Part 3

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She didn’t think she had ever been so nervous about going to school. The dreaded yet exciting first day of a new year didn’t have anything on walking through those doors post determining that the girl you used to hate was quite possibly the person who you’d been speaking to in a secret telling booth and may have a crush on—

Seungwan couldn’t even say it. It was just so ridiculous.

Her first tactic was going to be to avoid her. Yeah. At least until she could get her head together. Except Sooyoung left her stuff at her house the night before and she had to be the nice person she was and return it.

Walking into class, her eyes immediately fell on Sooyoung. She was just sitting there at her desk playing on her phone like it was any other day. Hair down. A crease of concentration in her brow. Uniform neatly pressed. A boy next to her leaned over to tell her something that made her laugh. Seungwan was so caught up on the sound of it that she tripped on her feet, the momentum of it throwing her right into Sooyoung’s desk.

Laughter cut off and eyes zapped to her. The smile Sooyoung had faded away and her eyes widened in concern before it was whisked away by a blank expression aside from the specks of red that found a place on her cheeks.

“You, uh—” Seungwan looked over to see the boy watching her. Or he probably wasn’t. No one was probably paying attention to her aside from Sooyoung. But her nerves told her otherwise and she clammed up the way she used to always do in the girl’s presence. “You forgot this.”

She sat her bag down on the desk.

Sooyoung didn’t quite let her attention focus on her, eyes shifting uneasily. “Oh. Thanks.”

Oh, thanks? That was it? That was weird. No, that was good. Seungwan was let off easy.

“You’re welcome.”

Walking to her desk, Seungwan sat down.

Sooyoung glanced over her shoulder and their eyes immediately locked. It wasn’t Seungwan who broke their gaze this time though. It was Sooyoung, neck snapping around like she was ashamed of being caught.

Seungwan was stuck on own nerves to wonder why the all-confident, unshakable Park Sooyoung was acting like a shy little school girl with a crush. Oh, wait. She was a shy little school girl with a crush.

Heat took over Seungwan’s face causing color to fill it up. She dropped her face into folded arms to hide herself away. How could this be? This couldn’t be.

Sooyoung wasn’t the girl from the booth. No. No way.

But she’d find out soon enough.

-/-/-/-

It was that time of day. That time of day. The time where Seungwan would perk up in anticipation of the latest update from the mystery girl who routinely visited her booth.

Today, however, Seungwan’s anticipation was giving her stomach ulcer-inducing anxiety.

The hinges on the door creaked and in stepped the next guest. Seungwan held her breath, listening to the legs of the chair scratch the floor and the plastic squeak as the person sat down.

She took in a breath. “Welcome to the—“

“I messed up.”

Seungwan snapped to attention. She was all ears. All focus. All tingles and nerves and beating heart.

“Hello?” they said into the silence. “Are you still there?”

Seungwan couldn’t breathe.

“Seriously? I’m paying for this service it’s rude to waste my time.”

That voice. That sass. That quip. How didn’t she recognize it sooner? There was no mistaking. There was no questioning. This was Sooyoung. Had always been Sooyoung.

“I’m here.” Seungwan cleared and shifted. Despite what she knew, she had to do her job. “How did you mess up?”

“I almost, sort of, kind of, quarter way confessed.”

That’s what that was. When Sooyoung said something about how she made her feel.

Warmth spread all throughout Seungwan’s body. To think, ever since that first year, she had occupied a portion of Sooyoung’s thoughts. She had always been there, floating around just the same as Sooyoung had always been some unremovable thorn in Seungwan’s side. But that thorn had now become a blossoming flower with roots that had grown around her heart

“Oh, no.” That’s all she could croak out.

“I couldn’t help it!” Sooyoung groaned. Finally, Seungwan was able to see how this entire situation had been affecting her. “We were having a great time together and then she asked about before and...” she tapered off. She didn’t need to explain. Seungwan was there. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Why?”

“She wanted to be friends this entire time! And I—I ruined it.” The sigh she gave was heavy of guilt. “No wonder it’s felt like I’ve been against some immovable force.”

