knocks for the door to open. did mina just wait for her?

mina was hugging a pillow, blanket over her head, she looked so tired. 

"you okay?" chaeyoung asked worriedly.

mina just looked at her, eyes' wide. she walked towards chaeyoung and hugged her tight. chaeyoung was almost leaning on the walls of the corridor, trapped in mina's arms, she was left frozen, unable to move.

"I'm not." mina murmured under her neck, she can feel mina's hot breath, and the tears that were falling from mina's eyes. 

chaeyoung smiled, but she didn't know why. carressing mina's back she said softly, "then don't cry, let's go inside." and pulled mina inside the apartment. 

as they sat down on the couch, chaeyoung softly pulled mina's chin up, making the latter look straight into her eyes as she gives her a reassuring smile. everything's alright. even though nothing is. 

mina had worry inside her eyes, but as chaeyoung smiled at her, it quickly melted and turned into hope. "I'm really, really sorry." she said as she held both of chaeyoung's hands. 

this. what should chaeyoung do with this? take it? thank her? she shouldn't be here actually, she should be mad.

yet she smiled. 

she's loved mina before, and she will never forget how she can't bear seeing mina in pain.

it's been seven years, but she can't see her like that, still. 

"I know you are, but I need this clear too mina. what exactly happened?" chaeyoung asked, a hint of seriousness in her tone. 

"they were here the day I told you I was leaving. my father threatened your safety the night you were asleep. I was scared because I know he will do what he said if I don't obey him. chae..."

"but you already killed me when you left." chaeyoung cut mina off, with tears threatening to fall off her eyes, her voice was shaking, "I lived off my days wondering how have you been, where you, are you happy?, are you thinking of me?..." 

"I think of you everynight, I blame myself everynight, chaeyoung I was filled with guilt." mina cried, letting the pain fall down her eyes as if it was a heavy rain. "it's been seven years, and I still love you." 

chaeyoung wanted to hear it as a lie, she didn't want to believe mina's words.

but why does she keep falling, even though she already knows how deep mina's love is.

an abyss, a neverending fall which she almost thought was a free trial to heaven. she thought she was floating, flying with mina's love. but once she reached the ground, her fall was the most painful, it almost killed her. maybe because she thought mina would catch, but mina was the abyss itself. 

"don't say such things mina, you know I will and will always believe what you say."