Mina hugs her knees, staring at the glass vase and the single Lily flower in front of her. The grief is overwhelming. She suffers horrific nightmares, and although family and friends rallies around, nobody can penetrate the bubble of heart and gut-wrenching ache. She learnt to ‘act’, to do the bare minimum to simply survive her daily routine. It's slightly changing after she meets Chaeyoung. With the time she has spent with him and her works, she has been too preoccupied until the thought of her daughter never crosses her mind. Secretly, it's what she wants. She hopes to distract herself from endless grieving and lives her life. However, there is tremendous guilt when she starts to feel a little better, as if she's not honouring her baby or ‘forgetting her’.

 

Staring blankly on her bed in a dimmed light, she relives what had happened. The day she lost her daughter, the terrifying experience of lying on the floor with blood tracing down her thighs, helpless and begging for anyone to attend her baby. Anger is a very natural part of grief. She directs it towards the hospital, and at other times towards friends and family, and him. It is mostly a fit of generalised anger at the undeservedness and injustice.

 

"Why me?" Mina utters.

 

She remembers her first year in Norway. Her s will still produce milk after giving birth to her baby. One that she never had the chance to meet. The physical pain of the tight and painful feelings around her was nothing compared to her wrecked emotions. It is distressful and feels very unfair, towards her and towards her daughter. She thought her baby must be hungry, that she can hear the sound of her baby crying at night, that her baby must have been lonely and cold. She feels failed as a mother. She feels responsible for what has happened because her body let her down and she doesn't give birth to a healthy baby. It's all her fault. This lead to countless suicide thoughts. She wants to be with her daughter, to accompany her, to play with her, to feed her.

 

"I was supposed to be a mother, what was I now? I'd already made plans for Christmases and birthdays. I'd imagined my little girl excitedly opening presents. I didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be. Why? Why did you have to take her away from me?" Mina whisper to the air fills with resentment and accusation. "You gifted her when I hated her existence, you let me grew fond of her, but you snatched her away when I couldn't live without her. How can you be so cruel?"

 

Mina clasps her hand together. A single drop of grief wells up from the corner of her eye. "I just need her. Please, bring her back. I won't ask for anything else, just bring my daughter back. I beg you, please"

 

She occasionally convinced herself she's getting better, that she's fine but maybe she's never been. Her facade that she put during the day fades. Always the silence at night brings her back to her memory lane where everything crumbles down. She loses her insanity when desperation consumed her. All his time, all these years, she had been successfully lived and holding on, for him. She had promised him, Chaeyoung. She promises him in her letter. That was the only reason she had stayed strong. The thought of letting him go and separated after three months is tormenting. She needs him, his once to be future husband. She needs someone to hold her, comfort her, understand her, and shared this pain of loss together. She needs her daughter's father.

 

Losing him, meant losing her excuses to holding on from coming to her daughter. Mina never thought how deep her attachment is with her baby. How she wanted to abort the child out of hatred and shame, yet that little bean in only less than a year, never being seen, never being touched, meant everything to her. She lowers her head and clutches her stomach. Tightly wrapping her flat abdomen, missing the bump, the pounding heart that once lived inside. With a whimper, Mina bites her lips as she sobs quietly.







 

*  *  *  *

Hanh buys The Force 3. It is a recumbent handcycle with a seat back that can be adjusted in a more upright position for recreational riding or lower for a more aerodynamic position for racing, which makes it a great choice for both recreation and riders interested in taking a crack at the competitive aspect of the sport. Mina herself visits articles and after articles, looking for the right handcycle for Chaeyoung and recommended the most suitable one. She knows how much the younger enjoy race and although she is worried, it is medically safe if he wants to increase speed, of course he must be kept under watch. This handcycling activity is planned beforehand and Chaeyoung already meets an instructor that gives him a full explanation on how to use the bike, and consultation from his personal doctor, Kyun-Sang himself.

 

"Please be careful" Mina advises, her voice lace with concerns. She crouches down as she buckles Chaeyoung's helmet strap then made a throughout check-up, making sure he is wearing all the safety equipment and the handcycle ready to be used. Seatbelt, the hand brake, the bike attachment, the gears, etc.

 

Chaeyoung has his seat back adjusted low enough to be aerodynamic, but still upright enough to be social and talk with people while riding. The guy chuckles seeing the nervous intern. It will be his first time to actually be engaged in sports. But he won't exactly call it sport since they are only having an early morning adventure along the portions of the Han River Trail, next to the waters, not exactly a racing trail. The intern's overboard anxiety amused him. He notices her weak energy since she arrives at the Villa and how her make-up terribly covers her puffy eyes. He can see through it. However, seeing the girl act as if nothing happens, he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable but to enjoys their activity today.

 

"I'll be alright. Besides, you are cycling next to me, and Hahn is also watching. I'm under tight surveillance" Chaeyoung jokes while softly taps Mina's hand. The latter nods and sigh before settling on her own rented bicycle. They'll cycle together while Hahn stands beside their car. The caretaker/guard refuse to join them and instead insist to stay around the parking lot, monitoring and securing them from any foreign danger or complications. "Let's go. The sun will rise soon" Chaeyoung turns his gaze to the horizon where the sky meets the rivers then starts pedalling with his hands.

 

Mina widens her eyes, and quickly put her own helmet, "W-wait. Be cautious!" She raises her voice before catching up with him. Chaeyoung laughs as he slows down, and they cycling next to each other. As their journey passes, sunlight rouses more colours from their sleepy monochrome and, though the trail still has the black look of the night, the sky is already more bluish than charcoal. Pedalling onwards the breeze is welcoming them with a kiss of fresh air. They let the silence dominated, mind free to wander. In that way, with steady sunlight warmth and wind to cool, their eyes are bathed in the passing scene, able to see the rich natural hues lies upon the sky.

 

"Sharon?" Chaeyoung calls, glancing to his side. Mina turns to him and frowns when he has a mischievous smile plastered on his face.

 

"I don't agree to whatever plan that's starting to form inside that brilliant mind, Chaeyoung" Mina says, having a bad hunch.

 

Chaeyoung chuckles playfully and in one quick swift change his gears, "You don't have a choice. Whoever loses, has to grant the winner's wish" His last words before speeding down the road, leaving a shocked and dumbfounded Mina.

 

"Chaeyoung! It's dangerous" The latter shouts, hurriedly increase her pace. Fear thoughts start to loop around her mind. She can't help but feel worried. It's already disadvantaged on her side since Chaeyoung's handcycle is equipped with power assist. She's following closely as she tries to pull ahead and warn him to slow down. However, before she can reach him, Chaeyoung's handcycle made a sudden sharp turn and drifted off the trail, crashing into a fence.

 

"Son Chaeyoung!" She shouts, letting out a shrill scream. Blood drained from her face as her eyes glued to his unmoving body. Unaware of her surrounding, another rider collides with her bicycle resulting her to falls off her bike. Mina quickly stands and rush to Chaeyoung's side, ignoring her scrapped knees and the person she just bumped into. None of that matters when her thought is solely on his condition. Mina collapse beside him and cup his cheeks. The guy surprisingly conscious and currently wincing in pain. In grip of silent panic and racing heart, Mina unbuckles his seatbelt before running her palm around his torso and neck. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Please tell me you are okay"

 

Chaeyoung groan and shifts a little, "Sharon, I'm alright." He quickly assures seeing her eyes quivers, darting back and forth from his face to his arms. "I made a sharp turn and break because there's a rock in front. I don't have time to avoid it early on"

 

Mina runs her fingers through her hair, overload with frustration and guilt, "I've told you to be careful. Why aren't you list