Pure

Poetic

Utmost Passionate

Never dying

Tangible

Forever Young

Unselfish

 

You

 

Desire

 

I never thought we’d come to this.

 

I have longed for love in ways even I cannot comprehend, now with you, it finally makes sense.

 

Roseanne is finally back on her thinking couch, scribbling away in her little journal.

 

These words and phrases bouncing all around her thoughts. She had a knack for letting her thoughts wander, creating different scenarios in her head, emanating a variety of feelings within her.

 

Is this what love feels like? Is this how it feels like when one acknowledges the fact that love exists even in times when you don’t appreciate its existence?

 

That love, somehow,seeps through the cracks of one’s downfalls, making its way through the narrow and dark alleyways of one’s journey to growth, mending and nurturing, working its magic.

 

The Japanese call it Kintsugi, the art of fixing pottery, filling the cracks with gold. It aims to treat the act of breakage and repair as part of the object’s history, negating the connotation that the shimmer and shine of gold is just a mere disguise.

 

Or at least that’s how Lisa described it to her when she said I love you for the very first time.

 

***

 

“You ready to take some calls again Roseanne?” Jacob enthusiastically asked as he patted the new chair he bought for a special ex-employee and newfound friend Roseanne Park.

 

“You know what, yeah. I kinda missed doing this! Put me through.” Roseanne responded, a sudden burst of excitement coursing through her.

 

“Hi, this is Roseanne Park. Thank you for calling Matters of the Heart, how are we feeling today?” This spiel, this greeting, this job; she had done it for years and she had left this company for quite some time now too, but it still felt natural, almost as involuntary as breathing, almost her favorite alternative to hi and hello. Almost.

 

“Hello, what took you so long to pick up? I have some burning questions.”

 

and then there’s that one person, that one voice that transcends every single almost in her life.

 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me, Lisa!” was Roseanne’s warcry in her head. She wanted to call her out on her shenanigans, but the interns were watching and listening, plus, she didn’t want to disappoint Jacob.

 

She tried to mask her slight annoyance with a tight smile and a discreet eye roll. An evidently long sigh came out of her before she put on her professional self once again.

 

Another round against her infamous life coach caller.

 

“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting.” Roseanne proceeded to answer as energetic as she could.

 

“Let’s hear your burning questions, shall we?” and it’s like Roseanne never left, this is the reason why she was one of Jacob’s favorite employees, a raging sarcasm machine, a master at the art of camouflage, you’ll never see her coming, unless you’re that specific person at the other end of the line.

 

Jacob grins. Everyone at the office was in for a show.

 

“High time, high time, Miss Roseanne Park isn’t it?” Roseanne can hear Lisa’s confidence almost bursting through the phone. She must tread lightly.

 

“Yes, that’s correct. Would you like me to address you in the same fashion or would you like to retain your anonymity?” Hold the fort Rosie, Roseanne thought to herself.

 

“Ooh, you’re quick, quick. Would you like me to give my name along with my number? That way, I can introduce myself properly, maybe over drinks, or dinner?”

 

At this point, Roseanne knows that she fell into a trap and if she does not navigate her way carefully, she’s gonna be in it for the long haul. She never thought about how Jake never asks for a favor without a catch, there’s always a catch. There’s a reason why Lisa and he are the best of friends.

 

And this was the goddamn catch. She sees Jacob grin in her peripheral vision. Damn you, Jacob. Of course, he was in on it. Whatever this show, or act that Lisa is doing.

 

She can see the interns giggling and poking each other, waiting for her to succumb to the trap, her cheeks are burning, a heart racing sensation, she's not going to lie. Lisa caught her off guard. She always does.

 

But NO, Roseanne thought, she is here to show the interns how to properly answer calls and how to properly handle these specific types of clients. It’s not like this is the first time that she dealt with this type of caller. This is not the first time that she dealt with Lisa, pretending to be a client and is about to commence another silly conversation just to prove a point.

