People here immediately assume that Seungwan speaks Korean, which makes her feel incredibly guilty when she clumsily tries to tell them that she doesn’t. Their expressions fall – not dramatically, though to her it looks so. She feels as if she’s tricked them with her appearance, broken an unspoken agreement and trust those strangers put in her.

The same happens in the taxi from Cheongju bus terminal. The driver takes one look at her and mumbles something completely intangible to Seungwan, somewhat in an eerily similar way that her mother sometimes would when she was still alive and annoyed with either Seungwan or Jongdae. She only passes the man an address, printed entirely in hangul, and adds a quiet I’m sorry. All she receives back in the same disappointed look through the rear-view mirror and they’re off. Seungwan prays that it’s not too far away because she’s exhausted.

The flight itself wasn’t that long but she technically started this journey nearly two days before. She flew from Edmonton, Alberta simply because the city was paradoxically more accessible from her hometown than Regina, even though the capital of Saskatchewan was technically closer by mileage. But even then, she had to beg Jongdae to drive her all the way there, the whole eight and a half hours. The flight was early the next morning and after a very short layover in Vancouver, where she had to run through a whole terminal to catch her Air Canada, she safely landed in Seoul, South Korea the next day at exactly four pm local time, thus slightly ahead of schedule. From there it was waiting for the luggage, then waiting for the 6020-1 airport bus to the Honam Express Terminal, then an hour and twenty minute coach ride to Cheongju, North Chungcheong province.

And most of that accompanied by frustrated or pitiful stares from Korean ticket sellers and passers-by. Seungwan was very, very ready to just take a shower and drop on the bed for the next twenty four hours. That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? To just disappear. To not think about anything. To just be alone with her thoughts, somewhere nobody knows her. No daunting job, no nagging twin brother.

Just Seungwan.

And maybe some good food, too. Good food would be great.

As they pull up in front of a small but nonetheless impressive-looking household, Seungwan opens her eyes wider. She quickly pays the fee and is left in front of the metal gate with her one piece of luggage, especially bought for the trip.

Seungwan has never before travelled abroad.

Seulgi had sent her photos, of course; told her a little about herself and the area but somehow, Seungwan is still overwhelmed. She has never witnessed anything like this before. Their holiday exchange was rather spontaneous, considering that it was finalised only three weeks prior. They had skyped a couple of times, working out the details. After they had both reached an agreement, each booked their ticket and sent the other their itinerary for confirmation.

Then Seungwan spent the next three weeks busy with trying to get two weeks off work over Christmas and New Year, packing and most importantly, trying to persuade Jongdae that no, she was not out of her mind, for wanting to leave him behind during the winter holiday and go all the way to South Korea in order to exchange houses with a random woman whom she has never personally met.

It did not leave a lot of room for planning sight-seeing and learning about a culture that haunts her every time she looks into the mirror yet she knows nothing about, save for her brother’s kimchi jjigae.

Seungwan approaches the house, noting the keypad on the side of the gate. Seulgi has given her the door combination, of course, and taught her how to disarm the alarm so the entry is smooth and soon the woman shuts the door behind her.

The house looks even better from the inside out, even though it’s quite dark already and it’s only lamp posts that light the way to the front door. It is a typical (small but well maintained) hanok house, in a better neighbourhood from the little that Seungwan can tell. She has seen many of those in the television shows that her mother used to love so much. Now it looks like Kang Seulgi has indeed been financially fortunate to be able to maintain such a household by herself.

With each step further into the house, Seungwan is more and more amazed. The square shaped open space in the centre, which must have previously been a yard as it dips a little, in Seulgi’s house is roofed and serves as a living room of sorts. In the background, Seungwan can already see another open space, a kitchen separated only by a long kitchen island doubling as a bar with high seats. The doors around have to be the remaining rooms.

Seungwan leaves her suitcase near the sofa and plops onto it, noticing a letter addressed to her on the coffee table. She looks around again, taking the view in. Until today, she still does not understand why Seulgi contacted her, of all people on the website. Seungwan’s one bedroom apartment in La Ronge, population two thousand eight hundred eighty eight, is nothing like what Seulgi must be used to. The rent of her apartment is cheap, sure – after all, it helps that she knows the landlady (though to be perfectly honest, she knows everyone in town). After she had ambitiously moved away to Regina for studies, she left their family house to Jongdae who stayed behind. A few years later, when she came back feeling defeated and humiliated for having failed to make it in the big city, the last thing that she wanted was to be her brother’s charity case and have the whole town pity her. The least she could do was to get her own place, which is how she ended up living above Lu Collins’s bakery.

That’s also how she ended up doing the only available job in town, and one that she detests dearly. She’s been stuck in it for the past six years, which is a big reason why it was surprisingly easy to purchase that ticket into the unknown. Now, five minutes into sitting in Kang Seulgi’s living room, Seungwan thinks that she begins to understand just how different life can be for others and how much of the world she has been missing.

She promptly opens the letter from the owner, feeling very tired all of a sudden. Seulgi has already extensively explained to her the bigger picture of living in her house and in the city so the letter contains more detailed information, such as working the oven (not that Seungwan would ever cook) and turning on the heating. Only now does Seungwan realise that it is indeed rather cold inside. It is admittedly nothing in comparison to La Ronge (in December, the temperatures can be as low as minus eight degrees Fahrenheit) but somehow, Cheongju’s thirty seem a little more bone chilling and hit differently.

