Story Title: Persona: A New Awakening

Description: 10 out of 10 points

Forward: 5 out of 5 points

: out of 10

Overall Appeal to reader(includes aspects such as posters and background):Overall appeal was amazing! The poster and the background really go together and then again they fit in with the story vibe. They also give me a taste of which characters are in your story so full points on this one!!!  20 out of 20 points

THE PHANTOM THEIVES OF HEARTS:
Chapter Title: 5 out of 5

Grammar: 9 out of 10

Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space your dialogue out properly): 10 out of 10

Were you consistent with your points of view: 5 out 5

Did your overall chapter make sense: 24 out 25

Reviewer’s Comment: There were a few parts that I didn’t understand because there were so many new names at once. Also, what is the Arcana? Might want to tell your readers what that means. I really liked the characters descriptions, it gave a touch of everything, not too much information and not too less. So far I think you have a strong foundation for your characters.

PROLOGUE PART 1:

Chapter Title: 4 out of 5

Grammar: 8 out of 10

Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly): 10 out of 10

Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5

Did your overall chapter make sense: 22 out of 25

Reviewer’s comments: THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING!!! The vibe was so cool, I loved the ending sentence. “Let the game begin”. Thumbs up! You should maybe try reading the chapter out loud to yourself and then you might be able to find the grammar mistakes. Some of the sentence structure was a bit weird and hard to understand but you had REALLY STRONG vocabulary words.

PROLOGUE PART 2:

Chapter Title: 4 out of 5

Grammar: 7 out of 10

Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly): 10 out of 10

Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5

Did your overall chapter make sense: 22 out of 25

Reviewer’s comments: Never start a sentence with a connective conjunction, example; “And sure, it isn’t bad nor horrific, but neither rememberable and good” this sentence would actually be : Sure, it isn’t bad or horrific, but neither is it rememberable and good. You can use nor but I think or sounds better. Here’s a list of connective conjunctions(NEVER start a sentence with these): For, and, nor, but, or, yet, so.

CHAPTER 1:

Chapter Title: 3 out of 5

Grammar: 8 out of 10

Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly): 10 out of 10

Important Things to Fix: try changing the chapter title to something that relates what actually happens in the story instead of naming the chapters one, two and three.

Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5

Did your overall chapter make sense: 23 out of 25

Reviewer’s comments: With all the different names and stuff, I have to admit I got confused at the beginning but further into the chapter, as I was able to recall what each thing meant, I was able to make sense of it.

CHAPTER 2:

Chapter Title: 3 out of 5

Grammar: out of 10

Formatting (did you properly use quotation marks and did you space out your dialogue properly): out of 10

Important Things to Fix: as said before, try changing the chapter title.

Were you consistent with your points of View: 5 out of 5

Did your overall chapter make sense: 25 out of 25

Reviewer’s comments: Yay! Moonbi is making her first friend at school!!

CHAPTER 3:

Chapter Title: 2 out of 5