Seungwan’s heart was in . She wasn’t wrong. Seungwan had kept a stronghold against Sooyoung. She’d built up protections and barriers and safeguards. In the weeks they’d spent together, they had been chipping away and Sooyoung had been finding her way through them like roots breaking through the pavement.

“Are you going to one hundred percent confess?” asked Seungwan. was dry and she was sure she was going to spontaneously combust if Sooyoung said—

“I don’t know if I can.”

—not that. Seungwan relaxed a fraction.

“What if she says no?” said Sooyoung. “What if she thinks I’m punking her?”

Seungwan wondered herself. Would she say no? She certainly knew that Sooyoung wasn’t playing some sick trick on her. And it wasn’t just some flimsy little high school crush either. Sooyoung wasn’t trying to use her or make fun of her. She really, honestly, wholeheartedly wanted her.

Seungwan took in long, heavy breaths. The booth was burning up. She was burning up. From the way her heart was beating she was certain she was close to cardiac arrest.

Sooyoung wanted her. Oh, boy. She needed to control herself.

“Weren’t you getting closer?”

“We were. We are. I think.” Sooyoung hummed in thought. Seungwan wanted to tell her, yes. Yes, they were getting closer. They were closer. Closer than Sooyoung knew. “I don’t want to mess things up. I feel like I’ve just gotten her to trust me. What if I tell her and she freaks out?”

Seungwan swallowed hard. Too late for that. She was already freaking out. She couldn’t imagine what she’d do if Sooyoung actually said it directly to her. Right now she wanted to melt. She wanted to jump up and down. She wanted to lock herself in the maintenance closet and never come out.

“What if she doesn’t?” Seungwan all but whispered.

Sooyoung snorted. “That’s what I dream of but in reality, it’s hard to believe.”

Dream of. If Seungwan wasn’t sitting, she was sure her knees would’ve given out. Sooyoung had been thinking about her. Had been dreaming about her. It was so incredibly cheesy but Seungwan couldn’t deny what those words did to her insides. She was Sooyoung’s dream girl.

“I just don’t know what else to do,” Sooyoung continued. “I’ve done everything. I apologized, I was myself, I got to know her. I even told her things about me. I told her about my grandma and my parents. No one else knows about that. Not even my teammates.”

Seungwan’s face drained of color. If she wasn’t sure this was Sooyoung before she was now.

“Please refrain from giving personal information in the booth.”

“Sorry.” She huffed. “It’s just that, I really like her. It’s been so hard not to just yell it at her. I almost did! But you should’ve seen her face when I even hinted at how I felt. That scared the crap out of me.”

Seungwan bit into her lip. Her mind was racing as fast as her pulse. She could hardly wrap her head around it. To think Sooyoung had held her higher than the friends she was close to. To think she had shown parts of herself to Seungwan that she normally kept a tight lid on. To think it was her all along.

There were hundreds of girls in the school. So many pretty, nice, smart girls. Girls who were anyone other than her. Seungwan could name a couple who she’d guess would catch Sooyoung’s eye. Ones much better matched for someone like Sooyoung. Sooyoung who deserved the world for her strength and deserved praise for her honesty. She deserved someone who was just as much as a rock as she was.

Not her. Not Son Seungwan.

It was crazy. There was no way Park Sooyoung could have a crush on her. Yet, here they were. No matter how much she tried to spin it, take herself out of the equation, toss theories onto someone else, the facts came back with a big fat glaring arrow that pointed at her. The information lined up. All of it did. Every interaction they had was parroted back to her in Sooyoung’s own words in the booth. Each gradual ascend from the animosity shared between them to the rocky middles to whatever they were classified as now. To the previous night. To now.

“Maybe it’s not you,” said Seungwan. Because it wasn’t. It hadn’t been. “Maybe she still needs time.”

“Do you think so?” Sooyoung sounded so hopeful.