Seungwan picks up her suitcase and having double checked that she set the floor heating right and will not toast herself during the night, enters the guest room that Seulgi has prepared for her. There is no bed but rather a thick mattress on the floor and beddings ready for Seungwan to dive into. She honestly doesn’t mind either way. She heard that sleeping on the floor is good for your back.

She cracks her bag open, placing it further away against the wall and takes out only her pyjamas, deciding to leave unpacking for later. She types in the password for the wifi and plugs her phone in, silently thanking heavens for remembering to buy a power adapter the day before. Her phone immediately pops alive with whatsup messages, most of them from Jongdae but she decides that he can wait twenty more minutes because it’s chilly and she really needs a hot shower.

The bathroom even has a tub to soak, something that Seungwan has been dreaming about for ages but right now, she just turns on the shower head, resolving to wash herself thoroughly but quickly. She’s been on her feet far too long. Seulgi’s shampoo smells nice. Seulgi’s body wash also smells nice. Seungwan can bet that the candles lined up on the tub smell divide as well and she vows to try them out the following day.

In her haste to charge her iPhone and get to the bathroom, she has of course forgotten her nightwear so she wraps herself in a big green towel which she finds under the sink (fluffy, she wants to cry), meaning to quickly slide through the corridor to the bedroom. She is stopped midway by the sight in front of her.

There is a woman standing in the living room, two big grocery bags in her hands and a surprised expression marring her features. She has a black thick coat on, winter boots left at the door. Her soft brown hair in slight disarray, probably from the wind outside, are peaking around the furry collar. Her cheeks are rosy.

She is the most beautiful woman that Seungwan has ever seen and Seungwan is standing there, wearing only a towel and her hair dripping wet. How embarrassing is this?

The woman recovers quicker between the two of them. Putting the weight down, she takes a step forward.

‘Are you…’ She starts unsurely, her English understandably a little accented. It reminds Seungwan of how her mother pronounced her second language – the consonants soft and rolling. ‘Are you Seulgi’s guest?’

Seungwan nods after a moment, her brain still trying to catch up with the unexpected visit from an angel. The woman smiles a little, probably trying not to scare her.

‘My name is B- Joohyun Bae,’ she says slowly. There is no reply, apart from the dull sound of water dripping from Seungwan’s hair onto the wooden floor. ‘I’m Seulgi’s friend. I’m sorry for coming so late, I didn’t know you are already here.’

‘I- I’m… No problem. Just… I’ll just…’ Seungwan stammers, pointing to the bedroom and Joohyun understands immediately, gesturing for her to take her time to change.

Seungwan does, in record time though it’s hard to recover from such an encounter. When she re-emerges, she sees Joohyun in the kitchen, putting things that she’s brought away. She stops when she notices the other’s appearance. She smiles again.

‘Sorry ‘bout that,’ is what Seungwan says, finally finding her manners. Joohyun only shakes her head. ‘I’m Wendy Son… But you can call me Seungwan if it’s easier.’

‘Seungwan,’ Joohyun repeats, her smile widening. Seungwan has always thought that her Korean name sounds rather coarse and unpleasant, especially from her own, non-native lips. Joohyun’s pronunciation, however, has suddenly made the two syllables sound heavenly.

‘Right, so…’

‘Yes, I’m sorry again. Seulgi asked me to bring some things for you, like food. But I couldn’t leave work earlier so I only come now. I’m sorry.’

‘Oh, no! I’m- I’m… Thank you. So much,’ Seungwan replies sincerely. ‘Though I am not very hungry right now, I was full from the lunch I had on the plane and then I picked up some snacks on the way from the airport.’

Joohyun nods again, looking at her attentively. The open, honest expression makes Seungwan almost blush a little so she averts her eyes.

‘Your English is very good. I sadly can’t speak any real Korean, sorry,’ she says again to break the quickly brewing awkward silence. Joohyun shakes her head again, still smiling.

‘I study very hard… Alone. Sorry for mistakes.’ She says shyly. This time it is Seungwan’s turn to refute.

‘Oh, no. Don’t apologise. It’s perfectly fine. So… you said you’re Seulgi’s friend?’

‘Yes. Yes, I am. I am an art teacher in a local high school. We have… one foreign teacher there. Sometimes we do language exchange.’

‘Oh, awesome. My par- my mother was Korean but I only know a few phrases. She used to speak to us in Korean a lot though. When we were little, my brother and I.’

‘Used to?’ Joohyun looks at her inquisitively.

‘She passed away when I was in college.’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry…’

‘It’s been some time, don’t worry.’

After a few more minutes of small talk, Joohyun stands up.

‘I should go now. It’s late, you should rest and I still have work tomorrow. But this is my phone number.’ Joohyun quickly scribbles it down on one of the grocery receipts. ‘You can text me, or if you have Kakao Talk, you can also write to me. I can help you or take you around during the weekend.’

‘Oh… if it’s no trouble. Yes, please. Thank you.’ Joohyun smiles wider, nearly blinding Seungwan.

‘Great. I really want to hear about Canada, too.’

‘Sure,’ Seungwan grins nervously and Joohyun waves goodnight at her before withdrawing to the entrance, and eventually leaving.

The moment she does, Seungwan runs back to her room, throwing herself onto the bedding and grinning hard towards the ceiling. Travelling those six thousand miles or so was already worth it, even if just to see Joohyun Bae. And Seungwan still has two more weeks to hopefully interact with her more.

