part 1 of 3

we’re fools loving each other so much (hey trouble, you come without even a warning)

It had started the way Byulyi imagined these sort of things always did.  With slow-burning tension.

 

“She’s really gonna do the show,” Byulyi said, shaking a leg as she on the lollipop that Joohyun had bought her.  The other woman regarded her calmly before they both turned to stare out at the vast expanse of the Han River in front of them.  It was late at night and poorly lit, making the two of them indistinguishable amongst the couples sitting on the grass next to the paved trails. 

 

Joohyun simply handed her the cold can of beer without a word before opening up her own can of cola for herself.

 

“I mean I get it.  We need the media attention.  Our company isn’t exactly-” Joohyun levelled her with an arched eyebrow and Byulyi choked on her words.

 

“You can say it.”

 

“O-our company isn’t exactly SM.  We can’t just buy a slew of ads and billboards and…”

 

“Make people love you?”  At that Joohyun ruefully smiled, chin resting on her knees as she slowly swirled her can of coke with a slow twirl of the wrist.  Byulyi swallowed at the unreadable gaze captured in the darkness of Joohyun’s eyes.

 

The two of them had started meeting privately every few months for brisk walks and shared cokes along the Han River.  It was the one halfway point that wasn’t too crowded where Byulyi and Joohyun could talk freely like normal people.  When it had rained during monsoon season, right at the beginning of Joohyun’s Music Bank co-hosting, they had crowded inside a convenience store with no umbrellas.  Joohyun had joked that no one recognized them because their make-up washed off and Byulyi had let out an undignified snort in reply. 

 

That was before the attention seemed to reach a fever pitch for Irene.  Byulyi had frowned when she started to see the articles and comments.  Gross netizens ing on the length of her outfits when Joohyun hosted.  Or angry fans tearing Joohyun apart for a simple smile that she’d exchanged with Park Bogum. And then the same fans tearing her apart when she’d stopped the smiles and kept her exchanges curt and professional.

 

Byulyi’s jaw tensed when she remembered a tearful Joohyun asking them to go to their usual spot on the Han River.

 

“I can’t tell my members about all this,” she sniffled into Byulyi’s collar as the taller girl held her, siting on a bench.  She gently tugged Joohyun’s hat lower to hide her face as curious strangers looked at the two girls.

 

“Unnie… shouldn’t you talk to one of them about this? At least to Seulgi, maybe?”

 

Joohyun let out a shuddering breath, rubbing at her eyes. 

 

“I just… I can’t Byul-ah. I can’t be a burden to them.”

 

Byulyi had just silently nodded and pulled Joohyun in for another hug.

 

“I should support her… right?”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

Byulyi sighed through her nose and took a deep sip of her beer. 

 

“I want to.  It’s good for our group in the long-run.  A-and Eric is a nice guy. So I hear.”

 

“But?”

 

“But I… I still love her.”

 

When Byulyi glanced over the other woman was staring at her sadly, cheek pressed against her knees.  It wasn’t sympathy.  The reason why Byulyi had called Joohyun tonight was because she knew the other girl could empathize with her situation. 

 

Apparently there was some girl in Daegu who still had Bae Joohyun’s heart clutched in her hands without even knowing it. 

 

“Did you tell her that going on this show would hurt your feelings?”

 

“Unnie, you know why I can’t do that.”

 

Joohyun smiled a little at the whine in Byulyi’s voice before staring ahead at the dark water in front of them.

 

“Don’t want to burden her with your feelings?”

 

“Wow how’d you know?”

 

Joohyun giggled into her knees as she rocked a little, making Byulyi smile.  Joohyun was too silly for that ice princess persona that was shoved down everyone’s throats.  Byulyi had always known that of course when she’d first looked the other girl in the eye and seen the warmth in her gaze, despite how she’d been awkward and stilted as Seulgi exchanged numbers with Byulyi in the back seat of their adjacent vans.  Mamamoo and Red Velvet, two rookie girl groups trying to be friends despite the rat race of kpop. 

 

“Unnie, what would you do?”

 

“You know what I did, Byulyi.  I just let her go.  But I… this situation is different isn’t it? This show isn’t real. You haven’t lost her.” 

 

“Because I never had her in the first place.”

 

Joohyun sighed and shifted positions, reaching an impatient hand out for Byulyi’s drink.  She was rough and not tentative in how she scrabbled at Byulyi’s shirt to shove her protesting arm away.

 

“Give me that.  One can of beer and you’re hopeless.”

 

Suddenly Byulyi fell back onto her elbows with a very warm Bae Joohyun practically on top of her.  She ignored the wetness of her beer that had spilled on the sleeve of her jacket, instead just staring up at Joohyun’s eyes that were so wide.  They almost shared a breath in their closeness.  Without thinking, Byulyi reached a hand up and mussed up Joohyun’s bangs.

 

The other girl groaned and slapped roughly at Byulyi.

 

“Stop being stupid.”  With a huff Joohyun started to push away from Byulyi but without thinking she reached up and held her still with a firm hand.

 

“Do you… do you really think things will be okay, Unnie?”

 

Joohyun sighed and gave up squirming away, letting herself settle more fully on top of Byulyi who collapsed onto her back with a small yelp.

 

“You were trying to get me to stay!”

