“Hurry up, I told them we’d meet them at the coffee shop,” Minhyuk nervously paced around the room, from the closet to the mirror and back. “You’re wearing a beanie anyway!” Minhyuk threw his phone on Kihyun’s bed and then threw himself on the covers. 

Kihyun didn’t want to admit it, but maybe a part of why he kept looking in the mirror and fixing everything about himself, his hair, not messy enough, too messy, his jacket, fixing his belt, tucking his shirt in and out, maybe he was wasting so much time so he could delay meeting Minhyuk’s friends as much as he could. 

“Yeah, yeah, just a… Just a minute,” he mumbled, twisting the beanie right and left, placing each strand in the perfect location. His stomach clenched every time he thought about how he would have to go to the coffee shop and meet Minhyuk’s friends from college and… And knowing himself, he knew he’d just sit in the corner and look at the patterns the milky foam made. 

‘I just like to listen,’ he always excused his silence. True, he liked to listen. He wanted to talk too. But he never seemed to find the right time, the perfect time to jump into the conversation. It was okay when it was one or two new people. And maybe… They wouldn’t even want to listen to him. It felt like being thrown into a wild river by Minhyuk, with no way to keep yourself afloat. 

He cursed Minhyuk for making him go, promising them to bring him too because… Well, he promised him they’d spend the weekend together. He knew Minhyuk wanted to see them again after they all came back from internships and study programs and whatever for a short while, and he guessed Minhyuk felt too bad for leaving him alone. Or maybe he hoped, like so many times before, that Kihyun would slither out of his shell and have a good time. 

No, that’s dumb. He can have a good time. Just… It just has to be people he knows. 

Kihyun didn’t even notice when they arrived at the subway station. The worries clouded his mind so much, he only snapped back into reality when he had to fish for his ticket. And it hit him he’s just closer and closer to the dreaded date.

Minhyuk asked him if he’s okay a few times. And Kihyun just nodded his head, not to be a bummer, but Minhyuk saw how he kept playing with his fingers. Their stop was coming, and Kihyun felt a burning clench in his chest, forcing himself out of the wagon and up the stairs.

“Come on, they’re cool guys. It’ll be fun!” But Kihyun didn’t believe a word of that. Sure, it’ll be fun for Minhyuk, but… God, he started to feel like a burden. He knew Minhyuk wouldn’t be taking him if he didn’t feel bad about leaving him alone at home. He knew Kihyun would just stay on his phone the whole night, and that’s… That’s not a bad night for Kihyun.

He knew he’d just have to last two hours with a smile and then spend the next days recharging. 

Kihyun stirred his milkshake, looking out of the window. He managed to catch every detail in the street, acting as if he’s lost in his thoughts. Well, he was. But he acted like that, just to have an excuse when someone asks why he’s not joining the conversation. Because he just doesn’t know how. 

The thing is, the guys were pretty nice. They met up, greeted, introductions, all that. Kihyun even started feeling better about this whole ordeal; maybe, maybe he could actually fit in and have fun. Made small talk, he exchanged a few words with them. But as soon as the conversation steered towards their college times, he knew he was redundant. Sure, he could in and talk about his college times, but… But he didn’t want to. Who’d care anyway? 

He couldn’t find a blind spot to jump in anyway. God, why did he think so much about it? Just speak. You don’t have to think about entering a conversation, do you? God, Kihyun, just say something.

But he didn’t. He got ready a few times. Almost ready to make the jump and… And then he didn’t. He stirred the whipped cream on the top of his milkshake and watched it dissolve; he focused so much on the cream to take the attention away from his own dull inside. If he were alone, maybe he’d start crying. Just… He felt so hopeless and alone, it was almost absurd. He didn’t want to come here, really. He let Minhyuk talk him into it, but… He hated feeling like a burden, like a bystander in a group of people, and even though they sometimes asked him a thing or two, he couldn’t fit right in. 

The bell above the door rang, and Kihyun quickly looked at his new distraction, but his heart soon dropped when the man approached their table. He gave him a big smile before he greeted the others, and Kihyun just hoped he wasn’t looking at him with a stare too obvious. 