She finally picks up her phone ad checks the time. It was just after eleven Korean time, meaning it should be… Seungwan checks her app. Eight am in La Ronge. She calls Jongdae on whatsup, knowing that he will be either out and about in his bookstore or eating breakfast at the Welcome Café. She’s not mistaken.

‘Finally!’ Her twin brother shouts into the receiver, mouth full of what must be pancakes. Seungwan winces on reflex. ‘I thought you died in there. I even checked your flight’s arrival time online.’

‘Sorry, sorry. It’s just been… crazy.’

‘I bet it has,’ he laughs, clear disbelief in his voice. ‘Seriously, I still can’t believe you just did that.’

‘You know what? I can’t believe it myself,’ she concurs, laughing lightly with him.

‘So how is it?’

‘So, so overwhelming. It’s so different from our town. And Seulgi’s house is beautiful. And her friend is the most attractive woman I have ever seen.’

‘Her frie- Wait, what?!’

‘I’m telling you, JD, I’ve just met the love of my life, and I was dressed only in a towel. I’m contemplating dying of embarrassment but not before I try out this big bathtub with mineral oils and scented candles that is just here, one room over.’ Jongdae laughs loudly on the other side again.

‘You horndog!’

‘JD, I’m begging you!’ She shouts right back. Somehow, she already misses her older brother (by only five minutes, but he never lets her forget about it). ‘How’s everything back home?’

‘You know La Ronge. Is anything ever different here?’ Spot-on observation if Seungwan says so herself though unlike her, he doesn’t mean it in a bitter way. ‘I’m just having a double-double with my morning paper and then I’m off to work.’

‘I told you not to drink so much coffee, especially with sugar. I don’t want to inherit your death trap of a pickup truck when you drop dead prematurely.’ She can almost hear Jongdae’s grin, followed by a shrug.

‘So when is your… friend arriving?’

‘Probably later today, Canadian time. She told me that she’d arranged for a seat on a chartered flight from somewhere around Vancouver straight to Barber Field.’

‘Oh, then she’ll be here either at noon or around five, there are only two flights scheduled for today, it must be either of those. Do you want me to pick her up?’

‘Well, she knows how to get to my place plus, I don’t know her exact plans so you don’t have to bother yourself.’

‘In that case, I’ll ask Joe to keep an eye on her. His taxi is always lingering around the airport.’

They disconnect soon after, wishing each other a good day and night respectively. Seungwan briefly thinks that she should message Seulgi as well but before she does, her eyes are already closing and she is on her way to the dreamland.

 

 

She wakes up quite late, a little startled but immediately settling back down. She’s on holiday, she doesn’t have anywhere to go. She checks her phone and there are a few short messages from Seulgi, announcing that she has arrived at Seungwan’s apartment and telling her that it’s lovely (no, it’s not). Seungwan tries calling her but the other doesn’t pick up, probably tired out of her mind. Seungwan shares her own first impressions and lets it be.

Funnily enough, she’s not even that keen on going out, despite the brand new environment. She will probably go to Seoul once or twice, but that’s about it. Seungwan actually just feels like having a cup of hot coffee and staring outside at the falling snow.

She does exactly that.

She spends another hour or two in her pyjamas and a sweater, drinking hot cocoa which she found in one of Seulgi’s cupboards and watching a Christmas Netflix movie on Seulgi’s big television set. Seungwan laughs herself silly, feeling all warm inside.

Around three pm, she remembers the phone number that Joohyun left and spends a good minute trying to figure out how Kakao Talk works. She eventually sends the other an invitation – she cannot read her name in hangul but she recognises her on the display photo.

She barely fights off the urge to save it.

Would you like to have dinner together? I will show you a good restaurant. A message pings sometime after four o’clock, when Seungwan is in the middle of another film and half way through a big bag of chips she again found in the pantry. She quickly agrees and Joohyun promises to come get her at six.

Seungwan doesn’t have any fancy clothes but she puts on her best looking sweater and some lip gloss. She’s ready by the time the clock strikes the promised hour and Joohyun appears, looking even better than yesterday. She smiles shyly in greeting and they make small talk while walking.

‘It’s not too far away, we can just… stroll. Take a stroll.’

‘Great, I don’t mind,’ Seungwan reassures her.

‘You’re not cold, are you?’ Joohyun worries again and Seungwan blushes a little.

‘Nay… Canada is very cold at this time of year, at least where I’m from. At least fourteen degrees Fahrenheit… Like, about minus ten Celsius.’

‘Where is that? Where are you from?’

‘Saskatchewan.’

‘Saska...’ Joohyun tries, but stops half way through. Seungwan chuckles.

‘Don’t worry, it’s a province. Chung..chong…’ It’s her turn to fumble with words.

‘Chungcheong,’ Joohyun easily corrects and Seungwan nods appreciatively.

They chat a little until they reach an inconspicuously looking building. The restaurant turns out to be fantastic, though. Joohyun orders a lot and their sets come out as one big feast, accompanied by an array of banchan, from a chive salad to seasoned spinach and of course, a big portion of kimchi. Seungwan belatedly realises that it is her first real meal in Korea and snaps a photo of the table, bent on tormenting her brother with the images later. Jongdae adores kimchi, though it’s not always easy to find it in their area so he has taught himself how to prepare it instead.

Seungwan thinks that she should at least get him the authentic pepper paste as a gift.

‘So… do you like it here?’ Joohyun looks at Seungwan like her answer might make her or break her, so Seungwan rushes with the answer.