 

“I didn’t think you’d be so heavy!”

 

Joohyun gave an exasperated grumble as she poked at Byulyi cheek.  It was gentler than Byulyi expected.

 

“Just listen to me, Moon Byulyi.  Don’t drink your feelings away.  When you need someone, call me if you feel like you can’t talk to your members.”

 

Byulyi swallowed as she looked up at Joohyun, eyes clear behind thin wire-rimmed glasses.  Her hair was loose around them, a curtain of light brown separating them from the outside world for a moment.  It was strange as Byulyi was prone on her back with her face centimeters away from one of the prettiest girls she’d ever seen.  But she was still thinking about Yongsun and what she would be doing in this situation.  She would have pushed at her chest screaming how weird Byulyi was being and make her buy her dinner or some equal compensation.

 

Joohyun on the other hand was unnervingly still, her eyes almost fathomless as she held her gaze steady. 

 

“Likewise, Unnie.”

 

And when the other woman smiled Byulyi wasn’t quite sure if the stars were in the sky or in the flecks of light captured in Joohyun’s eyes.  

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you texting Joohyun-unnie?” Byulyi asked Yongsun who had curled up on one end of the couch.  Yongsun gave her a curious look before sending off her message.

 

“How’d you even know?”

 

“You always double check the message you send her.  It’s cute, Unnie.”

 

“Ugh what did I say about being greasy,” mumbled Yongsun as she sat up on her side of the couch. 

 

“She can’t stop doing that, it’s in her DNA.”

 

Byulyi swatted behind her at Hyejin who was carrying a plate of cut pears.  She yelled out an expletive before sitting down on the floor next to Yongsun’s side of the couch.

 

“Hyejin-ah, language.  If your dad heard you talk like that it’d break his heart.”

 

“We’re raised swearing in Jeollanam-do, Unnie.  You Seoul people wouldn’t understand.”

 

Byulyi rolled her eyes as she pointedly typed out a message to Joohyun.  She hadn’t seen her for the past month and a half because they both were caught up in comeback preparations and events.  Byulyi had seen Seulgi once the other week with Wheein, the three of them happily enjoying pork belly and soju before they’d have to do a crash diet for comeback season.

 

You’ll text Yongsun-unnie before responding to my message first?

Hahaha.

 

Byulyi wrinkled her nose at the message and scowled at her phone.  She chanced a glance at Yongsun who smiled at something before giving her a wink.  Byulyi tried to ignore how the action made her heart pound in her ears.

 

“Joohyun says hi.”

 

“I-I don’t care about that! It’s just manners to reply to people in the order that you received messages, is all.”

 

“Joohyun hadn’t responded to a message from a few days ago.  So I think it’s fine, Byul-ah.”

 

“Stop being jealous, Unnie.”

 

“Yeah, Unnie!” chimed in Wheein who walked from her room after just finishing a phone call with her mother.

 

“Wheein-ah, you don’t even know what you’re agreeing to,” Byulyi grumbled as she pillowed her head in her arms.

 

“Whatever, whatever, can we watch tv? We have to start getting up early for recordings and dance practice soon anyway.  Yongsun-unnie, is there anything you want to watch?”

 

The older girl shrugged and Byulyi glanced at the clock.  Then with a wicked grin she snatched the remote from Hyejin and quickly flipped to the channel she wanted.

 

Instantly her screen was filled with Irene and Park Bogum hosting Music Bank.

 

“Unnie, we live this every day. Can’t we get a break?” whined Wheein as she reached for a pear Hyejin slid her way.

 

“Just let me send a video to Joohyun-unnie.  Pay back for not responding to me!”

 

“That’s a stupid way of insulting someone,” Hyejin muttered lowly as she stuffed a pear slice into with a crunch.

 

Byulyi aimed her camera phone at the tv and pressed record.  When she was done she sent it off to Joohyun-unnie.

 

Why would you watch this? I hated that they made me do aegyo.

It’s cute though? Kekekeke

To you and stupid old men, maybe.

You calling me an old man?

 

Byulyi harrumphed when she didn’t get a reply.

 

“I didn’t know you were so close to Joohyun, Byul-ah,” Yongsun observed quietly as they all watched a new girl group take the stage and sing their hearts out.

 

“We have a lot in common.”

 

“Are you her personal photographer like you are for Yongsun-unnie?”

 

“No, Seulgi does that for her.  We just talk about… things.”

 

Byulyi shook her leg as she waited for her phone to buzz.  But she jerked when she turned a little and saw Yongsun was right next to her, barely a breath apart.

 

“Are you keeping a secret from me, Moon Byulyi?” she asked quietly, head cocked to the side.  There was something teasing in the smile set on but Byulyi had known Yongsun long enough to be able to tell there was a little uncertainty lining the corner of her eyes.

 

“O-of course not! We tell each other everything, Unnie! Joohyun-unnie and I, uh, we talk about books!”

 

“Books?” Yongsun’s face twisted in confusion at the answer she wasn’t expecting.

 

“Do you even read, Byulyi-unnie?  You’re always playing games on your phone.”

 

“Maybe I’m reading books on my phone!”

 

“Sure you are.  Is that how you turn pages on online books these days? Tapping against the screen a million times?”