Seungwan felt the weight of it in her gut. “You’ve done all you can. It’s her turn.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

She knew she was. Sooyoung had done so much. Sooyoung had left a trail of breadcrumbs that Seungwan had been too blind to see. Everything was laid out so perfectly and Sooyoung had exposed herself so openly. Seungwan couldn’t believe she didn’t see it sooner. But she hadn’t been looking and now all she could see was Sooyoung and her massive heart and the space she had opened up for Seungwan to slot herself into.

“We’re out of time,” said Seungwan.

“Already?”

No, but Seungwan couldn’t sit there any longer. “Unfortunately.”

“Okay,” she humphed with a sad sigh.

Seungwan deflated.

What was she going to do?

-/-/-/-

The excuse of having student council duties to attend to saved Seungwan from any lunchtime shenanigans. Not that it looked like Sooyoung was going to ask her. Since the morning, Sooyoung had avoided contact with her, keeping it to the minimum and only when she had to.

So Seungwan went to the library instead. She needed to think. She needed to examine everything.

Finding a table out of the line of prying eyes, she sat down and replayed every conversation she had with Sooyoung in the booth and ran it against every interaction they had in person.

One particular time stood out. When Sooyoung asked if Seungwan would understand if she was in the same situation. Little did she know she was in the situation. Saying that she would try to understand didn’t apply so much anymore. She knew exactly where Sooyoung was coming from, everything she felt, her insecurities, her heart, her depth.

Seungwan was feeling lightheaded. Maybe a little woozy.

She didn’t need to be afraid. Sooyoung wanted to be with her and had been trying to be. There were no ulterior motives, there wasn’t a catch, there was no shoe about to drop.

The bars she had over her heart in regards to Sooyoung were opening up. All that she felt those years ago being lab partners that she had been trying hard to keep at bay were free to leak out. She hadn’t really lost that Sooyoung. It was hidden and buried the same as Seungwan had done with what she felt.

And if Sooyoung was allowing herself to be set free from her past self then Seungwan would allow herself to open back up and maybe let Sooyoung completely claim her heart.

“Seungwan?”

Her neck snapped up. She relaxed when she saw it was only Joohyun. She walked over to the table she was at with a worried smile. “Are you okay?”

“Great! Studying.”

Joohyun’s eyebrow lifted, eyes glancing down at the table void of books or notes. “Well, okay. Don’t forget you’re in charge of running the bake sale auction at the end of the week.”

“I’m on it.” She offered a thumbs up. Nodding, Joohyun turned to go. “Hey, Joohyun.” She stopped. “Do you think we could swap secret keeper booth times? I want to use that time for extra entrance exam prep.”

It only seemed fair. The fact she knew as much as she already did felt wrong. It made it seem like she was puppeteering her own love story. And what if Sooyoung found out it was her all along? Would she be mad? Embarrassed? Would she hate her all over again? It didn’t matter. At one point, she would have to tell her. Until then, she would remove herself from the equation. She would go about things the proper way.

“Sure.”

Relief washed through her. “Thank you.”

-/-/-/-

Sooyoung was off.

A couple of weeks ago, Seungwan wouldn’t have noticed. At least not as intensely as she did now. She was hyper-aware of everything that was Sooyoung.

She knew she told Sooyoung to give her crush time but that didn’t mean she didn’t want her to not talk to her! Still, Seungwan had to commend her. She listened to everything Seungwan said in the booth and applied it, albeit not always executed in the best of ways. E for Effort and effort she put in. That said something. It told Seungwan that Sooyoung meant business. It told Seungwan that Sooyoung was certain about her.

The thought made Seungwan giddy, distracting her thoughts away from class. The lesson went over her head. She was too focused on the girl a couple of desks up who hadn’t chanced a look in her direction since that encounter in the booth. That was two days ago. And surprisingly, Seungwan was the one about to combust if another day went by without Sooyoung’s loud voice demanding her attention or the glance of her shy smiles she would cast at her when she didn’t think anyone was looking or her homemade lunches that she claimed she made too much of but in reality, Seungwan knew she made enough for the both of them to share.

