A bad habit of Jaeho’s was how long he took to get out of bed. Usually, he took a few seconds to stretch and acquire his surroundings while he allowed his brain to properly transition from unconscious to conscious. He would then send Irene back a ‘good morning’ text, as he usually was the second to wake, and sat in bed for a few minutes, reading any news articles that caught his attention.

               That morning was far from ordinary. The moment he read Irene’s barrage of texts, he shot out of bed.

‘Honey, I’m sorry’

‘I wasn’t expecting all of this, please don’t panic’

‘I’ll handle this’

               The sentence was spaced out in multiple messages, clearly demonstrating the irony in the idol’s texts, her panic visible even from the slight typos that were interspersed in her messages. Despite her insistence, though, Jaeho’s mind immediately went into panic mode: what could have happened to cause her to react like this? Did he do something he shouldn’t have?

‘What happened? Are you OK?’

               While he waited for a reply, Jaeho opened the news app he used, only taking a glance to realize what Irene’s text message was about.

               An article detailing speculation regarding Irene’s relationship status was released earlier that day—around 4am—and SM responded quickly by telling the truth. In it, SM released a few details; that they’ve been dating for almost half a year now (although that wasn’t technically true), that his name was Song Jaeho, and that he was a salesman who used to model for a jeans company as a side-job. The most damning part of the article, however, was the picture that was taken; the two walking, hand in hand, in the parking lot outside of the apartment building Irene had a private residence in.

               On that day, the inside parking lot for the apartment building happened to be completely full—something that never happened before. Because of that, they had no choice but to use the outside parking lot when leaving. Of course, they could have left separately, but it seemed like too much of a hassle, so the couple agreed to just risk the small time exposed to the public for convenience. Apparently, that small period of exposure was all the media needed to nail the two; what’s more, his face could be clearly seen in the picture, leading to some terrifying thoughts of getting attacked randomly while walking about outside by Irene’s fans. If he thought about it—which he has, many times—he figured he might also be upset if he found out this type of news suddenly, but he wasn’t the type to attack people because of it. Still, that didn’t mean there weren’t people who would; he wasn’t a celebrity, so he didn’t have the protection most idols had, which made the thought that much more daunting. He planned on eating out for lunch that day; should he just slap together something quickly and bring it to work? Maybe he should order delivery? Should he stop by somewhere before arriving at work to grab something for lunch? Maybe he should hire a bodyguard? Was that too egotistical of him?

               He was so lost in thought that he almost lost track of time, saved when his phone notified him of a new text message, not from Irene but from his friend. As he read the preview, he realized that everyone who knew him would start sending him messages, so he elected to silence the phone, his eyes happening to glance at the upper right corner to see that he was nearly late for work. Making the decision to bring a hat along and to lay low while in the lunch line and hoping that sufficed for a disguise, he sped to work, electing to take a taxi instead of the usual subway this time.

‘Are you available to talk?’

               In the cab, Jaeho noticed his phone receiving a call, and when he saw the caller ID, he gulped nervously. It was his contact at SM, the person who usually talked to him about his relationship status with Irene. He never before rejected or ignored his calls before as he feared negative backlash onto Irene from her company added on top of his desire to always to transparent, but that was only when he was of sound mind. Jaeho, in his current state, was anything but that. As problematic as it was for him to ignore the call, Jaeho justified it by telling himself that he probably would make things worse if he had picked up.

               Jaeho was worried for Irene more than himself, however. He avoided the comment section of the news article but speculated what kind of backlash she was currently facing, especially considering how fans responded to that article that Irene showed him earlier that month regarding a rumor that Irene was dating someone backed up by photo evidence, which apparently was him but was swept under the rug by SM at the time. He knew that a public’s image was all-important to idols, and this could not be good for her. Why did he have to take that risk? For what, a few minutes of saved time? How much time was Irene going to have to waste because of his dumb decision? Irene was the de facto decision maker in the relationship, but Jaeho should have put his foot down in regard to that decision. It was clearly such an unnecessary risk, why did he allow it?

‘Sorry, I’m busy right now, I’ll text you back when I’m free. Stay safe, I love you~’

               Irene replied hastily to his text; Jaeho clenched his fists, knowing that Irene must be masking her pain behind happy façade, wishing there was more he could do for her.

               Irene was on the other boat; the first thing she realized upon reading the article is how she had inadvertently Jaeho, an otherwise ordinary citizen, into the spotlight and receive the criticism and hate of a normal celebrity without any of its benefits. While negative comments still affected Irene, she at least knew that she could rely on the love of her members and her fans that came with the fame and attention. Jaeho, on the other hand, only had her, which might not even be true considering how busy she undoubtedly was going to become in the following weeks.

               Usually, Irene was good about avoiding reading comments she figured would be negative, but this was a different story. This relationship was important to her, but so were her fans: it was imperative to her that they accept him, and maybe it was this desperate mentality that gave her a kind of hope that they would realize this and take the news well.

               But the more Irene read the comments, the deeper the sinking feeling in her chest felt, the more guilt that burned deep in her soul, the more the pain in her chest hurt, the blurrier her vision got, the more her disappointment grew, the more worry that filled her body.

‘I can’t believe it, how could she betray her fans like this?’

‘She’s just another attention-seeking , masking herself as an idol?’

‘He’s so ugly LOL’

‘I bet he’s blackmailing her, poor Joohyun-unnie…’

‘I guess Joohyun-unnie is a liar just like all the other idols … I thought I could trust her …’

‘She’s probably just using him for ’

‘Who does he think he is? Everyone, Irene-unnie isn’t to blame, it’s Jaeho. He’s clearly manipulating her somehow.’

‘He even looks like a scumbag…’

‘I bet that article from a few months ago was true, and she was just trying to cover up their mistake … to think she’s been lying to us for this long …’

‘Her age must be starting to affect her judgement.’

‘I bet she’s just after his pretty face. How else would she have time to get to know him?’

‘That Song Jaeho should just go die.’

‘Even Irene … there isn’t a point in living if even Red Velvet are like this…’

‘So this is why her performances have been bad recently…’

‘This is the dark side of the industry, idols seeking solace in their fans, taking advantage of them, lying to their fans … I’m disappointed in you, Irene-unnie, after all we’ve been through …’

               Each comment stung like a fresh papercut. By the time her members entered her room, tears were already freely flowing down her face.