‘It’s been great so far. Seulgi has a beautiful house and the city seems very nice. I need to take a look around.’

After a moment of chewing, Joohyun says,

‘You know, I was very… Surprised. No, not surprised. Worried. Seulgi only told me that you would come here and she would go to your house a week before she left. Recently, she was not feeling very well. She is a writer, you know?’

‘Yes, she told me a little,’ Seungwan admits.

‘A very good writer. Many people in Korea know her books. But she broke up with her boyfriend in June and since then, she cannot write at all. She told me it’s difficult and that she doesn’t have any idea what to write. So she wants to go to Canada to find an idea.’ Joohyun becomes quiet after that, before asking, ‘Are you the same?’

Seungwan contemplates the question before asking her own,

‘Have you always wanted to be a teacher?’ If Joohyun is taken aback, she doesn’t show it.

‘I’m very happy to work with students in my school. I love art.’

‘That’s amazing.’ Seungwan smiles before sobering up. ‘For me, I guess you could say that it’s the opposite. I’m very unhappy. I’ve been unhappy for a long time. I work a job I actually hate because it is so dull it mentally drains me. I’ve lived in my hometown pretty much my entire life but I just… I don’t think I’m meant to be there, you know?’

Joohyun nods. Seungwan doesn’t know if her thoughts actually make any sense to a stranger, but it feels comforting to let it all out anyway.

‘If it’s any consolation, don’t worry about Seulgi. My brother and other townspeople are there, they’re friendly. They will help her. And her life seems to be so different from mine, I think she might potentially get some inspiration there.’

 

 

 

On Saturday, Seungwan walks. She sets off in the morning, at the last minute remembering to take the address with her as she is bound to get lost, and then she just walks. Walks through small, snowy parks and alongside rows of cheap looking eateries. Next to tall apartment buildings and playgrounds full of children. Everything is new and exciting. Seungwan can actually imagine herself among all these faded colours and flashy storefronts. It’s a strange feeling.

She spontaneously stops by a shop with art supplies, picks up a sketchbook and some pencils, also colourful ones. She takes a seat in a small café on the main road, sipping her latte and sketching what she can. It’s been years since college but muscle memory in her hands never faded, it seems. She draws shapes, then outlines, then little details. Draws the paper cup in front of her, then opens her hangul app and draws some Korean letters too until she thinks she’s memorised some of them.

She spends a whole day like this, eating sweet bread when she’s hungry and asking for another drink, this time a matcha. If she’s going to drown all her savings in this trip, she better do it with delicious food as accompaniment.

The bread and matcha feel worth it.

She receives a message after five. How are you? She calls back and this time Seulgi picks up.

‘It must be very late back in Canada,’ Seungwan observes, surprised. Seulgi hums.

‘It’s only one am. I think I’m still adjusting.’ Curiously enough, Seungwan had no such issue with time zones. ‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, it’s… more than perfect. Your place is so neat, I feel a little embarrassed at my own.’

‘Oh! No! I love it. Everything is so different… So… Just, I really like it.’

‘Yeah? Have you done anything interesting so far?’

‘Well, I walked around, a lot. I also met your brother.’

‘I hope he is behaving himself. He can get a little too much sometimes.’ Seungwan winces. She loves Jongdae dearly but even she has to admit that his is a peculiar personality.

‘He is very nice.’ Seulgi comes across as a gentle person and Seungwan cannot be one hundred percent sure that she isn’t just being polite. Seungwan makes a mental note to chastise Jongdae later just in case. ‘He promised to take me on a boat ride tomorrow. Isn’t it a little too cold for that, though?’

‘Oh, no, he knows what he’s doing. But do wear your warmest clothes. When you’re unused to our temperatures, the weather can really get to you.’

‘I understand. I really like the nature around here. It is very cold but I think I need to walk around in the woods, clear my head.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Seungwan replies, thinking of the city jungle that she has found herself in. ‘Your friend Joohyun is very good to me, she took me out last night, we had lots of yummy food.’

‘Oh, yes! I’m glad you two met. She was worried about me crossing the ocean out of the blue.’

‘So she told me. Don’t fret, take your time. I’m sure some inspiration comes. I hope the same for myself…’ Seungwan sighs.

They disconnect soon after and Seungwan picks up her things, walking back home. She manages to find her way home quite quickly, it’s only a few minutes past six. She meets Joohyun, who is apparently walking back from Seulgi’s place. Seungwan smiles at the sight.

‘Hello.’ Joohyun is the first one to greet cheerfully.

‘Hi, what brings you here?’

‘I’m sorry if I disturb you. I came to see if you would like to come for dinner. I will cook tonight.’

‘To your apartment?’ Yes, please.

‘Yes! I bought some meat and thought maybe you are lonely… But I only ring the bell, I will not come in anymore if you are at Seulgi’s house. Your privacy…’

‘Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ve been away most of the day, just walking, you know? Thinking.’ Joohyun nods. ‘But I feel bad. You paid for the food yesterday and now you’re gonna cook, too.’

‘I’m happy to have you as guest here. Cheongju is a small city, we don’t have many visitors. You are Seulgi’s friend, of course I want to be hos- hos-‘

‘Hospitable? Thank you.’ Seungwan sincerely smiles. She doesn’t know if Seulgi and she can actually be called friends but she already feels infinitely better, being received like this by virtual strangers. ‘How about I buy some dessert, then? Is there a good bakery around?’