He shuffled his way to the window seat, and Kihyun’s heart clenched when he sat right in front of him. , now he’d have to look at him too, so he wouldn’t feel like he’s ignoring him. Why- Why is he overthinking this so much! He picked his eyes up from his disappearing whipped cream and looked up at the guy again. This time he couldn’t hide a smile, a smile instead of hello, and he received one in return.

“I’m Shownu.” He reached his hand over the table to shake Kihyun’s hand, and his smile got even bigger. Kihyun quietly introduced himself too, shushed by the loud conversation going on beside them. 

Kihyun didn’t know whether Shownu was his saving grace or just one more voice in the cacophony of memories he heard from the side. And his eyes drifted to the street as soon as Shownu joined the conversation, Kihyun was left with the clinks of his straw against the glass. He was left with eyeing the city as it slowly fell into the night, and lights everywhere started popping up. He kinda wished he was there, whatever, lost in the streets instead of here, stuck in a corner and reminded he doesn’t…. Really belong.

“So… What do you study?” Kihyun’s eyes shot up and only saw Shownu stirring sugar into his coffee. He wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him, but…

“Oh, um… Bioinformatics.” God, that must’ve sounded so lame. He saw the guy’s… Oh , he forgot his name. He forgot his name already, and it’s been just like a few minutes. He saw the guy’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Wow… I don’t… I can’t even imagine what that is,” he laughed. 

“What about you?”

He saw his eyes roll with a sheepish smile. He hesitated for a second, Kihyun wondered if he didn’t want to tell him. “Well,... It’s going to sound… Not that great compared to you but uh… Art history.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“That honestly sounds great! I… I don’t think I could ever look at paintings that long. And analyze them and...”

“It’s not that bad!” Shownu tried to convince him. Kihyun knew his tongue untied a little when he got the chance to speak about his studies, and the same seemed to be the case with Shownu. He was quick to get into his latest assignments, and he pulled out his phone, showing Kihyun the painting he’s supposed to write an essay about. 

Kihyun appreciated him talking so much; he liked to listen. Well, he listened, but he didn’t deny himself the little pleasure of looking up from the phone while the other boy explained the details, taking a better look at his face.

He suddenly didn’t hear a word he spoke. He just saw the spark in his eye when he talked and scrolled through the photos (a little cautiously). He only studied him for a second before quickly listening again. “...and that basically indicates she was pregnant at the time.” He looked up with glowing eyes, and it seemed really sweet to Kihyun that he’s so into it. He could almost feel the excitement radiating from him. 

“Y-Yeah, yeah, it is. What… Does this vase mean?”

“Oh, that’s just a vase. And-” 

“Oh, what’s this?” Kihyun held his hand away to stop scrolling, swiping back a few pictures to a painting that caught his eye. It was almost impossible to miss the bright colors. 

“Well, um… That is, in fact, my free time project,” Shownu laughed, a little embarrassed that Kihyun stopped at that picture precisely. But he felt a bit better when he saw the awe in his eyes. 

“You’re kidding!”

“`No-”

“That’s insane!” he laughed, zooming in on the picture and maybe a little unintentionally looking for more symbolism. Maybe he thought it’d let him get to know Shownu better. 

“You two ready to go?” A voice interrupted them, both looking up like deer in headlights as if they’ve been caught doing something wrong. And maybe, the others thought creating their little art corner was rude. But in the end, they didn’t care. 

Kihyun stayed a little behind the group, Minhyuk pulling him back with a cheeky smile. Kihyun stumbled closer to him, grabbed by his arm. “You two really hit it off,” Minhyuk whispered, and Kihyun didn’t know whether to blush or make a snarky comment. 

“Yeah… I mean, there wasn’t too much to talk about with the rest so… What’s his… Name, though?”

“Christ, you’re a . Shownu.”

 And then he was cut off by Shownu turning around to see if he’s still around and Kihyun smiled back at him, and they looked at each other for a few seconds. It was maybe the hundredth time they’ve done that since they met. 