               “Joohyun,” Joy called out in a strained voice, rushing to her side and enveloping her in a warm embrace.

               “I’m sorry…” Seulgi was the next to enter, Yeri and Wendy short to follow.

               “What should I do…” she cried desperately, falling into the arms of the tallest member, “Jaeho isn’t ready for this, he’s not a celebrity or anything. What’s going to happen? Is SM going to force us to break up? I can’t lose him … I can’t—I can’t, I just can’t …”

               “We’ll get through this,” the second-youngest promised, patting her leader’s back reassuringly.

               “Why are they like this? I thought … our fans, I love them, but I also love Jaeho … why does it have to be like this?” Her words were coming out as a jumbled mess at this point, but she was beyond the point of caring. “If they knew him, they wouldn’t say all those things—”

               “You shouldn’t be reading the comments, you know that,” Joy said sternly, separating herself from her group leader to look at her.

               “…I know, but I thought … I don’t know, I was desperate, I thought that since I love both so much, maybe … if there was a chance, then—” Irene paused, stumbling over her words helplessly, trying to calm herself down. “Well, I mean, if there was a chance that they were accepting of him, then I thought it would be a good thing.”

               “Don’t read the comments for now, OK? Even on your Instagram, don’t read any comments. Once this is all over and our fans realize that they were mistaken, then you won’t have to choose between the two.”

               Irene took the next minute or so to collect herself, thanking her members, applying makeup, finishing breakfast, then heading to her first schedule. It was supposed to be a meeting discussing Irene’s request to start learning to compose songs, but she strongly felt that it was going to go in another direction.

               It wasn’t even fair; SM released the news without consulting her. If she didn’t know better, she would say that SM themselves leaked the information to drive a further wedge between Jaeho and her relationship. Of course, the economic detriment to the company as a result of this news immediately destroyed that hypothesis, but like a child, she begrudgingly held onto that conspiracy.

               There was a lot she was thankful for towards her company: for training her, even if it was challenging; for introducing her to her groupmates, even if the company didn’t treat them as well as they deserved; for giving her a platform to perform for and interact with her fans, something she was grateful for despite the negative image they had of her now. But there was also a lot she disliked SM for; of course, she would never voice these opinions out loud, but it was these qualities of the company that caused her to hold onto her conspiracy theory so tightly. SM was already pretty rich, what was a few hundred million won if they got what they wanted, especially if it netted them profit in the long run in their eyes?

               What was even more unfair was the negativity that was being thrown at Jaeho. She felt terrible that she lacked the foresight to prevent this from happening—all because she had insisted that it was OK for them to walk out to her car via the outside parking lot for convenience. Jaeho was such a kind, caring, and most importantly innocent man, he didn’t deserve any hate. They were her fans and she loved them, but even still, she couldn’t help but be a little frustrated; they didn’t even know him and are already making all these accusations?

               And the worst part is, knowing SM, her company probably wouldn’t take much action to defend him; it was up to her to dispel all these rumors and wild speculations. She cared immensely about her fans as well as Jaeho, which conversely meant she cared about the relationship between the two; for this reason, she decided that no matter what, she would not close communication with her fans and work avidly to a point in which everyone was happy. Irene told Jaeho many times that she was willing to work hard for this relationship. This moment, and the moments to come, was the time to show that she meant what she said.

               Up until giving the taxi driver his company’s address, Jaeho fortunately faced no issue; granted, he was only outside for a few minutes and he was wearing a hat low to cover his face, but that much gave him hope that maybe he wouldn’t be recognized in public. As he neared his workplace, he started growing worried again.

               The phrasing of the article sparked a quick thought in his mind: even SM didn’t know about his sudden amnesia. He only went the hospital the one time for the quick checkup, but nothing came of it. Was that information ever going to get out? Probably not, Jaeho reckoned, since there isn’t a need for anyone to know. Still, even now, thinking back on that morning … what could have brought about it? Just because he fell asleep in close proximity with someone?

               As if Irene didn’t have enough to worry about, now there was this. Jaeho was somewhat aware of the troubles idols had with mental disorders—who wasn’t, after the tragedies of Jonghyun, Sulli, and Hara? He figured that South Korean netizens would realize the root of the problem and stop attacking their idols but knew that was just simply wishful thinking. But if SM’s decision, which was obviously without Irene’s consent considering the texts she sent him that morning, was to be truthful, then he decided that he should also be honest if anyone confronted him about it; if he could dodge the question, he would, but if anyone insisted enough or pressed him enough, he figured it was best to follow Irene’s—and SM’s—example and just tell the truth.

               As they to the street his workplace was on, he absent-mindedly pulled out his phone, this thumb tapping the message app that was red with notifications like an automatic action. It was just a few seconds of carelessness, but that was all it took. When he opened up the first message, he immediately remembered his resolution to avoid his messages.

‘You brat, since when were you dating Irene? Don’t you have better things to do than dating one of the busiest idols in South Korea? Get yourself together man, you’re just a salesperson. Do you think you and Irene really have a future together?’

               “Thank you.”

               Jaeho exited the taxi, his phone back in his pocket, his head low with his hat stored in his backpack, biting his lower lip and clenching his fists in frustration.

               It was someone who he considered a friend that sent the text. Someone he had met in high school, whom he bonded over soccer with, whom he stayed in contact with and shared a meal with just a few months ago. Did he think Jaeho didn’t know this?

               Irene was an idol, a public figure admired by many and adored by all, undoubtedly much wealthier than most people, one of the most desired woman in all of South Korea. Jaeho was just an ordinary citizen, with a medium income, working at a job that hardly benefits anyone but himself and his company. The chasm between the two was massive: Irene a shining example of someone who was a positive impact on the world; she was the peak of humanity, and Jaeho was just at sea level.

               The difference between the two was just too massive. But whenever Jaeho considered bringing that up to her, he would take one look at Irene’s loving gaze, at her warm smile, and her caring gestures, and all that motivation would vanish. Was this what the Jaeho before his amnesia felt? Being that it was himself, he figured it was highly likely. Jaeho’s self-esteem was normally pretty high … but that one comment, that one text, that one reminder, was all it took for it to come crashing down.

               “Hey, that’s Song Jaeho, right?”

