“I do not want to see them anymore. I'm tired of making people happy. I do not want to smile every time and pretend that everything is fine with me. ”

For the first time in 4 years, she had such an idea in her head, she could not put her to sleep in her brain, continuing to hear her. She resisted, but after another crazy schedule, she realized that she was slowly starting to accept this idea.

Earlier, with any question, she could go to the members and tell about her, consult what to do. Now she can, too, but that's just the point, she does not want to say anything to the girls.

She generally does not want to hear their advice, feel their hands on her shoulders, see their understanding smiles.

Those smiles that hurt more than words.

It seemed to her that it would pass, a lot of time, until she exploded, utter all that was superfluous, and forever disgrace them. She perfectly understood what was happening to her.

Depression. Stress from work.

It was they who became the cause of her oppressed thoughts.

For the first time, she felt lonely and insecure again since the debut.

Now, after they returned from the last fanning , where she tried to show smiles and happiness, she lay in her bed and looked at the bottom of the upper bed, where her best friend was sleeping without hind legs. As soon as they returned home, they immediately said goodbye and went to sleep, and barely turned off the light, her members went into a dream.

Just not her.

She could not close her eyes and sleep, thoughts interfered.

“ Why am I doing music at all? Do I like to do it? I love to sing and do I need to continue to try to play a role in which I am not sure? "

Thoughts so swallowed her that her head began to hurt, and with it her heart. It became sad, I just wanted to disappear.

“To disappear, but where? Where should I go so that they don’t know about me? I’m now a well-known person, fans will recognize any of me, they’ll be taken to the phone, put on the social network and they will quickly find me. I have nowhere to go, but I don’t want to explain the reason for leaving. Who can I contact to ... "

Here the thought was interrupted when she remembered one conversation with her older brother, two years ago, when she had a free day, she came home to rest. The older brother managed to come home for a couple of hours, and she was very happy to see and hear his voice. She never confesses, but it was his then advice that still keeps her afloat.

“Remember, sister, if a situation arises in which you yourself cannot find a way out, I will always listen and help you.

- and if this happens, I will need to hide from the whole world ...

“And from the members too?”

- Yes.

- I have such a place. You call me, anytime, I will send you the address. No one there ever heard the word “music”. There is calm and free. And not crowded. Two families live, and one of them will help me if I ask.

- Didn’t you disappear there at the age of 17?

- Yes. There. So, remember, Tofu and promise that you will call.

“I promise, oppa .”

It was time to take my brother’s advice - a thought flashed through, for a moment, drowning out all other thoughts, the girl, not bothering to change her mind, got out of bed, quietly packed up her things, dressed herself, then thought, tore out a sheet from a notebook, wrote a small note for members.

After she went up a notch, she looked at her sleeping friend. Knowing every facet of Chaeyoung , she nevertheless peered to remember. After all, she did not know when she would return and whether she would return at all.

Chaeyoung slept like a child, curled up like a kitten, holding in her hands the lion cub toy she presented. She was so beautiful and peaceful that she simply envied serenity.

Chaeyoung understands her better than all the other members.

Chaeyoung knows, every hint of her, understands every look, hears any sigh.

Chaeyoung knows when she needs a strong, reliable hug, and when she just needs an unreasonable laugh.

She just looked at Chaeyoung for a few minutes , then went downstairs, went to Tzuyu's bed , gently straightened the pulled- out blanket, then threw her things over her shoulder, without looking back, left the room.

On tiptoe, she went to the door of the elder Onni, opened the door, looked inside, mentally saying goodbye to them.

I did the same with the room where Jongyong and Momo spent the night.

After she attached her farewell note to the refrigerator, she left the house, carefully closing the doors behind her.

In the note that she left, there were only a couple of lines, and they did not explain why she left. All that trembling fingers could write sounded like:

I love you girls. I love you, Chaeyoung .

Therefore, while my heart is beating because of love for you, I better leave.

I'm really going to miss on our common memory.

You gave me a lot of love and care, which I do not deserve now.

Recently, my thoughts have swallowed me completely, and I can not get rid of them.

Sorry to leave without saying goodbye.

Sorry to run like a coward.

Sorry to give you so much trouble after I left.

I don’t know, I’m not sure if I will return to music at all.

Do I want to continue to sing and perform on stage.

I no longer feel that I belong here.

…sorry…

... I need freedom ...

…sorry…

…I am…

... decided everything ...

So far, yours is Kim DaHyun .