When Minhyuk saw the exchange, he quickly let go of Kihyun and went squish between the rest of his friends, allowing Shownu stay back and resume his conversation with the newcomer. “So, um, I never asked about your hobbies.”

Your hobbies. Kihyun blankly stared at Shownu, suddenly forgetting everything about himself. What does he do in his free time? He only saw himself studying and playing video games for the most part. No hobbies even came to mind; it almost felt like English in third grade, talking about his hobbies. What does he do? Quick, quick, something interesting. 

“You really… Have to give me a second,” he giggled nervously. He had hobbies, he knew he did, but nothing came to mind. “I taught myself how to play one song on the ukulele recently and, and, and… I meditate for…” For anxiety? “...to ease my mind and- I used to be really good at programming at high school but- God, I swear I’m not as boring as I sound, my mind’s just-... Blank.”

And he kinda regretted his words until he heard Shownu laugh and patted his shoulder. “Oh, I’m sure there’s a lot to learn about you. Oh, look,” he looked up as the noise around them picked up, and the neon lights shone. And they shone very brightly, casting a warm orange glow onto Kihyun’s face, and Shownu couldn’t tear his eyes away for a second. The people started huddling around them. “I guess we’re going to the fair.”

Kihyun didn’t even realize they were at the pier; just now did he feel the cold night air blowing from the sea. And it was so nice, even though it sneaked under his jacket and his shirt and he felt shivers on his arms. He stuffed his hands onto his pockets, fiddling with a ripped button he forgot in there. 

Shownu held onto his arm, locked his arm with Kihyun’s, not to lose him in the crowd. They barely saw their friends in the distance but were still following them. Minhyuk turned around with the biggest grin, yelling at them to hurry up because the Ferris wheel by the sea’s only got 6 places left, perfect just for them. And Shownu wanted to grab his partner for the night and run after them, but people soon rushed to fill the gap between them, and they only saw Minhyuk being dragged away by the rest of the group, throwing them a sad look. 

But it was just them now. 

How convenient. 

Kihyun felt Shownu’s grip around his arm tighten as the music picked up, and they could barely hear each other. He saw Shownu speaking at him but… But he couldn’t understand a word, and Shownu didn’t like not talking to Kihyun. He wiggled them away through the people and the stands, slipping by a food stand and skipping over the cables and tiny generators, and his head spun from the stale smell of fried dough. But they made it to the edge of the pier. Kihyun quickly hopped to the fence because he liked to look over the vast sea. Especially at night. But now it was flashing with bright colors of the fair, switching from blue to yellow and green and red. 

“Wow, I can finally hear you.”

“Amazing, huh?”

“Yeah… So will you finally tell me about your hobbies?” Shownu and gave him a little nudge to the side.     But annoying him was worth that small smile that appeared on his face. 

“Oh, shut it.”

“I’m just kidding, just kidding…” Shownu laughed, stepping up on the bottom ledge of the fence, looking over the coast. “You wanna go check the Ferris wheel when it clears out?”

“Not really, I’m… Not too keen on heights. But I’m pretty sure one of the guys will go with you if you want to go.”

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t leave you alone tonight, would I?” 

“You better not.” Kihyun shivered when the wind hit him even harder than before and pinched his cheeks. He was glad he wore a beanie. Maybe they should go for a little walk. So he grabbed Shownu’s jacket and pulled him off the fence. He wanted to say something, but his stomach interrupted him. “, I guess I should’ve eaten something before we went out,” he laughed, hoping to laugh away the awkward silence. 

But Shownu was just concerned. “You should’ve said you were hungry! There’s this stand- Okay um, stay h-”

“No, no! It’s oka-”

“Stay here I’ll be right back!”

“I’ll go!... With you,” Kihyun didn’t get the chance to yell after Shownu, who was already pushing his way through all the people. But he got lost too fast for Kihyun to follow. He felt kinda guilty, actually, for making Shownu go fetch him food. And it was so awkward, standing around alone. 