 

She takes a deep breath, smirking as she proceeds to respond.

 

“Oh, there’s no need for that, caller IDs are temporarily registered in our system once you make the call, and I’ll take that as a yes to retaining your anonymity. Shall we proceed with your questions or that’s all the questions that you have for me today?”

 

A collective OH was heard across the entire office. The giggling stopped and was replaced with amused chuckles.

 

Jacob visibly had his eyebrows raised, an O forming on his lips, clutching his stomach as he animatedly nursed an inexistent punch to the gut.

 

Roseanne felt proud of herself, there’s no way Lisa is getting away with this.

 

“Alright, Miss Park. You don’t have to sound like you’re not interested to listen to me. These shall go under the constructive criticisms portion after this call right? The name’s Lisa by the way. Listen carefully or at least act like you’re going to, as I have told you earlier, I have some burning questions.”

 

Another set of ooohs erupted around the office. Invoking a variety of facial expressions from the audience.

 

Jacob is as red as a tomato as he tries to control the boisterous laughter that was about to erupt from him. His favorite banter buddies are at each other’s throats in record time.

 

Roseanne held her breath for a few seconds. Lisa, you little rascal. Lisa had the audacity to use her life coach tone on her, throwing little threats here and there, in front of Jacob and the interns. She’s going to have a word with this woman later today. What’s with the attitude? Roseanne wonders.

 

“I’m all ears, Lisa.” Roseanne answered with a monotonous tone, trying not to aggravate the sudden change in Lisa’s demeanor.

 

“You see, I’m in a little bit of a situation here. How do you say something.. I mean, find the words to say to describe a certain feeling that you swore you would never feel nor understand ever in your life?”

 

Now that is a question.

 

What is she referring to?

 

Does this have something to do with her sisters coming back?

 

Does this have something to do with her? Them? Roseanne thought that this was her assuming things and that’s not a good thing.

 

She was dying to know how Lisa feels but she is aware that this might not be the appropriate time to ask her.

 

Roseanne never noticed that she was thinking about it for too long that Lisa had to fake cough to break her reverie.

 

“Hello, are you still there?”

 

“Yes, yes I am. So, it’s umm, like feeling something for the very first time?” Roseanne thought her answer was dumb, she just repeated what Lisa said. This was the best that she can come up with at the moment.

 

“Yeah, pretty much. Hmm, yeah you can say that.” Without a doubt, Lisa agreed. She just repeated it. Roseanne was certainly having none of it. She needs to get to the bottom of this, so she ignores the fact that she is not alone in the room and decides to ask the essential questions, certainly not for everyone to hear but she felt like Lisa needed to hear.

 

“So this certain feeling, does this make you happy when it... you know... comes?” Roseanne starts with the most important question, something that she wishes Lisa would achieve now that her sisters are back in her life and everything seems to fall into place.

 

“Yes, it does a lot... To the point that it scares me because I’ve never felt this way before. I never thought I would feel and understand genuine happiness, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.” It was music to her ears. Roseanne smiled and felt a sense of relief and contentment knowing that the woman she adores is finally happy.

 

“If it makes you happy then that doesn’t seem to be a problem, right?” If Lisa was happy then why is she calling all of a sudden? Roseanne doesn’t seem to understand the point of all of this... act, that Lisa is trying to pull off.

 

“Yes, but... I’d like to make them genuinely happy too... In my own way... In a way they made me understand happiness... And love... How do I put that into words? How do I tell them?” Is Lisa asking for ways to catch up on the years that were lost when she was separated from her family? Roseanne thought to herself... But then again, she doesn’t have to call the hotline, she can always call Roseanne directly, they can always meet and talk about whatever that’s on their minds. Something isn’t adding up but still Roseanne is determined to answer Lisa’s questions.

 

“It’s simple, Lisa. You just have to be honest with them. Tell them how you feel. You know why happiness and love doesn’t have that one specific definition?”

