• Chapter 25 •

Previously,

 

She wants to know the reason he did what he did, knowing how destructive the act was. "Why, why did you attempted to kill yourself?"

 

From the light rain, the sky explodes with pent up fury. Wind whips the frigid drops, sending them hurtling in every direction but straight down. The clouds break slightly up ahead letting through a brilliant white light, falling as a shaft amongst the trees of the forest. The first call of the thunder—the roar—runs an immense exhilaration through her veins but Mina doesn't even flinch. The intensity of the air around them is shredding her apart, it terrified her more than anything.

 

"Because my daughter and the mother of my child left." He states. A single drop of grief wells up from the corner of his eye. He bleeds the salt of his soul as it pours from his eyes. "Because, you left me, Mina"



 

• Chapter 26 •

 

He tried to forget. Leave the past behind. But he couldn't do it when he saw her from the distance, melting with the crowd, four years after they last saw each other. Even with a mask on, he knew it was her. He almost didn't recognize her voice, with a new hair cut and a smile she never wore with him on the last times they were together. When their gazes intertwined like they used to, the waves of regret hit him like a rock eroded by the sea. It was a different place, a different him, a different her, a different man that really made her happy standing by her side. A man who really made her smile. But her eyes were the same perfect brown, looking at him with sorrow. And he knew it was not because she was sad, but because he was no longer a man; he is just a shadow made of memories and regrets. And they both know why.

 

Chaeyoung stares at her. His gaze fades with cold avarice in his emotionless eyes. He hastily brushes away his tears and sighs, "I've told you. I've lived with face blindness for years, my other senses naturally become sharper since I rely on them all the time. Your soft voice, your jasmine perfume, your figures, it's not something that I would forget. The moment you step foot in this room, the moment I heard your voice, I knew it was you. I waited until you uncover yourself but it doesn't seem that you'll ever do that."

 

It's five heavy and silence minutes. Mina starts to shake, only slightly at first as if shivering with the cold. Through every second, the intensity increase. As if she keep drowning lower and lower to the freezing ocean ground. Her heart gripped by sharp ice spikes. She clasps her hands behind her back to hide their trembling. Her breathing becomes shallow and rapid. She can feel her heartbeat thumping in her ear. She isn't ready for this conversation. There is intense anxiety within her, fear.

 

"Chaeyoung" She breathes out.

 

Unbothered, Chaeyoung remains stoic and collected. "Yes?"

 

Mina gulp down a sob. A tightening knot around his throat, almost preventing her to breath. She tries to keep her composure, eyes avoiding his empty unreadable gaze. "I'm sorry"

 

He moves closer to her, approaching with utter hostility. "For deceiving me or leaving me?" His void steady stare securely glued onto his face as if he expecting the scenario and has prepared himself.

 

She doesn't know. There's too much. Too many things to apologize for. Things that left unsaid. Things that have been said. Things that should be done. Things that shouldn't be done. Things that stop them. Things that force them. She wants to be forgiven for probably,  "Everything." Mina bows her head, "I'm sorry for everything" If only they could talk it out. Fix any misunderstanding between them. Forgive each other and accept each other again. To start all over again. Then by any means, she will do anything for it to happen. She's desperate to have him back, no matter how disgracing, inappropriate and shameless it is.

 

Chaeyoung looks over the window, towards the graphite sky, disregarding her.  A thunder rumbles away, the rains continue to soak down, strong and heavy with a fury of wind. "In the left corner, there are umbrellas shelves, bring one with you and leave. It's raining." He flicks his gaze back to her with a sigh, "Let's not meet again Mina. I'll talk to Kyun Sang. You don't have to worry about that. Thank you for all the time you were here" He's about to leave but halts upon hearing her soft trembling voice, calling him.

 

"Chaeyoungie"

 

"What exactly do you want from me?" He alters his tone to something flat and emotionless but his face isn't agreeing to the deception.

 

She sees a quick emotion twitch of his face as she calls his name. Is it anger or perhaps sadness? She doesn't know. She can't decipher. He's composed and immobile. As if there isn't him in that room, only the skin of a man with no feelings. As if he locks himself, protect himself by hiding behind an emotionless made skin. She needs to tear it down. Then and only then they can truly talk with him truly listening and both vulnerable with the truth that is hidden from each other.