‘Yes, if you want to. Do you want to leave your things in the house first?’ Joohyun looks at her inquisitively. Seungwan props up her bag higher on her shoulder before deciding that,

‘No, it’s fine. Let’s just walk.’

They stop by a Tous Les Jours on the way and Seungwan picks up a piece of tiramisu upon Joohyun’s recommendation. The woman lives relatively close, though it’s not a house but a two-room on the second floor, no lift. It’s very cosy though, not at all cramped for a relatively small space. The living room is enveloped in a warm, light violet glow from the wallpaper. There are a few photos of family and friends on the wall, a vase with some roses on the kitchen table. Joohyun doesn’t seem to need more.

‘I really like your place.’

‘It’s not as big as Seulgi’s, but it’s mine. I bought it two years ago.’

‘Oh, no. My place back in Canada is around the same size and not nearly as tastefully decorated.’ Seungwan thinks back to the mess that is her apartment. Even though there were plenty of opportunities and even offers to help, she just never bothered to do more than was absolutely needed in the space. And even then it was her brother and his friends who did the majority of the renovation and furniture building.

Jongdae often tells her that she is wasting her life away, not noticing the small pleasures that make it so worthwhile. In the past, she never cared about making the apartment homey because she always thought that she was only a temporary guest in La Ronge and that soon she would be out of there again, venturing into the big world. That her hometown was only a hiccup on the road to something better.

Now, looking at Joohyun and her apartment, she is slowly beginning to realise that for somebody else, it can mean everything.

Joohyun cooks a big pot of doenjang jjigae with pork, serves it with rice and various side dishes. They converse throughout the entire affair, Joohyun explains more about the city, the cuisine of their country and such. Seungwan is quite surprised to learn many new things about the food as she has always considered her palate well versed in the flavour of Korea due to her mother and brother’s extensive culinary experiments.

After they’re done, Joohyun serves a plate of kimchi pajeon and cracks open a bottle of soju.

‘We call it anju. Food you eat when you drink.’

‘I’m so full already,’ Seungwan complains playfully, but she grabs her chopsticks all the same because Joohyun’s cooking is heavenly. When she takes yet another photo of the table to brag to her brother later, she sees Joohyun smile wider.

They cheer and nurse their drinks in silence for a moment.

‘You never told me what your job is,’ Joohyun observes lightly. Seungwan knows that she didn’t. Truth is, there is nothing to talk about.

‘I work as an… accountant of sorts, you could say. Our town is very small, there is not much to do. I keep track of all seafood shipments.’ Seeing that Joohyun doesn’t quite understand, she reiterates. ‘There are many deep lakes around our town and a lot of fish. Fishermen bring them all to the storage and I make sure that everything is accounted for, that people from other parts of Canada who order our products get them safely and on time, etc. I’m sort of a manager of one of such storage place.’

‘Oh.’ Joohyun nods. ‘But you don’t like your job.’ It’s not even a question.

‘No.’

‘Did you go to university?’

‘Oh, yeah. Yes, I did. The University of Regina, in our province.’

‘What did you study?’ Joohyun prompts gently when nothing follows. Seungwan blushes at the old memories. They feel foolish now.

‘I actually studied art,’ she responds and Joohyun claps her hands in delight. ‘Well, graphic design. But I used to really like art. The job market is so tough, though.’ She takes a big gulp of her soju and her companion immediately refills the glass. She drinks again. burns. ‘I spent three years after college in Regina and then Saskatoon trying to find a suitable position, but all I ended up with were dead end assistant jobs. I was so tired, six years ago I went back home.’

‘It’s okay to be tired sometimes,’ Joohyun says, placing her palm on top of Seungwan’s lying on the table. There is no pity in her eyes, only understanding.

‘Yeah, well, it’s not just sometimes when it’s six years, is it.’ Seungwan chuckles humourlessly.

‘But you can’t let the tired win,’ Joohyun adds with conviction. Seungwan sighs. ‘Tell me, what would you like to do if you can do anything in the world?’

Seungwan takes another sip, contemplating the answer. It should be quite obvious and yet…

‘I want to be happy,’ she says dumbly but Joohyun doesn’t dismiss her.

‘And what is happy for you?’

‘I think… I want to do a job that is challenging. A job that I know leaves some kind of impact, that somebody cares about.’

‘Do you like big cities?’

‘It’s not that I like them so much, it’s that there is always something to do there, they’re stimulating. The environment is inspiring, it’s always new and exciting.’

‘Did you feel excited when you lived in Regina?’ Joohyun is genuinely curious, there is no malice in her voice but Seungwan cannot help but take it as a jab. Did she?

‘W-Well,’ she stammers. ‘Not really. I mean, it was good at times but I did miss my family. Even now, I already miss my twin brother,’ she admits. She takes out her phone to show Joohyun the photo of the two of them.

‘He seems to be a nice person.’

‘He’s an idiot,’ Seungwan laughs through the sober atmosphere, sniffling a little. ‘But I guess he’s all I have now.’

‘My sister and I used to be close as well,’ Joohyun says quietly, drinking her soju in one shot.

‘You are not anymore..?’ Seungwan gauges.

‘She died… pass away. Three years ago.’

‘Oh, no, I’m so sorry I asked.’ Joohyun shakes her head with a small smile.

‘I only have good memories now. Some of the things you say… They remind me of the things she said before. But I’m so glad you came here, Seungwan. I hope that maybe you will think good thoughts while you’re here.’

