It was a regular day, yet black is its color. The bell tolls sadly as everyone entered trying to find their seat quietly. When everyone is ready, they started the eulogy.

How can one tell that they are happily lived their life without any regrets?

Some may say it's about creating a family. For some, it's about the legacy you will leave behind - about the name you created for yourself... and some may say it's about how you lived your years. 

I watch and listened as my son speaks in front of a podium in front of family and friends about how his father has lived his life. I listened as he describes the man that I shared a part of my life.

"Find that love again."

He was a good person, a loving father and an understanding husband. He had always put his family first but would always lend a helping hand with the best help he can give. 

I was fond of him... he was a good man to me despite starting off very differently. 

I didn't love him at first because my heart belonged to someone else. But nevertheless, he opened my eyes and my heart for another love where I finally found the happiness that will last until the end of his life. 

My gaze then went to his portrait surrounded by blooming white flowers, then, my gaze fell down to my hand, looking particularly at the rings around my ring finger. 

I thought I couldn't attain happiness anymore... not with this man.

But this man did everything so I could fall in love with him. In return to his efforts, I opened my heart and gave a part of it to him. He was okay with it even if it's only a part of my heart.

And together, we made a beautiful family that had somehow made me forget of the past that I thought I couldn't let go. I buried it deep so I can love him unconditionally. My children made me the happiest and witnessing them have children of their own made me realize that life would always find a way to happiness even if would seem like all of it was robbed. 

"Mum..." My daughter calls softly, leaning towards me before she continues, "James and I were thinking of returning to South Korea this Christmas vacation with the whole family. You know, to make things lighter."

"South Korea..." I smiled, looking at her as my thoughts were occupied by a certain someone. 

"Mmm..." She nodded with a soft, kind smile, "How long has it been since you left Seoul? We were thinking that it would be a great break after all this. Also, the children will learn more about you and dad." She continued as she held my hand that's upon my lap.

I held her hand as tightly while  I lean to her as well, "That would be great, honey. It's been 45 years." I muttered, forcing a smile. 

A week after the funeral, I went back to Seoul with my whole family. 

I was 22 when I left. 

The scenery was very different from back then; the clothes people wear, the street lights, the tall skyscrapers... everything here now seems like at a fast pace and I was the only one moving slowly as if I was in a different world.

 My body is no longer the same... the place is no longer the same.

It's winter and it's so cold and I forgot how cold it can be. But the cold weather wasn't the reason I was shivering. 

As soon as my feet meet the cemented ground in front of the gates of our old house, I began feeling the tightness in my chest. It was the same tightness I felt 45 years ago. It's not because my body has changed through time, it's because of the scene that flashed as soon as I stepped out the car. 

I left those memories here. And somehow, all of it came back, rushing to me as if it was on fast-forward. 

"Mum, are you okay?" James asked, looking worried as he held onto my arm and my waist carefully. 

I felt something warm fall onto my cheek, not realizing that it was tears.  

"Let's get you inside. It's getting colder." He suggested then called his eldest son to help me walk properly. 

"The last time I was here was the loneliest moment of my life," I muttered which gotten the attention of my grandson, Ja