               “You’re right…”

               “To think he has the gall to show his face here…”

               “He should just quit before he ruins the company’s reputation…”

               Jaeho’s hearing was better than most, so it wasn’t hard for him to pick out the whisperings of his coworkers. Usually, their topics of gossip was completely irrelevant to him so he ignored them, but this time, it drew his attention.

               “Oh, it’s Song Jaeho.”

               “He isn’t even that good looking, do you think he blackmailed Irene?”

               “Good point. How else do you think she would have agreed to be his girlfriend? It’s the only way.”

               It wasn’t only females were gossiping; his male coworkers, whom he normally heard nothing but talk about sports, stocks, and work, where also partaking.

               “That’s him. The one from the article this morning.”

               “I can’t believe someone like that is working in the same company as us.”

               “I doubt he needs any more money, doesn’t he have enough from his girlfriend?”

               Jaeho could do nothing but walk by them, not showing how deeply every single word stung. It wasn’t his fault that Irene had chosen him; at least to him, it felt that way, considering it was a Jaeho he had no memory of who had initially courted her successfully. It wasn’t money or blackmail or anything, as far as he knew; their relationship developed normally. He wanted to just shout this out, lash out at everyone talking behind his back, scream into the void about how unfair this was, but he held it in. He didn’t want to cause more trouble for himself, which would undoubtedly look bad on Irene in the end. If word got out that Irene dated a short-tempered man, she would get chastised more than she unquestionably already was.

               The first person who talked about the breaking news was one of his friends, Pyo Chungho, who approached his cubicle shortly after he arrived.

               “Yo, I read the news this morning,” he said, keeping his voice low.

               “Ah, did you?”

               Jaeho’s reply was flat and listless. He didn’t even try to hide the scathing nature behind his reply, readying himself for another angry Irene fan to unleash his anger at him, even if that fan happened to be his friend. After all, from this morning, he already learned to not even trust his friends.

               “Whoa, I’m not angry about it or anything,” Chungho said, glancing around cautiously. This caught Jaeho completely by surprise; he looked at the man in curiosity, who was in fact smiling mischievously. “You dog, I can’t believe you. You’re dating Irene from Red Velvet, huh? You caught a big fish, I’m happy for you.”

               He playfully shoved his shoulder and seeing the genuine smile on his face filled Jaeho with relief. It felt like the whole world was against him but hearing this from his friend and seeing his genuinely joyous reaction made him realize otherwise. “Sorry, I just—I heard a lot of people talking about how I blackmailed her or that I’m a gold digger, so I just prepared myself for the worst.”

                Chungho sighed. “Yeah, I’ve been hearing that lately too. Don’t mind them, they don’t even know you, they’re just saying stuff to calm their own minds.”

               Jaeho shook his head. “Sometimes, I wish my hearing wasn’t as good as it is. Then, at least, I can be blissfully unaware, you know?”

               Chungho shrugged. “It’s both a blessing and a curse, I guess. You’ll have to fill me in on the details later, over some soju. Maybe you can hook me up with Seulgi? She’s my favorite out of the group.”

               Jaeho chuckled, something that caught even himself by surprise. “I don’t think it works like that, but yeah. We’ll talk later. Thanks again.”

               “Take care of yourself, alright?” Jaeho nodded. “See you.”

               A few hours later, right before his lunch break, his boss also came to visit his cubicle. He was the second person to do so, which frankly, Jaeho was thankful for. His boss only asked if the article was indeed about him, and if he was indeed dating Irene from Red Velvet; Jaeho replied that it was, fearing the worst, but in response only received a congratulation tied to a warning to not let it distract him from work.

               To Jaeho, this was the best-case scenario that could have happened. He didn’t want to receive special treatment of any kind, whether it was preferential or detrimental. He was still Jaeho, an employee of his company, and whom he was dating didn’t change that. So, to hear his boss treat him as such was nothing short than a blessing.

               Chungho’s words were more important to Jaeho than Chungho, or Jaeho himself even, probably realized. As Jaeho stood by idly in the elevator, going out to buy lunch with his hat in hand, he deliberated the impact of other’s words to him. This was just something Irene experienced every day; if anything, this should make him feel closer to her, make him appreciate her struggles more. Plus, it was as Irene said (although that was in a different context): if they could survive this, then their relationship could only grow stronger.

               But that was the ultimate question. Could they survive this?

               When Jaeho exited the building, he determined that he would work just as hard as Irene, fight just as tirelessly as she has. Maybe another relationship would be easier, but would it be as fulfilling? Every relationship has its ups and downs, should he just quit the second he experienced hardship? Jaeho wasn’t that much of a coward.

               When he got in line for the restaurant of his choice—a restaurant especially known for their kimbap—he whipped out his phone to read all the other messages he had received.

               Sure enough, there were some scathing texts—calling him a liar, a thief, a cheat, a playboy—but there were also some encouraging ones. None from his father yet, which was reasonable since he was never one to follow news relating to Korea’s music industry of any kind, but several texts from his closer friends who congratulated him, some who were wishing him the best, some who were encouraging him to be there for his girlfriend in this low point of her career, some who were even joking about asking him to connect him and a Red Velvet member. However, Jaeho noted, his text message inbox was noticeably void of any texts from Irene.

               The lack of communication was starting to worry Jaeho, but he tried not to let it bother him too much. Irene needed him more than ever, he knew this much, but Irene also had four amazing young women who could also be there for her. Just to be safe, he sent one more message to Irene.

‘Joohyun, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you right now, but if you ever want to talk to me, I’ll pick up instantly no matter what, no matter how late it is. Love you, take care!’

               As he sent that text, coincidentally, he received another one, this one being from a friend of his—a lawyer whom he had met in college and befriended over an economics class they took together.

‘Hi Jaeho, I saw the news this morning, congratulations! You know me: as a lawyer, I have to take advantage of every opportunity that I see ^ㅇ^ if you want any help with anything you’re going through, contact me!’

               Truthfully, this wasn’t something Jaeho had ever considered before, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. Most non-celebrities didn’t release public statements following news that they were dating an idol, but in this situation, the public statement wouldn’t be for him. Jaeho understood how much Irene loved her fans and always expressed her desire for her fans and Jaeho to eventually come to a mutual understanding and acceptance. Of course, being a Red Velvet fan himself, there was little work to do on his end; the only thing remained was for Irene’s fans to accept him as the boyfriend of the beloved group leader.