‘I hope so, too,’ Seungwan admits, a small smile on her face. After a while, Joohyun changes the subject.

‘So do you like drawing?’

‘Oh, well, it’s been a while. I actually picked up a notebook today, tried to sketch a little but I don’t know.’

‘May I see?’

‘God, no! I’ll be so embarrassed.’ Seungwan laughs and just like that, the mood turns more cheerful.

‘Please.’ Joohyun tries to grab the bag Seungwan left on the chair. ‘I will show you mine in return.’

Eventually, Seungwan concedes but only because she is curious about the type of art that Joohyun is partial to. She blushes when the art teacher meticulously looks through her rough drawings but Joohyun doesn’t say anything until she is done analysing every single paper cup Seungwan drew.

‘I think they’re really good. Technique wise, they are very correct. The perspective is right, many people cannot measure properly. I like the pictures of the street you made with crayons.’

‘Uhm, thanks,’ Seungwan replies shyly. Joohyun then stands up, taking one volume off the shelf next to the television set.

‘I like using coal. I draw faces… Or parts of faces and body,’ she states matter-of-factly, probably long used to people looking at her art. Joohyun has a keen eye, her sketches are very precise yet beautiful in their own right.

Seungwan tells her as much.

‘Here.’ Joohyun presents her with another book, this time empty. ‘Take it and draw as much as you can while you are in Korea. Anything you can think of. Then look at it and decide, do I like it? Do I like it a lot? Can I do another job-related art or not? Is it better to not do anything with art if I cannot do it the way I want to?’

Seungwan’s jaw drops a little at the deep words which she did not expect. There is a determined look on Joohyun’s face, making the other woman think that this is not exclusively about Seungwan.

Joohyun quickly recovers, shaking her head and sending Seungwan a small smile.

‘I’m sorry. We are almost strangers. But I think that you can try to think about your life like that. Many, many years before, I thought of my life like that too. And it helped me.’

 

 

 

The following day, on Sunday, Joohyun takes Seungwan to Seoul. Seungwan doesn’t really have anything that she really wants to do or see there, so Joohyun fills in the itinerary herself. They go to Buchon Hanok Village first. Seoul is quite cold that day but with a pair of warm gloves and a hot drink in hand, it’s bearable. Joohyun takes a lot of photos of Seungwan, insisting on preserving memories when Seungwan says she doesn’t usually care much for taking pictures. She also talks the visitor into wearing a hanbok in one of the tourist centres. Despite the initial awkwardness and Seungwan short bleached hair, the photos come out quite nice.

Seungwan thinks of her mother and her collection of old photographs in the family albums. She somehow feels a little closer to her.

‘What did they say?’ Seungwan asks Joohyun when they leave the place. It’s after twelve and it’s time for lunch.

‘The women in the shop?’

‘Yeah, they laughed at something when I gave them my name.’

‘Ah, no, no. Not laugh. Just… Surprised?’ But Seungwan can already tell when Joohyun presents her with a while lie – she averts her eyes and gnaws at her lower lip. ‘They were just surprised. Seungwan is a male name in Korea. They wondered why your parents give you this name.’

Seungwan laughs, though she inwardly winces. This is one of the reasons why she has never been fond of it.

‘It’s my maternal grandfather’s name. He died just before my mother gave birth and she was expecting twin boys, so she planned to name one after him. Then I turned out to be a girl but I guess she was too out of it in the hospital to understand the weight of her decision,’ Seungwan chuckles again. ‘Throughout my life, only my mother and sometimes Jongdae have called me Seungwan, though my brother’s Korean is just as miserable as mine.’

‘And now me,’ Joohyun says and Seungwan nearly blushes at the fond gaze.

‘Yes, now you,’ she confirms.

‘How about you? Is there a meaning to your name?’

‘My father gave me that name, but the hanja in it don’t really have any special meaning. I don’t have an English name. Maybe you can give me one?’

‘Oh. Yes, of course. I can help you find one if you’d like.’ Joohyun nods and satisfied, leads them towards a small restaurant.

That day, Seungwan becomes a big fan of chicken mayo.

 

 

 

Seungwan does a lot of drawing and wandering around Cheongju in the next days, until it’s already December 25^th. She talks with Jongdae for a bit, wishing him a good Christmas dinner with their friends in the Community Centre (Seulgi has also been invited). Meanwhile, Seungwan spends her own, eating fried chicken, drinking beer and marathoning Fallet on Netflix.

Life is good.

Joohyun, who has been at work and was unable to meet Seungwan after their Seoul trip, invites her to spend the evening with her and her two other friends. It’s just wine and cake, and gossip, she says, but I think you will like them.

‘We don’t celebrate Christmas very much here and one of my friends is already married and lives in Seoul, but the three of us try to meet at least a few times a year. We are high school friends,’ Joohyun explains as they walk into the cosy space which resembles a wine bar.

‘Is it alright if I join you..? I don’t wanna intrude.’

‘Oh, no. I asked them and they were very curious about you. They like new people.’

Chorong and Yongsun turn out to be very approachable. Chorong is a little shy; Yongsun speaks perfect English due to the demands of her job in one of the conglomerates in Seoul. They have some wine, getting to know each other and catching up. Some of the conversation flows in Korean but they try to include Seungwan as much as they can.

After a while, both of Joohyun’s friends stand up to have a smoke outside.