 

“Ahn Hyejin,” Byulyi warned with absolutely no bite, trying to ignore the way Yongsun was looking at her curiously.

 

“I know you go with her to the Han River sometimes.”

 

“To talk about books.”

 

“To talk about books.”  Yongsun was still staring at her and Byulyi was trying her hardest to not make it obvious how much the attention was affecting her.  Her heart was beating heavily in her ears, making her movements jerky as she abruptly stood up.  She ignored Wheein’s yell of protest as she awkwardly walked from her spot on the couch to her room.

 

“I think I’m going to go to bed now.  Enjoy the show!”

 

Byulyi didn’t have to look to know that Yongsun was still staring after her with that slightly puzzled look on her face.

 

 

 

 

“Is it because I’m going on that show?”

 

Byulyi startled from her pose, keeled over with hands on her knees.  She’d been practicing the choreography by herself in an empty room.  Yongsun wasn’t supposed to show up for another hour for rehearsals.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Is that what you and Joohyun talk about? That I’m going on the show and it stresses you out?”

 

“It doesn’t stress me out!”

 

Yongsun’s face twisted and she let the practice room door swing shut behind her as she approached Byulyi.  She felt helpless and weak as she wiped at the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand.

 

“Moon Byulyi you don’t get to lie to me.  As a friend or as a leader.”

 

“I said it doesn’t stress me out! I don’t care that you’re going on that stupid show!”

 

“Liar!”

 

Byulyi and Yongsun hadn’t had a big fight in awhile.  The cereal box throwing and hair pulling was years behind them but yelling matches that ended in invisible wounds weren’t as uncommon.  But Byulyi was particular about the fights she had with Yongsun.  They needed to have a foreseeable solution.

 

Telling her best friend that she was in love with her in order to get her to stop going on a show that could potentially save the waning popularity of their girl group didn’t give many promising options.

 

“Can’t you just stop butting into my business for once? I’m allowed to have some privacy.”

 

“It’s my job as a leader to know everyone’s business.  Especially yours! You’ve been all over the place in practice these past few days.”

 

“Thanks, Unnie.  I appreciate your constructive feedback.”

 

“Don’t use that tone with me.  I’m talking to you as a leader right now.”

 

Byulyi grit her teeth as she stared blankly at Yongsun.  There was no out here.  Either she lied or told the truth.  Or take the third option and just leave. 

 

With a huff she started to walk around Yongsun but the other girl firmly gripped her wrist and pushed her back against the mirrors.

 

“No, you are not just going to run away this time, Moon Byulyi.”

 

Byulyi winced at the way her back ached against the glass behind her.  But she was properly cornered now, staring at the fury in Yongsun’s eyes with a pounding heart.  The other girl took a step closer and jabbed a finger underneath her collarbone, the touch burning the exposed skin with a dainty fingertip.

 

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me lately.  There’s clearly something wrong and we can’t solve things if you just hold back like you always do.”

 

“Maybe it’s none of your business, Unnie! Maybe it’s something that should be held back!”

 

“I can handle whatever you want to talk to me about.”

 

“I don’t think you can,” Byulyi said with a scoff, shrugging off the aggressive finger and crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I have to because I’m the leader of this group.  If you have an issue with me you have to say it to my face like a mature adult and stop skulking around like you’re some mopey child!”

 

“You don’t know anything about my feelings!”  Byulyi yelled, her voice echoing in the room.  Yongsun took a step back like she’d been slapped.

 

“You don’t think I know you, Moon Byulyi? You don’t think I can tell when something’s wrong?”

 

And then something within Byulyi snapped.  Without thinking she pushed forward until she was aggressively in the other girl’s space, hands tightly gripping her upper arms.  Yongsun’s nostrils flared at the unwanted contact and she opened to most likely scream out a stream of angry expletives when Byulyi realized that something wet was trickling down her cheeks.  She let out a shuddering whimper and with her hands keeping Yongsun at an exact arm’s length she bowed her head to cry.

 

“B-byul-ah?”

 

“You’d hate me if you knew.”

 

“Byul-ah, please.”

 

But Byulyi just mutely shook her head, keeping Yongsun in place as she let out another pained whimper.  These feelings that had been tearing her chest apart since the summer were finally coming to a head.  On one hand she desperately wanted to shout what she was feeling to the sky so that everyone would know.  The pressure of it all was crushing her.  But on the other hand she didn’t know what she would do if Yongsun looked at her with thinly veiled disgust and pushed her away. 

 

Sniffling she raised her head and saw Yongsun looking at her with pure concern.

 

“Will you… will you let me touch you now?” she asked quietly, eyes tracking the tears that seemed to have stopped trickling down Byulyi’s face.

 

And it was then that Byulyi did the thing she knew she’d regret the following day.  But she couldn’t say it out loud.  So, she showed Yongsun her feelings with a desperate tug that had that other woman right against her chest.  Their faces were close and when Byulyi turned so that their noses almost brushed, she saw the exact moment when Yongsun knew. She always about being a pretty fool but Byulyi knew that Yongsun wasn’t a complete idiot.

 

Her eyes widened just a fraction and fell open.

 

“B-byul-ah, I-”

 

“Don’t,” Byulyi grit out, pressing her forehead against Yongsun’s temple as she desperately tried not to cry.  “Don’t say anything. I know, Unnie.”