Wow. What was wrong with her? Was this how Sooyoung felt all this time? This yearning, needy pull and desire for the other girl’s presence? This pesky irritation of the other person not seeing you? Not realizing that you’re right there, open, and ready, and willing? This frustration of not knowing if every little thing you did would set you ten steps back or launch you two steps forward?

She suddenly understood why Sooyoung said it was Seungwan who scared her. She was too busy worried about her heart getting played with that she didn’t stop to consider that she was playing with Sooyoung’s.

Eyes shifting to the clock, Seungwan watched the second-hand ease the minute hand closer to the top of the hour. It would be lunchtime soon. Maybe today would be the day. Maybe they’d go back to their routine. Maybe Sooyoung would lose her resolve and crumble.

The bell rang and Seungwan hurried to snap a picture of the board to write the notes down later. People got up, grabbing their things and linking up with friends. Seungwan held her breath, waiting for Sooyoung to turn around and beckon her over. Tell her it was time to eat. Tell her to, “hurry it up we don’t have all day!”

But she didn’t. Again, she didn’t.

“Sooyoung.” The name was out of Seungwan’s mouth before she knew it.

Sooyoung froze, her back going stiff as if a lead beam had been speared down it. Turning, she found Seungwan with curious, expectant eyes. There was even a hint of shock that she erased quickly into false indifference. Incredible. No wonder Seungwan didn’t catch on sooner. Sooyoung had been acting so cool and confident though she was anything but.

“Yeah?” Sooyoung’s eyebrow lifted.

Seungwan panicked. What was she going to say? She hadn’t thought that far. Hell. She hadn’t thought at all! Her brain worked overtime. She needed to think. She needed to say something.

“What, no lunch demands today?” she quipped lightly.

The corner of Sooyoung’s mouth tugged up in the slightest smirked. Arms pulled over her chest and she tilted her chin up in that charmingly haughty way she had about her. “Wow, did I condition you that quickly?”

There was her Sooyoung.

Her Sooyoung. Goosebumps spread across Seungwan’s skin.

“I still have my free will.”

Sooyoung’s eyes narrowed, her smirk pulling more into a smile. “Well, what does Miss Free Will want to do?”

Oh. She was giving her a choice. She was putting the ball in her court. She was letting Seungwan take the lead. “Gym?”

“Fine.”

Sooyoung didn’t turn around fast enough for Seungwan to miss the smile that burst across her face.

-/-/-/-

Lunch was different this time. Something had shifted. Something definitely shifted. And Seungwan couldn’t stop staring at her.

It was like the curtains had been thrown open. All the lights had come on. The fog had dissipated. She could finally see Sooyoung clearly and she was enamored with what she saw. Part of her had always seen it. Always been peeping between the blinds, searching for a glimpse. Now it was right there and glaring and Seungwan’s stomach was all over the place and her eyes kept zapping to Sooyoung’s mouth when she chewed and just...

What would it be like to kiss her?

“Are you...good?” Sooyoung’s brow was pulled into concern as she chewed slowly, examining the girl in front of her.

Seungwan quickly blinked away, turning her focus onto the food they were eating. A faulty swipe sent grains of rice across the bleachers and she burned red because she knew Sooyoung was silently judging her clumsy wastefulness. “Fantastic.”

“Why are you being so weird?”

She snorted as she used a napkin to clean her mess. “Why are you being so weird?”

“I’m literally just sitting here eating my lunch.”

“Exactly.”

“What?”

She flushed. Seriously, what? “Nothing.”

Sooyoung’s face was all sorts of confused. Seungwan felt like a moron. Honestly. She was better than this. Smarter. She was number two in the entire school for goodness sake. Throw a crush—a beautiful, talented, kind-hearted, bit of a sass pants, brutally honest, persevering crush—at her and she might as well be at the bottom of the list. It wasn’t a stretch to say that Park Sooyoung made her stupid. But maybe she didn’t mind that too much.