“Okay, pick one,” Kihyun heard from the side after a long while. He was starting to wonder if Shownu ditched him, right there. But then he got so lost, staring over the sea and forgot all about Shownu. Well, at least for a second. Because he then saw lights glimmer in the sea and bright neon lights shine from behind him, and he got reminded how magical Shownu looked in those lights. And maybe there was an ocean in his e- No, oh no. 

And Kihyun was in it again. This time, it took him even shorter to get attached to the first person who paid some attention to him. The guy took him out to eat, and here he is, thinking about the midnight stars in his eyes. Dumb, so dumb. 

And maybe… Maybe he should shut up about this, maybe he should let himself be stupidly invested in one person, even just for one night. Maybe this is why Minhyuk has been dragging him out of the house so much. Just stop overthinking for once and… Oh.

What if he’s not single? Does he… Does he have a girlfriend? He should text Minhyuk. No, he shouldn’t. He doesn’t need to know; they’re just hanging out tonight. No… No reason to think about holding his stupid hand.

“I’m sorry if it took long, there was an insanely long queue. But… Yeah, I don’t have your number, and I forgot to ask what flavor you wanted, so I got us caramel and strawberry. Which do you want?” He stuck out two paper bowls, and Kihyun was left looking at the sweet concoction. 

“What exactly is this?” Kihyun poked around with the wooden stick that came with it, pushing around caramel and bananas. 

“You’ve never had this?” Shownu gasped. “They’re like this fair’s specialty! It’s um…. They’re like bite-sized pancakes, but they’re fluffy to high heaven. And you’ve got some walnuts in there, melted caramel and a banana.” Oh, that was a lot. “And I have the strawberry ones! You’re going to love it, trust me.”

He did. It was almost unbearably sweet, but the warm caramel tasted like absolute heaven. But the strawberry ones looked… They looked so good too. He wondered if… If maybe… 

“Can I?” he asked quietly, pointing his wooden stick towards Shownu’s bowl. And at first, he said sure, but then retracted his bowl. 

“If you give me your number.”

“Pancake for a number?”

“Mhm.”

“Sounds like a deal.” Kihyun wasted no time looking for the juiciest one, stealing one strawberry pancake dipped in strawberry jam and a raspberry on top. He plopped it into his bowl and took Shownu’s phone. He typed in the number without thinking and then… He looked at the numbers and wondered. Is it 4-5? Or 4-8? Is 4-8 from Minhyuk’s numbers? How… How could he forget his own number? But 4-5 just sounded right. He went with 4-5, hoping to never meet Shownu ever again if it’s the wrong number. 

They continued their walk around the pier, getting a little lost in shallow topics to fill the air. Everything you’d ask a person you met just a few hours ago. The night felt like it’d been so long, though, and they both liked it. They kinda wished it was still only dusk, so they could wander the pier together even longer. 

“So… You’ve got someone right now?” Kihyun sneaked into the conversation, poking around the last walnut. 

“No, not really.”

“Well, that’s a surprise.”

“Oh?” Shownu laughed and gave Kihyun a cheeky look. “Why?”

And Kihyun knew he walked himself right into a trap. “You-... Well, you just look like someone who’d… God, I don’t know. I just thought you had a girlfriend. Is… Is that bad to say?” 

And Shownu couldn’t help but smile at how sweet Kihyun’s concern was. “No… You just think I’m hot, and that is perfectly reasonable,” he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

“I- No, no, I just-” Kihyun stared at him with an open mouth. It’s not that it wasn’t right, but he didn’t want him to put words into his mouth like that. 

“Oh, you’re so flustered!” Shownu poked Kihyun’s cheek and continued skipping down the pier. He almost looked like he was dancing, and Kihyun liked this energy. “Oh, and it’s boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Well, you said girlfriend earlier, so…”

“Oh, right…”

“I suppose you’re also swarmed by crowds of admirers.”

“You know what…” Kihyun said in a mocking tone and caught up with Shownu and his dancing step. “But yeah, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I barely have time to sleep with how much schoolwork I’ve got, let alone have a functioning relationship.”