‘My husband hates when I smoke,’ Yongsun announces cheerfully, clearly not caring one bit what he thinks.

‘They think you’re very nice,’ Joohyun says as soon as they disappear. She pours Seungwan and then herself the rest of the red wine from the bottle.

‘Really?’ For some reason, their approval feels good, though she cannot fathom why.

‘Chorong thinks it’s very brave of you to come all the way here.’

‘Well, Seulgi went all the way there, to my hometown. Is she your classmate, too?’

‘Seulgi and I met in a dongari… In a student club in college. We used to really like hiking. But she studied literature and I studied painting.’

‘Ah, got it.’

When they take the taxi back, it’s after midnight. Joohyun asks the driver to pull up at Seulgi’s place first before going back home but Seungwan invites her in.

‘Let’s have another drink. You don’t have work tomorrow, do you?’

Seungwan pays the driver, telling him to keep the change. Probably way too much, looking at his cheerful expression.

‘It must have been lonely yesterday, right?’ Joohyun looks at Seungwan apologetically, taking off her coat and setting the heating on a pleasant level. ‘Christmas is not an important holiday here. I just went home to have dinner with my parents.’

‘Do they live in this town?’

‘No, near. Daejeon. I am from Daejeon.’

They spent another hour conversing and showing each other photos of their hometowns, their friends and anything they can think of. Joohyun thinks that La Ronge looks very beautiful, enveloped in slow and thick woods.

Seungwan briefly thinks that there might indeed be something to it. She has never thought of it that way.

They finally put on a movie, fully knowing that they won’t stay awake until its end. They’re right. Joohyun eventually falls asleep, her head lolling there and back for a moment before settling gently on Seungwan’s shoulder.  

Seungwan just sighs. Life is unfair. Joohyun is beautiful, smart and kind but most importantly, she brings Seungwan a sense of calm. She makes her feel like everything will turn out to be okay and that there is no need to rush. Like everyone and everything has its own pace.

But she doesn’t even know if Joohyun would ever like her back and anyway, she is only here for less than two weeks. Still, she wants to bask in this feeling for as long as possible.

Irene, she suddenly decides, fondly watching Joohyun’s even breathing. Goddess of piece. The perfect name.

 

 

 

In the next few days leading up to the New Year, the two women meet up frequently. One time, Seungwan visits Joohyun in her school and they eat lunch together in her office. It’s both obvious and admirable that the teacher is dedicated to her job. Seungwan wonders if she ever will be, too.

‘It’s all about perspective, I think. Being a teacher was not what I wanted to do, you know?’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, I wanted to go abroad and be a painter.’ She laughs.

‘But you didn’t?’

‘No, my sister wasn’t well and our parents did not support her. She could only count on me. So I came to Cheongju instead and started working in this school. I didn’t even know if I could do it well. But then I realised that there are many other things that influence our life paths, and all of them are valid, even if not expected. If I just think, ah, I don’t want to do it, then I will never even give myself a chance. I will be unhappy because of something I cannot do. Maybe I will miss an opportunity I don’t even know will make me happy. So I took this job and I really like it. I like talking to students, I like the school atmosphere. I made new friends as well. And I think, if I hadn’t given up that path, I would have not found this one. Everything worked out somehow and I’m content doing it.’

‘I wish I could feel this way,’ Seungwan mumbles, looking down at her coffee.

‘Are you happy now, Seungwan?’

‘Right now?’ Joohyun nods.

‘In this moment.’

‘I’m very happy,’ she other confirms, looking at her companion.

‘Then maybe it’s enough for now. Happiness is not a permanent state, you know. Happiness is this coffee, talking to you, seeing your smile.’

Seungwan now blushes, looking away.

‘In an hour, I have a class with many noisy students. But there is one boy who is very talented and likes to draw. Very polite. That is also happiness that can be found today. So… the way I see it, it’s okay to be unhappy sometimes. Do you know why? Because happiness is not something that only some people can achieve. Happiness is temporary, fleeting, that’s why we have to work on it all the time. But the good thing is, happiness is also something that anyone can make for themselves, any time. No matter how small, you can make it for yourself. Even if it’s just temporary. Even if it’s just your favourite cup of coffee. And it will last until you find another one.’

Seungwan doesn’t realise when she starts tearing up, all the frustrations of the last few years building up to the point of overflowing. Joohyun takes a seat next to her, giving her a warm hug and walking her through the feelings until they subside. They don’t speak for a while.

‘I wonder if I can go back to art somehow,’ Seungwan sniffs, eventually disentangling from the embrace.

‘Why do you think you can’t?’ Joohyun passes her a tissue.

‘I told you, it’s just impossible to find a job in my sector. It’s very frustrating.’

‘I read this sentence in one book. You miss all the shots you don’t take. You still have a week here so maybe you can think of all the shots you didn’t consider before.’ Seungwan laughs, her eyes still swollen. Joohyun smiles. ‘Can I see your drawings before you leave?’

This time Seungwan passes her the sketchbook without any unnecessary shyness. She’s drawn quite a bit in the holiday period. Joohyun studies it for a moment.

‘Do you know that you have drawn many people? More than last time.’

‘Really?’ Seungwan didn’t notice but she indeed has been taken with the moving images she observed in the city.

‘They say that only happy people draw other people.’

‘I think you’re lying now, but I appreciate it,’ Seungwan replies, grinning. Joohyun grins as well, a cheeky edge clear in her voice.

‘It was worth a try.’