               However, with these considerations, Jaeho realized Irene herself had yet to make a public statement herself. As he understood, usually idols made public statements as quickly as breaking news like this occurred; was she still discussing with her company about this matter? Was she fighting a battle for their relationship at that very moment, Jaeho forced to sit back and let her do all the hard work?

               As it turned out, this speculation wasn’t far from the truth. Irene’s first schedule that day, a meeting planned to discuss prospects of song-writing lessons for Irene as her interest in the field had started to rise, turned into a meeting with a few of SM’s higher ups to discuss their current situation.

               When she first stepped into the room, she had to actively work to hide her anger. This was her private life that was being discussed by the public; even if she worked for them, didn’t it make sense for them to at least consult her, or warn her, before releasing such a statement?

               Their counterargument was that the breaking news article was released so early in the morning that SM didn’t have time to consult her, an excuse so flimsy that Irene saw through it right away. Why not delay their response a few hours or even wake Irene up to inform her? Irene didn’t ask this question as she knew she would be met with a stone wall as a response. That wasn’t even the worst of it; for Irene, it was their second reason that really angered her. “If you truly love him, then you shouldn’t want to hide your relationship, right? Recently, telling the truth in the face of this kind of evidence, even in the face of less evidence, has been the ‘trend’ lately, so just denying it would look bad.”

               It wasn’t even that her company decided that her private life was something that they could just toy with, it was the false dichotomy that they imposed with the statement. Of course, Irene knew that denying something so obvious was a mistake, but that didn’t mean SM had to respond to those rumors right away. The company could have consulted her first and drafted a proper response to the leaks, one that she was OK with.

               But Irene couldn’t bring herself to voice her thoughts, that among millions of other things Irene wanted to say. She wanted to stand up for herself and accuse the company of sabotaging her relationship with Jaeho to get what they wanted, a breakup between the two, but she knew she had no concrete evidence; she wanted to accuse them of caring more about Red Velvet than they did their individual members, but she didn’t want to get any of her members involved in this in any way; she wanted to cry out about how unfair it was for Jaeho, someone who wasn’t used to being in the eye of the public to suddenly receive all this hate, but she knew they would just deflect by saying it was his responsibility when they started dating. In the face of overwhelming power and authority, she felt she could do nothing but sit there and nod.

               That day dragged on and on; she didn’t do any singing or dancing practice that day, nor did she attend any shoots of any kind. The day was filled with long car rides and meetings: about how they should respond, about Irene and Jaeho’s continued relationship status, about the companies that were already starting to withdraw their endorsement of her, about the status of the activities that were planned for the future, about her SNS accounts and public appearances. It was long and boring and if it wasn’t for Jaeho’s sake, Irene probably would’ve just acted like a zombie and barely pay attention.

               On the car rides, when she wasn’t lost in thought or resting, she was responding to various other people who had texted her: the close friends who already knew about Jaeho, the ones who didn’t, a few labelmates, and her family. They all had positive things to say: congratulating her, wishing her well, offering her words of encouragement, offering help. She wanted to talk with them all, but in the end, it was only her parents that she managed to find time to video chat with.

               They expressed nothing but concern for her, wishing her well, but also voiced a bit of sadness that they would hide something like this from her. In the end, they came to an agreement that she would compensate by introducing Jaeho to them after this all blew over and agreed to their advice to take care of Jaeho—as well as herself—well.

               Irene was finally able to get some sleep late that day, forgoing her usual ‘good night’ text to Jaeho as she didn’t want to disturb him. After the message he sent her, she was worried that he might misconstrue the simple message as an emergency and wake up in the middle of the night needlessly, so she just captured as much sleep as she could before she was forced to wake up a few hours later for another meeting, perhaps the most important one: her public response to the fans about the news.

               “Hello Joohyun,” was the curt response of the man sitting across from her at the conference table, the chief PR manager for the company. “We have a manuscript typed out for your video message, as you requested; we left some things blank, and if you want to change anything, feel free to tell us.”

               It wasn’t even a minute and Irene was already getting frustrated. Ordinarily, she might have just acquiesced and followed orders. This time, however, knowing that she was fighting for Jaeho, she held strong. “Thank you, but I didn’t ask for a manuscript, I just asked that the message be in video form. I actually wanted this message to be non-scripted because I feel like the fans will be able to immediately tell if it’s scripted. People nowadays pay attention to that kind of stuff and are critical, so I want to just share my honest opinions freely.”

               He sighed, an action that he probably meant to go by unnoticed but an action that only made Irene angrier. This was her private they were talking about; how dare he treat it so flippantly? “We aren’t trying to say that you can’t share your honest opinion, that’s why we left so much blank and are letting you edit our script freely. We’re just giving you a good, safe template to communicate your opinions.”

               “Still, it’ll seem scripted. I want to do my video message myself. I’ve thought a lot about it already and know what I’m going to say.” Irene could start to see the hesitation in the eyes of the men sitting across from her. Encouraged, she continued, “Please, you know how important it is to be transparent with fans these days, right? I’ve been in the public’s eye for over seven years, I know what kinds of things I should avoid saying. I know my fans better than anyone, and I want to be able to communicate with them freely in a time like this to show that we care about them by conveying honest thoughts.”

               After pondering for a bit, they eventually conceded. “Fine,” he said with a sigh, putting his hand over the papers that he had just presented to Irene. “It doesn’t seem you’ll budge on this, and I can see the merits of what you’re saying. We’re putting our trust in you, Irene.”

               It was Irene’s turn to sigh, but of relief. “Thank you. I will make sure that everyone receives my message well.”

               A bit more shuffling later, the room was completely devoid of everyone but herself. It was a rare moment for her, to be completely alone since the day prior. In the past two days, her head has been filled with worries and concerns, and as the people emptied out of the room, so did her thoughts. In that moment, a moment of clarity she was finally granted after twenty-four plus hours of stress and turmoil, the urge to just see her beloved—not even talk, just see him—nearly overwhelmed her.

               Irene plopped back down in her chair, burying her face in her hands, tears rolling down her face. This wasn’t the time to break down, this wasn’t the time to just sit in this chair and cry, stop wasting time and get yourself together … these thoughts bounced around in her head but with empty consequences. She just wanted to see Jaeho … she just wanted to see her boyfriend … was that so much to ask?

