POV Kim Taeyeon

I wake up.

I get up.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I stand near the mirror, looking at my reflection.

It's me.

My face, I have not changed, I just got 1 year older.

I am already 30 years old.

Age in order to start living anew.

Without you.

But you were next to me, and then we lived separately.

The apartment is empty when I go out of the bathroom. I move along the corridors and hear only my steps. Wherever you look, cleanliness and order are everywhere. You loved cleanliness, and I made our house clean, but apparently my care was not enough for your love.

Kitchen.

I open the refrigerator, it is as always full of delicious food, I prepared it myself for a week so as not to miss a minute without you. I wanted to be with you more often. I close it, I hold only emptiness in my hands, I don’t feel like eating without you.

Instead of eating, I make coffee, wait a few minutes and now it is ready, hot and slightly bitter in taste. My hand rises to the shelf, where cups are usually standing, withoutlooking, I take one and bring it to the car to pour coffee when I see whose exactly I took the cup. Pale pink color of a cup with the inscription " Luv u Fanny ". That cup that gave you on the Day In seh lovers.

- It will always be with me, Taeyeonie - you told me, hugged her waist and gently tselova la me.

Yes, there was a time when you melted from my romance. But all that was visibility for friends and girlfriends. When you came home, you indifferently put my gift on the table and went away, forgetting about it.

You were not interested in such trinkets. And you didn’t care how I felt. And I, stupid, followed you, looking at you through pink glasses, accepting you for who you are. She hid her pain far away, to the very depths of her heart, locking her from herself.

I pour coffee into your cup, take a sip. Very bitter, all the sweetness is gone, adding sugar does not make sense, it will still be salt for my lips.

I finish it.

I put the washed cup on the table, then remove it.

I leave the kitchen.

Again I walk down the corridor.

I look into the living room.

I sit on the couch.

I take the remote control from the TV, turn it on, and then my eyes freeze, as I myself when I see that the screen is showing.

Your face, smiling eyes, you are all so relaxed and joyful, you are happy.

And my face is next to your face.

We are both laughing. Behind our backs I see the seashore and the sun is fun to play with the waves. A gentle wind gently caresses us, barely pulling our hair. Video from the camera captures another piece of blue sky on a clear day. I hear the cry of the seagulls and I see her myself, or rather a wave of the white wing. She quickly flew past us, that we still loudly laughed.

- Taeyeonie , will you become my girlfriend?

I see my surprised expression on my face and hear my aspirated voice respond:

- Yes.

That day was special for me. The girl, which meant so much to me, finally turned her eyes to me. A friend really became my "girlfriend."

I was happy.

Unrealistically happy.

Then my blinding days and stuffy nights began. I gave myself completely at her disposal. She pushed me as she wanted, but through the "pink glasses" I did not see this.

Now I look at the screen where the video I plays from last night, when I comprehended all her love for me. The pink veil was asleep, reality came to light. And the reality is that my Tiffany is cheating on me, living on two fronts. With me and a guy named NichKhun . This makes it even more painful.

Guy.

Not another girl with whom I could still fight.

No.

Not a girl .

Guy.

The guy that made her an offer, and she agreed. And yesterday, when I was getting ready to go to bed, sure that my girlfriend was late, as always, I received an SMS on my phone: “ Message for you. Open your mail . "

Opened.

I was delighted.

Letter from Tiffany.

I began to read. From the first lines I thought: “ Is this a joke? "

No.

Not a joke.

I read it again, again, again. Until these two rows fit into my brain, and I could read them by heart, like a poem:

" Tiffany and NichKhun

invite you to their wedding ceremony,

which will take place next Thursday, at about 14:00, in LA ... "

My dream, as a hand lifted.

I began to call.

Not responding.

Sent a message.

Not responding.

I called, called, called.

There is still no answer.

I was all exhausted.

And then, then I began to think. And remember all the weird moments.

And I remembered. I remembered a lot of things. Many of her excuses for the delay, and many times the rejection of love joys.

She became secretive and irritable. She started yelling at me, leaving home and not coming back for weeks. And when I returned , I did everything so that I felt guilty.

Me , not her.

I have always covered my guilt with gifts or going to the movies.

No, not in the movies, she never asked there.

No, not in the movies.

To beaches or nightclubs , where lots of fun and lots of people. She loved noisy campaigns. She liked being looked after.

She liked to like it .

And she liked it when I was jealous of her. I have never been so jealous in my life as her. But I'm a girl not jealous, no, I have never observed such a feature.

I used to trust and believe. My faith let me down.

My fingers automatically squeezed the remote control, and this movement brought me to my senses. I blinked.

She took a deep breath. She raised her hand, ran it over her head, then she ran it over her eyes, closing the view of the screen.

She took a deep breath again. A sob erupted, but I quickly packed up, took a deep breath again.

Do not Cry. Get together, Taeyeon , don't cry!

A few minutes passed, I took my hand from my eyes, bit my lower lip, looked at the frozen frame of the eyes-smiles of Tiffany, my ex-girlfriend.

Is it the former ?

No. It is not so easy to take out these eyes-smiles from the heart.

But…

... you need to move on ...

You just need to take a step towards reality. Decide to take this step.

The first step to reality is to accept the invitations and come .

The second step to reality is to dare to meet her eyes and smile at the groom .

The third step to reality is to withstand the ceremony with dignity and not to shout at a crucial moment: I do not agree!

The fourth step to reality is to hear her answer “yes” and see their kiss.

The fifth step to reality is to congratulate him on his worthy wife.

The sixth step to reality is to hug it and say: Be happy.

The seventh step to reality is to listen to its explanations ...

The eighth step to reality is ... and try to understand why he and not me.

The ninth step to reality is to find a reason not to stay at a wedding party.

The tenth step to reality is to smile, say goodbye and leave.

Just leave, just leave ...

The tenth and a half step to reality is to leave and not run back, to it, to ask and beg to change your mind.

The tenth and a quarter of a step to reality is not to wear the “rose glasses” anymore.

A plan of steps to reality has been drawn up, it remains only to gain courage and wait until Thursday.

And the wedding itself.

I looked at my watch, time to get ready for work.

Now for me, work comes first.

Now work is my girlfriend.