Maybe that kiss on the cheek was what did it - maybe that's what finally made Lia realize that she had a gigantic, hopeless crush on Namjoon. Who couldn’t have a crush on him, anyway? He was incredibly sweet, and he made her feel happy and bubbly. And tiny. It was so easy to feel tiny next to him, he was quite large, and sometimes even the way he spoke to her with a certain kind of tone made her feel tiny - but in a really good way.

Like right now. Namjoon had come over, and they were watching Frozen 2 with a bunch of snacks on the coffee table. Lia was snuggled up to him, and he would occasionally give her a cookie, or a chip, and pet her head. It was ridiculous how bubbly she felt right now, and how quickly she was becoming affectionate with him. Normally, she was quite reserved, and even though she was shy at first to see him again after the kiss and realizing she was crushing on him, it didn't take long for her to snuggle up to him - his tone and the way he kept calling her "angel" and "baby" and feeding her snacks just made her reservedness melt away and she felt so bubbly and well.. free, even… like she was running through a field of pink cotton candy.

By the time the movie was almost over, she was excitedly pointing to the characters and rambling about which ones she liked, and what she thought of them. Namjoon watched her fondly, loving how comfortable and animated she was right now - and he noticed that her voice had gone just a little bit higher, like that day at the duck pond. If this was what he thought it was... gosh, he felt so endeared that he petted her head again.

"Joonie, I have Frozen 2 stickers!" she said when the movie ended.

"Wow! Can I see them?"

Lia ran to her room to get the new packet of stickers she had bought the other day, excited that Joonie was interested in seeing them. Yet she felt like there were two voices in her mind. One voice was talking animatedly about everything, absolutely carefree as she showed Namjoon her new stickers and even stuck one on his shirt. The other voice was screaming at her to stop it - to get out of this bubble. The voice was rising in panic that something was going terribly wrong and she was stepping over a line she should not step, especially in front of him. But this felt like when she was watching Strawberry Shortcake and playing with PlayDoh when she was scared from nightmares, only more happy and bubbly, so it wasn't a bad thing, right? It just meant she was comfortable around him.

Everything was perfect. They played Uno and unsurprisingly, both of them had a suspiciously large amount of power cards. Everything was perfect until they finished playing, Lia having won very fairly and not at all because Namjoon stopped using his power cards so the game could finally end.

Looking back on it, Namjoon knew it was a mistake. He didn't know what had come over him to think now was an appropriate time, but well, he did it. He just didn't know what else to do because he was very sure by now... he just wanted confirmation. She was less excited and bubbly, and he thought it was a good time...

So, he asked her if she knew about Littlespace. As he explained, Lia went from shocked, to guarded, and finally to angry. She felt exposed, and just.... she didn't know what to feel other than wanting to hide alone. He tried comforting her, and for some reason, that tone of voice made her feel tiny and she felt furious with herself for feeling that way, and she didn't even really know why.

****

As soon as he left, with many apologies, Lia pounced on her phone to get a more clear idea of what the hell Namjoon had been talking about - what he had, for some stupid reason, thought had something to do with her.

Littlespace is a mindset in which an adult relaxes into a state of carefree, responsibility-free safety. It may be a developed time in which an adult relives childhood memories, scenarios, or desires that were unachievable in their adolescence. An adult in littlespace may involve another adult referred to as a caregiver.

Hell no. There was a difference between being childish and this... this thing called little space, and age regression. Was the fact that she was childish really making people - at least, Namjoon - mistake her? He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know about anything after all. Here she was, getting comfortable around him and - she covered her face from embarrassment - even clingy with him, and he took it all in a wrong way.

That voice in her head screaming at her... it had been right all along... she had let her guard down too much with him, and now he thought she was... what is it they call it? A Little?

Suddenly in a fit of fury, Lia turned off the TV and stormed to her room. She grabbed her blue bunny, keychains, PlayDoh, and even the pyjamas that made her feel cute and giggly, and stuffed them all inside a trash bag. Tomorrow, she would throw this all out - this useless garbage that gave Namjoon weird ideas about her. If she didn't get rid of everything, everyone would think she was weird.

Everything seemed to be going perfectly with Namjoon. But then he asked that... that weird, humiliating question. Angry tears stung her eyes, and she tried blinking them back. She didn't want to see him ever again - God knows what he thinks of her.

Never seeing Namjoon again... no more reading out loud, no more talking to him, no more feeling happy and excited yet calm in his presence. And no more feeling small and safe around him either, a tiny voice whispered sadly in the back of her mind.

Whatever, she didn't need any of this. She didn't need him, she didn't need her bunny, she didn't need any of those stupid childish things.

****

"All I'm saying is you're acting really distant," Eun Jung said heatedly. "You're keeping things from me!"

"What the hell do you want?" Dok Mi demanded. "Why do I need to tell you every little detail about everything? I'm sick of reporting everything to you!"