“Seriously, are you okay?”

She straightened out, finding her composure. “Yes.”

How did Sooyoung do it? How was she so calm and confident and beautiful all this time without letting her feelings turn her into a bumbling bimbo in the face of the girl she was crushing on? Sooyoung said once that acting wasn’t her thing but Seungwan would beg to differ.

Unfortunately, Seungwan couldn’t help it. She felt like that lab day all over again. Nervous and excited. Warm. But it was amped up now.

“Whatever, creepo.” Sooyoung picked up a can of soda and popped open the tab. She took a sip, pausing to her lips before she asked, “If you’re not busy after school, could you help me with something?”

Again, Sooyoung was giving her a choice. No demand, just a question. She was allowing Seungwan to hold the reigns. “What is it?”

She shrugged. “Nothing you can’t handle.”

Seungwan narrowed her eyes. “Is this another ploy to get into my house?”

“No.” She rolled her eyes. “I seriously need your help with something. If you had a problem with that, you didn’t have to let me over.”

“If I had a problem with it, I wouldn’t have let you.”

Sooyoung side-eyed her. “Good to know. It’s hard to tell with you. You can be super hot and cold at times.”

That was fair. The Seungwan a couple of months ago would’ve gone on the defense. This time she relented.

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you before,” said Seungwan. “I didn’t think I could. I didn’t know how to.” She paused to laugh at herself. This entire time, she was going off a false, rage connoted image of who Sooyoung was. With the girl’s heart exposed to her, she knew who Sooyoung was to her core and she liked what she saw. Was comforted by it. “That night you came over—everything you said—I know that I can now.”

Sooyoung’s face colored. Seungwan wished she knew what she was thinking. They both spilled a lot under street lamps. So many raw words and emotions. Seungwan couldn’t believe how much she said but Sooyoung had an effect on her. One that made her blurt out things she would’ve normally kept in her head. She made her do things she normally wouldn’t. She made her feel things she would rather not feel.

Or she used to not want to feel. Now there was no caging them. They were out. Flying erratically, bumping against the insides of her stomach like moths against a lightbulb.

“I’m sorry.”

Seungwan tugged in her brow. “For what?”

“I’m sorry I was mean to you.” Her voice was soft. Delicate. Each word she said was weighted and honest. “Back then, I didn’t notice that you wanted to be…” She tapered off, obviously struggling to find the right way to say what she wanted. Sooyoung? Nervous to say something? Her frustrations got the best of her and she sighed. “I’m sorry, okay?”

Oh no. There goes her heart again. Now was her moment to put finally put out the last of the flickering flames that still remained between them. Now was the time to show Sooyoung that all her efforts hadn’t been wasted.

“I forgive you.”

Sooyoung’s eyes went wide. “You...do?”

Seungwan nodded. “You don’t have to be scared of me.” Sooyoung’s lips parted in surprise and her eyes dropped to the hand that extended out to her. “Friends?”

Sooyoung blinked. Color deepend on her cheeks as she slipped her palm against Seungwan’s who fluttered at her touch. It lingered longer than what a handshake needed to be.

“Ugh, gross.” Sooyoung snatched her hand back. “Can we go back to where you yell at me?”

“I never yell at you.”

“So, that was a lie.”

“No, it’s not!”

Sooyoung pointed a finger at her. “Then what was that?”

Seungwan huffed and flicked a grain of rice at her.

The humiliation of getting an entire spoonful thrown at her face was worth it if only to hear Sooyoung’s bursting laugh.

-/-/-/-

Help, she found out, was being an extra set of hands on a grocery store run (to which Seungwan ended up carrying the most of them).

It was the first time she had been inside of Sooyoung’s home. It was small. Just one room. In the corner, Seungwan saw a folded stack of blankets and a pillow she figured was used by whoever slept on the couch. From the admission of Sooyoung keeping the nature of her home life away from her friends, Seungwanwas all the more appreciative of the world she had been trusted and allowed to enter.

“You can set them on the counter,” said Sooyoung, leading