 

“Mm-hm...”

 

“There’s not a single thing to define it because love and happiness transcends words, it doesn’t necessarily need words to show it to the people that matter to you. We all have our definition of love and happiness and when you find it, cherish it, let them know. That’s the most important thing… be honest, just be yourself.”

 

“Alright, thank you. That’s the first question done.”

 

“Okaay, I think we’re ready for the next one.” Roseanne lied, she braced herself momentarily, there’s a reason why Lisa is doing this. She has yet to connect the dots.

 

“What are you doing tonight? After your stint at Jacob’s office?” Lisa fired back.

 

“Lisa... how is this, in any way, related to the matters of your heart? We, I mean, I respond to questions within the boundaries of my line of work.” Roseanne was dumbfounded, is Lisa actually flirting with her during work hours? but she sounded so serious, there’s not a hint of playfulness in her tone, she’s about to lose her mind figuring Lisa out.

 

“Rosie, I know you’re not working there anymore and if you haven’t noticed yet, I asked Jake to do all of this... This is in every single way related to the matters of my heart because it all started and will end up with you.” Roseanne was rendered speechless for a moment, everything made sense in a way that it isn’t actually making sense too. She knew there was a catch but now it involves her and Lisa?? But that was something that they haven’t talked about and she feels that there is no way that it will be brought up.

 

“Lisa, please. I’m not alone in this room. This is all recorded, I have interns and account executives listening in, I don’t think this is the appropriate time for... This...” she’s at a loss for words, really. Why is everything about the was being brought up all of a sudden.

 

“You told me to be honest right. I’m being honest right now. You told me to cherish it when I find it, so here I am, looking for a way to cherish and keep it. so please can you answer my question?” Lisa was obviously hinting at something, but Roseanne was too preoccupied at the fact that they are having a conversation about their undiscussed feelings with a certain set of audience who doesn’t necessarily need to hear this actual conversation.  

 

“I... I will be heading home, hopefully spend some time on my thinking couch.” Roseanne felt like her head was about to explode, she wanted to understand everything that was happening but there’s so much going on around her that she can’t focus on anything that Lisa said the last few seconds of their conversation.

 

“I see. I have one more question left.”

 

“Oh..okay. I guess I can never be ready for it.”

 

“Will you have dinner with me and maybe if time permits, meet my sisters? They have been dying to meet you. I’m so sorry to have put you in such an uncomfortable position but they have been bugging me for days now, I promise it will just be a little chit chat. I will take you home as soon as we can.”

 

“How can I ever say no to you, Lisa.”

 

“Are agents allowed to ask questions?”

 

“Okay, I guess I have found my answer. I think I can.”

 

“No, please. I’m kidding. I asked Jacob to drive you here, I wanted to come pick you up, I really do, I just had to... attend to some things.

 

“Things much more important than me?”

 

“Things that will show how important you are to me.”

 

At this point, Jacob was infected by the fake cough syndrome and was in dire need to stop his once bickering duo from kissing each other over the phone, or that’s how it looked from his perspective.

 

“So okay guys listen. That’s all the time we have today. As you may have heard, Miss Roseanne Park is a busy person, she has a LOT in her plate now and I assume she wants to attend to it as soon as she can, so let’s all thank her for taking the time to teach and show us how to handle clients professionally.

 

Everyone from the interns to the accounts executives had these cute little smirks in their faces as they bowed and thanked Roseanne for her time and her exceptional prowess in handling clients professionally.

 

As Roseanne and Jacob made their way into the parking lot, Jacob was THIS close to calling 911 with all the shoulder smacking that he got from Roseanne. He said he’s sorry not sorry for wanting his best friend and the love of her life to be happy for once. To be able to break free from their pasts and move forward to a better tomorrow in each other’s arms. Lisa used to say that Jacob is a hopeless romantic. Jacob begs to disagree, even at this point. All he knows is that his best friend is finally happy, genuinely happy and he will do everything to keep it that way. Even if it means that his best friend’s future wife (hopefully) will hate him (temporarily) for the embarrassment (in Roseanne’s words) that he caused her today at work.