"Oh, so you're sick of it??!! I'm sick of always having to beg for information!"

"Lia, say something!" Dok Mi ordered. "Don't you think she's being stupid?"

"No, she thinks you're being stupid!" Eun Jung retorted.

“I-” Lia tried to say, frustration bubbling up.

“Lia, she always does this! You saw it, right? And you remember last time?” Dok Mi cut in, glaring.

“Excuse me, but last time it was clearly your fault, even Lia-”

"SHUT UP!” Lia yelled, not able to stand this anymore. “You guys always bicker and drag me in the middle. Your bickering is so STUPID and it makes me want to bang my head against the wall!"

"L-Lia..." Dok Mi stammered, stunned.

"Sort it out yourselves, I've got lectures to attend." Lia turned her back on both of them, who stared after her, mouth hanging open in shock at her outburst.

As she made her way to her seat, she felt a twinge of regret, but she immediately pushed it down. They always bickered and solved it within a day; they always dragged her in the middle of it; they always had the stupidest reasons to fight and she was just so damn sick of it all. Why couldn't they make an effort to get along a little bit more or at least not try to drag her in the middle? Why were people always so annoying and judging each other without knowing anything? Why did people form their own, completely wrong, and stupid opinion of others?

Why did Namjoon see her so weirdly? Was she really that childish? Lia bit her lip. Let's not go there right now, she told herself. There are lectures to attend to. Everything will be better after classes today.

Nothing was better. In fact, things got worse. Eun Jung and Dok Mi wore cold, hard expressions, their mouths twisted up in anger - they were not walking together. They were angry with each other, and they were both angry at her for her outburst.

Whatever. Lia was angry too. She was not going to apologize first - like she always usually did. Those two had to put aside their pride and sort out their issues themselves, once and for all.

She went straight home, terrified of bumping into Namjoon at the cafe. No more going to the cafe for now, she decided. At least... not until she can get over this humiliation, not until she could erase Namjoon and what he meant to her from her mind.

A long message from her sister appeared right when she was home and making herself a cup of tea.

They told me not to tell you because it would make you worry and they want you to focus on your studies... but they're fighting. A lot. They haven't spoken to each other for a week and I think they are actually considering a divorce this time. Lia, what can I do? I can't stand it here, the silence is killing me and if they don't make up fast, I'm scared they never can. I don't even know what happened, they won't tell me. They just call each other selfish and talk trash and I can't stand it.

Lia felt her heart clench with fear. There have been many fights in the past, many threats of divorce, many times one parent leaves the house for a day or two... but it always works out well.... it has to! More like reassuring herself, she replied to her sister with a short, comforting message about how things always work out in the end, and then called her mother.

"Mom... how are you?"

"Fine." Her mother's voice was tight, emotionless.

"Well.... you don't really sound fine..."

"Why don't you focus on your studies?"

"I am, but I miss you. Can I come over this weekend?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not a good time."

"Mom... just tell me what's going on..."

"Nothing is going on!" her mother snapped. "And even if there was, what the hell can you do about it?"

"I can at least try to help!"

"You just focus on your studies and-"

"Are studies more important than you?" Lia cut in, trying not to cry. "You always tell me to come to you and Dad when I have nightmares and go through those days... but you.. you never accept anything from me! Why not? Do you think I'm too weak?"

"We are your parents and you are our child," her mother said firmly. "It's not your place to try to fix these problems."

"Oh, so according to you, children should just sit back with popcorn and watch the family fall apart?"

"Don't talk back to me like that!"

"Just tell me what happened!"

"Goodbye, Lia, please focus on your studies."

With that, the line went dead. Lia exhaled shakily, and then called her father. The conversation was nearly exactly the same, and she felt like banging both of her parents' heads together for being selfish and stubborn. She then called her sister, who cried endlessly, asking what will happen if their parents really do never make up and get a divorce. "They won't," Lia kept saying. "They can't. Things won't go that far... it will get better soon, ok? Shall I come home this weekend and-"

"No! Mom will kill us both if you come... she can barely stand having me at home these days, she-"

"All right, I won't come." Stung, Lia tried to swallow the bitter realization that something has gone terribly wrong at home - what on earth happened to her parents, who had happily sent her to study at Seoul, who so attentively comforted her in the past? Where was the mother who had fallen apart that day during a family therapy session?

"It's all my fault," she had wailed, shedding tears drenched with guilt. "If I hadn't talked on the phone... i-if I hadn't left her alone in the bathtub... none of this would be happening!"

Lia felt her stomach tighten. No.... no! Don't go there! Don't go to those memories! It was like her mind refused to listen today... it gave her a replay of the day she was twelve, and dragged to a pool party. She had been grumpy and refused to get in the water, getting increasingly uneasy and angry at all the people who kept nagging her to go in the pool. Eventually, three of her cousins grabbed her and carried her towards the pool, her screams and struggle just adding to the hilarity of the situation - throwing someone in the poo