 

“I should-”

 

“Please.  Please don’t make me hear it.  I know.  I know and I will be respectful and you won’t have a problem with me.  I’ll take care of it.”

 

Yongsun was so warm that it was hard for Byulyi to pull away but she did, taking a few shaky steps back before she did something seriously stupid to the other girl.

 

“I’m going to get some fresh air.  Don’t worry about me, Unnie.  Please?  Things will,” Byulyi swallowed trying to make her voice not crack. “Things will be back to normal in no time, I promise.”

 

“B-byul-ah we should talk about this.”

 

“Could we do it maybe a little later?  Please?”

 

There must have been something in Byulyi’s face that lessened Yongsun’s resolve because she just gave her a long look before she nodded once.  That was all the permission Byulyi needed to run out the door, forgetting her thick long padded jacket for the cold winter air. 

 

It’d probably help wake her up from this nightmare, anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

“You haven’t said anything for nearly an hour,” Joohyun commented quietly as she took a sip from the cola Byulyi had bought for her.  They were sitting in the back of a McDonalds near the filming location for Music Bank.  Joohyun had said it was because she wanted some French fries but Byulyi knew it was because she was worried that she didn’t have a jacket.

 

“I’m trying to get my nerves up, I swear.”

 

“I only have another hour and then my manager might actually murder me. Or you.  In no particular order.”

 

“Maybe that’d be a good thing.”

 

Joohyun rolled her eyes but said nothing, returning to the book she’d brought with her from her bag.

 

“Do you sometimes wish you’d gone to college?”

 

“My parents couldn’t afford it. All the money went to the restaurant and getting my little sister through private school.”

 

Byulyi hummed quietly at the comment.  It was so Joohyun. Straightforward and almost insensitive in bluntness.

 

“I don’t think I would have been smart enough to get into college.  But when I was walking over here I saw couples waiting outside the campus gates.  Holding hands and talking.  It was nice.”

 

“People like us can’t have that.  At least not here.”

 

“I know.  I just…” Byulyi’s eyes filled with tears and she angrily stuffed a few French fries into in an attempt to stifle her whimper.  She chewed the cold salty fries slowly to regain her composure. 

 

“Did something happen with Yongsun? She called me, you know.  Asked me to look after you if you asked to see me.”

 

“She did?” Byulyi’s eyes widened at the admission.  “I didn’t think she’d do that.”

 

Joohyun scoffed as she stabbed a french fry into the last bit of ketchup, getting a glob on her black sweatpants.  Byulyi sighed and started to dab at the stain with a paper napkin without being asked.

 

“She really loves you, Byul-ah.  Even if it’s not the way you want it to be.”

 

Byulyi swallowed at the comment, head bowed as her hand on Joohyun’s thigh stilled.

 

“I-I know.  It’s just hard to believe that she won’t just avoid me forever like what happened in high school.”

 

“Yongsun’s an adult.  I’m sure she’s not perfect but she tries.”

 

“When she isn’t throwing cereal boxes at me.”

 

Joohyun let out an undignified peal of laughter before quickly clapping a hand over .

 

“I’m glad you find my pain funny, Unnie.”

 

“I just… I almost want to try it myself.  You must have been so shocked when she did it.”

 

“I almost killed her,” Byulyi quipped with a grin.  Joohyun smiled back at her before glancing down at Byulyi’s hand.

 

“O-oh sorry!  I wasn’t thinking.”

 

Byulyi pulled back like she’d been burned, twirling her seat so quickly that it spun her in a circle.  Joohyun erupted into giggles, trying to turn away so that the sound didn’t echo in the small room.

 

“You’re so funny sometimes.  What am I going to do with you?”

 

“Never leave me, Unnie.  Please!”

 

Joohyun rolled her eyes as she stood, adjusting her sweats and her oversized jacket that nearly trailed the floor.

 

“Do you want to come back to the show with me?   You can wait in my dressing room until it’s over and then my manager could drive you back.”

 

“Oh, Unnie, are you sure? Your dorm is on the other side of the river.”

 

“It’s fine, we have a late morning tomorrow anyway.  Plus you can’t be walking around dressed like this.  It’s 0 degrees outside.”

 

Byulyi bit her lip as she self consciously rubbed at her thin long-sleeved t-shirt.  She’d been so overwhelmed on the way over that she hadn’t really been thinking about the weather.  But now she wasn’t so sure.

 

“Or should I call you a taxi?”

 

“Unnie, you don’t have to.”

 

“I make some money from hosting, Byulyi.  You bought me food.  It’s only fair that I return the favor.”

 

“French fries for a taxi?”

 

Joohyun grinned as she reached forward and dangled the dirty ketchup stained napkin in her fingers.

 

“And for cleaning services.”

 

Byulyi rolled her eyes with a sigh as she stood.

 

“I should be getting back to the practice room anyway.  I guess a taxi would be good. If it isn’t too much trouble.”

 

“Nothing for one of my favorite Mamamoo members.”  Joohyun flashed her a smile and it made Byulyi pause.  It was too similar to the one she’d see on Music Bank, a little empty and tight around the corners of the mouth.  Out of reflex she scoffed.