 

That's when she realizes, Chaeyoung, he is scared too. She isn't the only one. Chaeyoung is there, the man she knows is there. Mina raises her head and inhales a big lump of air before averting her eyes to him. "If I say that I want to start all over again with you. Would you want it?

 

"No." It's a quick, sharp and straight answer. His noncommittal, expressionless never wavers as he holds her stares.

 

Mina smiles as her vision turns blurry, as she died once more. She expects the answer but never thought it will be this, this bad. "Why? Did you fell the love you had for me? Because you already have someone else? Or because you never did"

 

Chaeyoung tilts his head. His muscle tense, his jaw clenched, yet his gaze remains unreadable. "My love for you is greater than anything else." He speaks with no noticeable tone of emotions. He talks in his usual voice, usual tone almost computerized as if he reciting or reading a script. 

 

There's a small tug carves on his lips before he continues, "You have no idea how hard this heart is beating for you, how much this heart missed you, longing for you, how much it aches for you. I used to think Mina, without you by my side I'll die, that I can't live without you, that this heart wouldn't survive such torture. But, you teach me, shows me exactly how it felt when your light of life disappeared. And, I did it, Mina." He opens his arms and grins, a huge smile that doesn't reach his eyes. A force chuckles as he taps his chest. "Look, I'm still alive, breathing. Aren't you proud of me?"

 

His laughter slowly died from the lack of response from the woman across him. He could see the hurt welling behind her eyes. He could see how raw the pain is for her. How the pear-shaped tears silently roll down her cheeks without resistance. Chaeyoung smiles, "I don't need you anymore and I don't want you anymore. I can lock those overwhelming love I have for you. I can drown it somewhere along with the memories and heartaches. I'm strong enough to neglect the love I have for you"

 

Mina shakes her head in denial. The muffled sobs wracked against her chest. She takes a step forwards, staring at him with pleading visible in her eyes, "I'm here now"

 

Chaeyoung snickers and arch his brows, essentially in a challenging manner. "How pretentious of you to think I'll wait for you and greet you with open arms." He waits for a reply but there's none. Her lips pressed tight, her chin trembles, her eyes wavers. Chaeyoung averts his towards the small droplets drumming against window. "I hate you for all the years I'll have to live without you. How can a heart hurt this much and still go on beating? How can I feel this bad without dying from it? I've bruised myself praying to have you back. None of my prayers has been answered. I try to sleep and it's like I'm suffocating."

 

He directs his gaze back to her. His face is cautiously stony. "Now that you are here, I feel nothing but regret." There's is hesitant, as though he doesn't know whether to maintain the expression or not. However, something creeps behind his eyes.

 

"You think you should matter to me still, yet you hurt me when I needed healing, you flung everything at me that could cause me to feel shame and guilt. Then you acted as if you were the victim and a martyr to boot. How can you matter to me when you became the antimatter of my psychology, when you single-handedly created a black hole in my brain that threatened to destroy all that I was or ever could be. You are not. Not anymore matter to me." He continues, fully aware of how vicious his words are.

 

Mina lowers her head, her eyes staring blankly at the wooden floor, at the small droplets that fall on it. Her hair falls around her face, like a shield, and tries to collect her dignity, her self-worth. She starts to question, what exactly is she doing now? What is she fighting for? She must have looked like a mad person. She must have been so desperate to put her family back together again. In his eyes and everyone's eyes, She must have been so pitiful and crazy. However, there are question that needs answers. She deserves to be angry, right? She deserves an explanation at the least.

 

"A heart that endures such pain yet still go on beating. A love that is greater than anything else." Mina finally voiced out. Her tone soft, almost inaudible. The tears prick her eyes and she hastily brings up a hand to brush them away. She lifts his head, returning the same exact gaze as his. Emptiness. "I never abandon you, Chaeyoung. You abandoned me first. You betrayed me first. You betrayed what we had. You betrayed that love"

 

Chaeyoung stays quite. Mina takes the opportunity to scans his face for a reaction, the silence hangs in the air like the suspended moment before a mirror shattered into pieces. His expression shifts, her eyes turn softer. She could catch a glimpse of his drained inner self hidden behind the facade he put. Tears pools in his eyes as he looks up at her, a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips, "After everything, my effort, my love for you would never be enough to build the trust that I've broken, am I right?"

 

Chaeyoung slowly ran his hand through his long locks and fixed her in a stare that is these bitterly cold with a slow-burning rage, "I don't know what does that mean but I'm not obliged to explain anything. After all, I am ne