               The only thing holding herself back was the knowledge that everyone was probably waiting on the other side of the door, and if they happened to come inside the room while she was calling Jaeho, then she knew that SM would just use this as coal to fuel their argument on why Jaeho is bad for her: he causes her to procrastinate and put off responsibilities, as shown in this one isolated example that is completely unfair to use. But even if this example was unfair to use, Irene knew SM could mobilize it into something more potent, something Irene didn’t even want to consider.

               Stuck at an impasse, Irene collected herself, wiping her tears from her face. As she picked up her phone, seeing the video call app overwhelmed all other parts of her brain, and without being able to control herself, sent a video call request to him.

               “Joohyun?”

               It was understandable that Jaeho was still asleep—it was not even 7:00 yet, and yet, Irene still selfishly obliged her urge. “Sorry, you must be tired,” she said, chuckling at the adorably tired demeanor Jaeho was obviously trying to hide. Even like that, having just woken up with sleepiness still in his eyes, Jaeho was still unbelievably handsome.

               “It’s fine, what’s up? Have you been crying? Are you alright?”

               Irene’s tear ducts activated again, a euphoric wave of comfort surging throughout her body. It was like magic; as she expected, just the sight of Jaeho caused her tear ducts to open back up, her smile widening as the warm, comforting feeling rolled over her curled up frame. “It’s OK, I’m fine now.”

               Jaeho sat upright in his bed, fatigue dissipated, now fully attentive. “What’s wrong?” he gently asked, his eyes b with his concern for her.

               She shook her head. “It’s nothing. I’m just—” a sniffle interrupted her— “I’m just happy to see you. I miss you.”

               “Where are you? Do you need me to—”

               “No, I just wanted to see your face.” Irene wiped her tears again, reaching for her bag. “I’ll probably have to reapply my makeup, but I was just planning on making my video message to the fans about the news.”

               “Oh,” Jaeho replied, shifting a bit on the bed. “Well, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I’m really concerned about you, how are you feeling right now?”

               Irene smiled. “Better, now that I got to talk to you.”

               Jaeho laughed, embarrassment laced in his voice. “Honestly, I feel better now that I got to talk to you too.”

               “I’m in somewhat of a hurry, since I promised the PR manager that I would be recording the video in here. I just really had the urge to see you so I called, sorry for waking up you.”

               The man on the other side of the phone screen shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’m really glad you found time for me. Good luck on your video!”

               “Thanks, I love you Song Jaeho.”

               Even though Irene said this at the tail of every of their conversations, for some reason, it caught him off guard this time. “I—I love you too, Bae Joohyun.”

               Another smile blossomed on her face in response to the cute, flustered response from her boyfriend as she waved at the screen before hanging up the call. A few minutes later, after Irene had touched up her makeup, went through the mental checklist of topics she wanted to discuss in her mind, and propped her phone to stand on its own on the table, she took her place in front of the white wall.

                “Hello, everyone, it’s Irene from Red Velvet. I hope you’re all staying warm and being healthy since it’s been chilly recently. Yesterday morning, when you saw the news about me, you must have been shocked, right?” Irene paused for a bit, as if waiting for a response, before continuing. “I feel really sorry and guilty for making all my precious fans feel disappointed, shocked, hurt … I know I still have a lot to work on and am still diligently working hard to show you all a better side of me every day. All this time, I’ve been looking for a suitable time to tell everyone but was always unsure of myself … I’m sorry it had to be like this that everyone found out.

               “You all give me strength and are the reason why I am an idol right now. My members and my fans are some of my favorite people in the world, and just seeing everyone gives me strength. All those months ago, when I first met my boyfriend, I didn’t think much of him, honestly.” Irene nearly smiled, wondering what Jaeho’s response to hearing this was going to be, then realizing how it would appear, pushed on quickly, “it was just fun to be around him since he was an interesting person. However, the more time I spent with him, the more I came to realize that he was giving me something that I never realized I wanted. I … I don’t really know how to describe it, maybe something like a home, or like a comfortable person that I can just relax around? Whatever it was, I came to really enjoy spending time with him.

               “As you all know, my 32^nd birthday is coming up, and in all these years, I haven’t desired anything like a romantic relationship because my heart was always filled with the love of all my fans. I didn’t even think about relationships because I thought they weren’t necessary as I was getting all the love I needed, but Jaeho showed me differently.” Unbeknownst to Irene, her gaze softened when she said those words, a slight smile appearing on her lips. “He was really worried when we first started dating, actually; he was always cautious and supported me fully on my career as an idol, always making sure that I put my work ahead of him. Being with him has given me a lot of strength. I’ve been finding myself with more energy recently, I’ve started to write lyrics because of all the news emotions I’ve been experiencing, and I’ve been just looking forward to every day because of all my fans, but also because of him. He voiced his concern many times regarding keeping our relationship a secret, but it was ultimately my decision to not tell everyone, so if you are angry or shocked or hurt, please don’t blame him. I know the news is still fresh and everyone still feels bad about it, but I hope everyone will eventually find it in their hearts to forgive me and be welcoming towards Jaeho; I think if you all got to know him, you would find out how wonderful of a person he is.

               “I don’t know if I got my feelings across well, in truth, I’m just speaking my mind right now,” she admitted, “I was hesitant on sharing my thoughts with this situation but decided, in the end, that you all deserve the whole truth. I’m hoping that, in this time, we can talk a lot and get to know each other better; I know that right now it will be hard to accept Jaeho, but as time passes, I hope you can all see good sides of him and better sides of me. I will make sure to continue working hard for all of you. Thank you for listening to this whole video.” She bowed, holding her upper body parallel to the ground and holding for a few seconds before bringing herself back up. “I love you all!” She smiled and waved at the camera before cutting the recording from her phone.

               The same video was promptly released, but Jaeho didn’t watch it until a few hours later, while he was commuting to work. He again elected to take the taxi that day, making sure to use earphones before listening to the video, just in case. It didn’t seem like this taxi driver recognized him either because the entire ride was relatively tame; whether it was this or that he was being professional, Jaeho was thankful that he was given peace and quiet, using the time to think about the contents of the video, making sure he kept it in mind while planning the event he had decided the previous night to enact to cheer Irene up.