“Oh, yeah.” And then he stopped for a while and listened. As soon as he recognized the song, he wasted no time singing along. He wasted Kihyun to sing with him, having their little private party behind the fair. He reached out his hands, and Kihyun hesitantly took them out of his pockets and let Shownu pull him into a dance. 

“Your hands are so cold!” Shownu gasped, grabbing Kihyun’s hands and putting them into his own pockets. Kihyun had to admit, it was a little cozier than his denim jacket. Especially with Shownu’s hands trying to warm up his own. 

“It’s ok-”

“No! Um,... I hate to say it, but I think you should go home. And I say this very disappointed.”

Kihyun knew he should. It was past midnight already and… Well, he was cold as hell. But he chose to ignore the scorching cold on his hands for Shownu. “Oh, I should call Minhyuk.” And then he thought for a second. “Ferris rides don’t take four hours.”

“Oh my God, they ditched us!”

“They did!”

“I’m glad. Okay, let’s go. How are you going home?” And this is where the awkward talk began. Kihyun didn’t know. 

“Well… The- The subway.”

“Oh, me too! Which line?” They were already on the way to the subway entrance, and Kihyun tried hard to remember which train they came with. And which way. 

“I-... Red line? I think,” he squinted at the map hanging above the station, but he couldn’t make out where they were. “Um, we moved here like two years ago. I’m… Incredibly lost in these trains.” It felt good to confess, but he still didn’t know how to go home. 

“Okay. Where are you going?” And he only said the address of his house. “That’s… That’s a street, not a station.”

“Yeah, I take the bus most of the time. I’m not sure which is the closest.”

“This is bad. Okay, um, tell you what. I’m taking you home.”

“What? No, no, you do-”

“That’s not a question, Kihyun. I’ve lived here my whole life. Like an old fashioned date. Come on, I’d rather walk you there myself than you getting lost,” he laughed and dragged Kihyun into the train.

“You sure know your way around.” They passed the familiar houses and parks. Kihyun liked how tranquil the streets were at night. He was still incredibly cold, but the silence and peace made up for that. “You don’t have to walk me home. I think I know the way. I think…”

“Yeah, I do! I said it’s like an old fashioned date! I actually don’t live too far—just a few stations. You know, you should come over sometime. I could… Show you my Pokémon collection,” Shownu winked at Kihyun, enjoying the flustered look on his face a little too much. 

“Sure, sure. Sounds great!” But Kihyun wasn’t sure. Does Shownu actually have a cool collection? If so, he’d really like to see. God, he isn’t 13 anymore, but… But if it’s a really sick collection, it’d be really cool. But maybe he means a hookup? Oh, he’s getting stressed again. He didn’t want to go in, not knowing if he’s about to play a card game or get laid. Well… Would Shownu even sleep with him? Maybe, oh, if he gave him the right number. Or maybe it was a joke? But he’d still like to see his collection if he has one. 

“Oh, here we are,” Kihyun pointed at the near house. But Shownu didn’t seem to be parting ways. Kihyun was kinda glad. 

“So.”

“So.” They both looked around as they stood in silence in front of the gate to the house. “I think this is the end of our night.” 

Kihyun felt a dip in his stomach when Shownu said that. His stomach turned as if he was expecting something. Will something happen? Oh, will they hug? Maybe… No, they won’t kiss. But maybe… God, what is he expecting? Maybe if he stares at his lips long enough… He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say something witty, maybe something flirty, something that’ll be a proper end to a night so nice. He didn’t know what to say. “Yeah…”

“I guess I’ll see y-” Okay, it’s not or never. Should he? He shouldn’t. Or… Oh, he should do something. Not just stand there. He felt like his brain told his body to move, but it just didn’t. Come on!

He switched to autopilot for a second and grabbed Shownu's elbow as he was turning around. He turned around, and Kihyun gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Just… The softest. He didn’t say anything for a second, just grinned like an idiot. Both of them did. Kihyun really wanted to pat himself on the back for gathering enough courage. “It’s really an old fashioned date, huh? I’ll-... See you around, then,” Shownu walked backward, just to get that one last look at Kihyun and give him a little wave. And he waved back. He’ll see him around.