 

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Unnie.  Just say what you mean. I’m your favorite member of Mamamoo.”

 

It was Joohyun’s turn to still, face strangely blank as she watched Byulyi begin to clean the tray of half-eaten French fries from the table.  When she opened to ask what was wrong, Joohyun quickly turned away and strode determinedly toward the door, phone against her ear as she presumedly called Byulyi a taxi.

 

 

 

 

Things between her and Yongsun were fine.  Maybe not perfect.  But they weren’t jumping away from each other every time their finger tips brushed and that was all Byulyi was asking for.  Time healed all wounds but this wasn’t exactly a wound.  Just an adjustment period.

 

Yongsun had tried to talk about it with her just once which ended with her drinking with Wheein until 1 in the morning, taking the last possible train home.  After that Yongsun stopped trying to talk about it.

 

Things were safe albeit a little hollow.  It wasn’t idea but for now it was tolerable enough to get them through the rehearsals for their upcoming comeback. 

 

And then they were on Music Bank and Joohyun was there greeting them at their dressing room.

 

“Oh hi, Unnie,” said Wheein with a smile as Joohyun entered.  The other woman gave a tight lipped smile as the door closed behind her.

 

“I’m glad you’ll be able to perform today.  I’ve been listening to your new song.”

 

“Seulgi mentioned you were singing it at the dorm today,” Byulyi interjected with a lazy smile, earning a pointed look from Joohyun.

 

“I’m sure Seulgi was complimenting my singing.”

 

“Oh she did.  She mentioned that you also did a great French horn impression for the beginning part.  Wee-ooo!”

 

Hyejin and Wheein burst into giggles and even Yongsun cracked a smile as Joohyun just glared at Byulyi.  Despite the look she sat down on the couch next to her.

 

“You just finished the dress rehearsal for the recording, right?”

 

“Yeah.  We have a three hour break before it all starts,” Yongsun replied before taking a sip of water from the table.

 

“I think I’ll be taking a nap.”

 

“I wish I could do that.  They want to rehearse my lines again.”  Joohyun gestured to the thick stack of cards in her hand with a sad shake.  Byulyi leaned closer and glanced at one of the lines.

 

“Do you really have to say that, Unnie? Isn’t that a little too cute for you?”

 

“Joohyun-unnie is good at aegyo!” Wheein protested and Hyejin nodded.

 

Byulyi simply sighed and leaned against Joohyun as the girl silently shuffled through her cards so that Byulyi could look at more.

 

“Will you show me the one you’ll be doing for us today?”

 

“It’s a surprise,” Joohyun said quickly, stopping her shuffle and looking challengingly into Byulyi’s eyes.  In response Byulyi grinned and bat her eyelashes, trying to make a grab for the stack.

 

“Unnie,” she whined plaintively but Joohyun firmly rose, cards in hand.

 

“It’s a surprise.  You’ll just have to look forward to it later.”

 

Byulyi crossed her arms over her chest with a pout as Wheein and Hyejin waved goodbye as Joohyun left.  When she turned to grab her water she realized that Yongsun was staring at her oddly.  But when Byulyi raised her eyebrows in question she merely got a head shake and quick smile in reply.

 

 

 

 

Things always got better before they got terribly worse.

 

Mamamoo won first place for the first time at Inkigayo and the wins kept flooding in for the whole month.  It felt like a dream come true to have her members at her side with confetti in her face as their song played in the background with cheering fans.  She almost forget about the conversation with Yongsun earlier that month, taking every day like it was a dream that she’d be waking up from in an instant.

 

But Byulyi needed a reality check, of course.  Whether she wanted one or not.

 

It was one thing to have Yongsun be figuratively going on this We Got Married show and spending a ton of time filming.  It was another thing to be asked to go on a panel and analyze Yongsun and Eric Nam interacting in real time in front of a cast and camera crew.  After getting no sleep from filming and shooting for a music show, Byulyi felt hollow as she trekked back to the van to get a ride home.

 

She practically collapsed into the back of the car, not quite comprehending everything.  She couldn’t quite tell if she should be numb or overwhelmed.  Maybe both.

 

Without thinking she was dialing a phone number.

 

Hello? Is this number one singer Moon Byulyi?

 

“Where are you right now?”

 

Um I’m at the dorm.  Our promotions are finally wrapping up.  Maybe we could go to the river next week?

 

“Can I see you?”

 

Now?

 

Byulyi felt her face flush.  She was practically delirious from a lack of sleep and she had to go to another schedule in almost 6 hours.  But she just needed to not see Yongsun right when she walked through the door.  It would make her go crazy. 

 

Did something happen?

 

Byulyi let out a shuddery breath and readjusted the phone.

 

“I um… I was on the show.”

 

We Got Married?

 

“Yeah, I was one of the people on the panel.  We watched their whole segment and did commentary.”

 

Oh, Byul-ah I’m… I see.

 

“Could I just see you? It could be for five minutes if you want.  And then I’d go home.  I just can’t go right back there now.”

 

Sure, I’m alone right now actually.  You can come over for a bit if you want.  Have you eaten today?

 

Byulyi bit her lip, feeling a wave of affection for the other woman.

 

“Not really.  I had some crackers from the convenience store before the shooting.”

 

I’ll make you something then.  Just give your manager the address.  How long can you stay for?