               Being Irene’s boyfriend, he could tell how genuine she was. He could tell that her language was chosen very carefully, but that didn’t take away any from how heartfelt the video was; that was why, when he went into the comments, he was sorely disappointed—mad, even.

‘This doesn’t change the fact that you lied to us…’

‘Look, look how desperate this is, telling her fans lies to keep her access to , how sad’

‘I bet she’s laughing behind our backs, thinking she tricked us…’

‘This is hard to watch. I read that Song Jaeho was a Red Velvet fan, but how can you be a fan and force your beloved idol to do this?’

‘That Song Jaeho should just go die. Go die go die go die go die go die go die go die go die’

‘I don’t believe it. You think just a simple apology is all that it takes? How are you going to make it up to your fans?’

‘Poor Joohyun-unnie … being manipulated by Song Jaeho and now her company…’

‘This video is so fake, you can tell. Look at her pausing every so often, she’s clearly doing that to remember the script. That’s so pathetic. Even now, she has to continue lying.’

               Jaeho couldn’t read them anymore. It seemed like for every twenty negative comments, there was one non-negative comment. Not even necessarily a positive comment, just a comment that lacked malice, such as:

‘Well at least she apologized.’

               There was the occasional comment that seemed to embrace the apology, but just from a glance at the comments as well as noticing that the negative comments were the most upvoted ones, it was clear that the community was still against them—or more specifically, him.

               He had taken the previous night to talk to his lawyer friend and ultimately decided that he wasn’t going to make any such public statement; it wasn’t like he had any fans, after all. Not only could making a public statement be seen as egotistical, an ordinary person acting like a celebrity, but it might also expose his SNS accounts to the public. The last thing Jaeho needed as a better platform for fans to attack him.

               His father was still clueless, as he discovered when Jaeho gave him a call the previous night. This wasn’t surprising to him in the least, so when he explained the situation to his father, preempting a panicked call at work from him asking about the situation. The funny thing was he didn’t even believe him at first and hung up, thinking it was a prank, but when Jaeho asked him to check the top trending article, he almost couldn’t believe it.

               Jaeho’s dad was always extremely supportive of him; Jaeho at first had aspirations to be a scientist, which his dad supported, and when Jaeho discovered in college that science was beyond him and moved to economics, Jaeho’s father supported his decision to do that too. When Jaeho informed his dad that he was going to start doing some modeling for a jeans company as a side-job, his father started buying those jeans, and when he recently informed him that he was let go by them, he gave them away to charity and stopped buying from that company, claiming, “A company that doesn’t know my son’s value doesn’t deserve my patronage.” So when he discovered that Jaeho was in fact dating a celebrity, it wasn’t the fact that his son was dating someone as beautiful as Irene (although he did comment on that) that shocked him, it was that he was able to find the time to cause her to fall in love with him. To be honest, Jaeho himself didn’t understand how it happened; according to Irene (even though she didn’t ‘think much of him’, which Jaeho interpreted as her not seeing him as a man at first), her first impression of him was strong enough that when they happened to meet each other again, Irene invited him over to her private apartment and they started meeting weekly from then.

               Jaeho was then warned that he should be careful in public and to make sure to take care of himself and his girlfriend. Jaeho in turn gave his father some advice, to avoid reading the comments of the articles for a while. He didn’t really understand but trusted his son enough to oblige without much hesitation. What Jaeho found amusing was that his father promised to start listening to Red Velvet’s songs and buying their albums, the prospect of an elderly man listening to such lively music putting a smile on Jaeho’s face. After a bit more conversation, the call ended amicably.

               While Jaeho and his father was dealing with dealing with comments, Irene was fighting her own battles. It wasn’t a battle with any particular people, so to speak, but with herself.

               Later that afternoon, Irene elected to go back to the apartment instead of doing any dancing or singing practice, already exhausted from the day’s albeit limited activities. The entire day, she didn’t have any availability to check the feedback to her video and couldn’t help herself but read the comments to the post, daring to have high hopes for her fans.

               She knew they wouldn’t turn this quickly—she didn’t just surmise it, she knew it, and yet, her fingers still moved to unlock her phone, open the Instagram app, and open the comment section. The top idol knew that there was no way it would be filled with positivity, but some part of her mind argued that if it were to happen, then how great would it be to see?

               It was a losing battle with hope; deep down, Irene understood this. Still, somehow, when she scrolled through the comments, her heart sank once again in disappointment.

               It had only gotten worse; while Irene noticed a few positive, uplifting comments and other neutral comments accepting her apology, the negative comments have gotten harsher. Comments attacking not only her, but her members—accusing them of also secretly dating, being the reason why they were also silent, her family—condemning her parents for raising her poorly and calling her younger sister dirty names. Many commented about boycotting Irene and Red Velvet and destroying their Red Velvet merchandise, others called for her to step down as the leader while others called for her to be removed from the group itself … when she turned to the comments on the news articles about her apology video, there was actual evidence of these threats: ripped posters, shattered CDs, destroyed photocards, vandalized pictures … the consequences of her actions was there for all the world to see. Some people even went so far as to include clips of shows she’s been on, some from even before she met Jaeho, pointing out certain reactions to questions relating to dating and her ‘ideal type’. There were even clips of Red Velvet’s performances focused on her that were supposedly ‘pieces of evidence that proves that she’s gotten lazier since she started dating’, although again, some of the clips were from before she ever knew Jaeho.

               When Seulgi entered the room, Irene was a mess. She could barely see her phone screen as her vision was impaired by tears, of which were dripping down her face and not only ruining her makeup but also her blanket, her hands were shaking, her breath was ragged, a squeezing sensation in her chest. “Seulgi…”

               “Joohyun…” Irene immediately gripped Seulgi as she joined her on the bed, engulfing her in a hug. Seulgi reciprocated immediately, letting her tears stain her shirt.

               “I don’t know what to do—” a hiccup interrupted her mid-sentence—“Why do they have to attack my family or Jaeho? It wasn’t their fault, why can’t they just attack me?”

               “It’ll blow over eventually, they’re just shocked and frustrated right now. In the meantime, we should tell the company and get them to take action.”

               Irene took a few seconds to calm down, carefully wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Maybe the fans were right, maybe I’m not fit to be the leader for Red Velvet.”