 

 

 

On Monday, December 31^st, Joohyun and Seungwan take a coach down to Busan. Joohyun says that it’s been ages since she went there, especially during New Year’s, but it is something that Seungwan should see. It’s also Seungwan’s mother’s hometown.

They check into a small hotel near the Haeundae beach after four pm and head out to get some local food. Since Seungwan doesn’t care much for seafood – she has plenty of that at home – Joohyun recommends doeji kukbap, a local specialty. Pork is nothing foreign to Seungwan, but she still thinks that the meat somehow tastes different here. Mixed with the foreign to her sensation of hope, it seems to have a distinctive flavour. They don’t do much – first they walk around, then have a cake in Angel-in-us, taking the seat on the open balcony despite the cold just to admire the beach for a little bit longer. By eleven thirty pm, they come down to the street, which is already crowded with people eagerly awaiting the firework show which is about to start.

‘Thank you for coming with me.’

‘Thank you for bringing me,’ Seungwan responds, looping her arm through Joohyun’s because they might easily lose each other at this rate. And also because she simply wants to. ‘It’s only because of you that I was able to do anything at all while in Korea. I didn’t really prepare much, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do… I thought I’d be alone in Seulgi’s house for two weeks but you… gave me much to think about,’ Seungwan finishes lamely, not knowing what else to say.

‘You don’t have to thank me. I just- ah, kapjagi!’ Joohyun abruptly turns around, interrupted. More and more people start bumping into them.

‘Let’s move away. I think the fireworks can be seen also from the other side of the road.’ Joohyun nods and they leave the beach before they still have a chance to.

The display is beautiful, with people cheering and wishing one another a happy and more prosperous 2020. Somewhere along the way, silently, Joohyun’s hand slips into Seungwan’s and the latter holds on to it tightly. They don’t look at each other but somehow, their feelings become obvious.

They hold hands for as long as it’s inconspicuous and then Joohyun loops her arms through Seungwan’s, leading her towards their hotel. They pick up some street food on the way, though the only thing on Seungwan’s mind as they enter their two bed hotel room is,

‘Can I kiss you?’

Joohyun turns around, her shoes off but still in her coat and just looks at her for a moment, before nodding almost unperceptively. Seungwan approaches slowly, as if afraid to break this moment but when their lips meet, there is no hesitation. They kiss for a while just like that, first shyly and then more passionately, still standing in the middle of the room. By the end of it, Joohyun’s red lipstick is smeared around the edges but she cannot say that she regrets it.

‘Let’s eat?’ She says easily and Seungwan smiles in agreement. They change into comfortable clothes, leaving the shower for the morning and lie down shoulder to shoulder, munching on the snacks and staring at the television though not really watching it.

‘I’ve thought about what you said the other day.’

‘Hmm?’ Joohyun hums.

‘I still need some income, but… I thought, maybe I could give freelancing a try. You know, register my own graphic design company, to see how it goes.’

Joohyun turns to her, her smile wider.

‘I think it’s a wonderful idea.’

‘Wendy Son Designs. I even made a logo yesterday afternoon, just for the heck of it. Opened my laptop for the first time in a long time.’ She shows her the design on her phone. Joohyun nods.

‘…Are you going home?’ Joohyun asks after a moment of silence between them. Seungwan understands the implication. After all, they just shared an intimate moment.

‘I… I guess I have to, for now. But… I really like you, Joohyun. It must have been love at first sight.’ Joohyun shoves her lightly, chuckling.

‘Don’t lie.’

‘I’m not lying,’ Seungwan defends playfully.

‘Do you like me? Even just a little bit?’

‘I like you. Not just a little bit,’ Joohyun confirms, blushing for the first time that Seungwan has met her.

‘Then… How would you feel about me coming here, to Korea, for a year? I could try teaching English for a while and work on my designs. See what happens in this time – with my job and maybe with us? I contacted one of the agencies back home two nights ago and they’re looking for middle school teachers starting mid-February… Maybe here, maybe in a nearby city but not too far. I think… I don’t know if this is what I want but I do know what I don’t want and I think it’s high time to make a change. Give myself time.’

She looks at Joohyun hopefully. The other wastes no time leaning in and kissing the woman again.

‘I have a good feeling about this,’ she says and Seungwan smiles as well before she leans in for another kiss.

Jongdae will lose his mind for sure.

 

 

 

They spend their remaining days visiting nice cafes and taking walks around.

They also exchange lots of kisses and belated Christmas gifts they suddenly felt like purchasing one another. They are matching rings – not really of commitment, per se, but a promise of wanting to try.

Eventually, Joohyun sees her off only as far as the Cheongju bus terminal due to work engagements but they part in high spirits. Seungwan’s flight is at midday so she should be able to reach Incheon International Airport with some time to spare. After another layover in Vancouver, she will be back in Edmonton and one of their friends, doing a delivery in that area, will pick her up, as arranged by Jongdae.

‘Call me when you arrive,’ Joohyun says, squeezing Seungwan’s hand tight. There is no parting kiss – too many people around – but there were plenty of those back home so Seungwan doesn’t mind. Only time can tell if she will be able to adjust to this environment. For now, she has a Skype interview in a few days and some issues to work out, which will hopefully lead to her quick employment and return.

They stay in a tight embrace for a while. When they disentangle and look into each other’s eyes for the last time, Seungwan has a feeling that Yes, happiness might be temporary. But perhaps it is still worthwhile to try to build it bit by bit.