 

“Um maybe an hour or so?  I have to get ready to go to a schedule tomorrow.”

 

Moon Byulyi.

 

“See you soon, Unnie!”

 

Byulyi smiled a little at her phone before meeting her manager’s eyes through the rear view mirror.

 

“Can we swing by Gangnam for a bit?”

 

“G-gangnam? That’s-”

 

“Please, oppa.  It’ll just be an hour thing.  There’s this really good pig’s feet place you can eat at right across the street from the apartment.”

 

“Will this make you get into a scandal?”

 

Byulyi rolled her eyes as she read the address from her phone out loud. 

 

“We’re first place singers now! I can hang out with Red Velvet members without it being a big deal.”

 

The manager laughed as he turned quickly around the bend of the road.

 

“If you say so, Moon Byulyi.”

 

-------------

 

“Thanks for letting me come over,” Byulyi said quietly as she slid off her shoes and glanced over at Joohyun.  The other woman hadn’t even put makeup on, her hair down in a loose ponytail and glasses firmly on. 

 

“It’s fine.  Today’s my day off.  For once.”

 

“What better way to spend it then with me?”

 

Joohyun scoffed as she walked over to the kitchen counter, trying to pull something from a shelf in the cupboard.  With a grin, Byulyi walked behind the shorter woman, placing one hand on the counter as she reached over and grabbed two bowls.

 

“Is this what you wanted, Unnie?” she asked as she looked down at Joohyun whose face was suddenly very close. 

 

“Thanks.”  Joohyun took the bowls and maneuvered around her to the stove.

 

“Ramen? Really?”

 

“Check the fridge.”

 

Byulyi raised an eyebrow as she glanced inside and immediately let out a cry of joy.

 

“Is this allowed?  An SM girl group with beer in their refrigerator?”

 

“You’re collecting any of the cans you drink and taking them with you.  We can’t afford a scandal right now.”

 

“Thanks, Unnie.”

 

Joohyun just nodded as she spooned a generous helping of noodles and eggy red broth into each bowl. 

 

“Do you want extra spring onions on top?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Joohyun hummed to herself as she pulled a stalk of green onions from the refrigerator, setting it on a pink plastic cutting board.  Byulyi watched her back with a faint smile as she heard the clack clack of a knife chopping.  It felt so domestic.  If they were in We Got Married this would be the part where Byulyi stood and gently hugged Joohyun from the back.  They’d stand in each other’s warmth for a moment before Byulyi would maybe lean forward for a kiss.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Byulyi startled, realizing that she was standing behind Joohyun, hands just barely resting on her hips.  The knife was raised to cut the last piece of spring onion as if the sudden contact had frozen the other woman in place.  And then Joohyun placed the knife down and turned into Byulyi, holding her hands steady.

 

“Do you really think I could ever replace her?”

 

“W-what that’s not why I did that!” Byulyi spluttered, face feeling unbearably hot at Joohyun’s proximity.

 

“Maybe a replacement wouldn’t be so bad.  When was the last time you’ve dated someone?”

 

“I-I-”

 

“Never?”

 

“When I was a trainee.  It was brief.  I think I was into it more than she was.”

 

Joohyun made a thoughtful noise as she raised a hand, gently brushing Byulyi’s bangs to the side.  She narrowed her eyes as she traced the slope of Byulyi’s face with careful eyes, staying steady on the other girl’s mouth.

 

“Maybe we both deserve something easy.  You’d take care of me, wouldn’t you Byulyi?”

 

“I don’t think I quite know what you’re asking of me.”

 

“You’re going to go insane from this stress with Yongsun.  I haven’t been with someone in nearly five years.  Don’t you think we deserve something to take our mind off things for a little while?”

 

Byulyi let out a shuddering breath as she raised her hands to rest on Joohyun’s shoulders.

 

“Unnie, you deserve someone who will love you and treat you… better than I could.  I still have feelings for someone else.”

 

“What if I told you I preferred that?”

 

“What?”

 

Joohyun’s face scrunched in frustration as she glared off to the side.

 

“I just… I just think it’s better to be with someone who at least knows the real me than someone who is in love with a poster.”

 

“There are a lot of people that would fall in love with you, Joohyun-unnie.”

 

“I don’t think so.  And maybe it’s better that they don’t know the real me anyway.  You do but you aren’t in love with me.  I like that.”

 

Byulyi scoffed as she tried to follow the conversation with her sleep-deprived brain.

 

“You want me to… be with you even though I’m not in love with you? Because you think it’d be a good stress reliever for the both of us?”

 

“I just want to feel like me.  These days I feel like all anyone ever cares about is what man I’m being paired with. Or how thin I am.  Or how I need to be more ladylike when I laugh.”

 

“Unnie…”

 

“When I’m with you at least you make me feel like myself.  I don’t feel like I have to be a leader. Or a singer. Or some perfect woman.  And you don’t want that from me either.  You don’t have any expectations for me at all.”

 

Byulyi bit her lip as she stared at Joohyun. 

 

“But don’t you think you deserve someone who actually loves you?”

 

“Maybe.  But I decide who and what I deserve.”

 

Joohyun reached up and cupped Byulyi’s cheeks, frowning. 