               Seulgi looked at the older woman in confusion. “What makes you say that?”

               Irene let out a bittersweet chuckle. “Look at me, I’m such a mess. You, on the other hand, calmly assessed the situation and immediately came up with an idea of what to do.”

               “No, I’m still too immature to be the leader. No one else, of our members or in the world, is more suited to be the leader of Red Velvet than you,” she insisted, “It’s OK to rely on your members sometimes, we’re here for you. Don’t listen to all those people in the comments; besides, none of us could stand the pressure,” Seulgi claimed, laughing a bit at the tail end.

               That was enough for Irene to start calming herself down. Being in the messy state she was and being that it was the middle of the day, Irene elected not to use this time to contact Jaeho and instead took a short nap before her next schedule. It wasn’t until the following day, two days after the fateful news broke out, that they finally were able to talk properly in a video call.

               “Jaeho!”

               “Whoa—hi, Joohyun,” Jaeho said, slightly taken aback at the energy Irene exuded in the simple action of calling out his name. “I’ve missed you too, even though we had a video call the other day.”

               “That didn’t really count,” she pouted, “Now I actually have enough time to talk to you properly. Have you eaten yet? How’s work?”

               Jaeho laughed. “Yes mom, work’s going fine,” he answered. There was something about the way Jaeho replied that caught Irene’s attention—an affliction of his voice, the tiniest of pauses between his words that normally wouldn’t have been noticed if Irene weren’t looking for them.

               “Really? Nothing’s happened?”

               While Jaeho and Irene were opposites in some regards—Jaeho was outgoing whereas Irene was introverted, Irene liked thinking in more abstract creative ways while Jaeho was more down-to-earth—they shared their fair share of similarities. Perhaps it was because of the way he grew up—with a father much too busy to be worrying about his personal life—but Jaeho also liked to keep his emotional problems to himself. Usually, Jaeho hated being dishonest or even untruthful, this was one exception he held to his rule: everyone had their own personal problems, so it didn’t behoove him to bother others with his and vice versa.

               When it came to his girlfriend, after the experiences he’s had with his exes, he now knew different. After his previous ex, he determined that whereas sharing personal issues with others was his exception to his rule of never being untruthful, his girlfriend would be his exception to his rule of not sharing personal problems. “Well, there were a few things. I can occasionally hear coworkers gossiping about how I am bad for my company and how they should remove me for the sake of my company’s image, but I’m trying to tune them out. I haven’t heard anything else from my company though, and my boss only told me to make sure I’m not distracted from work after congratulating me.”

               The smile faded from Irene’s face. “I’m sorry … I didn’t want you to ever have to experience this kind of thing, but—”

               “Hey, it’s alright,” he interjected, “I mean, you go through this every day, don’t you? If this is a fair relationship, then it shouldn’t only be you that works hard. In fact, you probably have it worse, don’t you?”

               “It has been tough,” she admitted, “but now that I can see your face and talk to you, it reminds me that it’s all worth it.”

               Jaeho laughed. “Ah, is that so? You’re so cheesy, you know that?”

               Irene smiled in kind. “Well, it’s your fault in the first place that I’m like this. You should’ve seen yourself before you lost your memories, you were much cheesier than me.”

               “You say that all the time, but I somehow can’t find myself believing that sentiment,” Jaeho retorted.

               “I love that part of you, that part that’s genuine and open about your feelings,” she said. Jaeho, unable to answer, just sat on his bed, trying to prevent his face from becoming much redder. “Do you go out in public much?”

               “I’ve stopped taking the subway recently and sometimes go out to get my lunch.”

               Irene nodded. “Are you OK? Have you run into any trouble?”

               There was a difference from withholding personal problems for selfish reasons, but was it worth it if it could potentially do Irene harm? Then again, Jaeho figured, the truth would probably get out eventually, so might as well tell the truth. “Yeah,” he admitted, Irene instantly sitting up straighter, “While I was waiting in line for my lunch the other day, someone cursed me out. Eventually, he asked to leave by the restaurant staff, and they also asked me to find food somewhere else as they didn’t want my presence to disturb the customers now that they were all aware who I was. I just obliged because I didn’t want to deal with that kind of stuff, but it felt a little frustrating and unfair.” Jaeho could see Irene’s deep frown from the other side of the screen, feeling a bit justified in his reaction to the situation. “But on the other hand, making a scene would be worse because the public is against us, so I just figured that I’ll just have to endure it for now.”

               “Did you see SM’s announcement to pursue legal action against malicious commenters?” Irene inquired. Jaeho nodded in response, and Irene continued, “I told them that they should also go after people commenting about you, but truthfully, I don’t know if they’ll be as vigilant about those comments.”

               “That’s nice,” he replied, although something about the reply seemed a bit distant to Irene.

               “What’s wrong?”

               Jaeho shook his head. “It’s just terrible that even your family is getting targeted. My dad doesn’t bother with social media so it doesn’t affect him at all, but I imagine your parents probably pay at least a little attention to it, not to mention your younger sister.”

               Irene nodded. “Hopefully my post earlier today did something to stop that behavior.”

               The idol had posted a text picture on her Instagram early that day, asking people not to talk about her family and if it helped, target her instead. It was the one post from Irene that Jaeho didn’t ‘heart’; he agreed that it was unfair to target Irene’s family, but at the same time, he didn’t like the thought of those people turning their hate against Irene.

               “How are they, your family? Are they holding up well?”

               Irene nodded. “I called them yesterday and they expressed their desire to meet you after I told them about you,” she said, a smile forming on her face in reaction to Jaeho’s sudden panicked expression.

               “Oh, really?” he said in a quickened tone, “Um, sure, I’d like that.”

               “Are you sure?” she replied, laughing, “You don’t sound like it. You sound sort of scared.”

               “Well…” After a bit of hesitation, Jaeho conceded. “I mean, yeah, a little bit, but there isn’t a single boyfriend who isn’t at least slightly afraid of his girlfriend’s parents, at least at first.”

               “It’s OK, they already love you,” Irene reassured him, “I actually think my mother is in love with you, so I’m a little scared to introduce you two because I don’t want you to leave me for her.”