 

“Rosie, can you please eat this sandwich? Lisa explicitly told me to get you to eat, she knows you probably wouldn’t but at least I’ll be able to tell her that I tried.” Jacob reasoned out as he maneuvered their way out the building's parking lot.

 

“And you think you can get away from all of THAT with this scrumptious looking sandwich?” Roseanne was not doing a great job rejecting the sandwich, Jacob grinned and felt like today is going to be on his side.

 

“Uh-huh and that scrumptious looking sandwich was made by Lisa herself, and god knows how much effort she put into those. That woman can barely cook, you of all people should know that by now, right?” Putting the nail in the coffin, Jacob can almost feel the victory.

 

“Are you guilt-tripping me into eating this scrumptious looking sandwich made by Lisa herself?” Roseanne tried but her eyes were giving her away.

 

“I mean, I’m not saying that Lisa painstakingly made an effort to give something that she knows you would enjoy, all I’m saying is that please eat the sandwich Rosie, I’m sorry okay. I just wanted my best friend and the love of her life to be happy and make babies and all that fairytale .” Jacob casually replied.

 

“Love? Love of her life?” Roseanne had to clear that out, was why the L word being brought up in here, all she knows is that a sandwich needs to be eaten.

 

“Rosie, I’m driving, and you are eating, you are not supposed to talk while eating. Zip it sister.” Jacob realised that he almost ruined the day not just for him, but for Lisa, so he tried to salvage whatever that’s left of Lisa’s plans of confessing to the love of her life.

 

“Alright, alright. Grumpy pants.”

 

It was a quiet night drive to Lisa’s home. A mix of Bruno Mars and Keshi chiming out of Jake’s car stereo, Roseanne for some reason fell asleep a few minutes away from their destination.

 

As they pull up on the driveway, Jacob immediately sees Lisa getting drunk over her favorite chocolate drink, she always does this when she’s nervous, Jacob recalls.

 

He proceeds to turn off the car engine, rushes out of the car, drags Lisa near the passenger side of the car and shrugs his best friend's shoulders.

 

“Lily, get it together. Your wife fell asleep, I didn’t have the heart to wake her up, I figured she needed that little rest from all the heart-racing marathon you put her in today and for some more later tonight perhaps? A rather splendid job there, mate.” Jacob winks, teasing the hell out of his nervous wreck of a best friend.

 

“Cut it out Jake, what the hell. I’m not even sure how she will respond to whatever will happen tonight.” Lisa shrugs, feeling the daunting task coming for her.

 

“Oh, come on, Lily. Look at her! So, you’re telling me you wouldn’t do anything to be able to witness THIS view every morning for the rest of your life?” Jacob reminds Lisa of the whole reason why she’s doing all of these shenanigans, because she found love and happiness... with this woman in front of her, sleeping like a baby.

 

“You know damn well, I would.” Lisa answered right back, all scary and anxious thoughts aside.

 

“That’s my girl. Now, go do your thing. I’m off to the kitchen, I’m starving from all that solid wingman moves I did for you today.” Jacob ruffled Lisa’s hair and was about to make his way inside the house.

 

“Seriously Jake, thank you. For everything.”

 

“As Jisoo would always say, anything for the lilybear.”

 

Lisa wasn’t sure if it was the cool breeze of the night or the way Roseanne slept, looking like the epitome of every dream she had ever dreamt of, she had goosebumps all over her arms. For a brief moment, she was unsure if she was awake or was, she dreaming. Everything felt so surreal, being able to tell Roseanne, little by little, how she really felt. Scared and anxious at the same time because she didn’t know if Roseanne felt the same way...