 

“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”

 

Byulyi took a step closer, pressing Joohyun between her hips and the counter.  She leaned closer, their noses brushing as the other woman just stared.  It was just a quick peck and then Byulyi dropped her head to rest against Joohyun’s shoulder.  Tentatively a cool hand cupped her flaming cheek and gently pulled her face back up.

 

“Could you do that again?”

 

Joohyun stared at her so earnestly despite the bright blush coating her cheeks and spreading to her neck.

 

“You barely felt anything.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Byulyi swallowed before leaning forward and this time Joohyun held her in place, their lips pressing against each other, warm and so soft.  She smiled a little as Joohyun’s grip tightened on her cheeks and she carefully held her waist.

 

“Did you like that?” she asked softly into Joohyun’s ear, feeling her warmth through the thin t-shirt she was wearing.

 

“Maybe we should do it one more time? To make sure?”

 

Byulyi scoffed but Joohyun wouldn’t let her say anything as they pressed against each other again.

 

She would realize later after nearly half an hour of curious kisses against the counter of the kitchen that their noodles had become completely swollen and inedible.  And she hadn’t thought about Yongsun once. 

 

 

 

 

 

“They want us to be less public with our friendship with Red Velvet?”  Byulyi asked incredulously as Yongsun stared back at her, arms crossed in clear displeasure.

 

“Yeah I just got out of a meeting with our manager and our CEO.  You know the Showtime show and how we were going to do something together? SM pulled out last minute.”

 

“But why? We just did that article with Seulgi and Wendy yesterday! And we won first place! We aren’t just some girl group from a nobody company anymore.”

 

Yongsun sighed and dropped her arms, swirling her iced Americano around with her straw.  They were in an empty conference room in their company’s building, sharing coffees after Yongsun had a sudden meeting that practically cancelled their dinner plans.  

 

“You know how it gets sometimes.  We’re a small company.  They should be spending time with other SM idols.  Or some other group.”

 

Byulyi sighed into her drink as she glared at the table in front of her.

 

“Joohyun seemed pretty upset about it too.  She messaged me while I was in the meeting.  I think she went through something similar today.”

 

“Does this mean we aren’t allowed to be seen with them anymore?” Byulyi asked quietly, pointedly not looking at Yongsun.

 

“Not forever.  But just for a little while.  Until our companies calm down.  Can you do that, Byul-ah? I know you had something planned with them this weekend.”

 

Byulyi glanced up at Yongsun and she just felt a little taken aback.  The way her dark hair fell over her shoulder onto her white blouse made her look so pretty she suddenly wanted to snap a picture.  When her silence stretched for a little too long, Yongsun fidgeted and glanced down at her drink.

 

“I know it’s unfair but we need to set a good example.  I don’t think Hyejin and Wheein are as close to them as we are anyway but still.”

 

“Of course, Unnie! I’ll um message Joohyun-unnie about it.”

 

“Great.  Thanks.”

 

Byulyi gave Yongsun a tight-lipped smile as she pulled out her phone and scrolled down to Joohyun’s messages.  They hadn’t really had the chance to see each other save for a brief walk along the Han River.  Joohyun had held her arm and it felt nice just to walk with a pretty girl amongst other couples and pretend for a little while.

 

“Byul-ah.  I know we sort of agreed not to talk.”

 

“About?”

 

“Seriously?  Are you really going to say that right now?”

 

Byulyi sighed as she sent her message to Joohyun and raised her head.  This had been the first time she’d seen Yongsun in person since they’d all moved out of their dorm and into their own apartments.  They still texted every day and saw each other for schedules but it was different living apart.  Even if they lived in the same building.

 

“Okay, Unnie.  What do you want to talk about?”

 

Yongsun swallowed as she crossed her arms over her chest again, studying her.

 

“I’ve given you a few months now.  How are you feeling? About us?”

 

Byulyi dropped her gaze back to the table and bit her lip.

 

“I think we’re fine.  You didn’t throw anything at me recently. We haven’t really fought in awhile either.”

 

“You’re being honest with me?”

 

“Unnie.”

 

Byulyi looked up and felt concern furrow her brow at the undeniable tears glistening in Yongsun’s eyes.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I just miss the way we used to be sometimes.  It’s sort of like you’re always a little on edge with me now.  I want to know if I should be doing something differently or acting differently.  But you haven’t wanted to talk about it at all.  I just want us to go back to normal.”

 

Byulyi bit her lip as she started to act instinctively, crossing over to Yongsun’s side and kneeling down next to her.  Looking up at the other woman, she hastily grabbed her hand in a tight grip.

 

“Unnie, you could never lose me.  I just… need some time to adjust is all.  I was so scared I’d lose you when you found out and it took me time.  I thought that you’d yell at me or hate me forever.”

 

“What? Why would I be like that? Byul-ah you’re… you’re my closest friend. I might be harsh to you sometimes but I’d never hate you for something you feel.”

 

Yongsun reached down and  carefully smoothed Byulyi’s bangs with a small smile.  It made Byulyi feel like her heart was throbbing in her chest.

 

“I know, Unnie.  You know how I am.  I sit on my worries and don’t really talk about them with anyone.”

 

“Aigoo, Moon Byulyi.  What am I going to do with such a worrywart?”  She smiled so fondly that Byulyi had to stand just to regain her composure.