               Jaeho full-out laughed at that, something he hadn’t done in what felt like a long time. “I don’t think you need to worry about that,” he replied. “Speaking of, when I told my dad about you, he also expressed interest in meeting you. What do you think about that?”

               Irene nodded excitedly. She would be lying if the thought of meeting Jaeho’s father—the man who raised the man whom she loved so much, the father whom Jaeho spoke so highly of—didn’t make Irene at least slightly anxious, but the thought also simultaneously excited her somehow: she was worried about the perception the man closest to the love of her life would gain of her if she messed up somehow, but was also eager to get closer to Jaeho. “Yeah, we should! Maybe we can get our parents to meet up at the same time and meet that way.”

               “Yeah, sounds like a plan. That’ll be in the future though, are you free to meet up in person soon?” When Irene didn’t respond for a while, Jaeho immediately took that as a bad thing: he was hesitant to bring this up, but knowing what timeline he had to work with was essential in working on his plan to make Irene feel better. Plus, he just missed her and wanted to be there in person to comfort her; the only hesitation he had was considering how busy Irene must be, and whether or not it was tactless to suggest something so potentially dangerous when the two were compromised.

               In reality, the reason for Irene’s pause was the complete opposite. It was always her who was setting up the dates, something that she realized was probably a result of her establishing herself as the one with that responsibility since Jaeho lost his memories, yet secretly wished Jaeho would take the reins from her. She didn’t mind asking Jaeho about his availability and setting up their dates, but it was just something she longed for; the Jaeho of the past started taking the reins from her, and she found his assertiveness attractive—y, even. She was starting to think that maybe this Jaeho wasn’t as invested into their relationship as the past Jaeho, but hearing that question reassured her. “I wish I could say this weekend, but I doubt that’ll be possible. For now, I’ll tentatively say two weeks from now and I’ll update you, OK?”

               “Sounds good,” Jaeho said, relieved from seeing Irene’s reaction that the pause wasn’t what he had feared. “Once everything settles, we can finally have more dates in public, right?” Irene was beyond thrilled that Jaeho suggested this, and it clearly showed on her face. This was something she had always been dreaming of, and to learn that Jaeho was also thinking this despite his mental reset reassured her. “Like going to the movies, or visiting cafes, or doing escape rooms, or having a picnic at Han River, or visiting Namsan Tower, or watching the sunset together.”

               “Wow, you really thought this through, huh?” Irene said, as if she hadn’t done the exact same thing.

               “Yeah, of course!” he admitted shamelessly, “It’s a reasonable thing to wish for, right?”

               She nodded in firm agreement. “Mhm. I wonder when we’ll be able to do that … maybe, one day, we can even post our dates on Instagram. Oh, speaking of, they haven’t discovered your Instagram or any of your SNS accounts yet, have they?”

               “No. Do you think they will?” Jaeho sincerely doubted that would ever happen; he considered unfollowing Irene just to be sure, but when he realized the millions of accounts that would have to be combed through to find him, he elected not to.

               “I’m not sure, but I really hope they don’t,” she replied, “I’m not sure if I should follow you once things settle down because I’m scared you’ll get negative comments, so right now, I’m deciding to stick to what I’ve been doing.”

               This, Jaeho was confused by. Obviously, he’s had zero interaction with the celebrity on any social media platform to be safe—if one excluded the string of Instagram posts Irene apparently used to covertly communicate with him, something that the fans managed to figure out after the dating news broke out. Jaeho himself didn’t know how he would have possibly decoded those posts as a secret message to himself, or have the balls to act on it, but he was certainly glad that he did. “What do you mean?”

               “Well, I memorized your Instagram handle and check on it regularly,” she casually stated.

               “How do you know my Instagram handle?” Jaeho, to his knowledge, never offered it to her—unless it was the Jaeho from before his sudden memory loss.

               “Well, you sort of gave it to me before you lost your memory.” Irene refused to disclose the amount of her free time spent searching for his comment in her post about the water CF joke out of sheer embarrassment. A little, harmless white lie wouldn’t hurt, she thought.

               “Ah, OK,” he said, none the wiser.

               “Do you think you’ll ever make your account private? For example, in case they find your Instagram account?”

               Jaeho sighed, pondering for a moment. “I think … wouldn’t it be best not to? Especially since you’ve dedicated yourself to our relationship and to your fans, I think it would be best if I could also talk to your fans if they find me.” Truthfully, it was a scary idea; not only has he heard horror stories of idols receiving death threats, he experienced it in the past as well and figured this time would be no different. The capability of these fans to enact those death threats was another issue, but the threat, no matter how improbable, was still terrifying. But no matter how scary he found it, he didn’t want to appear closed off and distant from Irene’s beloved fans; he wanted to have an open image of himself, much like the image Irene was promoting despite the community backlash. If things were to improve, he preferred it to be partially due to his efforts despite turmoil than something that eventually just blows over.

               “Are you sure?” Irene, on the other hand, was worried. She expressed some hesitation with her fans finding Jaeho’s account, but in truth, she was all but certain that they would. Irene saw all the negativity that Jaeho was receiving already and shuddered to think what they would do if they got ahold of his private Instagram account. Mass reports, floods of comments, filling his inbox … she’s seen all of these happen and didn’t wish for Jaeho to experience such things.

               “If I’m going to be honest, I already have a little bit of experience with fans,” he revealed, “There were some fans that found my account after I did a collaboration with an ulzzang that was apparently pretty Instagram famous for one of my modeling photoshoots, and a few of them said some mean things to me, but we worked it out eventually.”

               “Ooh, that’s impressive,” Irene said, genuinely impressed. “I didn’t know my boyfriend was that famous.”

               Jaeho chuckled. “Says a member of the most popular girl group in all of Korea,” he said, “I’ve never been recognized on the streets for my modeling before, although it might be because of all the makeup they put on me.”

               Irene perked up at that. “Ooh, now that you say that, I really want to see some of your modeling work.”

               “No way!” Jaeho said, laughing as Irene did so simultaneously.

               “Whyy?”

               “It’s embarrassing, I look too different.”

               “That just makes me want to see it more! I’ll tell my members and they’ll peer pressure you into showing me—showing us.”

               “Are you really advocating for peer pressure right now?”

               The conversation, as always, was cut short by their need to sleep. As the two drifted off into dreamland, something neither of them expected happened: something that they had even talked about in that very conversation.

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