 

As Lisa looks at how serene Roseanne looks, she told herself that it wouldn’t matter if Roseanne feels the same way or not. All that matters is that this serenity, this sense of calmness radiating through her, it stays, and she hopes it stays forever. This is all that matters to Lisa. Having Roseanne beside her, as a friend or more than that if she gets lucky.

 

So, she takes a deep breath, smiles her usual for Roseanne only smile and carefully brushes away some loose hair strands away from Roseanne’s face and proceeds to wake her up.

 

***

 

Roseanne was woken up by a sweet, calming voice engulfing her senses. Was she dreaming? The last thing she remembered was eating the sandwich and listening to Jake’s playlist. Once her heart decided to relax, she was able to identify that it’s indeed Lisa’s voice, the voice that she has been waiting to hear for days now. She’s definitely convinced that she’s dreaming, and this was her yearning hours.

 

“Hey love, wake up. I’m here now.”

 

It’s making her heart swell... How endearing Lisa sounded calling her love. This might be one of her favorite dreams and she hopes she does not forget when she finally wakes up.

 

“Rosie, dinner’s ready... I promise, the sister chit chat will be quick and then let’s get you home and you can continue to sleep there, okay?”

 

Lisa sounded so real in her dreams, she can feel her hands fixing her hair, her fingers gently caressing her cheeks. The slight annoyance in her voice when she mentioned her sisters. What in the world? Is this 4D? Roseanne thought to herself. She cannot help but to smile and chuckle.

 

“I can see you smiling, please can you get up, your back is going to hurt if you stay that way...”

 

Wait, that slight intonation in Lisa’s voice when she pleads, is this how I’ve fallen for her now? I can even clearly hear that slight difference in her tone?! Roseanne asks herself. Everything in this dream is so vivid...

 

“Rosie, I’m so sorry to interrupt your rest time but it’s getting cold out here. Do you want me to carry you, too tired to get up? Just nod if it’s okay with you?”

 

Now it’s getting weird! Lisa’s hands really do feel cold, and it finally woke Roseanne up. She decides to finally open her eyes and get a hold of her surroundings.

 

As soon as she opens her eyes, she sees that soft smile from Lisa...

 

“Hey, sleepyhead, you’re finally awake... I’ll carry you if you’re too tired to move, okay?”

 

Their faces being dangerously close to each other.

 

Roseanne felt Lisa's arms making its way across her shoulders. This sent some sort of electric currents in her body, she abruptly moved causing her forehead to bump into Lisa’s nose.

 

“Ow” was the last thing Roseanne heard from Lisa as she struggled to stay still, her hand covering her nose.

 

“! I’m so sorry Lisa. Oh my god!” Roseanne hurriedly got off the car and rushed to Lisa’s side.

 

“No, it’s okay. Can you please get my hanky? It’s in my back pocket. Please?”

 

Although Roseanne has never fully recovered from being dangerously close to Lisa, adrenaline and this certain situation has forced her to move closer to her once more, for the hanky, at Lisa’s back pocket, nothing more, nothing less. She must move quickly because Lisa is in pain, wincing while holding her nose.

 

She was about to reach Lisa’s back pocket when Lisa yanked her closer, closer than ever before, closer than Roseanne could ever handle.

 

“I missed you, a lot.” Lisa looked into her eyes, eyes b with so much sincerity and passion that Roseanne has never seen before.

 

“I -- I missed you, too.” Roseanne struggles to make words come out of , she feels slightly lightheaded with how close they are, her heart about to jump off her chest as Lisa’s warm breath intoxicates her.

 

“I- is your nose, okay? I-- I don’t think it’s bleeding, s--so there’s no need for the hanky, right?” Roseanne nervously chuckles, she uses her arms to create as much space as she can between them.

 

“Yeah, everything’s okay now, Rosie. You’re here, with me, that’s all I ever need.” Lisa booped her nose and winked.

 

They eventually let go of each other (Lisa finally did to keep Roseanne’s sanity) and made their way inside Lisa’s home.

 

***