 

“We’re okay, Unnie.  I think I’ll need some time to get over my… feelings.  But it’s not your fault.  And I’m really grateful that you’re not… freaking out about it.”

 

“Your feelings don’t make you a bad person, Byul-ah.”

 

She hummed as she took a sip of her drink introspectively.

 

“Maybe.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Byulyi tripped a little as she tried to maintain her composure, letting Joohyun walk into her apartment.  They’d tried to be discreet the past few weeks, only texting and calling when they were alone because of the unsaid rule between their companies.  But they finally had a rare window when Joohyun’s members were off doing their respective schedules and Byulyi was home for the afternoon after finishing a photoshoot.

 

“You really like collecting pictures of yourself.”

 

“The fans send them in,” Byulyi muttered as she fixed her bangs self-consciously. 

 

Joohyun just laughed as she strode to the couch and plopped down, curling up on one end.  Byulyi approached tentatively, only seeing the top of Joohyun’s baseball cap.

 

“Are you going to just stare at me? You haven’t seen me in nearly a month.”

 

“Did you get the flowers?  At your last Music Bank recording as MC?”

 

“Yes they were beautiful.  Thankfully the radish drawing in the card was so poorly done that no one really put two and two together.”

 

“Poorly done?  Unnie, that was a very personal drawing from me!”

 

Joohyun raised her head to smile up at Byulyi, nose wrinkling a little.

 

“You tease me all the time but when I do it you get all upset.”

 

Byulyi smiled as she squatted to Joohyun’s level, pillowing her head on her arms on the arm of the couch.  She felt a tentative hand card through her hair which wasn’t up in a pony tail for once.

 

“Tired?”

 

“Mm, a little.  Just finished that shoot.  The one for the things that are like salty peppero.”

 

“Pretz?  I thought you already did a commercial for them.”

 

“Yeah but we did some other stuff.  They wanted us to get some pictures taken.  You know what I mean, Unnie.”

 

“I do actually.”

 

At that, Byulyi lifted her head and smiled at Joohyun who just looked softly back at her.

 

“Do you want to take a nap?”

 

“I thought you wanted to… um?”

 

“We can do that too.  But I’m tired.  And you seem to be too.”

 

Byulyi stifled a yawn at that moment, earning a low laugh from Joohyun.

 

“I haven’t cuddled with anyone besides my members and my sister in a long time.  Come here.”

 

“I haven’t had a girl say ‘Come here’ to me in awhile.”

 

Joohyun huffed but slid to the side to give Byulyi room as she took Joohyun’s place next to the arm of the couch.  Immediately Joohyun was pushing at her until she was on her back, head resting on the soft arm of the couch as the small woman curled herself into Byulyi’s chest.  She chuckled as she brought her arms up and held her closer, pulling the ball cap off and placing it on the floor.  Byulyi carded her fingers through Joohyun’s soft dark hair, earning a contented little moan.

 

“I like when people play with my hair.”

 

“Me too.  Maybe if I do a good job you’ll do this to me?”

 

Joohyun shifted so that her chin was resting against Byulyi’s sternum, a wicked gleam in her eye.

 

“You’ll have to earn it.  Do you think you can do that?”

 

Byulyi grinned as she leaned down and Joohyun rose to meet her, the kiss warm with a shared smile. 

 

With Joohyun shifting more firmly on top of her and Byulyi moving to thread her hands through the curtain of Joohyun’s dark hair, she didn’t quite hear the door to her apartment open.

 

And she didn’t realize that there only was one person who knew her passcode since she lived in the same building and they saw each other every time they had a free moment to spare.

 

When Joohyun stilled on top of her she paused from kissing the other woman’s warm neck with a groan.

 

“Unnie, what is it?”  She glanced over her shoulder and saw Kim Yongsun, a hand holding a plastic bag filled with steaming food and the other hand covering in shock.

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thewoundupbird
Also I made a little moonrene fashion collection of what they would have looked like during the time period of the fic.  Check it out on my twitter @thewoundupbird1

Comments

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p_ha_ine
#1
Chapter 3: rereading this again when I'm in a desperate need of a push to start writing.
sadandlonely #2
Chapter 5: VIVA EL AMOOR
DCMwords
#3
Chapter 3: I rereading this ff like, five times (?) Ahahaha
harlembeatfreak
#4
Chapter 5: This is the most perfect moonrene multishot ever 😭😭 thank you for writing this
TennoujiMegumi #5
Chapter 3: Rereading this story cause i miss moonrene 😭 thank you again for this masterpiece!
Jscl38 #6
Chapter 5: Part 4 had me in my feelings but the whole thing was great. You really have me into this ship now.
p_ha_ine
#7
Chapter 2: Appreciating this piece differently now: the small moments happening during the conversation struck me deeper than steamy scenes.
p_ha_ine
#8
Chapter 1: rereading THE piece that got me into moonrene in the first place, CHECK!
monbyulsido #9
Chapter 5: THIS IS SO CUTE AAAAAAA!! I haven't read yongsun pov yet tho. I don't think I'm ready to get hurt huhuhu
Destresce
#10
Chapter 4: I should have stopped reading at part 3. I was not ready for the angst. TT jk, i love your fic. thank you for this. :D